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The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 33
Eric's POV
I made my way home, shivering in the coldness. I pushed the door open and Frank looked at me, relieved. I mustered a smile. “Is he in his room?”
“Yeah.” Frank nodded.
“It’s gonna be fine.” I said quietly, more to myself then to Frank.
Frank smiled and nodded again. “Good… I’m glad.”
I headed up to Aiden’s room, taking a deep breath. I pushed the door open and he looked up at me. “Eric, wh—.”
I shrugged my jacket off, shook my head, and sat next to him on the bed. “It doesn’t matter, Aiden. I don’t care. I love you too much.”
He looked at me, as if he was surprised. “… what?”
“I said I didn’t care… that I love you too much to let this get in the way of us.” I leaned over and kissed him gently, closing my eyes. After I pulled away I held his hand in my lap with my cold ones and sighed. “I-I’m going to be honest with you, Aiden… I’m scared. I’m scared that you’re going to leave me for Jesse because I fucking hurt you… and I don’t know why you took me back for the things that I did… and I’m scared because…”
“Eric, are you crying?” Aiden gasped, reaching up to wipe tears out of my eyes.
I sniffled. “This isn’t about me, Aiden…. Well…. Look, I’m sorry for being angry earlier. And for throwing a pillow at you.” I giggled quietly and he smiled.
“It’s okay… and throwing me into the couch.”
I shoved him playfully, sniffling. “Yeah.”
He smiled again. “It’s okay. I still love you a lot.”
I crawled into his arms, shivering. “It’s really cold outside.” I muttered into his chest.
“Here, get under the covers. It’s warm.” He said, pulling the blankets down.
I nodded my head, crawling under his blankets. Our blankets.
He got in with me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I’ll never leave you, Eric.” He whispered. “Not for another guy, girl… not because we don’t have sex. This… it’s the real deal.”
I looked at him, smiling.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know what else I can say to you, honey…” Aiden sighed sadly and shook his head. “I mean… I love you so much. To think I hurt you… I’m just so sorry.”
“Just don’t do it again.” I snuggled into him, running my hand up and down his arm. “Ever… or I’ll castrate you.”
He laughed quietly and nodded. “I promise. If I ever do it again, I’ll even let you castrate me.”
Several Weeks Later
Aiden’s POV
I’d made up my mind and no one was changing it.
I looked at the pamphlet. College in New York City. It cost a fortune but I was sure my parents would help me pay. It was a good school, more than worth its money. It would be hard work… but I had to do it. I had to get out on my own, my complete own, and do this.
If you’ve ever just had to do something, something that if you didn’t do it you knew you would never rest, then you know how I felt.
Nothing holding me back…
Except Eric.
I didn’t know how I’d do it. I knew Eric had already paid for college here in Canada…
But the opportunity.
I looked around my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed Indian style, with all of the papers spread in front of me. I pushed my thick rimmed glasses that I only wore when I wanted to look smart up and bit my lip, looking down at the papers.
My door opened and Eric came in. He smiled when he saw me, throwing his bag down.
“Hey baby.” I smiled at him, stacking all of the papers and pamphlets neatly.
“The glasses. You must be doing college work.” He giggled, climbing onto the bed with me. He pulled off his red chucks and threw them aside.
“I am.” I nodded. I felt myself getting nervous. I couldn’t lie, I had to tell him now. Or it would eat me alive.
“Whatcha looking at? CDI?”
“Uhm… actually… Mount Sinai School of Medicine.”
“Oh…. Where is that?”
“… New York City.”
Silence filled the room. I sighed, biting my lip and looking down.
“New York?” he echoed. I could hear his voice crack.
“Yeah…” I forced myself to look at Eric. His gray eyes were wide, his mouth in a perfect ‘O’.
“But, Aiden… that’s in America.” He whispered.
“I know… but… I need this. Need. I don’t know why but I… I want to prove myself. You’re so smart. In class you know everything. Dad and Daddy are legends because of MCR. Bella managed to get pregnant at sixteen and still do right… the only thing I’ve done right is being with you.”
“I already paid for school, Aiden… I can’t back out now.”
“I know.” I repeated quietly.
“This means you’re going… away for college.” He was speaking slowly, pronouncing every syllable as if he was trying to understand his own words.
I nodded, looking him in the eyes.
“And… I’ll be staying.” He whispered.
I reached over and grasped his hand in mine. “It isn’t that long of a flight, Eric. We can still see each other and talk every night on the phone.”
“We were going to get married, Aiden!” he threw his hands into the air as if he was so annoyed he couldn’t bear to hear any more.
“We still will! We have an entire summer, Eric!”
“So you’re going to marry me so you can leave me?” he whispered.
