You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

"How could he be engaged? Why didn't you tell me? Why am I back here? Why-" and then Eric cut me off from the rampage I was going on.

"This is exactly why I didn't tell you,"He said softly as he made a turn right into my college campus.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" I asked as he put the car in park.

"You'd go crazy," He said keeping calm even though I was freaking out, no longer crying, but none the less, freaking the fuck out.

"He's getting married!" I said hysterically.

"Alright look, if you want to talk about this all night, call someone else, I'm gonna go meet Amy then," He said shaking his head and looking away from me.

"What?!" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes Aubrey, I'm jealous, do you want me to spell it out for you? I'm sick of always hearing about John. If you want him sooo bad stop leading me on, making me think I have a shot at at least attempting to make you happy. I'm sick of hearing about John. I get it, you two were madly in love. But either you get over it or what ever we have is officially done"He said in seriousness.

A single tear slipped down my cheek as I stared into his eyes. I didn't break contact as I reached for the door handle.

"Bye Eric," I said softly as I opened the car door and stepped out. As I closed the door I looked at him and he was staring straight ahead.

As soon as the door was closed he sped off.

I shook my head and started walking into the dorms, praying I wouldn't get lost as I made my way to my room.

What Eric was asking was a lot. John meant a lot to me. He always has and always will. Come on, I just found out he was getting married. Obviously that's all that would be on my mind all night, Eric was just very immature. He can go ahead and be with his slut Amy. Harsh but I don't care.

I walked down the corridor to my room, remembering it was across from the girls bathroom so I knew I had found my room.

The door was slightly open and I got a tad scared thinking someone may have stolen my stuff. The cherry on top of my day.

"Hey you must be Aubrey," A petite blonde girl said to me as soon as I entered the room.

"You must be Kelsey, my roommate," I said managing a small smile even though I felt like crawling up in a ball and crying, what I was best at doing.

"Yeah"She said with a smile back and then went back to reading her book.

Well she was nice but I can just tell we wont be 'bestie's'

I made my way over to my bed sat down and called my mom. Apologizing for walking out hoping they had a safe flight home.

~~~

I had a free day to myself before I got caught up in the college life. My classes would be starting tomorrow, and instead of unpacking and getting myself situated in my dorm, I decided to go and explore and have some fun on my own. Besides what was the point of unpacking if I knew for sure I wasn't going to be staying at this school? Fucking Eric. Making me go to a school out here and then pretty much breaking up with me.

I really didn't care though. I was in the ' I don't give a fuck about anything' mood. I knew for sure once I had my emotions back, I would cry over the whole Eric thing. I did try calling him last night while I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. He of course didn't answer, probably to busy screwing Amy.

I walked about 10 feet from the school and then decided I didn't want to go anywhere. Just being outside was good enough. The light breeze felt amazing.

I walked into the park across from the college which was very convenient, and sat on a bench, observing nature.

John John John. Ran through my head. WHY?! Hes broken my heart so many times, yet it sill beats fro him.

Then the whole fact of knowing that that ring was for me makes everything ten times harder. Then I started thinking about what the ring looked like.

Then my eyes went wide as I remembered. I have seen the ring. In Johns bedroom. The drawer. The one I had randomly found and then went and checked back and it was no longer there. He must have moved it to his closet. Where fucking Amber had found MY ring.

"Hey Aubs" I heard him say softly and I immediately snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at him.

"What? How? How are you here?"I asked incredulously.

"Well I obviously knew what school you were going to. But as I drove here, about to pull into the campus, I saw you walking here,"He shrugged. "Made it easier then looking for your room,"

"Why are you hear John?"I asked looking down, fidgeting with my hands.

"I wanna talk." He said sitting down next to me.

"Wow that's surprising. You never wanna be the one to start conversation,"I mumbled.

I heard him sigh. "I don't want to get married," He said and I looked over at him and he was looking straight ahead.

"That's funny. Because if I remember correctly we had gotten into a fight before because you wanted us to get married," I said rolling my eyes.

"Let me rephrase. I don't want to get married to Amber" He said looking over at me

"Then call if off, I said staring deep into his eyes.

"I cant" He said breaking contact. " Shes already making plans, her mom already got a planner"

"So you're gonna go through with this because its already getting planned, Shes sure excited since you just got engaged," I said shaking my head. "Unbelievable,"

"I know,"He sighed.

"Why did you break up with me? If you loved me so much why would you end us like that? Why wouldn't you even give me a decent goodbye?"I said biting down on my lower lip hoping it would keep me from crying. I'm pretty much the biggest cry baby.

"How would we make it if you want to go to med school? I'm a musician. We aren't compatible as much as I want us to be,"He said gently.

"We would make it work,"I said confidently.

"Amber is willing to follow me on tour,"He pretty much whispered.

I looked at him in disbelief.

"Okay John,"I said and got up.

"Where are you going?"He asked getting up too

"Get some coffee,"I said calmly.

"Do you need a ride?"He asked

"Nope ill walk,"

"Do you even know where to get coffee around here?"He asked

"Nope, but I'm in the mood for an adventure,"I said managing a small smile. I loved talking to John, and I mean at least he was here, talking to me, even though it wasn't the greatest conversation of my life.

"I love you"

I looked at him with a 'what the heck' face and then he realized what he said. "Aubs-I-Um,"

I just shrugged and walked away from him.

"Okay, I cant do this,"He said as he stepped in front of me

"Do what John?"I asked shaking my head

"Not being with you,"He said and looked down. "I cant take being with you, and not being able to kiss you, I cant take the tension between us, I cant take the fact you look as gorgeous as ever, I cant take the fact that I keep losing you, I cant take that we-" I then cut him off

"Can you just shut up?"I asked hostile "Why do you do this to me?"I pretty much yelled at him.

"Do what?! Tell you that I'm in love with you?!"He asked as he took a step closer and leaned down so he was in my face

"Yes! That!" I said and shoved him away.

"I cant help how I feel Aubrey! Maybe I shouldn't have came here."He said taking a deep breath

"Maybe you're right. You're getting married,"I said looking down

"If I call off the wedding with Amber, will you marry me?"He asked softly, lifting my face so I was looking at him.

"No, John"I said softly a single tear escaping.

"Aubrey, do me a favor. Close your eyes,"He said calmly, softly.

"What? Okay " I said doing what he commanded me to do. I closed my eyes

"Okay, picture a church, decorated with flowers, tons of people sitting in the pews, you're getting married, You're walking down the isle, are you following me? Can you see this?"He asked an I nodded my head.

"You're at the alter, You're fiance lifts your Vail, You see his face, okay, now don't open your eyes, answer this question"He said softly in my ear,

I nodded

"Who was the one waiting at the alter for you?"He whispered in my ear.

"Eric"I said automatically.

After a few seconds of not hearing Johns voice I opened my eyes to find that I was now alone.

No John in sight. Like he never was even here all along.