Hidden Within

I keep my hand in Brian’s, our fingers still laced together, as we walk up to the school. I bite the inside of my bottom lip, nervously wondering what our classmates are thinking. I can feel some of the stares from the people who we’ve had classes with ever since elementary school-- the ones who know just how much Brian and I detest each other. And maybe it’s just me being paranoid, but I think I can hear some of them whispering about us. I glance over my shoulder and notice that girl from Gym-- I think her name is Hayley-- watching us, and she doesn’t look very happy.

“Are you alright, Sunshine?” Brian whispers.

“Yeah,” I mumble. “I’m just a little nervous.”

He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, and my heart races. I glance up at him, and his eyes meet mine. “Don’t be worried, Lana. Everything’s alright.”

A tiny smile tugs at my lips, and he smiles back at me. We’ve still got about twenty minutes to go before the bell rings, so most of us just hang around outside of the school or by our lockers until it’s time to head to class. I spot Matt, Laney, Lynn, and Jimmy hanging around underneath a tree not too far from the front doors of the school.

“Well, if it isn’t the lovebirds,” Matt announces with a chuckle as we arrive. “Aren’t you two just plain adorable?”

“Shut up, Matt,” Brian grumbles, abruptly letting go of my hand, and I feel somewhat disappointed not to have my hand in his anymore. Not that I want to be holding his hand, but rather I want that feeling of support that and assurance that it gave me.

“Don’t mind him,” Laney says as she sends Matt a warning glare.

“They know that I’m just joking, babe,” Matt says before wrapping his arms around her. “Besides, I’m just going along with what they’re playing up to the school. Gotta make this all believable, right?”

“But no one is paying attention to us, Matthew,” she points out.

“You don’t know that,” Matt rejoinders. “For all you know, they are paying attention, because we’re the most awesome motherfuckers in the whole school!”

“Or it’s because some of these people have known Brian and Lana since elementary school and are wondering what the fuck is going on,” Lynn suggests, and I watch her eyes as they scan over the people around us. “You guys made quite a big step, showing off that you’re an item like that.”

“Wasn’t that what you wanted us to do?” I ask her.

“Well, yeah, but you’ve got a lot of people talking. I didn’t realize it’d be that big of a deal…”

“It isn’t,” Brian cuts in abruptly, and we turn out attention to him. “You’re only paying attention to the people who we’ve known since we were, like, six. Look at those people over there,” he points to a group of juniors, “they don’t give a fuck. Sure, it may be a thing to some of the people in our class, but it’s not like the whole school is going crazy about us. It’s not like we’re fucking in front of the building or anything like that.”

“Who’s fucking?” Johnny’s voice pipes up, and I turn my head to see him and Danni walking up to us.

“No one,” I reply quickly. “Ha-- Brian was just trying to make a point.”

“Damn, you guys got my hopes up there for a second,” he says, draping his arm around Danni’s shoulders.

I notice Danni roll her eyes and shake her head just slightly at his comment.

“So what was the point Brian was trying to make?” Danni asks as she rests her head on Johnny’s shoulder.

“That not everyone in the school is talking about me and Lana,” Brian replies.

“Well, I did hear a couple of people as we were walking over…” she trails off, glancing back at the other students.

Brian sighs and shakes his head. “Okay, so a few people are talking-- I already admitted that. But the whole school isn’t talking about us, and they aren’t going to. At the most, it’s going to be news in our grade, but other than that, it’s not going to matter. And it’s not going to be news for long, anyway. They’ll find something else to gossip about, they always do.” His hand finds mine, and to my surprise I don’t pull away. “We just need to keep up appearances for a little while and everything will be back to normal before you know it.”

“Oh, so you mean you’re going to go back to being an asshole to the poor girl?” Laney inquires with an arched brow.

I feel Brian tense a bit, his grip on my hand tightening for just a moment, and he exhales sharply through his nose. “No, that’s not what I meant,” he says, shooting her an icy glare.

“Good, because I’ll kick your ass if you do,” she replies confidently, completely ignoring the daggers his eyes are throwing at her.

“Well, you won’t have to do that anytime soon,” Brian assures her.

“I doubt that,” Laney retorts. “I’m sure you’ll do something stupid that deserves it. We are talking about you, after all.”

“Laney, that’s enough,” Danni says, sounding like a mother scolding her child. Her expression softens as she looks back at me and Brian. “And you’re okay with all of this, Lana?”

I nod my head and hold onto Brian’s hand just a little tighter; almost as if I need his support-- I hope he doesn’t notice. “I said we’d give it a try. It’s easier to just stay in character all day than to try and switch it on and off around my family. If Sandi wasn’t in the same school, we wouldn’t have to do this. But she is, so we have to make sure that it’s convincing to everyone. I don’t want to risk her friends seeing us be normal and then tell her. The last thing I need is an interrogation from my sister.”

“Don’t worry, Lana, that won’t happen. We’ve got this,” Brian says reassuringly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I hate to admit it, but the gesture is oddly comforting.

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “I guess so…”

“We do,” he insists. “We’ve been doing pretty good so far, haven’t we? I mean, our families seem to believe us.”

