Seasons.

I was in the same position as I was this morning, when I was all alone. There was no movement or sound. There was just me and nothing else. I was worrying about what was going to happen between me and John. If I was going to stay here or if I was going to go home and face the hell that I have been for the past four years. This morning, I think I was quite positive though. I was going to stay in Arizona.

Staying with my mom, even though she was not home most the time, was something that I couldn’t do. If John and I don’t work out, that’ll be alright. He’ll be gone on tour and I could just stay here and make other friends possibly. I’d possibly see him around town once and awhile when he’s home for a visit, but I think that would be it.

I really need to stop thinking like that though. I could be wrong. For once in my life, I could be wrong about what’s going to happen. I could be with John for along time. I could be taking my senior classes online and touring with the band. We’d be doing the most random things at all times, and it wouldn’t matter because we were together. And I’d have John. My dream guy. The guy I knew I’d find someday when I was younger.

Anything could happen at this moment, and that what was so messed about this world. Everything could change in seconds. People die, people are born. People are happy, people are crying. It’s a ball of mix emotions that someone decided to make when they got bored but we have to live out the chaos of it, even if we don’t want to.

Stephen wrapped his arms around me, and I was snuggled into my blanket. The blinds on my window were shut and the light was off. It was completely dark in my room, but I knew I was safe because the one person that I trusted the most was here with me to make me feel better. Lot’s of people say that their going to be bestfriend’s forever, and they stop talking about a year later. But, if I were to say that about Stephen, I’m actually positive that it could be true.

We didn’t talk one word. From the entrance of the house we came down here, and it was like he read my mind because he knew what to do. Josh or Carson didn’t come to the door once. I think in the past hour that we’ve been laying here together, Brian and Taylor had come over to hang out with Carson and Josh. That was all that happened though. Either then that, it was silence full of darkness.

Stephens chin was on top of my head and my head was in his chest that came in and out. I did not want the conversation to start by me telling him about the things I wanted to talk to him about because that would make my mood right now worse then it was. I still need time to calm down, because I’ll rant like I usually do.

I heard something coming from outside the door, and I was pretty sure it was the guys. I could hear Brian and Carson’s laughs coming from the hallway, so I’m guessing Josh and Taylor were upstairs right now. I closed my eyes, wondering what John and Jess were doing right now. They probably went to get something to eat and then they were possibly coming here. I thought I heard Josh talking to Brian about a movie night or something along the lines of that.

“Jordan. . .” Stephen whispered.

“HM.” I said letting him know that I was still there.

“I thought you were sleeping.” He said.

“No, I’m not sleeping.” I replied. “I was just about to ask you something actually. What were you doing with the flowers? Giving them to Hannah. Correct?”

“Yeah.” Stephen replied. “I called her this morning and she said she couldn’t do much because she wasn’t feeling good. So I brought her some flowers to make her feel better.”

“Why can’t all guys be like you?” I asked with a grin.

“I’m not that adorable, Jord.” He said to me. “The world is quite different. There’s the romantics, the ass holes, the freaks; there’s everyone. And everyone in the world is their own person and I happen to be mine. That’s just how I am. If every guy were like me, then the world would be boring.”

“That’s true.” I said. “Well, John’s your brother. Is he like that? In any way?”

“You’re falling for him, eh?” Stephen said lightly above me. I could feel his chest moving in and out under me. His arms were still around me, and it was odd that I wasn’t becoming hot. I was in heavy clothes and a big blanket. It was cold in Arizona today. It was odd, but I liked it.

“I guess you could say that. . .” I said to him.

“What happened last night?” Stephen asked. “I didn’t really get the time to ask you. You passed out so John brought you down here and tucked you in.”

“He did?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Stephen replied. “We reached your house and your face was pushed up against the window and you out cold. I told him that I’d help him, but he said he had you. He almost dropped you down the stairs, but he made it.”

“I’m happy to hear that I didn’t fall down the stairs.” I giggled.

“You should be.” Stephen said. “That would have fucking hurt. Anyways, what happened last night? I asked John when we got home, but he wouldn’t tell me. I knew that you would though, you couldn’t resist not telling me.”

“Well, nothing really. I mean he told me that I couldn’t leave and stuff like that. I began pissing him off as a joke and I gave him a hug to make it better and . . .” I sighed. I really didn’t want to finish my sentence because Stephen would probably jump or something and ruin how comfortable I was right now.

