Have You Ever Felt Alone In A Crowded Room?

As soon as Jacoby was fast asleep, I threw a blanket over her and turned the lights off. I was very aware of Frank holding onto me as we navigated through the dark and to my room. As I closed the door, Pixie ran around until she curled up in the corner. I sat on the floor and pet her for a while, in total silence. I decided to break that silence.

“Frank? Um, about earlier today, when you said…you loved me…why?”

I don’t know why I had to ask.

“Because you’re…you, Dahlia. I’ve never met anyone like you.”

“You’ve never met a psycho?”

“Well, actually I have, but…you’re a different psycho. You’re my psycho.”

“Frank, I love you so much, but I don’t think I’m…stable enough. For anyone.”

I was so scared that if he ever hurt me or broke my heart, I’d become the person I was a few years ago, but worse. I’d actually be dead this time…Or, somehow, all the depression and numbness would go away, and I could really live again. Still, it was a chance I was willing to take. Even if I could end up beyond saving.

Jacoby told me a long time ago that there was hope for me, despite how little she still knew about my life at the time. I still have the same opinions about love as I did then, but maybe…

Maybe he is the only exception. Maybe he is my hope.

“Dahlia…you can never be too messed up for love. I’m just as much a psycho as you are.”

“Even if I…did this to myself?”

I made a reference to the scars on my upper arms. The first time he saw them, I could tell it bothered him. Now, if he ever caught sight of my arms, he seemed to be used to it. It was like the time Jacoby saw them for the first time.

“I don’t care what you’ve done. As long as you’re alive now and you don’t die on me.”

“I won’t…ever. I promise.”

Give me a sign that you are the only exception to everything I thought love was…

Frank moved over to where I was with Pixie and hugged me. I hugged back, and prayed that he wouldn’t lead me to my death. I don’t ever want to put him through the hell Jacoby was in trying to help me.

I still couldn’t believe that someone like him, in this fucked-up world, found something good in me. That I was worth saving, despite everything I did. What would Jacoby say to me now?

“I told you so!”

Yes, she would…

When Frank kissed me, it was like all the ice melted around my heart. I didn’t feel numb anymore, and I finally got why all those love songs were so cheesy. When we broke apart, I couldn’t say anything. I think he just saved my life with that one moment.

“I’ve actually wanted to do that for a long time.”

I asked “You…wanted to kiss me?”

“No…kiss an angel.”

I blushed even more when he said that. Me, an angel?

“I’m an angel?”

“A psycho angel…but yeah. You’re my psycho angel, Dahlia.”

And you are the only exception…

For possibly the first time in years, I slept at a reasonable hour, and stayed asleep. Frank was there, holding me to him, and Pixie was tucked into my arms.

The next morning I found myself alone again, with Pixie staring at me and wagging her little tail. It was like she was saying “COME ON, GET UP GET UP NOW!!”

“Hi, Pixie. Where’s Frankie and Jacoby?”

As if she understood me, Pixie ran out the room and looked behind her to see if I was following. As soon as I was up, she led me into the tiny kitchen, where Jacoby and most of the guys were, save for Bob and Ray. Where are they these days anyhow?

“Hey guys.”

Everyone looked up at me and suddenly I wished I stayed asleep. Everyone, Jacoby, Gerard, Mikey, and Frank ran up to me for a group hug. I couldn’t breathe, but I was happy. When everyone backed off from me, Jacoby was the first one to speak.

“Sooo…you and Frank…”

“Yes…?”

“You guys kissed!”

It was startling how excited Jacoby was at this ungodly hour of eight in the morning.

Mikey said “You guys kissed?! And I missed it?!”

In a sarcastic tone, I answer “Yes, I’m so sorry, Mikey. It was vengeance for you nearly destroying my microwave.”

I said to Jacoby “I guess you were right. Someone actually found some good in me.”

“Well, since we’re here and talking about…I found someone too.”

“You did? When?”

“Back home. Before I left, Danny…”

“You and Danny?! But…I thought…isn’t he…?”

“I know. I was confused, too.”

“My God…we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Why don’t we start now?”

Jacoby and I sat down with the rest of the guys in the living room. Pixie curled up with Jacoby as Mage settled into my lap. There, we traded our stories, from the day we parted to now.