It's Not A Love Song

The doctor sterilised my cuts, cleaned my face and but some white strips on my forehead to make sure the cut healed neatly there. I could already see my left eye turning a purple colour, the doctor told me it would turn all colours of the rainbow before it faded. I wasn’t paying much attention, all I could think about was the kiss.

The magnificent and mind altering kiss. The kiss that had changed something between us, started a new love song playing in my heart, made me feel unlike any other human being on this planet.

Joe and I lay down on the sofa, him on his back and my self resting on his chest with my leg on across his. He went straight to sleep while I lay there unable to will my self to sleep, I ran my finger in circles on his chest while his hand gripped my waist.

Occasionally he’d squeeze and make me wince at the pressure he put on my bruise. I froze when his fingers moved further towards my bruise and pressed down. “Ow.” I let out in a high pitched squeak.

I bit my lip and scrunched up my face, his eyes shot open at the noise I let out and his hand quickly drew away from me. “Crap, I’m sorry.”

I shrugged, “It’s fine, I can’t sleep.”

“Are you okay with us doing the show tonight?” Joe asked pushing my hair behind my ear and stroking his finger around my bruised eyes.

“Of course, I’ll be in the crowd like every other night.” He smiled at me gratefully.

I pushed my aching body off the sofa then stood up on my feet. I stretched out my body then ran my fingers through my knotted hair. I looked at the clock on the wall and my eyes widened, “Joe, it’s half seven. You’re on stage in an hour and a half.”

Joe shot up from the sofa, grabbed my hand and quickly led me out of Jordin’s dressing room and down the hall to the Jonas Brothers dressing room. We wandered into the room fairly quietly in comparison to the bustle inside, but nonetheless everyone turned to look at me as Joe left my hand and headed over to his clothes box.

My mom looked at me, desperately worried and devastated. I gave her a small smile, hoping she would accept my silent apology and sign I was fine. She returned it with a small smile of her own then went back to steaming Nick’s shirt for the show.

I noticed Frankie sat on the sofa with his scooter helmet on, I sat next to him and smiled, “Why are you wearing a helmet?”

“You got hurt, it makes me feel safer.” He whispered into my ear and my heart thumped sadly against my chest. I looked at him with all the strength I could muster.

I gently elbowed him, “You don’t need to worry about getting hurt.” I whispered back, unclipping his helmet and taking it off his head.

Frankie grinned, “Good, my head was getting hot.” He shook his hair around like a dog then focused back onto his DS.

I chuckled at his childish demeanour and skipped over to the mirror. I cringed at my reflection and quickly grabbed some foundation, I spread it over my face covering my pale complexion and covering part of the painful bruises. I did my best to avoid my tape though. I couldn’t wear eye make up anymore, not until the bruises went.

“Big Rob, I want you with Julia in the crowd.” Paul announced from behind me.

“What? No!” I exclaimed standing up, “I don’t need a baby sitter, plus he’ll draw too much attention to me.” I argued.

Joe glared at me from across the room, I smirked at him and pushed my fringe away from my face. Paul rubbed his head and sighed, “Okay, at least have Jeff with you. The fans don’t know him as well.”

I nodded in agreement and sat back down at the mirror and began adding some power to my bruises. They were only slightly noticeable now with all the make up caked on my face. I gently padded my eye lids, wincing as the pad touched the sensitive skin there. I scanned the contents of the desk and noticed some silly string.

I smiled and placed it in my lap as I saw Joe approaching me in the mirror. We locked eyes through our reflections and I smiled. I tilted my head back, ignoring the pain in my neck, to look at him. He leaned over me with his hands resting on the arms of my chair and hovered his face just above mine.

“In three days we’ll be in Kansa, I’ve been invited to a wedding, come with me?” He gave me that seductive smirk making me want to relive the kiss all over again.

Then I remembered the silly string in my hand, I quickly squirted some into his face and hair. “Ah!” He exclaimed jumping backwards, he grinned at me and reached into his back pocket.

My eyes widened as he produced his own can of silly string. “You wouldn’t…”

He held the can out in front of me and sprayed me directly in the face with bright pink silly string. I closed my eyes, taking my beating then dragged my string from my eyes only to have him spray me again.

Joe laughed devilishly, “Okay, enough!” I exclaimed, not finding it funny anymore.

I stuck my tongue out at Joe who copied the gesture. I smiled at him then picked out a new outfit to watch the show in, something more comfortable. I slipped into a long, baggy t-shirt with an old picture of women riding a rollercoaster at a fun fare on the front and some skinny grey jeans. I slipped my feet into some plimsolls then hung some rosary beads with a cross dangling from the bottom around my neck and some bracelets around my wrist.