“Yeah, they do,” I mumble, and my stomach drops at the thought of just how much my family believes this lie. It seems like all I’ve been doing lately is lie to them.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Lana?” Jimmy asks, causing me to look up at him.

“Yeah, I just… I’m not used to lying to my parents like this.”

“You don’t lie to your parents?” Matt asks incredulously.

“Well--”

“Lana’s your classic good girl,” Lynn says, “she hardly ever lies to her parents and rarely gets in trouble. I’m kinda surprised at just how well she’s been doing with this whole thing.”

My eyes meet hers, and I can see just how sorry she is for getting me into this whole thing. Little does she know that lying’s starting to become second nature to me ever since this summer. I doubt I’d be doing so well with this whole Brian thing if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve already been lying to my family every day since Craig left.

“I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for Brian,” I admit softly. “He holds it all together whenever I start to slip up.”

“Which isn’t very often,” Brian says, and I look up at him in surprise. “You do better than you think, Sunshine.”

“Thanks,” I mumble as a smile tugs at my lips. He smiles back at me, and I feel my heart race. I bite my lip and look down at the ground for a moment. “Besides, it’s not like I’m a total goody-goody.”

“What are you talking about, Lana? You’re probably the most well-behaved girl in this school. It took me two years to get you to cuss!” Lynn exclaims.

I swallow hard and chew on my bottom lip. “Well, I don’t have problem with that anymore, do I?” I mutter. “I was just saying that I’ve lied before…” I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I stumble through my words. “I’ve made up stuff to get out of doing things I don’t want to…”

“That’s a minor offense, Lana,” Lynn points out.

“She’s right, Lana. You can’t say that you’re not a goody-two-shoes until you do something huge, like drugs or drinking, which I don’t see you ever doing,” Matt says.

“Whatever…” I let go of Brian’s hand, which I now realize I’ve been holding onto too tightly, and tuck my hair behind my ear. “Um, anyway, Lynn, where’s Zacky? Aren’t you two joined at the hip or something?”

“More like the lips,” Johnny says with a chuckle.

Lynn rolls her eyes at the comment and shakes her head. “He’s gonna be here later. He’s got his physical today so he can play baseball in the spring.”

“He needs it done that far in advance?” I ask, surprised to hear this.

“Yeah,” she answers with a nod. “I was just as surprised as you when he told me.”

“It’s not that weird,” Matt pipes up. “Most of the basketball team got theirs done over the summer.”

“And Coach is already on our asses about getting them done now if we haven’t had them yet,” Jimmy adds on. “I think it’s crazy. We don’t even play until the end of October.”

“Which isn’t that far, man.”

I turn to look at Jimmy. “You’re on the basketball team?”

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to hear this. I mean, Jimmy is tall and thin; his build is probably ideal for basketball. It’s just that Jimmy and the sport don’t exactly mesh well in my head. I’m not really sure what it is, but he never stuck me as the type to play.

“Yep,” he answers with a wide grin before shifting and propping up an elbow onto Johnny’s shoulder. “Short Shit over here wanted to play, but didn’t make the team because no one could see him on the fucking court.”

“Fuck you,” Johnny says as he pushes Jimmy’s arm off of him.

“Aw, don’t be mad, Johnny. One day you’ll be tall enough to play with the big boys,” Matt teases.

“Or you’ll just be a short fuck for the rest of your life,” Brian chuckles. “Don’t worry; I’m sure you’ll have a successful career as a lawn gnome.”

“Be nice, boys,” Danni says, sending warning glares to Matt, Jimmy, and Brian. “For all you know, Johnny could have a growth spurt and be taller than all of you.”

“Doubtful,” Jimmy retorts with a laugh.

Johnny opens his mouth to retaliate, but the ringing of the bell cuts him short. My gaze shifts from the group to the school, and my heart begins to pound. In an instant, I’m regretting the decision that I’ve made to give this whole couple act a chance. I should have just told Brian that I only want to act like a couple whenever Sandi is around, but now it’s too late. The majority of our classmates saw us walk up to the school hand in hand, and word travels fast.

I feel something brush up against my palm and look to see Brian offering his hand to me. A tiny smile finds its way to my lips and I accept it. His fingers lace between mine and the strange comfort I felt earlier returns. I follow his lead as we make our way into the building and head towards our lockers.

For the most part, I think Brian was right. The people in grades other than our own don’t seem to care that we’re acting like a couple. However, that doesn’t exactly make me feel better when I hear the whispers from the girls we’ve known since elementary school. I’ve suddenly become a topic of gossip, something I never thought I would be, and I don’t like it.

“Are you okay, Lana?” Brian asks me as we stop by our lockers to grab our books.

I bite the inside of my lip and nod my head as I switch out the books in my bag for the textbooks I’ll need for my first four classes. I keep my eyes focused on my book bag and try to block out the gossiping girls around us, but it’s so hard to do when I swear I hear my name in every other sentence.

“Hey,” he places a finger underneath my chin and coaxes my face up, “it’s gonna be okay, Sunshine. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. It’s not too late to say you changed your mind.”

