Swim or Drown?

I opened my crusty eyes to see bright sunlight shining in. I was tucked in and my cardigan was missing. I sat up in bed. Head rush. Ouch. I looked for Alex. I turned to my alarm clock which read 7:45. Shit I was going to be late!! I jumped out of bed and quickly threw on my bathing suit and a coverup. I grabbed my phone and slipped on some flip flops. How many hours did I sleep! Alex came over around 7 and nows its 7. 12 hours! I looked at my phone and I had 1 text message from Alex.

^Alex <3^ I put you in bed around 8. I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know whats wrong with me. I feel disgusting.

I wasn’t sure what to make of this text does he mean he feels disgusting after kissing my neck? He doesn’t know whats wrong with him because he kissed my neck, or because he didn’t kiss my lips. I hopped in the car and pondered over last night. I reached the pool and it was about to open in 30 seconds. I ran out of the car clocked in and hopped up and then marc blew the whistle. The kids flooded in like everyday. I picked up my phone and clicked reply.

^Me^ Why do you feel disgusting, why are you saying something is wrong with you. Why did you even kiss my neck but you wouldn’t kiss my lips.? -send.

I looked around and spotted Marc walking my way.

“Hey there pretty lady”. He winked and I smiled. Marc wasn’t ugly but I had other things on my mind and i defiantly didn’t have time to complicate my love life more.

“I was thinking maybe me and you could go out tonight. You know get to know each other.” Marc said looking up. There was hope in his eyes so I agreed. I guess I was just knocked down. Low self esteem. Alex wouldn’t kiss me. Zack broke up with me. Nothing was going right maybe a date with someone new would help.

“Alright, could you meet me at this address at 7. I can’t use the car its broken.”

“Sure.” he handed me a piece of paper and left. The day passed by with no texts or calls. It was 7 already and I was walking to the house it was nearby. Marc was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for me. He looked up and I smiled he greeted me by a hug.
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“Thank you for coming babe.” I still wasn’t comfortable with the whole nickname baby babe stuff, but for now I’m going to let it slide. We walked up the steps and into the door.

Marc was holding my waist alittle to low for my comfort, but I just ignored it. I walked into the doors as the smell of drugs and alcohol overwhelmed me.

“Be right back baby.” He whispered low in my ear and his hand lowered to my butt lightly hitting it. I pushed him away and looked around. A couple hundreds of people were grinding and moving up against each other. So this was Marc and I’s first date. I knew dating Marc was a mistake but after Zack broke up with me, because he said I still had feelings for Alex. I knew I still did and thats why I was dating this manwhore. My emotions and feelings were so messed up for anyone and I didn’t know what to do anymore. My love life was falling apart and I had no one to help pick up the pieces. I need my grandmas advice. But she hasn’t answered any of the calls I made and I was in no way going to call my mom.

I looked through the crowd trying to distract myself. I spotted him. Zack. He was sitting with a girl talking and laughing in the better lighting of the home. Zack looked so happy and the girl wasn’t a slut. She was very pretty and was covered in clothing. Obviously Zack made a great choice. I looked at her she had a wonderful smile and looked very conservative. So this is Zack’s new girl. I smiled at him and walked up to him. I was wearing the necklace he had given me. I touched it lightly as Zack’s eyes locked with mine. His eyes showed a lot of emotions, it was almost hard to decode. He showed sorrow, anger, love, passion, and longing. Even though the breakup was his decision and only happened two days ago. I smiled sadly and sat next to him on the couch.

“Hello.” He whispered.

“Hey..” I said back, I looked up at his girlfriend and she was confused.

“Oh I’m Sorry I’m Lily Zack’s really close friend.”

“I’m Miranda, Zack’s date.” She said proudly. At least he hadn’t gotten a girlfriend, but he was on a date 2 days after the break up but then again so was I.

“Aw, thats great I bet Zack is the best date.” The memories of our first date tangled into my thoughts. I leaned into Zack and gave him a hug. And luckily for me he returned it. I wish I could stay there forever and let him reassure me. But we couldn’t. I pulled away and quickly wiped my tear away. I pulled at my hair and looked away. I gazed across the crowd and saw Marc heading this way. I cleared my throat trying to shake away the unpredicted Fear that has crossed over me as I saw Marc. He headed towards me and I stood up flatted my shirt out. Marc stumbled over to me and kissed my neck roughly. His light stubble hurt and his mouth grazed my neck. I lightly pushed him away but he took my hand and put it around his waist as his hand slipped into my jean pocket. I squirmed lightly but no one seemed to notice. I looked at Zack and he had sympathy in his eyes. I guess he just knew

“This is Marc.” I said loudly trying to get his hand out from my jeans.

