Without You, I'm Just Me

The following weeks I spent with Patrick were like nothing I’d ever had before. It felt good to just be able to hang out with someone, without any awkwardness or pressure. Sarah, on the other hand was still up to her meddling ways and kept telling me that I should ask him out. It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about it, but we’d become such close friends over the last few weeks and I was determined not to let anything ruin it. I felt a soft jab in my side. “What are you thinking so intently about?” Patrick looked at me smiling. I smiled back “Nothing much. What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about actually watching this movie rather than missing half of it because you distracted me again.” I giggled and pushed him into the pillows on my bed. He laughed and pulled me into the pillows beside him. I sat up to see my mom standing in my doorway looking very unimpressed. Patrick sat up blushing, and said politely “Hi Mrs Smith.” My mom gave Patrick a half smile and a slight grunt and walked down the hallway. I giggled again, hitting Patrick in the back of the head with a pillow. “She doesn’t like you, you know.” Patrick picked up a smaller pillow and hit me with it.
A concerned look crossed his face. “Why not?”
I put the pillow in my lap and leaned against the wall. “She thinks we’re going to make out or something, so she keeps walking past trying not to look obvious to make sure we’re not doing anything. Oh, and from her perspective, if you even put a hand on me, you’re up to something.”
Patrick leant against the wall next to me. “Does that mean you’ve never invited your boyfriend over?” I cringed at the thought of Logan, who I hadn’t spoken to since our encounter in the parking lot. Patrick bit his lower lip. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to..”
“It’s ok, you didn’t know.” I reassured him. He looked at me with a serious look on his face. “Can I ask you something Angie?”
I looked at him, thinking about how cute he looked when he was serious. “Yeah?”
He picked up the pillow and flipped it around in his hands. “I don’t mean to be intrusive or anything, but you don’t seem to like him very much. Why are you still dating him?”
I picked up the pillow in my lap and began flipping it too. “I don’t know, I guess I don’t like the thought of being alone.”
He leant towards me resting his left side on my right. “You’ll never be alone Ange, I’ll always be here.”
I smiled and placed my head on his shoulder.

School was getting more and more boring by the day, and more awkward. As usual, Logan would pass me in the hallway without acknowledging my presence, and Sarah would pester me about asking Patrick out. The only good part of school was when Patrick would meet me in the parking lot so we could go watch a movie. The final bell rang for the day and I practically ran out of the classroom to my locker. “Well someone’s in a hurry today.” Sarah teased. I quickly grabbed my books and shoved them into my satchel. “Patrick’s meeting me in the parking lot to go see a movie.” Sarah’s eyes widened as did her smile. I rolled my eyes “I told you Sarah, it’s NOT a date.”
“Sure, whatever you say Ange.” she winked at me as she walked to her locker. I sighed sarcastically and walked into the parking lot. I smiled as soon as I saw Patrick standing beside his car. On my walk over I could hear a faint voice calling my name. I looked at Patrick who looked concerned. I returned his look, and turned to see Logan standing behind me. “Hey Angie.” My stomach started doing back flips as I thought of what to say. “Err, Hi.”
He ruffled his hair. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go out tonight, like hang out in the mall or something.” Oh God, what was going to tell him? I couldn’t tell him that I was going to the mall with Patrick, he’d freak. “Aww, I’m really sorry Logan but I have way to much homework to hang out. Maybe some other time.” I watched as he clenched his fist so hard it began turning red. “Yeah, whatever then. Fine.” he mumbled. He kissed my forehead awkwardly and stormed off to his car.

I waited until he was out of sight, and began walking over to Patrick. “What was all that about?” he looked concerned. I smiled reassuringly, “That? It was nothing, Logan just wanted to know if I would go out with him tonight.” Patrick’s smile disappeared as he bit his lower lip. “Oh.”
“Oh no, I told him I couldn’t go cause I had other plans.” I told him as I walked to the passengers side of his car. He smiled. “Really? You didn’t tell him it was me did you?” I laughed and shook my head as I climbed in.

After the movie, we slowly walked around the mall together. “You’re so lucky my parents are away on a business trip, you know that right? They’d be so pissed if they knew how late it was.” Patrick laughed and looked at his watch.
“Wow, you’re right it is late. My mom’s going to start freaking out if I don’t get home soon.” We walked towards the entrance of the mall hand in hand, swinging our arms as much as we possibly could. A few of the other patrons around us seemed a little angry about our immaturity but I shrugged them off. I saw a group of kids from school shopping together, I was about to turn away when I realised Logan was with them. He was laughing, then turned to my direction. I turned away pretending not to notice him, and quickly pulled Patrick away. Patrick looked a little concerned “Whoa, someone’s in a hurry” he joked.
I lowered my voice “I saw Logan standing with a group of kids, and I think he might have seen us.”
Patrick’s smile quickly faded. “Oh.”
I punched him playfully in the arm. “Hey don’t worry, if he comes near you to give you another black eye..” I gave a kneeing motion and Patrick giggled.

I waved goodbye to Patrick as he turned out of the street. I slowly walked to my front door, smiling as I pulled the key out of my purse. I heard footsteps on the path nearby, and spun around quickly. As far as I could see, there was no one there so I turned back to the door. “I’ve been waiting for you to get here.” I dropped the key and turned around. A knot formed in my stomach. Not again.