My eyes lock onto his and my pulse quickens. He’s doing it again-- he’s giving me an out. But why is he doing this? He had been so adamant about staying in character, why is he telling me we don’t have to? Does he genuinely care about how I feel and just wants me to feel comfortable, or is it something else? Did it finally dawn on him that we’d be talked about and he’s embarrassed to be associated with me? Has he suddenly deemed me unworthy of being with him? I mean, this is Brian that we’re talking about; it’s highly unlikely that he actually cares about my feelings, like he wants me to believe.

“Lana? Sunshine, are you okay?” he asks; his thumb runs over my cheek and I flinch slightly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I mumble, kicking myself a bit for recoiling. If any of the chattering masses saw that, they’re probably making up rumors about how we’re on the rocks already, and those rumors will end up reaching Sandi. “And I’m okay.” I lift my hand up and place it over his. “I want to do this. We already started, so we might as well commit.”

“Hey, Lana, I was just wondering-- What’s going on?”

I turn and see Lynn standing by us, her hazel eyes flickering back and forth as she tries to piece everything together. Brian and I instantly let our hands drop back to our sides. Lynn just shakes her head and chuckles.

“Sorry, just not used to seeing you two together,” she says with a smile. “I was just wondering if you wanted me to drop off your flute in our band locker; the band room is on the way to my first class, so I figured I’d save you the trip.”

“Um, yeah, that’d be great.” I open my bag and fish out my flute case before handing it over to her. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she says, smiling at both of us. “I’ll see you guys next period!”

“See ya,” Brian and I call out in unison. I hate when we do that, but I guess it looks cute now that we’re acting like a couple.

“You got everything you need, Lana?” he asks me as he slings his backpack over his shoulder.

I do a quick glance over the books in my bag and nod. “Yeah, all set.”

He smiles and holds out his hand to me. My gaze shifts across the hall again briefly and I take a deep breath as I clasp onto his hand. His fingers lace between mine again and he begins to lead the way to our first class. We pass a few more of our classmates, and many of them bother to do a double take as if to make sure they aren’t seeing things. And like before, I do what I can to ignore them, and fail miserably.

After spending my middle school years being invisible to most of my classmates, I really don’t like all of the attention that I’ve been drawing today. Hopefully the stares will stop once everyone gets used to seeing Brian and I together. If not, I don’t know how I’m going to make it through these upcoming weeks and possibly months at school. What was I thinking when I said I wanted to do this?

Brian gives my hand a gentle squeeze and he rubs his thumb across the back of my hand; my nerves begin to calm. I look up at him and smile, which he doesn’t notice because his eyes are focused straight ahead. But he doesn’t have to return my gaze; just holding my hand is enough. It’s enough to let me know that I’m not in this alone, and that he’s going to be with me every step of the way. And for the first time, I’m glad that it’s Brian I’m stuck doing this with.

~

I trudge behind the other flautists as everyone files back into the band room. We just attempted marching for the first time. And I can say with much confidence that I hated it as much as I thought I would. I had a hard time reading my music, I had difficulty staying in formation, and I nearly tripped and face-planted into the football field at least four times. It doesn’t look like marching band and I were not meant to be.

I sit down in my chair, grab my flute case from beneath my seat, and begin to disassemble and clean my flute. Some of the girls around me talk about how much fun they had. Others rave about how excited they are to play at the first football game. If only I had that much passion for marching, because band has been the one class where I’ve been able to hide pretty well from the whispers and stares I’ve had in all my others; I think it’s because band’s the one class I have without Brian.

Once I’m done putting my flute back in its case, I cross the room to the band locker that I share with Lynn. She’s already there, dialing the combo. The door pops open a bit and she stashes her clarinet away. I place my flute in the locker before exchanging glances with Lynn.

“Well, that was so much fun,” she remarks sarcastically; I can’t help but crack a smile.

“Yeah, I liked the part where I nearly fell and disfigured my face on my music holder.”

“What about when I knocked into the guy in front of me and almost sent the entire clarinet section down like dominos?”

“I think it is safe to say that marching just isn’t our forte,” I say with a chuckle.

“Such a shame,” Lynn sighs, “I was looking forward to wearing those sexy-ass uniforms.”

“Breaks my heart that we’ll never get to see how great we look in those.”

“So, what do we do?”

“I guess we’ve gotta talk to Mr. Boomer and let him know we’re dropping. I’m not really sure; I’ve never dropped a class before,” I mumble as I look over to our band director. “I just hope he doesn’t try to talk us into giving marching another chance.”

“If he does, he’s not gonna succeed. You forget that I’m going to be with you, and I’m not going to let him talk us out of anything,” she states matter-of-factly as she closes the locker door. “We want to drop this class, and that is what is going to happen.”

“Okay… So,” I glance back over at Mr. Boomer to see that he’s not busy talking to anyone, “I guess we go tell him now?”

“Yep. And don’t worry, Lana, everything will be alright; people drop classes all the time. So, come on and let’s get this taken care of.”

I anxiously bite the inside of my bottom lip as I follow Lynn to where our band director is sitting. I’m not really sure why I’m nervous about dropping this class. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to see how disappointed my parents will be when they hear that I’ve dropped band. Or it could be the fact that I do enjoy playing music and I wish deep down that I was actually good at marching. Whichever it is, I wish the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach would go away.

