Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It.

It was May. Our last month at Dulaney, and it was going by so slowly. Granted it was only the fifth, but it felt like it was supposed to be the last day of the month. Jack and Alex were recording, so Marissa and I saw them less and less, as they used after school time to record. We only really saw the pair in school, if they were staying over or if they had a show. Thankfully, today was the last day of re-recording, with only one more track to record after this. It was Friday night and, for the first time in a long time, Marissa and I were having a night in without our boys. We knew they would want to celebrate the end, and felt that it was a guy's thing, so we stayed in and made the most of our time alone to have a girly night, with our favourite movies that our boys didn't like to watch with us if they could help it.
I spent the entirety of Saturday morning bouncing around waiting for Alex and Jack to show up with Marissa. I knew neither of them would be awake before 12, but Marissa and I were always up too early. She had joined me where I worked, tired of all the shit she had to put up with at her old job, and we had almost exactly the same work shifts, so our body clocks were pretty much the same. We had the same late nights and early mornings.
"Alex!" I squealed as he and Jack came through the door, Marissa doing the same as I and jumping on her boyfriend. "You look like shit," I giggled, taking in the dark rings under his eyes and messy hair. He was unbelievably hung-over.
"We're going out," he told me, slipping his sunglasses back over his eyes. At least now that the sun was out he could get away with wearing sunglasses to hide his hangovers. "We're going into Baltimore and doing whatever we feel like. I'm sick of these douche bags being all love-sick puppies on us. I want a day alone with my girl." I raised my eyebrows at him, but all he did was shrug.
"Give me a couple of minutes while I find my bag," I told him. He nodded, and I ran off to get my bag.
It was dark when Alex and I returned to his car outside the park on Thames Street, just off from the water front. Alex sighed, staring out of the windscreen. He'd been like this all day; staring off into space at random points and hardly listening to a word I said. As I opened my mouth to, once again, ask him what was up he turned to me and started to speak.
"I have something to tell you. And you're not going to like it, but you have to promise me you won't leave me." The fear in his eyes almost made my heart break, I could see the pain in there at the thought of what he was about to tell me.
"Alex, what is it?"
"Promise me, Holly. I can't think of things without you, I swear, you're everything to me. No one ever has, or ever will, compare to you; not ever." I bit my lip, searching his eyes for a clue about what this was about. I was so scared, Alex had never been this serious.
"I- I promise."
"Remember that when I tell you. Remember everything I've ever said to you, because all of it's true. I don't know why I did it, you have to believe me. You have to understand that I would do anything to make you happy, and I would never, ever want to hurt you. I swear to God that nothing would be the same without you, and it'll always be you I want at the end of the day." Something in my mind was starting to click, though what it was I was refusing to acknowledge. I didn't want to admit that he had done something that would cause me pain.
"Alex, just tell me!"
"I went to this house party last night, and I got drunk, and... Oh, God. Holly, I think I slept with someone else. And I think it might have been Jodie. I don't even remember doing it, I just remember waking up alone with a note." My chest felt a sudden ache. I was torn between the worst pain I had ever felt and just an empty hole where my heart used to be. It couldn't be true, I wouldn't accept it. Alex couldn't have done this to me. "Look at me." I shook my head, staring right out of the windshield. "Holly, please, I'm begging you." I slipped my phone out of my pocket, going down my contact list until I found Jack's name and pressing the call button.
"I'm on the park on Thames. Come pick me up." I said down the phone, hanging up before Jack could ask any questions that would cause me to break down in front of Alex. I wouldn't let him know the power he had over me. Not any more. "I don't know what was going through your head last night, nor do I care. All you've given me for six months in perfectly timed words to think you actually care. I'm going to wait for Jack by myself, don't even bother me. I'll talk to you when I can bare it." I pulled on the door handle, stepping out into the cold before Alex could say anything more to keep me in the car with him. I'd probably fall back into his arms in tears if he said anything more, and I couldn't do that - I wouldn't. I was Jasey-fucking-Rae, and I would not crawl back to anyone.
I could have sworn I heard the words I'd been waiting to hear for months as I closed the car door - I could have sworn I'd heard him say he loved me.
Jack took only fifteen minutes to get to Thames Street, giving me the feeling he had sped the entire way. I watched Alex walk into the darkness of the park as Jack pulled up in front of me, jumping out of my car, leaving the keys in the ignition and hugging me tightly.
"What happened, Jase?"
"He- he cheated on me, Jack!" I cried, tears only just starting to slip from my eyes. Saying it out loud made it more real, made it hurt more. Jack didn't reply, he just held on tighter. He knew I didn't want to talk about it any more, and that's the type of thing real best friends know. I somehow ended up in my own car with Jack on my way back home, though getting into the car I couldn't remember in the slightest. The pain had dissolved, leaving numbness in its place. Everything felt wrong right now, and I couldn't believe I'd become just another one of Alex Gaskarth's conquests.
Jack had to go into my apartment first, whispering in Marissa's ear to probably leave me to it as I trudged over to the sofa, picking up the blanket off the back of it and curling up to watch whatever the pair of them had had on the TV. I couldn't even fathom what it was. I was watching the screen intently, though nothing was going in. I couldn't hear a word of it, seeing every scene but not remembering any of it as soon as it had passed.
I knew what I was going to do, that's all I could think. I knew what I was going to do, and I was going to do it the first chance I got.