You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

"Are you okay now?"John asked as I had been sitting in his car for about ten minutes as he drove around, wasting time. I told him I didn't want to go home until I was completely calm.

"Yes"I said softly.

"I'm sorry Aubrey"He said as he kept his eyes on the road.

"No, its just I'm very emotional right now because it all happened yesterday, I guarantee ill be perfectly fine tomorrow."I said hoping that really was true. But actually,when I'm with John, I'm much calmer and don't think about Eric and what he did to me.

"I hope thats the case. I really hate seeing you cry"He said softly.

"Eric said he was drunk. But he remembered. I mean he remembered he cheated on me, he couldn't have been that drunk if he remembered. He had to have known what he was doing."

"I really don't know what to say anymore. I'm sorry. I know Eric's my best friend. But I truly want to kick his ass for what he did. Hes never done this you know. Hes never cheated or two-timed a girl. Hes usually very good when it comes to relationships"

"Great. Now I feel hundred times more special"I said and slid down in my seat a little.

"As badly as I just want to go up to him and break his jaw, I cant. I mean if I hit Eric for cheating, I'd just be a hypocrite"John said quietly.

"Wait what?" I asked as I slid up in my seat and faced him "You cheat?"I asked astonished.

"I have once"He said softly.

"How could you?"I asked sadly but loudly. I hate cheaters.

"It was with you"John said not fazed by the raise in my voice.

"What?"I asked confused

"The first time we slept together. I was dating Amber. But after the date I took her on that week, I told her I wanted us to be friends again, I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship and I would ask her out again when I was"

I didn't say anything. I just looked out my window.

"Look, I'm sorry Aubrey. I know you must hate every guy in the world right now, but Eric fucked up, I know he knows he did. I knew I fucked up when I slept with you when I was dating Amber. Its not a good feeling to get when you know you've cheated on someone special to you. Okay, so maybe Amber wasn't exactly special to me, but as her boyfriend my job was to stay trustworthy. But then there was you, I couldn't. I just completely forgot about her. I know for a fact Eric regrets what he did. Whether I want to admit it or not, he really liked you"

"He told me he loved me"I mumbled.

"Don't you guys always tell each other you love each other?"John asked as he just parked on the side of an abandoned road and faced me.

"No, we weren't rushing anything.When we were ready, we would say I love you to each other. Love isn't just a word you can throw around. You have to really feel it"

"Ive never been in love with a girl... well,before"

"Its so hard to fall in love."I said with a sigh.

"No, I think its pretty simple"John said with a shrug.

"Then why haven't you ever fallen in love?"I asked confused

"I have, well I am in love with someone, I wasn't in love with anyone before I met her"He said with another shrug

"Oh thats cute. At least you know what love is. If someone were to ask me what love is, I wouldn't be able to answer it"I said with a sigh and looked down at my lap. John was in love. Was he really falling on love with Amber? I mean I would expect he would. I mean hes with her all the time, and he still hasn't told her he doesn't like her, maybe he hasn't told her because he realized he loves her. Fuck my life. Fuck guys.

"Yeah."He said quietly. "So what do you want to do? I don't really want to go home"He chuckled lightly

"Its a school night though"I said looking up at him and he was smiling.

"We don't have to stay out till midnight, just not go home now. You know just hang out"He said smiling and his smile was contagious, I couldn't help but smile back

"Alright."I answered "But I'm in my uniform"

"So? Thats how I prefer you dress anyway when we go out in public"He laughed and started the car.

I just playfully rolled my eyes. "Its too cold for shorts now, I wouldn't wear shorts"

He just chuckled as he started driving.

Me and John actually drove into the town right next to us. We actually talked the whole car ride.

We basically just saw a poster that said there was a festival in the town over and since we had nothing better to do, we decided to check it out.

John parked the car in the parking lot next to the festival and we got out.

"I bet all we're going to do is walk around"I said as we walked to the entrance of the festival.

"Well its better then having absolutely nothing to do"John chuckled.

We looked around as soon as we entered the festival grounds.

Just a whole bunch of tents set up and a lot of people walking around talking and laughing with their family or friends.

"Should we look around?"John asked looking at me

"Sure why not?"I smiled.

We walked around looking what each tent provided. Basically food and stupid little hand made merchandise. I think this festival was meant for little kids. I didn't care though. And it didn't seem like John did either.

"I don't usually go to things like this"John chuckled.

"Yeah I think this is for younger children"I laughed

"I'm fine with this though, its nice. I like the environment."John said taking a hold of my hand and I think my heart literally skipped a beat.

"Yeah, I feel relaxed"I smiled and John smiled back as he laced his fingers through mine.

"John?"

"Yeah?"He asked as we walked around a group of people

"Can you do me a favor?"I asked as we kept walking and I looked up at him

"Of course"He said looking down at me. I never really noticed the big difference in height. God he was tall. It was cute.

"Can you stop ignoring me from now on?"I asked softly and then we stopped walking and he turned to face me so he was standing in front of me so he was the only thing I saw.

"Aubrey look, I don't purposely ignore you. I just never have anything to say"

"Oh, okay"I said softly. That was such a lie. But I didn't feel like getting in an argument with him. Having nothing to say? What a load of bullshit.

We started walking again "Want cotton candy?"John asked pointing to the tent that sold cotton candy

"Yes!"I said like a little kid and he laughed.

"Come on"He said as he grabbed my hand and led me to the tent.

John generously bought my cotton candy and we started walking again.

"When does your next semester start?"John asked starting conversation. Yes, he never has anything to say...He can ask me anything and that would still be something

"In about two weeks"I said as I picked off some cotton candy and put it on my mouth.

"So a week after I leave?"

"Yeah"I said my voice dropping.