“And what? What?” Stephen said loudly. “And what!?”

“Fuck,” I sighed. “Calm down.”

“Tell me.” He said.

“He kissed me. I kissed back.” I whispered, wondering what Stephen would do. But, surprisingly he didn’t do anything at first.

“I’ve always wanted to ask someone this, I just never got the chance.” Stephen said. “Is my brother a good kisser? He probably sucks right?”

“I wouldn’t know. . .” I said to him. “It was my first kiss.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Stephen said. “You know how much fucking guys you could have kissed and you just happened to pick my brother? That’s going to stick with you for life you know. That’s not a good thing.”

“You’re supposed to be happy for me.” I said to him. “I like him, remember?”

“Oh right. . .” Stephen said. “Well, that’s cute.”

“I guess I could tell you about what happened this morning. And why I’ve been in a weird mood all day long. Do you want to know what I needed to talk to you about or what happened right before you came over to the house?” I asked him.

“Well, I guess you could tell me what you needed to talk about first.” He replied.

“Yeah, that would be good.” I nodded. “Since we’re on the topic of John and everything like that. It would easier to start out with that.”

“Is it bad?” He asked.

“I don’t know. . .” I said. “I’ve been thinking like that I always do. Before I even met you guys all I could think about are the bad things. I’m starting to like him and I think that it’s going to rush too fast and it’s going to end. It’ll break my heart and I’ll leave you guys behind to go home to somewhere where no one would ever want to be if they were me. I’m scared about things. I’m scared that someone might like me. I’m scared that I actually might be truly happy for once.”

“Wow.” Stephen said. “That was so odd.”

“Is that even a good reply to what I said?” I asked. “I thought you’d give more then that, no offence.”

“No, it’s weird.” He said.

“What’s weird?” I asked. I don’t know why, but I was confused.

“Last night, John was explaining the same thing to me.” Stephen said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, we got home right.” He replied. “I was sitting in my room getting ready to go to bed and John walked in. He did the whole sighing thing until I’d ask him what was wrong. He told me that you’d probably end up hating him once you got to know him more and he was freaking out. He kept saying how you’d say no if he asked you out.”

“. . .he’s going to ask me out?” I smiled to myself.

“I don’t even know if I was supposed to tell you.” Stephen said. “I just know that was scared about it all and I told him to go for it. Since you guys are both like that, I guess you’re perfect for each other or something like that.”

“We’re not perfect for each other.” I said. “I don’t believe in that shit.”

“There’s someone out there for everyone. . .” Stephen said. “John just might be your someone and you don’t even know it.”

“Would you like me to tell you why I was crying now?” I asked him.

I could feel Stephen shrug. “You can if you want.”

“My mom called. . .” I said lightly. I wondered what his reaction would be because he knows that I’m not fond of my mom. He knows that she hasn’t called me yet, and that’s not a very motherly like thing to do of any mom.

“What did she say?” Stephen asked. He sounded very concerned.

“I don’t know. . .” I sighed. “I mean, she went on about how you guys are going to turn your back on me. Then Josh had to be an idiot and say that I had a boyfriend in the background and she said that no one could love me and John’s going to do exactly what happened the last time I thought a boy liked me. I don’t know. It felt worse this time because I know I have people that love me, and I didn’t want to stop believing that.”

I could feel Stephen kiss my head. “Jordan, don’t let her get to you. We do love you and you have to remember that. You deserve so much more then that stupid ass town has to give you. No matter what happens here, you have to think it’s better that what could happen there. You can’t go back. It’s not a choice.”

“I don’t want to go back.” I replied. “Things could get ugly where ever you go, it just so happens that there, it’s worse then most other places.”

“Exactly.” Stephen agreed.

I heard a knock at the door and I had no idea who it was. The person just kept knocking but they didn’t say who it was. “Who is it?” I asked the person on the other side.

“It’s John.” He said on the other side of the door. “Stop fucking my brother. I need to come in there and talk to you.”

“Well,” Stephen said. “I better go hang with the boys before John thinks that I’m taking your virginity. I don’t want people to think you’re trying to take both Gomez brothers.”

“Shut up. . .” I sighed.

“What?” Stephen laughed.

“Josh said the exact thing this morning.” I replied. “I’m not going to. Don’t worry.”

Stephen laughed again. “That’s pretty much something I could see Josh saying.”