“I’ll never leave you. I’ll just be… gone. But not forever. You’ll see eventually. This is best for us. Look, I don’t want to live off of my dad’s money forever.”
“Oh so you’re paying for this college out of your own pocket, are you?” he sneered.
“Don’t be like that! What the hell, Eric?! I can do something to make myself happy for once. Something that will make sure we never have to go to bed hungry!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah! In another country!” Eric screamed. “Fine. Go. And go ahead and take Jesse with you too!”
“What the fuck does this have to do with Jesse?!” I growled. “How would you like it if I brought Evan into all of our fights, huh?!”
Eric scoffed.
“Please, Eric… try to understand.” I pleaded. “I don’t want to leave you. That is the last thing I want.” I grasped his hands in mine.
“No. You understand. For four years, you’re all I’ve had. You help me live. I c-can’t… be without you. You’re my only friend, Aiden. You’re all I have.”
“You have friends.”
“No, Aiden… I have your friends. Asher is great but he wouldn’t even talk to me if it weren’t for you. And Brooke… she just thinks I’m hot.” Eric said softly, looking down. “I’m not stupid, okay? I know that people don’t like me much… you’re the only person that has liked me.”
I scooted towards him and titled his head up so he was looking at me. Tears were in his eyes.
“If you want to go… go.” He said quietly.
“You won’t hate me forever?” I asked, nudging him playfully.
He shook his head. “No… I won’t hate you, Aiden.”
“Thank you so much, Eric. I love you.” I said, pulling him into a hug. It was hard to be happy when he was so bummed and yes, I felt bad for it. But I also felt so happy that he was okay with me going. Well, that he’d said he was okay with it… that was more than I expected, honestly.
“Yeah.” He stood up and nodded, taking a deep breath. “Have fun.”
I stood up as well, wrapping my arms around him. “You’ll see, Eric. This will be great… I mean, yeah we won’t see each other a lot for a bit. But when I become a doctor we’ll get so much money. They make a shit load. And I’ll be able to help people. I mean, you can understand that. You’re going into social services…”
“I know.” He whispered. “I know and I know it’s selfish that I don’t want you to go. I’m just going to miss you so much.” His arms went around my waist and he hugged me close to him. “I want you to be happy, babe… but I’m going to miss you so much.”
“It won’t be so bad.” I whispered, rubbing his back. “I promise, it won’t be so bad.”
I made my way home, shivering in the coldness. I pushed the door open and Frank looked at me, relieved. I mustered a smile. “Is he in his room?”
“Yeah.” Frank nodded.
“It’s gonna be fine.” I said quietly, more to myself then to Frank.
Frank smiled and nodded again. “Good… I’m glad.”
I headed up to Aiden’s room, taking a deep breath. I pushed the door open and he looked up at me. “Eric, wh—.”
I shrugged my jacket off, shook my head, and sat next to him on the bed. “It doesn’t matter, Aiden. I don’t care. I love you too much.”
He looked at me, as if he was surprised. “… what?”
“I said I didn’t care… that I love you too much to let this get in the way of us.” I leaned over and kissed him gently, closing my eyes. After I pulled away I held his hand in my lap with my cold ones and sighed. “I-I’m going to be honest with you, Aiden… I’m scared. I’m scared that you’re going to leave me for Jesse because I fucking hurt you… and I don’t know why you took me back for the things that I did… and I’m scared because…”
“Eric, are you crying?” Aiden gasped, reaching up to wipe tears out of my eyes.
I sniffled. “This isn’t about me, Aiden…. Well…. Look, I’m sorry for being angry earlier. And for throwing a pillow at you.” I giggled quietly and he smiled.
“It’s okay… and throwing me into the couch.”
I shoved him playfully, sniffling. “Yeah.”
He smiled again. “It’s okay. I still love you a lot.”
I crawled into his arms, shivering. “It’s really cold outside.” I muttered into his chest.
“Here, get under the covers. It’s warm.” He said, pulling the blankets down.
I nodded my head, crawling under his blankets. Our blankets.
He got in with me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I’ll never leave you, Eric.” He whispered. “Not for another guy, girl… not because we don’t have sex. This… it’s the real deal.”
I looked at him, smiling.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know what else I can say to you, honey…” Aiden sighed sadly and shook his head. “I mean… I love you so much. To think I hurt you… I’m just so sorry.”
“Just don’t do it again.” I snuggled into him, running my hand up and down his arm. “Ever… or I’ll castrate you.”
He laughed quietly and nodded. “I promise. If I ever do it again, I’ll even let you castrate me.”
Several Weeks Later
Aiden’s POV
I’d made up my mind and no one was changing it.
