Swim or Drown?

I was awoken by being placed on my bed and the door being closed. I opened eyes. Dried tears covered my face and I coughed a few times. I was still gripping the necklace. I got up and a head rush overwhelmed me, forcing me to sit back down. I was dressed in only my undergarments and my high heels. I felt like nothing I have ever felt before. I felt like gum on the bottom of a prostitutes shoe, i was consistently being walked on. I kicked off my high heels and ran to the bathroom. I felt like I was going to puke. I closed my eyes to clear my mind. But all that was left of my thoughts was what Marc was about to do to me. When I opened my eyes I held back my hair and out went my guts into the white porcelain. I flushed the toilet and washed my mouth out. I turned on the shower and left to gather clothes. I wasn’t really feeling much emotion, i was numb. My phone vibrated and I turned to the bed.

^Text Message (2)^
^Zacky AKA Muscle man^ I don’t know what to say, I am so sorry Lily, If you need me I’m right here. I love you.
^Alex <3^ Can I come over and talk to you.

I wasn’t planning on replying to any but I did.
^Me^ No, Alex.-send

I set my phone down and the emotion seemed to spread through my body and my numbness faded. I ran over and gathered my book bag. I grabbed clothes and such ; random things. I zipped the bag and grabbed a random outfit not thinking and bringing it to my bathroom. I jumped in the shower quickly, trying to scrub off the feeling of his skin.

“Fuck.” I muttered. I never really cussed. Time to start. I jumped out hurrying. Oh Yes I have a plan, believe it or not. LILY MARIE SPARKS, has a plan. I was hoping it would work out. I dressed quickly looking in the mirror. I actually matched. I put a gray beanie over my wet blonde hair. I brushed it through and curled my eyelashes and put eyeliner on. I sprayed perfume and shoved those few things in my backpack. I rushed into my room and walked up to my laptop. I opened the document and began typing.

*I havn’t typed in a couple days and this project is deeply secrete and will be exposed to no one. I am Running away. I have gathered my things and I am leaving. I was almost raped tonight and Zack saved me. . To solve my problems I am running away I won’t be back for awhile until someone notices I’m missing. This should be intersting and I will record my progress if i stop back. Destination: cemetery. * I changed my font to white and underneath wrote something. *I am in love with Alexander William Gaskarth* This bit was just for me. I was being blunt and quick. I wanted to record this, not so I could tell my teacher my dramas, I really didn’t want to turn it in but I could keep it for my self and one day look back and read this. I guess this was kinda my diary. I saved and closed. I grabbed my phone and Ipod. I put the buds in and turned the music up loudly. I put my phone in my pocket and shut off all my lights and left my house. Grabbing a vitamin water and my house key. I sighed and started my walk to the cemetery.

ALEX’S POV

I had sent Lily a text and she had finally replied. With a no? This was not Lily or the Lily I knew, and loved. I picked up my car keys and left to her house. All the lights were out and the door was slightly ajar. Fuck. Was all i thought. I walked into her house slowly and flicked on the lights one by one. No one was here. Thank god. I walked up to her room and opened her door flicking the lights on. Her room was a mess. Clothes and other things...I tried to keep my eyes off were thrown across the room. I walked over to her desk and turned on the lamp and opened her laptop. On the screen was a document typed in Arial. I looked at the dates and read the one from today.

--

I scrolled up, panic rushing through me. I scanned some previous information. My heart hurt and I wanted to cry, which was so odd for me. It was about her brother and his suicide. I guess Lily wouldn’t want me reading all of her stuff. I shut the laptop off and the lights. I rushed out of the house, locking the door, and jumping in my car. I drove straight to the cemetery, with the name Chase Sparks in my head.

--

LILY’S POV

I reached his grave and sat down next to it.

“Hey Chase, I miss you, I haven’t been here in a while, Sorry about that. So I guess I should catch you up on whats going on.”

“Well I’m living with grandma and grandma is visiting mom. Druggie. Um dad I guess he is fine. Don’t know haven’t talked to him in a while. You remember Alex right? Well hes back in my life. I still like him. I know. Oh and I went out with Zack. And Jack and Carly are a thing now. Zack is now dating a really nice girl. It seems like my life isn’t going to well. I miss you, I wish you were still here. I’m sorry.” I finished and looked up and yawned. I still didn’t know where I was going to stay. I looked at my ipod and looked at the time. 1:11. I closed my eyes and made a wish.

--
ALEX’S POV

I found the beautiful girl sitting up against his grave with her eyes closed. She was dressed in all gray. She looked gorgeous even when she didn’t try. Damn. Thoughts started to cloud my mind; The many ways I could rip her now clothed body, why I didn’t kiss her that afternoon, How I did kiss her soft neck, How I want her.. I stopped and shook my head. No bad Alex. I walked towards there and she still had her eyes closed. I kneeled down next to her and her eye lids fluttered open. She looked into my eyes and didn’t say anything. She straightened up and looked down as I saw her cheeks flush red.

“How did you know I was here.” She pointed to his grave as I sat down and wrapped my arms around her. She jumped into my lap and wrapped her arms around me. In some type of sideways hug. She smelled so fucking good, even though she was in a cemetery with dead people in the ground.

