Assurance

It was just me, alone in a time I didn't have to give to anyone else. I can't cry, I can't. For the first time in a while, I wouldn't cry over what I couldn't control. But like hell was someone gonna tell me not to think. He kissed her. I knew they were friendly with each other, but how could he kiss her the same night he asked me to be his girlfriend? The same night he was so happy, after he held me so tightly and told me he loved me. I don't get how he could tell me he loved me again and touch me the way he did yesterday knowing that he had had kissed another girl. The way she was so vile and smart towards me, throwing my ignorance in my face.

That's all I was. Ignorant. Ignorant to the face that Oliver had a dirty reputation. Ignorant to the fact that I had apparently spent the night at Cory's house. Ignorant to the fact that I was letting myself fall into a deep reverie.

A deep reverie where he loved me. Where I let myself go over and over for him. I let myself believe that we could be that couple, that duo that was meant for each other.

But Oliver didn't love me. He couldn't have. He can't be the one I loved. Since day one with him I respected his guards while secretly kept mine up as well. For fucks sake, I couldn't even tell him I loved him. Just a simple nod when he asked me, nothing more. I'm still not sure I love/loved whatever the fuck was the proper term for what we were was. Did I break up with him? Were we ever really even together? He asked to fall in love with me, was I stupid to think that meant to be my boyfriend? I couldn't stop thinking in questions, because all I needed were answers.

I needed to know why my stomach was knots and my chest weighed so heavy in my chest. Why I let him in in the first place, I just gave him the chance to feel like this. I had hinted that Oliver had somewhat of a shaky reputation, especially after that small incident with that girl in the mall all of those weeks ago. But I thought maybe, just maybe he could be different for me. Then again, he had apparently told his friends that I hadn't even kissed him after all of this time.

I wasn't forward enough for him. I gave him something that had caused whatever attraction he had towards me. But I couldn't give him all of me, the part of me I kept for myself. I couldn't let myself become the floosy in love, always all over her boyfriend. So he turned to her her.

I didn't even want to think about Amanda and her drones. They've always been my friends, I've hung with them since we were first years, but still. I can't excuse their love for tearing me down. I don't need them to do it for me anymore. I do it enough for myself in all my thoughts and nightmares of what I was.

Maybe being with Oliver really was a dream. The funny thing about dreams were that you didn't ask for them. They just happened, there was no control. He just came into my life, pushing him away was never really an option.

I was now just waking up.
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Getting up was easier said than done. I had fallen back asleep from my thinking stupor around two and getting up at 3:30 was not ideal. I pushed away from Drella's ball of fur in my face at about 3:45, and went to the bathroom. My hair was a tangled mess, and my lack of sleep was scribbled all over my face. I washed my face and pulled some jeans over my leggings. It had to be at least below freezing outside so I layered a heavy peacoat on top of my longsleeves. I googled the simple directions off of the folded paper and grabbed my keys, before it was too late. There was a bitter wind as I made my through he early morning, in the back of my head wondering who was waiting for me at my destination. That feeling in my stomach was still there regardless. It only took me a few minutes to get there, and I pulled up outside the small coffee shop with a minute to spare. There was a dim light on and I cut my engine. My stomach was anxious as i saw the figure moving behind the counter as I neared the door.

I entered and and the warmth of the shop washed over my cold body. The bell over the door announced I was there and the hooded person turned to me quickly. The stranger I was becoming slightly familiar with looked at me with a smart smirk on his face. I couldn't help but return a warm smile to him.

"By all means, please sit." he motioned to the bar he was standing on front of. I shrugged out of my coat and sat in the tall chair in front of him.  His hair was peeking out slightly from his hood, coming forward into his dark eyes.

"And what would you like this morning miss?" He asked sweetly, while leaning over the bar. He really was a handsome guy.

"You're gonna make me coffee?"

"Anything for a gorgeous girl who meets strangers in the dead morning." he smirked and I felt the heat rush to my face. "My mom owns the shop, I can make you anything on the menu or anything you can imagine."

"Hhhmmm...just a simple hot chocolate is fine." I said nervously.

"Nothing simple about a hot chocolate." he tsked before turning away from me and getting to work. I looked around the small shop in the mean while. It was so cute and cozy, perfect in it's own little way. I watched as he meticulously measured out ingredients into two large mugs. He was obviously very familiar with everything and moved swiftly as a handsome barista. The steam whisped the air as he set the piping hot cup in front of me. The top was frosted with whip cream and drizzled in what looked like caramel and cinnamon.

"It's so pretty." I smiled at him, noticing him watching me. He let out a light laugh and took a sip of his own.

"It's what's in the inside that counts." he mused. I brought the cup to my lips and took a cautious sip. The warm liquid was smooth with the taste if hazelnut and chocolate, absolutely delicious.

"It's wonderful." I said before taking in some more. There was a peaceful silence and we both started to drink, it felt so nice to warm my bones. I looked up and he was watching me closely.

"I would ask you why you're watching me, but as you've learned I don't do well with compliments." I snided and he smiled widely at me.

"I'm just trying to figure it out." he shook.

"Figure what out?"

"The relationship." he smirked. "You're so open to everything, and he's so guarded and secretive. Just wondering how that works." he said simply, raising his head in his hand lazily.

"It doesn't." I mumbled before taking another sip, feeling slightly dejected.

"Troubles?" he questioned.

"None that you should really care to hear." I faltered. "I'm sure you didn't ask me here to hear all of my woes."

"I'm still not sure myself why I asked you here, so go on." he smiled.

"He cheated on me, well I think. I'm not even sure if we're were really even together, or still are." I said sadly.

"Sounds complicated." he sighed. "Like you're not really sure of anything."

"I'm not. All I know is a boy who told me he loved me and kissed my friend the same night."

"Ouch." he grimaced before taking in another swig. "That doesn't sound too pleasant."

"Tell me about it." I didn't want to put a damper on everything, so I perked myself up. "So do you mind telling me how you slipped me that note?" I asked and he let out a light laugh.

"I've been delivering large orders to the office in the morning the past few weeks, and I've spotted you a few times. Figured I'd try to see you again, since you got away from me pretty quick last time." he smirked and I felt a blush come to my face.

"You work here?"

"My mom owns the place, I just help out when I can..." he said rubbing the back of his neck. "Which happens to be a lot lately." he groaned and I laughed.

"I wasn't really gracious last time, kind of out of it. But thank you." I said sincerely and a slight redness came to his face as he bit his lip and just nodded. Seeing him just made my mind flash back to when I had first saw him, the maddening nature he had provoked in Oliver and I honestly don't see how he could be anything but kind to him...then it dawned on me. "You used to be his friend." I whispered and his head snapped up. He had a bit of blankness in his face as he nodded slowly.

"How can you tell?" he said dryly.

"He's so afraid of losing me, he guards everything so closely. It's because he lost you, isn't it?"

"I guess you could say that." he said simply, his face still unreadable to me.

"I'm not out of this all am I? I'm no where near done with him am I?"

"If you were love, I'd be trying to do way more than sit her and sip chocolate with you."