Love the One You're With

We Were Thirteen
He chased me around the swings, but I dashed to the other side of the merry-go-round. “I’m gonna catch you Pheebs!” he yelled. I dashed off to the slide and hid under it, but he surprised me and came from the other side. I screamed as he grabbed me from behind. He didn’t let me go, he just held me. I was breathing really fast from running, but that’s not what made my heart race. It was Zach being so close to me. “I caught you, now I get to kiss you.” The way the game worked I was supposed to struggle, but I never did. His kisses always felt do good, and always made me blush. He never chased the other girls during this game. Only me. We stood under the slide kissing and holding each other, while the other neighborhood kids ran all around chasing each other for their kisses. We only had eyes for each other, and at thirteen I knew Zach was the only person I ever wanted to kiss.

****

“Phoebe?” Zach said standing in my door way.

My mind raced. My God I still loved him, I felt a flood of all the old feelings. The ones I worked so hard to stash away. Seeing him in the door way, I knew If he held his arms out to me I would have run to him. “Zach! It’s great to see you.”

“Your living with Crosby. Why didn’t you tell me?” He almost sounded mad. He came in and sat on my bed.

“I moved to Pittsburgh about two years ago right after graduation. I couldn’t stay in New Jersey forever.” I didn't know if he knew what that meant, but I hoped he did. There was silence for a moment.

“God you look great Pheebs.”

“Thanks Zach…um I have a date I need to get changed.”

“Sure, can we talk though? I mean I want to catch up.”

“I don’t know, I’m really busy for the next couple of days.”

Zach stood up, walked over to me and put his hands on my arms. I could feel thousands of butterflies released as he touched my bare skin. “Phoebe, I haven’t seen you in three years, please make time for me.”

I should say no and run out of the house, but I looked into his eyes and couldn’t. “What are you guys doing tonight?” I asked.

“Nothing Pheebs. I’ll be here waiting for you.” He turned and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

I sat down on the bed. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I’m such an idiot. If I spend time with him he’s going to know. He’ll know how I feel about him, and I’ll end up heartbroken again. I took a deep breath and slipped out of my clothes. I put on the sexiest dress I could find. At least Zach should know what he was missing. Then I took my time and got my make-up just right. Zach never liked me to wear make-up, but I thought just a little would be good.

I stopped myself this isn't about Zach, it's about Joe. Think about Joe, think about Joe, I said over and over again in my head. I grabbed the ring off of my dresser and slid it into my purse. I’d put it on before I got to the restaurant. I opened the door and started to leave, but Zach came out of nowhere and grabbed my elbow.

"Wow, you look beautiful. " he said and pulled me into a hug. He kept me there tight to his body. “I’ve missed you Pheebs,” he said.

I didn’t say anything, but I closed my eyes and took in his scent, it was exactly as I remembered it. I didn’t pull away, but I knew I should have. Zach Parise is like a drug to me. I can easily become addicted and not be able to say no. After a couple moments his arms finally dropped. “I’ve gotta go,” I said.

“I know,” he said looking disappointed. "I'll be here waiting for you." He closed the door as I walked out of the house.

****

"Are you sure your OK Phoebe?" Joe asked as we looked out over the city of Pittsburgh from Mt. Washington.

"I'm fine really Joe. Just a little distracted and tired. I had a long day at work."

"I'll take you home, we can just settle in and watch a movie. Let me just get the check," he replied.

"Oh, about that. I hate to do this to you. Would you be terribly upset if I just went home? An old friend of Sidney's and mine is visiting. I didn't think we'd have so much to catch up on, but we do."

He looked hurt, but he agreed. He always agreed. Some part of me wished he'd put up a fuss and make me go home with him.

"Hey," I said, holding his hand across the table. "How about you pick me up in the morning for breakfast?"

He smiled again. "Sure Phoebe."

When I walked in the door Zach sprang up from the couch. "Hey," he said.

"Oh Hi Zach." I tried to sound nonchalant.

"Wanna come watch this movie with me?" he asked sounding kind of like the 8 year old I used to know.

"Ya know, I was thinking about going for a run. Can it wait until I get back?"

I didn’t wait for his response. I went upstairs and changed into my running clothes. I came back down and was looking forward to clearing my head before I had to face him. As I got to the door, Zach was there waiting for me.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m going running with you. It’s dark, and you never know what type of trouble might find you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter Zach.”

“Ya, but do you remember when you used to babysit, and I’d come with you?”

“I try not to remember those things.” I said cooly.

“Oh come on Pheebs, we’d put the kids to bed and then…”

“That was a long time ago," I said cutting him off and walking out the door.

I stretched on the porch, and Zach just watched me. "What, not going to stretch?"

"I'm good," Zach replied.

Off I went with Zach running next to me. I increased my speed a little, and I could tell Zach was having some trouble keeping up. "When did you start running?" he gasped.

"I'd say it was a couple months after we broke up." I ran just a little faster. Now he was struggling to keep up.

"Phoebe, not so fast."

"What? The big NHL star is having trouble keeping up with me?" I teased and took off in a sprint. I got to the park and was now running as fast as I could.

Before I knew what happened, my feet came out from under me and Zach tackled me into the grass. He sat on top of me and pinned my hands up above my head. "I caught you now I get to kiss you just like when we were kids."

I just looked up at him. That moment was like a dream looking up into his soft eyes. "You wouldn't dare." I replied hoping that I sounded like I didn't want a kiss from him.

"Wouldn't I?" he replied. He leaned down and put his lips to mine. Just like when we were kids, I didn't struggle. His lips were so soft and before I knew what was happening his tongue was poking my bottom lip. I hesitantly opened my lips and let his tongue find mine. This was so familiar, and so intoxicating. I lost all control as his lips traced my jaw and went to my neck. He knew just what to do, just where to kiss me. He didn't forget and got to that spot. My back arched as I came to my senses. "No stop, Stop it!" I yelled pushing him off me.

Zach's lips were swollen, and his eyes revealed his disappointment.

"You can't do that, you can't not speak to me for three years and just do that." I was mad and my tone revealed that.

"I'm sorry Pheebs."

He stood up and reached out his hand which I took. He pulled me up off the ground then close to him and held me. I tried as hard as I could to hold back what was about to happen, but I couldn't and tears sprang to my eyes. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to be in Zach's arms, but knowing that he wasn't mine, and I wasn't his was more than I could take. I found myself sobbing into his chest. He stroked my hair and held me for what felt like hours, but was probably closer to minutes.

When I finally pulled myself together, Zach didn't say anything, he just took my hand. We walked hand in hand back to Sidney's house. It was like we were eight again.