When we approach him, Mr. Boomer looks away from the sheet music in front of him and smiles at us. Why does he have to smile? It only makes me feel even worse about quitting. I wonder if he even remembers me from Friday.

“Hello, ladies,” he says, that friendly smile still on his face. “Oh, Miss Fray, I take it you’re here to tell me your decision.”

I stare at him in surprise for a moment; I wasn’t actually expecting him to remember me. “Uh, yeah, I am…”

The smile on his face starts to fade. “And I take it that it’s not good.”

“Unfortunately, it isn’t. I’m afraid I’m going to have to drop. Marching and I just weren’t a good match,” I tell him.

He scratches the back of his neck and nods slightly. “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out for you. I’d try to convince you to give it another chance, but our deal was to give it the one shot. I’ll go ahead and write up the slip for your counselor so that they know I approved this.” His eyes flicker to Lynn, and I think it dawns on him that she’s not just here to support me. “I imagine I’ll need to sign one for you, too, Miss…?”

“Johnson, Lynn Johnson,” she replies. “I play--”

“Clarinet,” he cuts in, clearly remembering how Lynn nearly sent everyone in her section toppling over. “It’s a shame that I’ll be losing both of you. If you two change your mind next year, you’re more than welcome to come back.”

“Thanks,” Lynn and I answer quietly as we watch him fill out what he needs to on our drop sheets.

After scribbling his signature at the bottom of our slips, he hands them over to us and tells us that our counselors will help us with the rest. We thank him one more time before picking up our seats to grab our bags. I wait for Lynn by the door, watching her as she hoists her backpack up onto her shoulder.

When we walk out of the door, I’m surprised to see Brian waiting nearby. What is he doing here? He lifts his hand up a bit and gives us a shy wave; Lynn chuckles softly, and I look at her in confusion. She doesn’t say anything, though. She simply smiles and heads in Brian’s direction. And since I have no other choice, I follow.

“Hey, Brian!” Lynn greets him.

“Hey, Lynn. Zack said he’s waiting for you at your locker.”

“Thanks. I’m just gonna head over to see him.” She turns to look back at me. “You two will be fine together, right?”

“Of course we will,” I assure her as I walk up beside Brian.

She smiles. “Alright, well, I’ll see you guys later,” she calls out before turning away and walking down the hall.

I muster up a tiny smile and glance at Brian; he returns the smile, but I can tell that he feels a little out of place. I can’t exactly blame him, though. I don’t think his last class was anywhere near here. “So, um, what are you doing all the way over at this end of the school?” I ask him. “I wasn’t really expecting to see you.”

He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “Um, well, I’ve seen some guys wait for their girlfriends after class so they can walk with them to the next one, so I thought that since I got out of my last class a little early I’d come by and wait for you.”

I stare at him in surprise before shaking myself out of it. “You were going to walk me to lunch?”

“I was… Is that stupid?”

“No,” I reply with a shake of my head. “It’s actually kind of sweet. I’m sorry you had to wait so long for me to get out. If I had known, I wouldn’t have taken so long.”

“It’s alright. I think you were right, though, word does travel fast in this school; I’m pretty sure everyone knew that I was waiting for you,” he says as he shoves his hands into his pockets.

“People like to gossip…” I trail off; my eyes flicker down to the floor and I bite my bottom lip, not really sure of what to say.

“Yeah, I guess they do…”

“So, I guess we should get going before Lynn thinks we’ve killed each other?” I suggest, and he laughs.

“That sounds good.” He takes his hand out of his pocket, and I gulp, knowing that he’s expecting me to hold it. But he doesn’t force anything and just lets his hand hang down by his side. “I’d offer to carry your books, but you don’t seem to have any,” he says as we slowly start to walk down the hallway.

“Nope, just some sheet music that’s in the locker.”

“And I guess your flute’s there, too?”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“It’s alright.” He smiles at me again, and my heart beats faster. “So, how was band?”

“It was… Actually, not okay,” I answer with a nervous chuckle.

He raises an eyebrow; I guess he was a bit thrown off by my answer. “What happened?”

“Well, we had our first day of marching, and let’s just say that I’m lucky I didn’t die or seriously maim someone else.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Oh, it could have, and it was. I just couldn’t stay in formation, and I kept tripping over my own feet. And because I hadn’t memorized the music yet, I had to use a little stand for the music, which made it even harder to concentrate on marching…” I let out an exasperated sigh. “It was just a disaster.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t go well. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of things after you get some more practice,” he says optimistically.

“Actually, I won’t know because I just got Mr. Boomer to sign my drop slip. That’s why I took so long to get out of there; Lynn and I were telling him that we want to drop the class. I had wanted to drop before today, but he insisted that I give marching a try before I make up my mind.”

“I see. So, what are you going to switch to?”

“I’m not really sure. I guess I’ll have to see what my counselor says the options are.”

“Is that where you were going to go now?” he asks me as we walk into the hall where our lockers are.

“I don’t know. I figured that she’d be out for lunch now, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check if she’s in,” I say with a shrug.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

I bite the inside of my bottom lip. I don’t know why but I’m conflicted. There’s part of me that wants him to leave me the hell alone because I’m sick of all this couple bullshit. But then there’s another part of me, the part of me that has started to become attached to the support he gives me, that wants him to come along. And with Lynn not around, it would be nice to have someone there.

