Learning to Fall

I do anything to avoid going home. I go to the basketball game that took place in the gym. I go to a yearbook meeting. I basically do anything I can just so I don’t have to feel obligated to answer Alex’s call.

Of course I’m going to have to answer now, though. I’m doing math homework in my bedroom listening to music. If Alex were to call now, there’s really no excuse for me not to answer.

He will call. I know he will. It’s just a question of when. He might be nice enough to call now, when I’m actually awake, or he might decide to call at like 2AM when I’m sleeping. I have a feeling it’s going to be 2AM. Alex isn’t very considerate of other’s schedules.

At 10:30, Kaitlin calls me. She has a question about math.

“So… if add 43 to 65 then that’s the answer?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh… but why?”

I sigh in frustration. I officially hate math now.

“I don’t know, Kait. It just is.”

“Oh…” she trails off, and one would normally think that she’s done asking questions and is going to say goodbye now. But I know her better. “So, did Alex call?”

“How’d you find out about that?”

“Tara told me… So did he?”

“No, not yet. But he will.”

“You sound pretty positive about that…”

“I just … know how he works, ok?”

“You seem to know him pretty well.”

“I’m hanging up on you,” I inform her, and I press ‘end’. I don’t give her an opportunity to say another thing about my relationship with Alex – or lack of relationship.

I mean, just because I know little things about him does not mean I know him better than others… I just have had experience with him. While I was his tutor he would always call after midnight with questions. He doesn’t understand time limits.

And I know he’s going to call because he said he would. If he said it, Alex usually does it. He’s not really one to break promises like that…

But I am. I told him I wouldn’t quit on him. That I wouldn’t quit tutoring him. I did, though. I quit. Does that make me the bad guy in our situation? I feel like we were both wrong… Actually… what did he even do that was wrong? He led me on, yeah… but then he said he would stop. And he did. I’m the one who got upset over nothing… over text messages sent nearly 4 months ago.

It’s ridiculous- theses feelings I have for him. They’re not ‘just friends’ feelings. They’re so much more, and I don’t know why. I barely know him.

I reach over and open my desk drawer and pull out the cell phone. I need to know what Zack said to him. I don’t know why I’ve been putting it off. It’s almost as if those text messages are the last thing I have of Zack. Once I read them, there’s really nothing else left of him, except his room and the memories I have.

I open the first one I see that’s sent to Alex.

Sent at 6:20PM on 8/27
its fuckin weird alex!

Sent at 6:23PM on 8/27
bc ur not the type of guy i want dating my sister

Sent at 6:35PM on 8/27
oh idk. maybe bc u r a manwhore? just a thought…

Sent at 6:45PM on 8/27
can u just let me figure this out? ill tlk 2 u when im not pissed, if that ever happens

So… Zack called Alex a manwhore. Sounds about right. I scroll down and click on drafts because it has a little (1) next to it.

i dnt kno what u want me 2 say… shes my sister. ur not exactly ‘perfect boyfriend’ material. but in reality, its all up to her and

That’s where it stops. It’s addressed to Alex, but never was sent. It was written at 1AM. He probably wrote it while he was leaving the party and didn’t get to finish it…

A strange noise comes from over by my open window, and a figure drops from my window sill down onto my carpet. Fear rips through me, and I’m about to scream for my Dad or brother, but Alex puts his hand over my mouth.

I stare up at him, wide-eyed and completely paralyzed – he scared the shit out of me.

“You’re not going to scream, are you?”

I shake my head ‘no’. He removes his hand and I gasp for breath.

“Why the fuck did you do that, asshole?” I demand, glaring at him. “I almost had a heart attack!”

“I had to see you. Your parents wouldn’t have let me in this late. Your window was open. It made sense to me at the time…”

“Yeah well maybe you should think things all the way through first,” I snap, causing him to smirk. “Why are you here?”

“I know I said I was going to call, but I decided a visit would be better.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I figure I should tell you that I like you in person and not over the phone.”