Vinyl Records:
Solo.
Next day I just stayed in my room to think about things, about my life so far. It was filled with mistakes, and I pray to God my soul will be recognized when I'm gonna pass on to the other life. Because from where I started and where I stood now were two really different places that I've never imagined. But I guess that's what life's about: compromising your morals until you forget about yourself as a whole. I mean, two years back I never thought I'd ask a guy to be my boyfriend. I always thought boys should ask girls. We can all see how that went like.
However, it wasn't nearly as easy as it seemed. Because my dream guy wasn't just someone from my class. Or school. Oh, no. Life wouldn't be such a pain if he was. No, my dream guy was Jack. And judging by how I ignored him for one month after he had asked me; this wasn't going to be easy. I mean I knew he would say no. Even if all the girls chorused that he would say yes. There was something inside myself that told me exactly what it would be like. The ugly truth. I just shoved it in the back of my head.
You see, inside me was a girl. A fucked up girl. A girl that was so evil and conniving that I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I feared her. So, I kept it bottled up. It wouldn't crack under pressure. I was sure.
So, as the bell rang, all the kids rushed out the classroom to enjoy the little break they had. However, minutes seemed to pass faster and faster for me. I could feel my breath catching inside my throat and my palms going cold and starting to shake. Hey, I know I must've looked like crap right now.
"Sally, tell him. The break's almost over!" Nina said, walking around impatiently. I just sighed and hopped off my desk. I was afraid, scared, vulnerable. Things that I promised myself I wouldn't be again.
"Sally, go!" Stella said, pushing me from behind. I was pretty annoyed by now. I know they meant best, but I just needed to do things at my own pace.
"What happened?" Abigail said approaching us. She shyly looked up and I just sat there still as a stone. Nina and Stella turned around and glanced at her in a very startled manor. She just smiled and shook them off. I was starting to feel a small smile coming on too, but I shook it off.
"Sally here, chickened out and won't tell Jack how she feels." Nina said, rolling her eyes and giggling. Abigail giggled too, and made me promise I'd tell him next break. I did. And as the hour passed by, another break came.
'It's now or never.' I thought and went to where Jack and Chris stood, and Chris smiled knowingly at me. He had me all figured out and helped me deal with it and gave me advice. I smiled back at him, and Chris entered the class.
"Hey, can we talk?" I asked while I was tugging on Jack's sleeve. He just turned around and looked me in the eyes. I quickly looked away. His gaze was so deep, it was almost as if he could see every little corner of my soul. No matter how hidden or visible it was. And I think he saw her too. I didn't like it one bit.
He just smirked and looked at me with one, hard look. It was hard to believe he changed as much as he did. Now, all the guys wanted to be either like him, or his friend. And girls wanted friendship too, or just him. Plain and simple. He was much more hot. in lack of a better word, now that he had ever been. And I frowned. I didn't like this guy. I wanted him to discover himself, not lose himself.
"Sure, what?" He said coldly and looked somewhere else. This answer took me by surprise, and I began to stammer.
"I, I.. Well I kind of like you and I, um, wanted to ask you if you want to be my boyfriend." I felt my face burning and I looked down. I could hear a faint sound in the back of his neck and there he was, smirking and looking triumphantly at me. It was like he won the race. And I knew what that meant. He was sure that I'd crack and ask him what he asked me. And I did. And now he would take his revenge.
I stood there with a grim expression, while he said, loud and crystal clear "No." And he walked off. I just looked down. It felt like my whole world came crashing down. Like a huge invisible wave tackled me and crushed me under it's immense force. I made my way to the classroom with my head down and heard whispers already in motion.
'Great. Here we go.' I thought and copied whatever was written on the board. All I was thinking about was Jack. And I was pretty sure that wouldn't change anytime soon.
However, it wasn't nearly as easy as it seemed. Because my dream guy wasn't just someone from my class. Or school. Oh, no. Life wouldn't be such a pain if he was. No, my dream guy was Jack. And judging by how I ignored him for one month after he had asked me; this wasn't going to be easy. I mean I knew he would say no. Even if all the girls chorused that he would say yes. There was something inside myself that told me exactly what it would be like. The ugly truth. I just shoved it in the back of my head.
You see, inside me was a girl. A fucked up girl. A girl that was so evil and conniving that I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I feared her. So, I kept it bottled up. It wouldn't crack under pressure. I was sure.
So, as the bell rang, all the kids rushed out the classroom to enjoy the little break they had. However, minutes seemed to pass faster and faster for me. I could feel my breath catching inside my throat and my palms going cold and starting to shake. Hey, I know I must've looked like crap right now.
"Sally, tell him. The break's almost over!" Nina said, walking around impatiently. I just sighed and hopped off my desk. I was afraid, scared, vulnerable. Things that I promised myself I wouldn't be again.
"Sally, go!" Stella said, pushing me from behind. I was pretty annoyed by now. I know they meant best, but I just needed to do things at my own pace.
"What happened?" Abigail said approaching us. She shyly looked up and I just sat there still as a stone. Nina and Stella turned around and glanced at her in a very startled manor. She just smiled and shook them off. I was starting to feel a small smile coming on too, but I shook it off.
"Sally here, chickened out and won't tell Jack how she feels." Nina said, rolling her eyes and giggling. Abigail giggled too, and made me promise I'd tell him next break. I did. And as the hour passed by, another break came.
'It's now or never.' I thought and went to where Jack and Chris stood, and Chris smiled knowingly at me. He had me all figured out and helped me deal with it and gave me advice. I smiled back at him, and Chris entered the class.
"Hey, can we talk?" I asked while I was tugging on Jack's sleeve. He just turned around and looked me in the eyes. I quickly looked away. His gaze was so deep, it was almost as if he could see every little corner of my soul. No matter how hidden or visible it was. And I think he saw her too. I didn't like it one bit.
He just smirked and looked at me with one, hard look. It was hard to believe he changed as much as he did. Now, all the guys wanted to be either like him, or his friend. And girls wanted friendship too, or just him. Plain and simple. He was much more hot. in lack of a better word, now that he had ever been. And I frowned. I didn't like this guy. I wanted him to discover himself, not lose himself.
"Sure, what?" He said coldly and looked somewhere else. This answer took me by surprise, and I began to stammer.
"I, I.. Well I kind of like you and I, um, wanted to ask you if you want to be my boyfriend." I felt my face burning and I looked down. I could hear a faint sound in the back of his neck and there he was, smirking and looking triumphantly at me. It was like he won the race. And I knew what that meant. He was sure that I'd crack and ask him what he asked me. And I did. And now he would take his revenge.
I stood there with a grim expression, while he said, loud and crystal clear "No." And he walked off. I just looked down. It felt like my whole world came crashing down. Like a huge invisible wave tackled me and crushed me under it's immense force. I made my way to the classroom with my head down and heard whispers already in motion.
'Great. Here we go.' I thought and copied whatever was written on the board. All I was thinking about was Jack. And I was pretty sure that wouldn't change anytime soon.
♠ ♠ ♠
"Here you'll find me in between Heaven and Hell, my dear, where nothing's what it seems"-Alkaline Trio