I lick my lips as I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Um, you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind, Sunshine. I wouldn’t have offered if I did,” he says with a warm smile, and I can’t help but smile back at him.

“That’d actually be nice.”

“Then let’s go check if she’s in,” he says, leading the way to the main office.

We walk in and I head over to the front desk and ask if my counselor is in. As I had expected, she’s going to be out for most of the lunch period, so I make an appointment to see her when she’s back. Brian and I leave the office and head back to the lockers so I can put my bag away before we go to lunch.

“There you two are!” Lynn exclaims as Brian and I join everyone at the table. “I was starting to worry.”

“I told you we were going to be fine. We just had to stop by the counselor’s office,” I answer as I sit down next to Jimmy. Brian sits down on the other side of me.

“Why’d you have to see the counselor?” Zacky asks, looking slightly confused at the sight of Brian and I together.

“Trouble in paradise already?” Matt snickers.

“I just need to drop a class.”

“Okay, so that explains why you were there, but why’d Brian decide to join you?” Johnny queries, pointing his finger at Brian.

“I was being a good boyfriend and waited for her after class so I could walk with her to lunch,” Brian answers matter-of-factly, and I’m somewhat thrown off by how easily the words roll off of his tongue.

“Whoa. Boyfriend? When did this happen?” Zacky asks, downright bewildered.

“Oh, that’s right, you weren’t here this morning when they made it official in front of the school,” Lynn says.

“I thought that was just--”

“It is,” I reply, effectively cutting him off.

“But her sister doesn’t know that, so we agreed to just keep it up here,” Brian clarifies.

“And you’ve been pretty damn convincing,” Jimmy tells us before he takes a bite of his pizza. “I heard some girls in my second period class talking about you guys.”

“Same thing in my first hour class,” Danni adds on, and I see Laney nod in agreement.

“It’s been fucking annoying,” Laney says. “One girl was really pissy about it, too. I don’t know what crawled up her butt, but she was acting like Lana stole you from her, Brian.”

A lump forms in my throat and I swallow hard. “What? Who?”

Laney shrugs. “Some girl; I don’t know her name. Sorry.”

“It’s okay…” I mumble.

“Whoever it is, she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about,” Brian informs us. “I haven’t been flirting with anyone.”

“Yet,” Johnny retorts with a chuckle, but it quickly fades away when Brian glares at him from across the table.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like this is going to last very long anyway. She’ll be free to go after him again in a few weeks,” I say, more for my own benefit. It’s one thing to be gossiped about; it’s something else entirely when there’s a jealous girl ready to unleash her claws on me over a boy I’m not even interested in.

“Hey, let’s go get our food, Sunshine,” Brian suggests.

I look up at him and realize we’re the only ones who hadn’t gone through line yet. I guess we took longer than I thought because Lynn usually waits for me. I simply nod my head and we get out of our seats.

“I was serious, you know,” he says as we get in line.

“About what?” I ask him confusedly.

“About the flirting thing.”

“Okay… And why are you telling me this?”

“Because I just don’t want you to worry.”

I glance up at him. “Worry? Worry about what? You’re free to flirt with whoever you want to, H-- Brian.”

“I am?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, yeah,” I answer, and I suddenly notice the people behind us in line; people in our grade. Shoot! I’m messing everything up! I’ve gotta think of a save… “I mean, it’s nothing more than harmless flirting, right?” I take his hand in mine as I smile up at him. “Besides, I know that I’m the girl you want, so I have nothing to worry about.”

The line moves forward a bit, and we move along with it. Brian keeps his eyes focused on me as we take a few steps; my pulse speeds up and I do what I can not to pull away from him. His gaze locks onto mine and he smiles warmly at me before releasing my hand, which I’m very grateful for.

“You’re right,” he murmurs, lifting his hand up and sweeping my hair out of my face, “you’re the only girl I want.”

I swallow hard. My heart races even faster. My face feels hot. My head feels like it’s spinning. And I’m now highly aware that there are several pairs of eyes staring at the two of us right now. Oh, what I would give to just go back to being invisible to my classmates right now.

“Are you okay, Sunshine?” Brian asks.

I blink a few times, and my dizziness diminishes a bit-- enough to clear my head so I can answer him. “Uh, yeah,” I reply, taking a few steps forward. “Just got a little dizzy, that’s all.”

In an instant, concern etches his face. “Are you gonna be okay? If you need to, you can go sit down and I’ll grab your food for you.”

“It’s okay, Brian,” I assure him. “It wasn’t that kind of dizzy spell.”

“Oh…” he trails off, probably confused but not interested enough in knowing what I meant to ask any more questions.

I grab a tray and sigh as the line moves at a sluggish pace. I look ahead at the options and grimace. Aside from the lackluster salad bar, there are burgers, fries, pizza, and a few different sandwiches; nothing that sounds extremely appetizing. I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised; cafeteria food is hardly any good to begin with. Hell, hardly anything has been appetizing lately.

“Are you going to eat anything?” Brian asks under his breath as I move past the pizza and burgers.

