You Promised

“Let’s talk then… come with me.” Gerard said getting up, I did the same and followed him upstairs. We walked in a bedroom, it looked like a spare bedroom because it didn’t have any personal touch, or anything lying around, it was just the bed, a closet and two bedside tables. He sat in the bed and told me to do the same, but I preferred to stay up. I don’t think this will take long.

“Why did you want to talk? I already told you I got it.” He said looking away.

“I know but obviously, you’re not okay with it.”

“What the fuck were you waiting for anyway? Am I supposed to be happy? You promised!”

“I made too many promises.” I said more to myself. I made two promises that can’t coexist together.

“That’s your own fucking problem!”

“I’m just trying to make things right!” I defended myself.

“What about me?!” He turned his head sharply to look at me.

“You’re better without me.”

“Every one’s better without you! You’re a fucking liar!”

“Yes! And I got over it! Like you suggested!”

“You’re doing it wrong!” He screamed at me. I closed my eyes trying to calm myself down and to clean the tears that were threatening to fall. I looked at him and saw he too was in the edge of tears, but he wasn’t trying to hide them like me. I was just afraid to let him know how much he really meant to me. It was better if he though I just didn’t care.

“Listen, it’s better this way. You know, and I know that we would both end up hurt if we ever engaged in any kind of relationship.”

“No we wouldn’t.” He said simply. He didn’t even try any argument. I couldn’t be sure if he didn’t have them or if he didn’t think they would be necessary. Well, in my opinion, they would help right now. “Doll, listen, I know-”

“Don’t call me that.” I interrupted.

“Why not? Does it hurt to remember, doll?” He asked, his words almost poisonous.

“It’s Frank! I’m not your doll anymore and you need to get over it!” He walked up to me, from this close I could see the perfection in even the tears he cried.

“You’re a liar, it’s easy for you to say that, but do you really mean it?” He asked, so close our noses almost touched, and I could feel it, I knew he was going to kiss me, but I backed away. I took a little step back, just as little as I needed. I wanted him close to me, but I couldn’t let him get this close. I couldn’t do this.

“I mean it…” I said and got out, leaving him alone and confused. I closed the door slowly, and then allowed myself to say the word that I so desperately wanted to say. “…Bello.”

I swallowed my sorrow and my tears and went downstairs.

“Where’s Gerard?” Someone asked. I didn’t know who it was.

“He’ll be right down.” I wanted so bad to fake a smile to calm the hearts of the men looking at me worriedly, but I couldn’t gather the strength to. I was broken, broken like the promise I made.

I took my seat next to Quinn and cuddled up to him, I have never needed it so bad.

“How did the talk go?” He asked.

“It went awfully, but what was I waiting for anyway?”

“Do you want to leave?” He lifted his head to look at Gerard coming down the stairs. There’s no need to sugar coat this, he looked awful. For a moment I felt ashamed because I had caused that.

“Yeah.” I said. I couldn’t take one more second of this sight. “Guys, were leaving.” I said getting up.

“Already?” Mikey asked.

“Yeah, sorry but we have things to do.”

“I bet it involves a bed…” I could hear Bob say to Mikey. I would have laughed and come up him some cleaver come back, but not today.

“Oh, well, then I’ll see you some other day.” Mikey said. “Bye.” He hugged us both. The others just said goodbye, lazy bastards wouldn’t even get up to hug me…

“Bye.” Quinn said and Mikey walked us to the door.

“Do you need to talk?” Quinn asked while getting in the car.

“No, it’s fine.” I sighed and started the car.

It was a long ride. Quinn didn’t say a word during the journey, he seemed lost in his thoughts, and neither did I, I didn’t feel like talking.

“We’re here.” I said stopping in front of the hotel gate.

“Frank… I need to talk to you. Do you want to come in?”

“Sure. What is it you want to talk about?” I asked him locking the car.

“Just wait.” He said.

I didn’t know what to wait for, really, my life’s just so full of surprises. I was really curious. It seemed as if the struggle to open the door was just to leave me suffering a little bit more.

“Sit down, do you want anything?”

“No, I’m fine.”

He sat next to me.

“What I want to say is… Well, first I just want you to know that I made up my mind and there’s no way you can change it so don’t try.” He warned. “Hum… well, I don’t think I can do this anymore.” He said.

“What do you mean?” I was almost sure of what he meant. He meant he was tired of being here, he was tired of being caught in the middle of something that wasn’t his. I was sure that was it, and I was pretty tired of this all too. I’ve had my last talk with Gerard and I’m leaving. I want to live my life with Quinn and no drama, no Gerard.

“I mean us.” Well, I sure wasn’t waiting for that. “I'm tired of seeing you looking miserable. We both know you’re better with him. Today I saw how much this is hurting you, having to turn him away! And him! Did you see him? He was a mess! Frank, I don’t love you as much as he does and you don’t love me as much as you love him.”

“I do!”

“No, stop it, you don’t. Frank, you know that if you need a friend I’ll always be here, but as for us, as lovers, we’re over. I’m sorry. You know I love you, I really do, but I need to let go.”

I didn’t need to hide the tears from Quinn as I did for Gerard.

“No, don’t do this. I don’t want him.”

“Liar.”

“No, Quinn, I can’t lose you!”

“This is for your own good, you’re better with him. I’m sorry Frank.”

“But-”

“Leave.” I looked at him for a moment making sure he wasn’t joking, then did as told and left.

I drove home as fast as I could. I just wanted to go home, lie in bed and cuddle to my covers.

“This was the best day ever.” I whispered sarcastically while opening the door. I was about to crawl right up to my room and depress over my life but I hear some noise in the kitchen.

Just what I needed. I’m being robbed.

I picked up the heaviest ashtray I could found and walked to the kitchen carefully.

“Who- Vincent?”

“Frankie!” He jumped up and ran to me hugging me. God know I was in need of a hug.

“What are you doing here? And how the fuck did you get in?”

“I missed you, and I found your spare key under the doormat. That’s not a safe place to place a spare key.” He explained letting go of me. “Hum… Why are you carrying a ashtray?”

“I though you were robbing me. You scared me.”

“Oh… Sorry.” He said. “So… what did I lose?”

“Come with me, it’s along story…”