John just lightly smiled at me.

My phone started going off a few seconds later. "John can you hold this for a sec?"I asked as I handed him my cotton candy.

"Sure"He chuckled as I answered my phone without looking to see who it was.

"Hello?"I asked

"Aubrey!"Eric said and he seemed anxious. I didn't say anything, I was about to hang up. "Don't hang up! Please"He begged

"What do you want?"I asked softly and looked at John and he was looking at me, knowing exactly who I was talking too.

"Where are you!? Ive been driving around forever now. I don't want you walking"He rambled.

"I'm fine. I'm with John"I said softly praying I wouldn't start crying. Just hearing his voice was getting to me. I really did like this boy.

"I really need to talk to you. We need to talk. I never meant for that to happen. Ever. I didn't even remember I did that until Pat woke me up at noon this morning and started yelling at me. I'm sorry. Can we please talk? In person?"He asked his voice desperate

"Eric"I squeaked.

"Please Aubrey?"He asked softly.

"Okay. Tomorrow?"I asked looking down at the ground, blocking out the sound of everyone around me and just focused on Eric talking to me

"Can I pick you up from school tomorrow?"

"Sure. Okay. Bye"I said and hung up. If I did talk to him longer I would have started crying again.

"Giving him another shot?"John asked softly as he handed me back my cotton candy.

"I don't know. Maybe."I said and started picking off my cotton candy again.

"Oh. Alright"He said quietly. "Its getting dark. Wanna head home?"

"Yeah"I said just as quietly and we started walking back the way we came

~~

"This song is stupid."John laughed

"Yeah, it really is"I laughed as I changed the station.

Me and John were in the car driving back home, trying to find a decent song on the radio.

"Oh! I love this one. Its staying on this station"I laughed and sat back in my seat as we listened to Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship.

John just chuckled.

"So John"I said with a little laugh

"Yes Aubrey?"He asked looking over at me with a smile.

"We should totally camp out in your backyard tonight"

"What?"He asked with a laugh as he turned his attention back to the road.

"Me and my friends always did it back home. We would just grab sleeping bags or spare blankets and sleep outside. Its a lot of fun. Trust me. Shane can totally sleep outside with us too. I bet he would love to"

"Shane's staying at his friends house tonight though I believe. But sure. Okay. You are definitely one of a kind"He chuckled.

"I hope thats a compliment"I laughed.

"Oh don't worry baby cakes, it is" he laughed.

"Yay" I giggled. Should I be over excited because he called me baby cakes? Because I am.

~~

It turns out Mr.O'Callaghan was out of town for business and Mrs.O'callaghan was already asleep when we got home. It wasn't even 8 yet, but I bet she was tired from work.

"Are we still sleeping outside?"John asked with a gentle laugh

"Yes, so get the sleeping bags"I laughed. I liked treating John like he was my friend. Was he my friend now? I had no idea. I mean I wasn't going to ask him either.

John grabbed two sleeping bags out of there storage closet and we walked outside, closing the sliding glass door quietly behind us.

It was already super dark and it wasn't even that late. We layed the sleeping bags down on the grass next to each other and just layed down on them

"Well this is fun"John chuckled as we layed on our backs and looked up at the sky.

"It is." I laughed. "Done be sarcastic"

"Hey hey, I'm not"

"Its actually kind of cold"I said feeling the cold breeze.

"Well get in the sleeping bag"He said matter-of-factly.

"Good idea"I laughed and started getting up to get in my sleeping bag.

"I didn't mean that one"He chuckled.

"What?"I asked confused and faced him.

He simply patted his sleeping bag and smiled.

"Really now?"I asked smiling back

"I hear body heat makes a person warmer"He said with a light laugh

"Really? Thats incredible"I smiled.

"It is, so come"He smiled and patted his sleeping bag again.

I just laughed and crawled over to his sleeping bag and we both got in it.

"Wow, we both fit in here"I said amazed.

"Shocking"He said sarcastically and I just playfully rolled my eyes at him.

"Do you have the alarm on your phone set so you know when to wake up tomorrow?"John asked as he hovered over me, one of his arms across my waist lightly.

"I do"I smiled as I looked up at him. He just smiled back.

Before he could say anything, I leaned up slightly and kissed him. He seemed surprised at first then kissed back, putting more force into it.

He probably didn't expect me to make the first move. Or for me to do that in general.

He wrapped his arms completely around me as he pulled me closer to his body.We were already close as it was since we were zipped up in the sleeping bag. I felt Johns hand up my shirt, unbuttoning my bra. I pulled away from him and flipped us over so I was on the top.

I started kissing his neck softy,sucking on it. "Thats amazing"He moaned and I smiled into the kisses I was planting on him.I felt Johns hands rest on my butt and then slowly slip my pajama bottoms off.

I had never had sex outside. A little to public. But hey, we were in a sleeping bag.
I had never had sex with a guy I wasn't dating three times either.

There's always a first for everything.

~~~

I woke up to my alarm on my phone that was resting in the grass next to the sleeping bag.

I pulled the sleeping bag down so my head was no longer covered, but my naked self was.

I shut the alarm off on my phone and then layed back down.

Of course John was no where to be seen.
Of course he left me again.
Of course somethings never change

I actually thought this time would be different. I thought he actually wanted me. I thought he thought of me as more then a quick fuck. I always over estimate people. Especially John.

He just continues to hurt me. I thought things were going to be different. He's been such a sweetheart. He seemed like he really cared for me.

I wanted to cry. I felt like I always do. Used. I continue to let him use me.

I pulled the sleeping bag back over my head, let out a scream, and started crying hysterically.

At this moment I actually wanted Eric. I wanted him to hold me and comfort me.