Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It.

We had been up for hours now, already driving home. Alex was sat in the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat with Jack and Marissa in the back. He hadn't said a word about the night before; I didn't even know if he could remember what he told me. Or maybe he did and my not saying it back made him feel rejected? Stupid, stupid Jasey. You blew it again. I checked that Jack and Marissa were asleep before starting my conversation.
"Alex, are you okay? You seem off today..." He glanced at me quickly, shrugging.
"No, I'm fine, Hols, I swear. I'm still just a bit hung-over."
"Really?" He shot me a glance and a reassuring smile.
"Really, really." I shuffled about in my seat a little, pulling my legs up to sit on my feet and cuddling further into the blanket I had stolen from Jack and Marissa at the beginning of the ride, before the two of them had fallen asleep on each other. I moved so I was leaned against the window, facing Alex as he drove.
"Do you remember how Jack keeps trying to make us say we love each other?" I asked, warily. I saw Alex's body tense for a moment before relaxing. I couldn't tell if it was because of last night, or simply because he thought I was going to tell him I loved him and he didn't want that.
"How could I forget?"
"Well, Marissa and I were talking last night..."
"And? You guys do that a lot. You know, what with living together and being best friends," Alex joked, smirking to himself. I smiled.
"Touché. But," I sighed, "she's on Jack's side. As soon as you left the bathroom she started nagging me about it." Alex groaned.
"You mean I have to put up with double now?"
"No, Alex, we have to put up with double. And I have to live with her!"
"I practically live with her," he grinned sheepishly.
"You need to sleep over more if you want to say you almost live with me," I laughed. I preferred edging away from the conversation about last night; it stopped me from having to admit to a sober Alex that I did love him.
"Is that an invitation?"
"Oh, yeah, 'cause your mom would totally let you stay over more than you do now. She already whines whenever I'm over that I'm stealing you away from the family!"
"Then I'll lie and say I'm staying at Jack's!" He grinned.
"You are such a thirteen year old."
"But I'm awesome."
"Keep dreamin', sweetie."
"You think I'm awesome, that's all I need."
"When did I say you were awesome?"
"It's implied.
"Oh? Since when?"
"Since you decided I was good enough to be with."
"You're ridiculous."
"So I'm not awesome?"
"It's implied, remember?"
"Yes! I win!"
"You're still ridiculous."
"My awesome-ness cancels it out."
"You're such a five-year-old."
Any other time I would have expected Jack to launch into Marissa and I's apartment squealing about being home, hugging every tiny item in sight before grabbing Marissa and dragging her to bed so he could sleep, but this time I didn't have anything to make me suspect he would. Everything made me think he wouldn't. He'd been wearing a scowl on his face since our last pit-stop before Baltimore, when I'd dragged Marissa off to locate toilets with me. Regardless of it being 1am, Jack should have been hyper. Leaving him alone with money always led to him buying something sugar-filled and sugar-coated to keep him bouncing up and down in his seat, and yet he'd been sullen and annoyed since we set off again.
The boy's were pulling our luggage into the apartment, despite the half-hearted protests of Marissa and myself, whilst Marissa and I checked over the car for anything we may have forgotten. We walked back up to our apartment in silence, too tired to talk, our thoughts only on crawling into bed with our boys. Ahead, we could hear the murmurs of a whispered argument, the voices easily recognised as Jack and Alex, though their words we were unable to decipher. Marissa and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows, nodding silently to say we'd find out from our boyfriend's in the morning what this was about.
"Quit bitching at your lover and come to bed, Alex," I yawned, entering the room. He exchanged a quick glance with Jack, who had noticeably avoided looking at me as I walked in. Any other time I'd be offended, but this time it was too late for me to feel anything but exhaustion. I pouted at Alex, silently begging him with my tired eyes until he sighed and replied to me.