I grab an apple and set it down in the middle of my tray. “I’m not that hungry,” I reply.

“Bullshit,” he mutters, but he doesn’t bother to put up a fight about it, and I’m relieved. Hopefully this means that he’s learned that there’s no point in arguing with me about how much I eat, or rather how little… At least he’s not bothering to fight about this now, probably because he just wants to get the hell out of this line just as much as I do.

I grab a Coke, place it on my tray, and wait for the people in front of me to get out of line. I dig in my pocket for my lunch money and hand it over when it’s my turn to pay and I quickly step out of the line, making my way back to the table.

“Do you want to pass out again in Gym?” Brian mutters, causing me to jump a bit.

I see that he hasn’t learned to just leave it be. I should have figured. I gave him too much credit when I thought he might have.

“I told you that I’m just not that hungry,” I answer simply.

“Lana, if you’re doing this because of what I said--”

“I couldn’t give a shit about what you said, okay? I’m just not hungry. Not everything revolves around you, Haner.”

“I was just saying--”

“And I was just saying that I’m not doing anything because of something you said.”

“I just don’t want you to faint again, that’s all…”

“And since when do you care?” I mutter, glancing up at him as we walk back to our table. “You’ve spent years tormenting me and now you suddenly expect me to believe that you care?”

He opens his mouth, about to say something, but instead he draws his lips together and sighs. “Whatever,” he grumbles.

We fall into silence, continuing back to our table. I notice a couple of girls leaning in to whisper to each other, and I briefly wonder if they’re talking about me and Brian. It wouldn’t surprise me, since we’ve seemed to be a hot topic of conversation, but I quickly brush the idea away. The whispers and giggles about us have calmed down significantly since this morning, and there are always other things to talk about. None of our friends seemed to notice the spat Brian and I had when we return. If they didn’t notice, then those girls probably didn’t either.

“Is that all you’re eating?”

I exhale sharply through my nose and glare at Brian out of the corner of my eye. But I realize that he wasn’t the one who made the comment; he’s too busy talking to Zacky. I look at Jimmy and see him eying my tray.

“Um, yeah,” I answer.

“Oh… You’re not much of an eater, are you?”

I open my Coke and take a sip before replying. “Just don’t get very hungry in the middle of the day.”

“I can see that.”

I swallow nervously and I suddenly wish that I had picked up a hamburger, just so I’d have something to pick at. Instead, I just drum my fingers on my apple a little. And as much as I’ve tried to tell myself that these guys are nice, I can’t help but grow wary of them. After all, I don’t know them very well, so who’s to say what their intentions are?

“Are you alright, Lana?” he asks me.

“Yeah...”

“Are you sure? You seem nervous.”

I stop drumming my fingers and bite the inside of my lip. “Just a little nervous about the meeting I have with my counselor after lunch.”

“Oh, why are you meeting with them?”

“Just need to drop a class.”

“Which one?”

“Band.”

“Why are you quitting?”

Why does he keep asking all these questions? Couldn’t he just let the conversation die and go talk to someone else? He’s probably trying to be nice, but I really don’t feel like talking.

“I’m just not a big fan of having to march and be at every football game to perform and all that stuff. I had the misconception that it’d be a concert band like it was in middle school…”

“Sucks that it’s not what you thought it’d be. So what are you gonna--”

“Hey, Sunshine, did we have homework for English? I don’t remember,” Brian suddenly cuts in.

I turn my head to look at him, confused. He should know that we didn’t have homework. We haven’t had a single assignment in English since classes started. “Um, no, we didn’t.”

“You sure? I feel like we had an assignment in one of our classes.”

I still don’t know what he’s playing at. “Yeah, I’m sure…” I trail off and I suddenly realize what he must be doing; he must be trying to save me from my awkward conversation with Jimmy. “Well, we do have something due Wednesday in Spanish, is that what you were thinking about?”

“Yeah, I think that’s it. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” I reply, and start to turn back to Jimmy.

“Um, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up after school to work on it,” he says before I completely turn away from him.

“What?” I ask as I stare at him blankly.

“The assignment for Spanish, I was wondering if you wanted to work on it together.”

“Um…” I glance around for a moment, wondering if he spotted Sandi nearby and decided it’s time to play up our ‘relationship.’ But I don’t see her anywhere, or anyone else who we’d need to be acting around. Not even our friends are really paying attention, each of them caught up in their own conversations. “Sure.”

“Great,” he says, and I think I see a hint of a smile on his face. Well, that is before he notices how little I’ve eaten. “You want some of my fries, Sunshine?”

“N--” He gives me a pointed look, and I bite my lip. “I’ll just have a couple. I told you I’m not very hungry right now,” I mumble as I reach over to his tray and take a French fry.

“I know,” he answers simply, watching me as I eat. “So, what time do you wanna come over? Or do you want me to go over to your place instead?”

“I’m not sure,” I reply. I’m sure that my mom would have no objections if I brought Brian over after school. However, I don’t know just how much of my family’s gushing over him that I can take. “Give me some time to think about it?”

“Okay.”

“Okay…” I mumble, lifting my Coke up to my lips.

“Hey, Lana, what do you think we should do since we’re dropping band?” Lynn asks suddenly, finally tearing her attention away from Zacky.