I looked at the pamphlet. College in New York City. It cost a fortune but I was sure my parents would help me pay. It was a good school, more than worth its money. It would be hard work… but I had to do it. I had to get out on my own, my complete own, and do this.
If you’ve ever just had to do something, something that if you didn’t do it you knew you would never rest, then you know how I felt.
Nothing holding me back…
Except Eric.
I didn’t know how I’d do it. I knew Eric had already paid for college here in Canada…
But the opportunity.
I looked around my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed Indian style, with all of the papers spread in front of me. I pushed my thick rimmed glasses that I only wore when I wanted to look smart up and bit my lip, looking down at the papers.
My door opened and Eric came in. He smiled when he saw me, throwing his bag down.
“Hey baby.” I smiled at him, stacking all of the papers and pamphlets neatly.
“The glasses. You must be doing college work.” He giggled, climbing onto the bed with me. He pulled off his red chucks and threw them aside.
“I am.” I nodded. I felt myself getting nervous. I couldn’t lie, I had to tell him now. Or it would eat me alive.
“Whatcha looking at? CDI?”
“Uhm… actually… Mount Sinai School of Medicine.”
“Oh…. Where is that?”
“… New York City.”
Silence filled the room. I sighed, biting my lip and looking down.
“New York?” he echoed. I could hear his voice crack.
“Yeah…” I forced myself to look at Eric. His gray eyes were wide, his mouth in a perfect ‘O’.
“But, Aiden… that’s in America.” He whispered.
“I know… but… I need this. Need. I don’t know why but I… I want to prove myself. You’re so smart. In class you know everything. Dad and Daddy are legends because of MCR. Bella managed to get pregnant at sixteen and still do right… the only thing I’ve done right is being with you.”
“I already paid for school, Aiden… I can’t back out now.”
“I know.” I repeated quietly.
“This means you’re going… away for college.” He was speaking slowly, pronouncing every syllable as if he was trying to understand his own words.
I nodded, looking him in the eyes.
“And… I’ll be staying.” He whispered.
I reached over and grasped his hand in mine. “It isn’t that long of a flight, Eric. We can still see each other and talk every night on the phone.”
“We were going to get married, Aiden!” he threw his hands into the air as if he was so annoyed he couldn’t bear to hear any more.
“We still will! We have an entire summer, Eric!”
“So you’re going to marry me so you can leave me?” he whispered.
“I’ll never leave you. I’ll just be… gone. But not forever. You’ll see eventually. This is best for us. Look, I don’t want to live off of my dad’s money forever.”
“Oh so you’re paying for this college out of your own pocket, are you?” he sneered.
“Don’t be like that! What the hell, Eric?! I can do something to make myself happy for once. Something that will make sure we never have to go to bed hungry!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah! In another country!” Eric screamed. “Fine. Go. And go ahead and take Jesse with you too!”
“What the fuck does this have to do with Jesse?!” I growled. “How would you like it if I brought Evan into all of our fights, huh?!”
Eric scoffed.
“Please, Eric… try to understand.” I pleaded. “I don’t want to leave you. That is the last thing I want.” I grasped his hands in mine.
“No. You understand. For four years, you’re all I’ve had. You help me live. I c-can’t… be without you. You’re my only friend, Aiden. You’re all I have.”
“You have friends.”
“No, Aiden… I have your friends. Asher is great but he wouldn’t even talk to me if it weren’t for you. And Brooke… she just thinks I’m hot.” Eric said softly, looking down. “I’m not stupid, okay? I know that people don’t like me much… you’re the only person that has liked me.”
I scooted towards him and titled his head up so he was looking at me. Tears were in his eyes.
“If you want to go… go.” He said quietly.
“You won’t hate me forever?” I asked, nudging him playfully.
He shook his head. “No… I won’t hate you, Aiden.”
“Thank you so much, Eric. I love you.” I said, pulling him into a hug. It was hard to be happy when he was so bummed and yes, I felt bad for it. But I also felt so happy that he was okay with me going. Well, that he’d said he was okay with it… that was more than I expected, honestly.
“Yeah.” He stood up and nodded, taking a deep breath. “Have fun.”
I stood up as well, wrapping my arms around him. “You’ll see, Eric. This will be great… I mean, yeah we won’t see each other a lot for a bit. But when I become a doctor we’ll get so much money. They make a shit load. And I’ll be able to help people. I mean, you can understand that. You’re going into social services…”
“I know.” He whispered. “I know and I know it’s selfish that I don’t want you to go. I’m just going to miss you so much.” His arms went around my waist and he hugged me close to him. “I want you to be happy, babe… but I’m going to miss you so much.”
“It won’t be so bad.” I whispered, rubbing his back. “I promise, it won’t be so bad.”