"I'll be through in a couple of minutes; I just need to talk to Jack. Maria, could you leave us for a bit too?" Now it was time for Marissa and me to exchange glances - worried ones. It wasn't like the pair of them to keep anything from us. Worry was definitely starting to fight its way through the exhaustion; this wasn't normal behaviour and it was scaring me. Marissa nodded and we both headed off to our separate bedrooms.
Tugging fresh pajamas on, I couldn't help but think about the previous night. Could that possibly be what Jack was mad at me over? I couldn't place why Alex would remember any of that and not mention it to me. The both of them knew me too well; they knew it took a lot for me to display my emotions to anyone. Though in matters of love, neither of them had much of a clue. Alex was always the confident one, though it seemed Jack had more confidence to admit these things. If Alex could only tell me he loved me with lowered inhibitions, then Jack was clearly more confident.
Then again, the sheer fact Alex was intoxicated could make him tell me he loved me even if he didn't. To me, that made more sense. How could Alex Gaskarth of all people have fallen in love with me? Easy, simple little Jasey Rae. Though it made me sense to me in terms of Alex, it did nothing to explain why Jack was mad at me. What could I have done wrong if Alex didn't love me, if he'd lied to me?
I slipped under the covers and attempted to listen to Jack and Alex, though knowing full well I wouldn't be able to make out a single word of anything they were saying. The voices stopped and I heard the door next to my own open and close, most likely signaling that Jack had gone to bed. My door opened a few moments later, Alex creeping silently into my room, making his way around in the dark. I could mentally see him stripping down to his boxers as he went, as he did every time we went to bed.
"Alex?" I whispered.
"Yeah, Jase?" He replied with a yawn. My forehead creased at the use of my middle name. I couldn't recall the last time he had referred to me by anything other than Hols or Holly.
"Why is Jack mad at me?" I asked, as I felt the bed sink next to me. I rolled onto my side, looking at his silhouette. I didn't move to cuddle up with him as I would normally, this being more important than being close to him.
"What makes you think he's mad at you?"
"The look he gave me. Jack never gives me that look. What did I do? He hasn't spoken to me since the last gas stop. It's been hours. Usually I can't shut him up. I'm scared." I heard Alex sigh, though remaining silent for a few moments after.
"It's... it's nothing. Don't worry about it, Hols."
"But I am worried about it, that's the point! What were the two of you talking about when I walked in?"
"I said drop it."
"No, I won't 'drop it', Alex. He's my best friend, how can I be okay if he's mad at me for a reason you won't tell me! You know, and you won't let me in on this secret! I've known Jack a hell of a long time, there's always a good reason for him to be mad and I want to know what it is!"
"Jasey," he growled, "I've told you to drop it. There's nothing to tell. Jack isn't mad at you."
"Bullshit. Just fucking tell me!" The pair of us were sat up in my bed, me glaring at him and him probably returning it, though through the darkness I couldn't tell. My voice was rising every time he told me to drop it, anger swelling in the pit of my stomach. How could he keep something like this from me? I'd done something wrong, and I wanted to fix it before something bad happened to Jack and I's friendship.
"He's mad, okay? He doesn't want to tell you, and he fucking won't. Now will you drop it?!"
"No, no I fucking won't!" I was almost shouting now, something I'd never done to Alex. "My best friend is mad and all you can do is tell me to drop it?!"
"I can't be doing this right now, Jasey. Let me sleep."
"If you can't fucking tell me don't expect to be welcome next to me."
"Ho-" I threw a pillow at him, cutting him off.
"Get out," I growled, "go sleep on the couch or something, I don't care, you're just not sleeping next to me."
"Fine." He picked up the pillow I had thrown and the blanket on top of my duvet, and stormed out of my room to the couch.
My anger dissipated slightly as I watched the door close. I pulled Alex's pillow closer to me, resting my head on it and curling up under the covers. I was still annoyed beyond belief that Alex had somehow turned my best friend against me and wouldn't tell me why, but then it felt wrong knowing Alex was just outside that door and I wouldn't be cuddling up to sleep next to him tonight.
Alex and I had just had our first fight, and I didn't like it one bit.