“This is OUR first date!”. He Shouted and started moving. He was already plastered.

“Bye Zack.” I whispered Marc started pulling me through the crowd.

“Marc stop.” He removed his hand and pushed me in front of him. As he pushed me to the steps of the household I stopped.

“Come on!” He yelled.

“No Stop, I want to go home!” I shouted. I look back at Zack and he was looking at me. All of a sudden I was swept off my feet and thrown harshly over Marc’s Shoulder. I could smell the alcohol in his breath. I knew this wouldn’t end up well. He walked up two stairs and screamed. A girl looked at me and rolled her eyes. Marc’s hand over lapped my mouth as I tried to scream again. It was pointless, the music was too loud. I took a quick glance at Zack and he was talking to his date. I have no one to save me now.

We reached the long hallway after the forceful climb up the stairs. He set me off of his shoulder and pushed me into the room closest to us.

“Now, Shut up!” He yelled. I was surprised, I didn’t know that he was like this. I guess its what i get for going out with someone i barely knew. My mind was racing. I looked over to the window and it was open. That was my only escape route I had to try. Marc turned away searching through the dresser. I quietly walked away from the bed and pushed the window up more. Marc turned around as i slipped a leg over the ledge touching the roof. He came running over. I had to continue to try, I just had to! He started pulling of my purple vest in an attempt to pull me into his grasp. I got my other leg over but i slipped and now I was facing Marc and laying on the sharp ledge. I could feel the metal slowly and painfully cutting through my skin. Marc tossed off my vest and I yelped in pain as he grabbed my arms and pulled me. I started to slowly move and I couldn’t grab anything to stop it from happening. I tried to wrap my ankle around a stone roof but it slipped.

“Your not GOING anywhere!” He yelled and tugged again this time hard enough. The force of the metal cut the bottom of my shirt off and made many cuts into my stomach. I began to cry. I wasn’t sure whether it was out of pure fear, or the pain. He tugged once more and it felt as though my arms were going to pop out of my sockets. I screamed again hoping someone outside of next door would hear me. He tugged once more and I fell in.

“You dumb bitch!” He cried. I tried to get up but he slammed me on the bed. I closed my eyes and held in my whimpers. He ripped the rest of my shirt off. I tried the best to fend him off but I was too weak from the pain on my stomach and from the tears that were slipping. He removed my jeans as I kicked violently.

“Stay still, your making this difficult baby.”

“Don’t call me Baby!” I shouted loudly. Anger was over taking the pathetic sadness. I was pissed, he thought he could do this to me! Nothing happening correctly anymore!. I knew I couldn’t let this happen but he was already moving his disgusting mouth to my neck. He held my arms above my head and kissed me again. He left a trail of saliva up and down my neck. It was disgusting. I became limp and my idea started to form. I left him kiss me for awhile shutting my eyes thinking. He then came on top of me removing his own shirt and jeans. Right when he was crawling on top I kneed him. Hard and quick. He doubled over in pain and I was freed. I Opened the door and screamed as loud as i could. I walked to the stairs and screamed ‘Zack’. His eyes met with mine and hands gripped my hips violently. He dragged me back into the room as I got a couple more screams out.

“You are going to pay you bitch, now let me fuck you.” He said throwing me on the bed. I wasn’t built very well, i was skinny and on the boney side. I started to cry as I could feel the bruises forming on my body. I screamed as he moved his hands to my back. In that second Zack came bursting in.

“You pig get the fuck away!” He practically charged at Marc, so hard I heard the wind be knocked out of him. For some sick reason a smile crossed over my lips. But inside I was feeling like a sack of cow crap. I almost had my innocents forcefully taken from me. Zack was always there to save me. But he couldn’t keep doing that. Zack picked me up and walked down the stairs.

“Lily are you okay?” He said glancing down at my almost naked body.

“If I said yes I would be lying.” I whispered. He kissed my forehead and whispered reassuring words to me. Or what most people would find reassuring, personally I find it a crock of shit. He walked out the front door of the house and his girlfriend was silently trailing behind. Zack seat me in the back of his car and put a blanket over me.

“Heres what i could find of your clothes.” Miranda whispered. She set down my shoes and phone, nothing else. All I was wearing was my underwear and bra. I touched my neck before Zack started the car and the neck lace was barely hanging on to its chain. I gingerly took it off and held it tightly in my palm. I closed my eyes as the car came to life. I closed my eyes, and thought. I thought about what could have been. What I have done. And what already happened. And I wish I could take it all back.