Stephen lifted him self up from the bed. It was hard to see anything because it was so dark in my room. I hopped off the bed so Stephen could get up. I could feel his body moving in front of me. I really didn’t feel like going out into the hallway, or anywhere else to talk to John, so I sat back down on the bed. I reached over and turned on the lamp that gave off a little bit of light in the room.

I watched as Stephen opened the door and John was standing there looking at him awkwardly. Stephen walked past John and John walked into the room, shutting the door behind him. John looked comfy today. He had a green sweater on and jeans that were a little bit baggier then his normal spray on skinny jeans.

He smirked at, walking across the room. He sat down on the bed right beside me and looked down at me as I laid down on the bed. I don’t know why, but John’s presence can make me feel so much better, and I loved that about him. “Hello darling.” He smiled.

“Hello to you too,” I laughed.

“How’s your day going?” He asked me.

“It’s been . . . eventful.” I replied.

“But you haven’t been out of the house.” He pointed out.

“Well, my mom called.” I said. “It was quite the experience.”

“You look like you were crying.” John said moving closer to me. He set one of his long pale fingers on my face. I could feel him touching the tear lines on my cheeks. “What happened?”

“Nothing. . .” I tried to keep it from him. I knew I shouldn’t, but I tried my hardest.

“Well it’s something.” He said. The smile that John usually had on his face turned upside down and I didn’t like it. When John smiled, I smiled. I was happy when that was happening. I loved that feeling. And this was the first time that I’ve been with John and I haven’t felt it. But, I guess that’s something that happens to all of us. “What did she say to you? You don’t have to tell me, I’m just concerned.”

“I know you are. . .” I said with a nod. “I guess you have a right to know. I don’t know, she was just being her normal self. You know how she is right?”

“Well, from what you’ve told us,” John replied. “She sounds like a big ass bitch.”

“And she is.” I agreed. “I was telling her how I made friends. She said that you guys are probably going to leave me because no one could care for me like it’s always been. Then Josh had to be an idiot and in the background he said that I had a boyfriend. She didn’t like the sound of that, so she made me feel worse. And this time it made me sad because I know that I have people around me that love me. I don’t want her to change that.”

“I love you. . .” John said that. “And next time you talk to her, if she even calls you like a real mother should, then tell her that you have a boyfriend and that’s the truth.”

“. . .what?” I choked out.

“Fuck!” John sighed looking at the ground. “You don’t want to be girlfriend, right? I told Stephen this would happen. I’m such a fucking idiot. I’ll go now, but you could think about it if you’d like.”

I guess this is the feeling that you get. The feeling when girls in movies that I watch all the time say they get when the male role says something real cute, or does something for them. It’s like the fireworks on the 4th of July were setting off in my stomach, and I felt like I could do back flips for days. So, I did what I thought I should. I pulled John down closer to me and connected my lips to his. Second kiss. Probably the best I’ll ever get.

I pulled away and looked at him. There was that John Gomez smirk that I’ve come to know and love. “We really need to stop being so negative.” I smiled.

He opened his eyes widely. “That’s a yes then? Really?”

“Scratch the yes, and put a fuck yes.” I laughed.

“Wow. . .” He said. “That was lame.”

“I’m lame.” I pointed out. “I can’t help it.”

“Hey,” John smiled. “I’m your first boyfriend. And your first kiss. Should I feel happy or proud or something like that?”

“If you want. . .” I laughed. “I’m glad it was you though.

“Well, that brings me to what I was going to tell you,” John said.

“What’s that?” I smiled. I didn’t even care what my mom said because John made it all better. I don’t ever want to go back. Even if John and I don’t work out in the future, then I’ll still know that I have these amazing people in my life, and I’d never want to loose them.

“You can’t come upstairs until I say,” John looked at me.

I raised my eyebrow. “Why not?”

“It’s a surprise.” He smiled brightly. “Alright? But, I need to go and set it up with Jess right now. Therefore, you need to go and do something productive. Go and watch some movies with the guys.”

“Alright.” I pouted.

He shook his head with a smile. John bent down and kissed my forehead. “I love you.”

I have no idea why, but those were the best words that someone has ever said to me. Not some quote or sentence like most girls would say. A guy that I actually liked said it to me and I knew he was true because I could see the look in his face, and it made me feel like nothing could go wrong, and I loved that feeling. Even though it’s a brand new feeling to me, it’s quickly becoming my favourite. “I love you too.”