Without You, I'm Just Me

It had been just under a week since the club incident, and still I hadn’t gone to watch Patrick’s band practice. I guess I was just nervous, I’d never felt this way about a boy before. I found myself smiling every time I thought about him, and how good he made me feel. Logan on the other hand, hadn’t talked to me since the incident, occasionally passing me in the hallways at school mumbling a quick “hello” and continuing past with his head down. Each time I rolled my eyes and ignored him, I was so over him.

“So when are you going to see him again? Or are you going to just blow him off like you usually do to me?” Sarah was once again pestering me about whether I’d gone to see Patrick. I took my Discman out of her hands and sighed. “I don’t know, I mean I’m worried he won’t want to see me after what Logan did to him.” I put the Discman back on the shelf.
“Didn’t you say he gave you the address AFTER Logan gave him a black eye?”
“Well yeah, but-” I started.
“Then you have to go see him, he obviously doesn’t blame you for what happened.” I left out a deep sigh. I hated how Sarah was always right.

I felt nervous as I walked through the parking lot that Tuesday afternoon, practising what I’d say to Patrick when I got there. I had almost reached my red VW Beetle, when I saw a tall figure leaning against it. I suddenly felt sick with the realisation that it was Logan. I tried to pretend I hadn’t seen him as I nervously searched for my keys through my satchel. “Angie, we have to talk.” I felt as if I would throw up any second now, his voice was more serious than I’d ever heard it before. He continued “I want to tell you how sorry I am. I never should have punched that dork at the bar for talking to you, can you forgive me?”
I frowned at the way he’d called Patrick a dork. “I don’t know. You have to promise me you’ll never do something like that again.”
He walked over to me putting his arms around me. I felt awkward, not really wanting his affection. I smiled and went to walk away when he pushed me against my car. I stomach flipped, as he forced his lips to mine. I tried to pull away, but he forced me closer to him, and kept kissing me roughly. It was moments before I actually managed to push him away from me. He looked at me, confused. I quickly opened the door to my Beetle and drove away as fast as I could, not looking back.

As I made my way to the address Patrick had scribbled on the serviette, I couldn’t shake the unpleasant feeling Logan had given me. Never before had he been so rough or so forceful, he had never done anything that made me uncomfortable before this. A shiver ran down my spine as I turned my attention back to the road.

I parked out the front of a one-storey house, with a large garage. The house looked a little battered, but seemed to have a very homely feel. I trekked through the snow towards the front door, shivering as I went. I nervously knocked on the front door, before looking through the front window to see a woman who’d been baking making her way to the front door. The door opened suddenly, the woman standing in front of me with a smile across her face. “Can I help you?”
“Umm, yeah, umm is Patrick there?” I said nervously, hoping I’d gotten the right address.
The woman’s smile became wider “Of course. I’ll go get him right now.” She walked back into the house, leaving the door slightly ajar. “Patrick! You have a visitor.”
I could hear Patrick’s voice answering back. “Ok mom, I’ll be out in a second.”
I watched as she walked back to the door. “He’ll be out in a second, come on in and make yourself comfortable.”
I hesitantly entered the house, taking in my surroundings. The inside of the house was a beautiful contrast the outside, instantly making me feel more comfortable.
Patrick’s mom reached out, motioning for me to hand her my coat. “Thanks.” I said as I handed her my coat and scarf. She walked over to the hall closest, neatly hanging it up. I heard a door opening down the hallway, and turned to see Patrick walking out of a room. I felt butterflies in my stomach, like I had when I’d run into Logan in the parking lot, but this time I didn’t mind. He looked toward the door, and flashed me a smile as soon as he realised it was me. I swear I felt that I were to die right now, I wouldn’t mind knowing that his smile was the last thing I saw. I started blushing at my thoughts and smiled back. “Umm, hey I brought your jacket back.” I said, holding his jacket out in front of me. God, I felt stupid, why couldn’t I think of something smarter to say?
Patrick grinned. “Thanks.” He took it from my hands and threw it over the back of a sofa. His mom rushed back towards us, interrupting our intense stare. “How about something to eat? Or something to drink?”
I stumbled through my words. “Oh no, it’s umm ok, you don’t have to make anything for me.” She dismissed my objections and walked back to the kitchen. “Oh it’s no trouble at all, I mean it’s not everyday Rick has a girl over.” She winked as the turned to the fridge. I looked at Patrick who was turning bright pink, “Umm, I think Angie needed to use the bathroom mom.” He looked at me with a pleading expression across his face.
“Oh, umm yeah.” I blushed again at how bad a liar I was. Patrick’s mom nodded and went back to her baking. I followed Patrick down the hallway into a large room. The room was full of poster and game consoles, I instantly figured it must be Patrick’s bedroom. He sat down on the bed. “Sorry about my mom, she can be a little too friendly sometimes.” He shifted over, making room for me to sit beside him. I must admit I felt a little awkward being in a boy’s bedroom, but Patrick didn’t seem to mind so I tried not to show it. “That’s ok, I thought she was lovely.” Patrick laughed, and picked up a video off the floor. He noticed I was looking around the room. “Umm, sorry it’s such a mess. I would have cleaned it a little if I knew you were coming over.” I smiled at how polite he was, I’d never had a guy treat me so well before. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

We sat back on the couch and began watching Star Wars. All of a sudden I began giggling, and Patrick looked at me puzzled. “What’s so funny?”
I stopped giggling and smiled. “Well I was just thinking how weird it is that you’re mom trusts you in your room alone with a girl for hours.”
I looked at me, even more confused. “Why? We’re just hanging out.” He pushed me in the side with his elbow.
I pushed him back. “Yeah, but my mom would be in here every few minutes making sure we weren’t making out.” Patrick began blushing. “Oh.” I giggled once again at his reaction, and he pushed me again.