I shrug my shoulders and set me drink back down onto the table. “I don’t really know. I figured I’d just let the counselor advise me. I mean, isn’t that part of the job description?”

“I suppose,” she says. “I was just thinking that it’d be cool if we could have a free period.”

“A free period?”

“Yeah, you know, a period where we don’t have class and can do whatever we want.”

“They do stuff like that?”

“Well, I don’t really know for sure, but I have heard a couple of people talking about it. Do you think we could manage it? It’d be nice to have one less class to worry about.”

“Yeah, it would. We might be able to. I can always ask my counselor when I see her.”

“You made an appointment?”

“Yeah, it’s right after lunch.”

“Do you think I can piggyback on your appointment?”

“You didn’t make one?”

“I didn’t really think about it,” she admits sheepishly. I bet I know what was on her mind-- seeing Zacky. As soon as Brian had mentioned that Zacky was waiting for her, she darted off to see him.

“I guess you can. But we’re probably going to be late for English. Who’s gonna let Richmond know we’re running late if we both see the counselor?”

“You do know that he doesn’t have to know ahead of time, right?” Lynn asks. “I mean, as long as we get a note that says where we were, then we’re in the clear.”

“I guess…” I mumble.

“If you’re worried about it, I’ll tell him for you, Sunshine,” Brian offers.

I look over at him, somewhat surprised. I had forgotten that we have English together. I don’t know how I could have possibly forgotten, seeing as how we have all but one class together.

“You’d do that, Brian?”

“Of course,” he replies. “I mean, if you want me to, I will. But Lynn’s right; you guys don’t really need to let him know in advance as long as the counselor gives you a note saying you were with her.”

“I know we don’t have to let him know about it, but I would feel a little better if he knew that we’ll be running a little late.”

“Lana, you do realize--”

“I’ll tell him,” Brian says, cutting Zacky off before he can probably tell me how ridiculous I sound.

A smile tugs at my lips. “Thanks, Superman,” I whisper.

“Not a problem, Sunshine,” he replies with a smile of his own.

~

“So, how’d the appointment go?” Brian asks me and Lynn as we leave English and head to our lockers.

“Great!” Lynn exclaims with a grin. “We were able to get a free period.”

“How’d you manage that?”

“She said something about how we had enough extracurricular activities from last year to keep us on track for graduating or something like that,” I answer. “I don’t know all of the details, just that she said it wouldn’t hurt us to have a free period. It’s kind of like a study hall period without having to go to a specified room.”

“That’s pretty cool. What are you guys going to do with all of that freedom?”

“I’ll probably just hang out in the library and read or something,” I say, shrugging.

“Um, no, you won’t,” Lynn tells me matter-of-factly.

“Then what am I going to do, Lynn? You do realize that just because I’m in the library doesn’t mean you have to, right?”

“I do realize that. And I’m not sure yet, but you sure as hell won’t be cooped up in the library all the time. I’ll think of something fun we can do.”

“If you say so,” I chuckle.

“I do,” she answers as she dials her locker combo. She gets her books for her next class while Brian and I stow our books away. “But we will talk about it later. See you guys after class!”

“See ya,” I say before she turns to walk away. I look over my shoulder at Brian, who is already waiting for me so we can leave for Gym together, and sigh. I guess this is something I’ll have to get used to-- Brian hanging around me like a lost puppy.

“So, you ready to go, Sunshine?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I reply as I shut my locker and step towards him; he takes my hand in his. “And do you have to keep calling me that?” I mumble. “You know how I feel about that nickname.”

“It’s a term of endearment.”

“Is that what you’re calling it now?” I query, glancing up at him as we navigate our way past a group of slow walking people. The plus side to walking the halls with Brian, it’s much easier to make my way through the crowded hallways. I guess it’s because he’s taller and people can actually see him try to push his way by.

“Yep,” he says, grinning. “How many times are you going to keep bringing this subject up, Lana? Besides, I thought it could stay since you have a nickname for me.”

“I know, but it’s almost like you’re abusing it. I mean, how often do I call you Superman?”

“Not very often, but that doesn’t mean that I should stop calling you Sunshine all the time.”

“Uh, yeah, it does. What do you want me to do, call you Superman all the time or something? I thought you thought it was embarrassing.”

“I do,” he admits, “but that doesn’t mean that you can’t call me that. It’s only fair, right?”

I chuckle softly and shake my head softly. “I guess so, but I don’t understand why you can’t just stop calling me Sunshine all the time.”

“What is there not to understand?”

“I don’t know… It’s just that I… I don’t really know… I don’t grasp why you like calling me that. Of all the things you could call me, you chose Sunshine. It doesn’t make sense.”

“That’s fine,” he says with a smile pulling at his lips. “It doesn’t have to make sense to you. What matters is that it makes sense to me.”

“And you’re not going to clue me in? You’re just going to leave me in the dark?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day, but for now, it’s my little secret.”

“That’s not really fair. I mean, I told you why I picked Superman.”

“Haven’t you heard the news, Lana?” he asks, turning to me as we approach the gym doors. “Life’s not fair.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re just oh-so clever. Bet you’re proud of that.”

