Love and Conspiracy

The entire ceremony ended up being absolutely beautiful. The expression of pure joy on everyone’s face was enough to almost make you forget all your problems. However, that didn’t stop me from continuing to think about Billie during the whole thing. Not so much the bad, but more reminiscing of the moments we’ve had together. Though, I forbade myself from looking over at him whatsoever.

~~~

During the reception afterwards, I remained to myself most of the time as I people-watched. Jess and Chris looked happier than ever with random people going up to talk and congratulate them. Tre was attempting to play his game with Jess’ sister, Lily, but failed greatly, causing him to drunkenly talk to anyone else that looked beautiful and single. I couldn't help, but laugh at his effort. Mike and Clarissa were talking over by the ice sculpture—yes, Jess wanted an ice sculpture—smiling and laughing, having the time of their lives. If I knew any better, I would have said that they had a thing for each other.

Looking around, I had realized that Billie was still nowhere to be seen. As soon as the ceremony was over, he seemed to disappear. However, I didn’t think much about it as I was too occupied with watching everyone from the table that I was sitting at. Since no one knew who I was, I probably looked like that pathetic stranger that sat by themselves, but it’s not like I would ever see more than half of those people ever again.

Who knows how long I was sitting there, biting my lip and watching everyone else enjoy their lives before I heard a voice beside me.

“You’re taking my job,” Billie joked as if he had read my mind. I quickly sat up straight from my somewhat slouched position.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said seriously, still not looking at him.

“Please, I know that you’ve been wondering what that guy has been doing with his food for the past ten minutes,” he said as he gestured if he could sit down with me. I tried to hide my smile, knowing exactly who he was talking about, as I nodded.

“You caught me,” I replied, letting myself look at him and soak in all his features.

“Of course. People-watchers need to keep an eye on each other, too,” he said, placing his beer on the table. I bit my lip again and focused my attention back on all the people chatting among us.

“Hey, Bill. Congratulations on the record deal, dude. That’s fucking kick-ass!” a random guy said while patting Billie on the back.

“Thanks, man,” he replied flatly. The guy continued to stand next to our table, looking around.

“Who would’ve thought that Chris would ever settle down, huh?” he said with a laugh. Billie ignored his comment. After a moment of silence, the guy continued, “Lot of ladies here. You could probably meet some really nice ones if you know what I’m saying.” I immediately started to feel uncomfortable. “The ladies love musicians!” he added.

“Let’s go on a walk,” Billie said irritably, still ignoring the guy. He looked dumbfounded as we got up abruptly and left the table. Billie finished off the rest of his beer, throwing it away.

“You could've kept talking to him,” I said quietly.

“As if you wanted to sit there and listen to that bullshit,” he answered, focusing on the ground. I shrugged.

“I would have just found another place to sit.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I didn’t come back to talk to a bunch of dickheads about girls.”

“Why bother coming back then? That seems to be a good majority of the people here,” I replied. He looked up at me for a brief second.

“I like to think I came back for the same reason you did,” he said, looking back at the ground. A flash of guilt went through me. As we both remained silent after that, I quickly wiped a tear that managed its way out. My throat was already starting to hurt from trying to hold the tears back.

The sun had made its way over the horizon, leaving a dull, orange glow on the west side of the sky. However, it seemed to grow darker every moment that we got further away from the lights of the reception.

We continued to have an awkward silence laying over us as I followed him down a trail, finally leading us to the beach. Before going any further, I stopped to take off the god-awful heels that I was wearing, letting the sand go between my toes. I felt a little better just with that; only for a moment, though.

He didn’t pause as I got myself more comfortable, continuing to walk across the beach. I remained in my spot to watch how bizarre it looked to see him in a suit and dress shoes, walking next to the ocean. However, I slowly made my way behind him, soaking up the sound of the waves and trying not to think about the events that were about to follow.

We finally came up to a bunch of rocks that scattered into the sea as he stopped to wait for me to catch up. Without saying anything more, he started to climb onto the rocky platforms, leaving me behind in the sand. Though, once he realized I wasn’t following, he stopped again from the top of the rocks.

“Well?” he questioned.

“I’m in a dress!” I replied incredulously. He gave me a blank look before leaning over and holding out his hand. After a moment of hesitation, I put my hand in his, sending chills down my spine again. Once I was pulled to the top and steady on my feet, he quickly let go of my hand and continued down the rocks.

“Thanks,” I said quietly. It took all that I had to hide that I was hurt from his gesture.

After we had finally made it to the end of the rocky trail, before leading into the water, I sat down on the sandy rock as I was unable to stand any longer. It didn’t take him long to follow my action. We must’ve sat there, not saying a word to each other, for who knows how long; the waves doing all the talking for us.

“You look really nice in a tux,” I said, trying to divert the attention from the actual reason why we were sitting there.

“You think it suits me well?” he said looking at me, the corner of his mouth barely curved into a smile. I couldn’t help, but nervously laugh at his pun.

“Yes, yes it does,” I muttered. He looked back out into the last of the sunset.

“The dress looks nice on you, too,” he said flatly as if he didn’t mean it.

“Well, thanks,” I said sarcastically, obviously offended. After not replying back, we fell into our silence once again.

