You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

I was sitting in the front seat of Johns car with my arms crossed across my chest.

Its always fun to have quiet car rides with John. The main reason my arms were crossed was so I wouldn't fidget with my hands. He always made me nervous which needed to stop. I felt like I couldn't breathe when I was in his presence.

I loved all of Johns friends and wish I could have just stayed with them forever, but it was getting dark and it was a school night. John so generously reminded me. I think he just wanted me away from his friends considering they all happened to take a liking to me.

Well it was actually a nice thing of him to do. I mean I lost track of time and I do have a bedtime. I mean of course I manage it, but I have to make sure I get my proper amount of sleep.

I wanted so badly to just ask John about Amber. I was curious. How could I not be? I mean was he with her when he slept with me? Was she his girlfriend? I mean he did say something about already having her.

"Who's Amber?"I asked casually as we pulled up at a red light.

"Just a friend from back in high school"He said softly as he didn't take his eyes off the road. Even though we were at a red light.

"Oh thats cool" I said as I uncrossed my arms and just rested my hands in my lap.

And yup, that was the end of the conversation.

As we pulled up in the O'Callghans driveway I yawned.

"Tired?"John asked as he undid his seat belt.

"I am" I replied with another yawn as I undid my seat belt.

"So you like Nick too?"He asked me randomly and I turned in my seat to look at him and gave him the are-you-serious face

"What? Just an observation"He shrugged

"I don't like Nick thank you very much. I don't like anyone" Except you....

"You sure fooled me"He said rolling his eyes.

"What the hell John!?"I asked raising my voice

"What?!"He asked raising his too

"Why do you have to be so fucking confusing? I mean your a jerk to me, and then you compliment my glasses, then you're a jerk again, then you fuck me, then you get mad because Eric's taking me to my dance, then you accuse me of liking people. Am I missing something?"

"No I don't think so"He answered simply.

I let out a scream and then reached for the door handle but he reached over and grabbed my hand away.

"Look, I don't even know how to explain everything"

"I just need you to clear something up for me"I said as I was trying my best not to focus on his hand on mine.

"Okay"he said softly.

"Why did you sleep with me?"I asked quietly.

"I wanted to I guess" he said as he let go of my hand and leaned back in his seat.

"You wanted to? Thats why you decided to fuck me and leave?"I asked in disbelief. Of course, he just wanted to fuck.

"Yeah, and I only left because I didn't want you to think it was something when it wasn't"

I was speechless. That was the last thing I wanted to hear.

"I fucking hate you!"I screamed.

John just sighed "Fine, whatever, its not like we were something anyway. You're not important"

I wanted to cry. Badly. I quickly opened the car door and stepped out, and then ran to the front door, not even caring that I left my car door open.

I ran up the stairs and closed my bedroom door after me and then ran to my bed, slid under the covers and just started balling. I gripped my sheets as my fists were balled around it. I turned my head so I was crying in my pillow.

Never had a guys words hurt me so much. Never had a guy I wasn't dating break my heart and step on it like he did.

~~~

"This punch is fantastic"Eric laughed as we drank about 5 cups already.

"It is"I giggled as I drank some more of my punch.

Me and Eric were at my dance having an amazing time. I was so happy I came with him. He got my mind of things. Like John....

I hadn't talked to him at all since that night. I didn't want to. What good would talking to him do? He will never like me the way I like him. Me being my pathetic self, still like him as much as ever, maybe more.

John on the other hand had tried to talk to me. Just simple 'heys, how was school?,' I didn't respond, just ignored him. He just mumbled a few words to himself and usually just left me.

A simple sorry would be nice.....

"Awe this song is so cute, Eric lets go dance"

"But I don't slow dance" He laughed

"You do now, come on" I said taking his cup from him and placing it on the table and grabbing his hand and leading him out to the dance floor.

Eric hooked his arms behind my waist as I hooked mine behind his head as my arms rested on his shoulders.

"Thanks for making this night amazing"I smiled at him as we started to sway to the music

"Of course. I mean I'm having a blast"He chuckled.

"I am too. I couldn't think of anyone better to be my date"I said in honesty. John would be a horrible date. He would just end up making me cry.

"Well me either."He smiled and then looked around. "Aubs John would really hate how many guys here hit on you"

"Oh please Eric"I said rolling my eyes.

"No seriously, if he saw the way the guys here talk to you, he would definitely fight. I mean I know my best friend"

"Well not well enough. John doesn't care"

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Maybe because he straight up told me I wasn't important to him"

"I bet you hes thinking about what we are doing right now instead of being focused on Amber"

"Whatever I'm over everything"I said trying to convince myself I was. But really. Would I ever be over him? I mean he treats me like I'm a worthless nothing, but I still want him more then Ive ever wanted any guy.

"Can I tell you something?"Eric asked staring into my eyes

"Of course"I said just as the song ended.

"Come here"he said as he led me to the side of the dance floor so we were out of everyones way."Okay look"He started "I like you, I mean the first time I met you, I really really liked you. But after that first fight you had with John when we were clearing the table,I knew I had no shot. And I'm fine with that. I enjoy being your friend."

"Why would you think that?"

"I'm not blind, and neither was any of the guys, as soon as you two left that night, everyone started talking about how you and John like each other...A lot"

"But Eric-"I started. John didn't like me. No one knew what went down between us.

"No Aubs. Just watch everything will fall into place"He said as he grabbed both my hands and held them.

"But what if I think me and you would go perfectly together?" I asked looking down for a split second and then back up at him.

"Then it'll take its course. If we date, we date. But nows not our time."He said softly with a light smile as he started rubbing circles with his thumbs on top of my hand.

I stood on my tippy toes and planted a soft kiss on his lips. I pulled away and Eric was shocked and then smiled lightly. "See nothing" he said as he let go of one of my hands and then started leading me back to the dance floor. I faked a smile.

Nothing? He felt nothing? Wow because I felt way more then nothing. I felt explosions.

~~

Eric walked me to the front door and just as we were saying good nights, Johns car pulled up in the driveway.

"Hey man"Eric said as John got out of his car and started walking to the front door were we stood

"Yo, how was your night?"John asked us. Well Eric, he didn't even look at me.

"Awesome"Eric said and looked at me and I smiled back.

"How was your date with Amber?"Eric asked John and I looked out at the street light to make it look like I wasn't interested.

"Decent, ya know"John chuckled.

"Nice"Eric said and then they did a fist bump. Obviously they had a code or something because I didn't get it. Maybe it meant John screwed her. Thats probably it.

"Well I gotta go"Eric said and then turned back to face me"Night Aubs"he said as he gave me a hug

"Thanks Eric, for everything"I said into his ear as we hugged

"Of course"He replied as we pulled apart and then kissed my cheek. "Night"

"Night"I said back with a smile.

"See ya brah"Eric said to John and John just nodded.

I opened the front door and walked right in with John right after me.

"I'm getting something to eat"I heard John mumble and I'm not sure if he was talking to himself.

I started for the staircase and as soon as I stepped on the first step John said

"Hey Aubrey?"I decided to answer him so I turned around and went

"Yeah?"

"You look beautiful" I was taken a back a bit but managed a smile

"Thanks John"

"Goodnight Aubrey"He said softly.

"Night John"I said as I turned around and started back up the stairs.

I felt on top of the world. Even though I felt something when I kissed Eric, that was pushed to the back of my mind. John said I looked beautiful.

My heart felt like it fixed it self because it was back to beating out of my chest.

John could hurt me as much as he wants. As long as he says sweet words to me, hes always forgiven.