“Nah,” he chuckles as he takes my hand in his, and I fight jerking away. “But it sure does mean a lot that you think I’m clever.”

He leads me into the gymnasium and a few people are sitting on the bleachers and already in their uniforms. I start to pull away from Brian so I can go to the girls’ locker room, but he doesn’t let go of me. I stop and look at him, puzzled.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him.

“I just… How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Do you really have to ask that?” he retorts, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey,” I squeeze his hand a little tighter, reassuringly, “I’ll be okay. No need to worry about me, Superman.”

His lips quirk up a little bit, but it quickly disappears. “If you’re not feeling good, tell me.”

“Okay.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

His grasp on my hand loosens and he presses his lips to the top of my head. I swallow hard, glancing past him to see a couple people watching us, and my pulse pounds in my ears. He pulls away from me and smiles.

“I’ll see you in a few, Sunshine.”

“Okay,” I mumble, hurrying off to the locker room.

The first thing I hear when I step into the room is the loud chatter of the other girls in my class as they get ready. I make my way to my locker, catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I walk by and I see that my face is slightly pink, a sign of fading blush. I had hoped that I imagined the heat in my cheeks when Brian kissed me, but of course I hadn’t. It didn’t help that people were watching us. Why’d he have to embarrass me like that?

I shake away the thought and start dialing in the combo to my gym locker. I pull the lock off, set it down on the bench, and grab my uniform. And it’s at that moment that I feel someone is standing by me, watching me. Looking up, I’m met with an unhappy looking girl-- Hayley.

“Hi,” I say nervously.

“I thought we were friends,” she says as if I had said nothing.

“Um…” What do I even say to that? “We are?” I answer, however it’s more of a question since I had no fucking clue that she even thought we were friends to begin with. Hell, I have a very strong feeling that she doesn’t even know my name and just associates me as she-who-busted-her-head-on-the-gym-floor.

Her eyes narrow. “You see, I thought we were, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.”

“Oh…um…and why not?”

“I thought you said that you and Brian weren’t dating.”

You have got to be kidding me. This is what she’s so pissy about, me and Brian? Jesus on a boat, she has ridiculous reasons for getting angry! I’d hate to see how she reacts to something that’s actually important.

“We weren’t.”

“I thought you were going to ask him if he liked me.”

“I--” I swallow hard, and it hurts because my throat has suddenly gone dry. “I did,” I tell her. Okay, so I didn’t, but she doesn’t have to know that. She just has to think that I did. Maybe then she’ll back off of me and leave me the hell alone. Plus, I have a feeling that even if I did ask, Brian wouldn’t have even known who she was.

“You did?” she asks; her expression falls.

“Yeah…” I mumble, and I can’t help but feel kinda bad for her. I mean, here is a girl who actually likes Brian and she doesn’t even have a chance with him now all because he’s stuck pretending to date me.

“So…he doesn’t like me?”

I gnaw on the inside of my lip. What should I say? Do I flat out tell her yes? No, that’d be too mean, not to mention that it could be a lie because I don’t really even know what Brian thinks of her.

“Well, he just…wasn’t interested… He said he liked me more.”

At that, her face hardens, and I know that I’ve messed up. “Wait, so, he likes me, but he likes you more? So, what, he told you that you likes you, and you just decided to pounce on him? I thought we were friends, and friends don’t just steal a guy they know their friend likes just because he happens to like you more!”

I stare at her for a moment, slack jawed and completely unaware of what I should do. What do you do when you’ve got a girl seething at you about how you’ve broken some unspoken girl code? And then on top of that, add the fact that you weren’t even aware that the two of you were friends.

“I thought you were nice, you know? I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”

“I’m sorry, but what exactly did I do to you?” I ask, suddenly acquiring nerve that I didn’t even know I possessed.

“Were you not listening to me? I told you exactly what you did to me; you stole--”

“Stole what, your boyfriend?”

She bites her lip, frustrated. “He may not have been my boyfriend, but you knew that I liked him. Friends don’t do that to each other.”

“Yeah, you’re right; friends don’t do that to each other. And I’ve got a question for you, Hayley.”

She crosses her arms. “Oh, yeah? Well, what is it?”

“What’s my name?” I ask, looking her square in the eye.

She opens her mouth to answer, but quickly closes it. Her mouth sets into a firm line and she glares at me. “What kind of question is that?” she finally spits out.

“Well, if we’re such good friends, then it’s an easy one,” I reply, trying to hold onto the courage I so suddenly built up. “So answer the question, what’s my name?”

“It’s…” she pauses, clearly trying to recall if our Gym teacher ever said it, and huffs loudly. “I refuse to answer such a ridiculous question.”

“It’s not a ridiculous question. It’s a very simple--”

“Look, I’m the last person that you want to piss off, okay? So you may think that you’re all that just because you got Brian now, but I can promise you that he won’t be yours for long.”

And with that, she turns onto her heel and walks away. I exhale heavily through my mouth and look down at my hands to see that I’ve been clutching my uniform tightly-- too tightly. I wonder if Hayley noticed this-- this true display of my anxiety hiding beneath the faux brave exterior I had put on-- I hope not. But she was right about one thing; Brian won’t be mine for very long.