When I re-entered the room from the bathroom, the boys were in their stage clothes and warming up their vocals. I notice Jeff stood at the door waiting for me, he smiled at me and waved his hand.

“Have a good show guys!” I called, waving to them.

I followed Jeff through the loud arena filled with the excited chatter of girls and the occasional boy and parents. I sat in a block on the lower tier looking over the stage, the best view for this tour, then waited for the show to start. No one really noticed me as Jeff and I talked a lot, almost like father and daughter and that's probably what people mistook us for. The boys came on soon after I sat down. I sang along, danced and smiled as I watched them dominate the stage.

The crowd screamed as Nick took off his guitar mid way through the set and went over to the drum kit, Joe took this time to talk to the crowd.

“Where my ladies at?” The arena exploded out in screams from every angle, including from me. I screamed to him with a smile, “Okay, so I’m about to get serious for a minute here. A lot of you girls are probably in relationships or know people in relationships. There is a figure out there at the moment that the amount of people in abusive teen relationships one in three. Now, I’ve never been in one but I’ve witnessed one today. So if that figure is correct the majority of you will have seen or been involved with it.

My eyes were wide as he spoke this, immediately the people around me looked to me.

“I hope I never have to hear stories about girls being abused or even boys, because everyone deserves better than that. In the words of Oprah Winfrey ‘love doesn’t hurt.’”

“Jeff, can I go?” Jeff nodded and began to guide me backstage while they played ‘Live to Party’.

I headed to the tour bus with him and changed into some pajamas. I pulled on some ugg boots and slipped on one of Joe’s hoodie’s, I shoved my phone into the pocket and carried my laptop down and off the bus. “Jeff, tell the boys I’m staying on the Christa bus. Tell Joe to call me if he wants to talk.”

Jeff nodded and walked me over to the Christa bus, letting me on. I knew which the spare bunk was so I crawled in with Christa’s guitar and began to improvise some chords.

I managed to write a new song, not about Leon, but about Joe. I couldn’t think of anything but Joe, he invaded all of my mind and I didn’t know why. I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle.

I began to sing quietly to my self.

“ Before I fall too fast
Kiss me quick
But make it last
So i can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say good bye

Keep it sweet
Keep it slow
Let the future pass
And don’t let go
But tonight i could fall to soon into this beautiful moonlight

But your so hypnotizing
You got me laughing while i sing
You got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
And your love is where im falling
But please don’t catch me

See this heart
Wont settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
l'm terrified of what you'll do
my stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away
So I can breath
Even though your far from suffocating me
I can't set my hopes to high
Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye

But your so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where im falling
But please don’t catch me

So now you see
Why I'm scared
I cant open up my heart without a care
But here i go
Its what i feel
But for the first time in my life i know its real

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've get me smiling in my sleep
And i can see this unraveling
And your love is where im falling
So please don't catch me

And if this is love
Please don't break me
I'm giving up
So just catch me…”

“You know, that song would be awesome with some violin.”

I jumped at Christa’s voice as she drew back my curtain, I smiled at her and nodded. She held her hand out for me and tugged me out the bunk and led me to the back lounge where we sat together and did my favorite pass time. Make music.

Christa was right, the song sounded so much better with strings.

Hanging out with her was refreshing, she didn’t once ask me any questions but just was with me and that’s all I needed. Someone to just be there for me, not bothering me or making me feel sad, so she was the right person for the job.

As always though, I had to face reality. Joe had text me that it was time for a video chat, I crawled into my bunk and put in my earphones. Joe was already online when I logged in and immediately requested a video chat. I accepted and suddenly there he was, his face large on my screen with my own in a small little box in the bottom left hand corner.

He smiled softly, “Hi.” He said, not loudly, but my earphones were on too loud. I cringed and turned the volume down. “Too loud again?” He chuckled, showing of his straight teeth.

I nodded, “Yep.” I smiled back at him.

“You’re wearing my jacket!” He exclaimed, reaching to the camera as if to grab it from me. “I’ve been looking for it.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he glared into the camera. “How come you went on Christa’s bus?”

I shrugged, “They leave me alone, everyone else is trying to ‘comfort me’ when I really don’t need it.” I said, sounding harsher than I intended.

“Not even from me?” Joe smirked, drawing me in with his desirable eyes.

I giggled, “Maybe a little from you.” I reasoned with a coy smile.

It was nice to talk to him over iChat, sometimes you need to be away from someone to appreciate a conversation with them. But we didn’t talk for long, we were both on buses of sleeping people and it wouldn’t be fair on them to have us talking while they tried to sleep.

Surprisingly I slept very well in this new environment after such a hectic day.