“I don’t even know where we should start,” he said hoarsely after some amount of time.

“What is there to even talk about?” I asked, what I thought was to be honest.

“Don’t play that shit with me, Lucy,” he answered with sadness apparent in his voice. That’s when I knew that I wouldn’t be holding back the tears any longer.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to not make it obvious that I was crying. However, the noise of the waves seemed to drown out any sounds I was making. He slowly started to shake his head.

“I’ve done nothing, but blame myself for you leaving,” he finally said.

“You were only doing the right thing, telling me how you felt. We shouldn’t have been doing anything behind his back anyways.”

“I was jealous, Lucy. I couldn’t stand seeing you treat him the same way as you treated me. Which was awful because Mike is my best friend, I shouldn’t get angry when his girlfriend is treating him how she should. And the idea of him finding out was just too much for me at the moment. I would’ve approached it differently if I knew that you were going to fucking leave, though,” he ranted, still avoiding eye contact with me. I continued to cry and wipe my tears away.

“I just didn’t want anyone to get hurt. I thought that with me leaving, you would all realize how silly it was and move on with your lives,” I said in between sobs.

“How silly it was?” he mocked me, “Did that fucking mean nothing to you? You could’ve just told me that straight up from the beginning and it would’ve saved us a lot of time!” The anger was starting to rise in his voice as he finally looked at me.

“Of course it meant something! But I thought you were the one who didn’t care anymore and I didn’t want to stick around to be the awkward girl who broke Mike’s heart and had no chance with the person she ruined it with! Why would I want to stay here for that?!” I said incredulously.

“We would have worked it out! It’s not like I was going to leave you in the dirt. Mike was my only concern at that time,” he said angrily. I continued to cry, not able to hold anything back anymore.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” I continued to repeat myself with the tears as he ran his hands through his hair. “I didn’t know that it was going to end up like this.” He sighed.

“Here’s the thing. We either drop this, letting things be awkward between us, or we can act like as if nothing happened in the past,” he said quietly. I nodded my head. I could tell that he was caught up in his thoughts as we remained quiet. “I can’t see myself doing either of those, Luce.” The tears came down harder.

“I understand,” I said quietly.

“Do you, though?” he asked, looking at me again. It almost appeared that he had tears in his eyes, but I could’ve just mistaken them with mine. I shrugged helplessly. He stared at me with a hurt look spread across his face. “I’m in love with you,” he said abruptly before repeating himself more enthusiastically, “I’m fucking in love with you. I can’t go on acting like it was just a joke. I can’t pretend that you didn’t mean anything to me, or that we’re just going to be friends.” My heart began to race hearing him say that.

“I don’t know what you want to do then,” I replied pathetically.

“I want to know if you feel the same way. If you don’t, then I’m gonna take my sorry ass home and drink away my problems until I can’t remember my name anymore. Just tell me the truth,” he said, looking back at the ocean as if he didn’t want to hear the answer. The waterfall of tears continued.

“Of course I’m in love with you. I have been since the beginning,” I answered quietly. That’s when he looked up at me.

“Then why are we still talking about this? The rest doesn’t matter anymore,” he said. Everything that followed seemed to happen so fast.

Before I could even let another thought go through my head, he put his hand on the side of my face and pulled my lips to his. The fireworks went off in my mind again, no matter what we had just discussed. All I knew in that moment was that I wanted him.

My hand slithered up in his hair as the other one rested behind his neck, pulling him closer into the kiss. His thumbs wiped off the tears that had remained on my face. Before I knew it, my breathing became short gasps, not wanting to break the kiss. It didn’t take long for him to realize this, too, and pull away for a moment.

“Breathe,” he said with a smile, out of breath himself. I let out a light laugh. He continued to look at me with his charming grin before he reached into my hair and pulled out the clip that was holding my hair up. It delicately fell down past my shoulders. I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “You’re so beautiful,” he said before leaning in and stealing another kiss.

I eagerly kissed him back, not able to stay apart for any longer. He gently leaned back onto the ground, taking me with him; his arm underneath my neck to keep my head from touching the sand. My hand roamed uncontrollably from his hair, to his face, to the inside of his suit jacket, back up again. We continued to lie there making out for quite a while before we separated again and his face hovered just above mine.

“Why are you still crying?” he whispered, the smile still plastered on his face. I shrugged.

“I’m just… happy,” I replied truthfully. He started to laugh as he continued to kiss me.

~~~

We had stayed out by the ocean for another good hour, kissing and occasionally talking, before we decided that we should head back. He let me wear his suit jacket on the way back as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. We walked in silence with smiles on both of our faces.

“Thank you for the necklace,” I finally said. He shrugged.

“It was yours to begin with,” he said nonchalantly.

“It was my only way to pay you back. I figured that you would’ve sold it.”

“I didn’t want to. It was the only part of you that I still had,” he said with a slight chuckle, “I’ve carried it around with me every single day ever since you left. It figures that the one time I didn’t have it was when you were actually here.” I smiled at him.

“That’s why you disappeared before the ceremony,” I stated rather than questioned. He nodded.

“You weren’t complete without it.”

I stopped and looked up at him before giving him another kiss. As I pulled away, he flashed his crooked smile again.

“Thank you,” I whispered, “For everything.”