“I went to your house and your door was open and lights were off so I thought you were like being held captive so I walked in being all Mr. brave and shit I got to your room and then decided to go all Sherlock Holmes and I looked at your document on your laptop and read that you were running away, well thats all I read it was what caught my eye I closed it, I didn’t do to much snooping, although I was pretty tempted to look through your undies.” She looked up at me and I winked. She just shook her head and smiled. She snuggled farther in my chest and I noticed her body was moving slightly I pulled her up and saw the tears flowing from her eyes.

“Lily whats wrong!!?”

“I..guess.you didn’t read....the part about...Marc almost um..raping me.” Her voice quieted and she closed her eyes.

“What the fuck no I don’t! God damn asshole. Will you tell me what happened.”

“Um ya.” She said calming down and wiping her tears away. “This may sound weird, but can we go somewhere else, I don’t want my brother listening in.” She smiled down at the grave, which made me smile.

“Of course Lily, anything for you.” She stood up and put her ipod in her checked pink back pack. Which I assumed had her ‘runaway’ items in it. She grabbed her bag and slug it over her shoulder and took my hand. I led her to the car and drove to her house. I didn’t want her to leave my house in the morning, I wanted to wake up to her in the morning, like we did before I crushed her. Like an asshole.

“Why are you taking me back to my house?” She said as we pulled up to the sidewalk.

“I wanna have a sleepover like we did before I was a douche, and I don’t want you to sleep anywhere but with me tonight.” I said. I looked at her and she was blushing. I smiled in response.

“Okay Alexander.” She stepped out of my car and ran into the house and upstairs. And I saw her room light flip on.

I walked into the house and locked the door. I walked up the steps and opened her now shut door. Without knocking. She was getting undressed. I simply watched like the hormonal teenager I am. She took off her hoodie and slipped off her pants. She tossed them in a corner and took off her beanie. She was in just her undergarments. I knocked on the slightly open door.

“Come in Alex.” I watched her jump in her bed and cover up. I walked in and closed the door behind me. She patted the spot in the bed next to her. Oh fuck. I smiled and tried to calm myself. There was just a half naked girl I was in love with, in a bed. Oh shit. I breathed in and took off my shirt and pants leaving me in my boxers. I slowly got in as she watched me. I slipped under her covers and she turned on her side. She propped her head up with her hand and smiled. I felt the heat coming off of her body, I wanted no I needed to be closer. But I didn’t think I should.

“Well you remember Marc the asshole slash lifeguard, well after Zack broke up with me, I guess I wasn’t thinking and I excepted to go on a date with the douche. And so he got high and drunk and the party, meanwhile I ran into Zack and hes new girlfriend or date whatever, after like 2 days, and said hello, very painful I guess, but then again I was kinda happy that he broke up with me because I love-” She stopped her self and scooted closer to me. I guess she didn’t know what she was doing to me. Holy damn, the sheets had slid down her small frame and was exposing her bra and such. She seemed like she didn’t care, she didn’t mind that she was showing me her body. Which I of course had no problem with. -”Anyway and so then Marc came over and slapped my ass and then dragged me up the stairs while I was screaming and yelling over the loud music at the party, and then he threw me into a room and I tried to escape but he got me and scraped my stomach up, then he ripped off my clothes and got on top of me and started to kiss all over me while I was being pathetic and cried, but then Zack came to save me and drove me home.” She was looking at me as my mouth was agape.

“Can I see your stomach?”

“Mhm.” She pulled the sheets off her and showed me her stomach. Cuts were all over she reached for my hand and placed it on her stomach and guided my index finger over her cuts. She let go of my hand and laid on her back, I stopped the tracing and looked at her and scooted as close and possible to me. Her chest was touching mine, her hips were touching my stomach and I was beginning to loose control. She grabbed my hand again and re-guided it to do the tracing. My rough finger tip was going over her cuts on her stomach.

“That feels oddly really amazing.” She laughed closing her eyes and sighing. I continued tracing her soft stomach and just watching her.

“Thank you Alex. For finding me and bringing me home, Oh and touching my icky cuts.” She added with a giggle. I smiled at her giggle and leaned into her stomach. She looked down at me with a confused look on her face. I leaned in and started to kiss her cuts. I kissed one over and over and then looked at her. She was biting her lip but she had her eyes closed. So i kept doing it.

“Oh goshh.” She whimpered. She opened her eyes, and her faced turned red. I realized she was gripping the sheets tightly and her lip was bleeding. Was I making her this way? I took my index finger and moved it across her bleeding lip, the blood now stopping but was covering my finger. I smudged it across my boxers and looked up at her. Her eyes were wide staring at me.

“Sorry love your lip was bleeding.” She blushed again. Maybe I did have an effect on her. I smiled and leaned down to her stomach and kissed the cut right below her belly button. I felt her body stiffen and the sheets move. I kissed it again. I could taste her lotion in my mouth. I licked my lips and kissed the spot again.

“Fuc-pops Alex no fair.” she yelled and pulled the sheets up alittle. I laughed at her and laid my head on her pillow. I wrapped my arms around her and she sighed relaxing. My hands rested on her stomach. I sighed into the back of her neck and she shivered.

“Alex.” She warned me.

“Oh fine, love, ruin my fun. Oh and by the way babe I very much enjoy making you squirm like that.” She laughed and turned around and hit my chest.

“Shut up Alex, I was just ticklish and I didn’t want to give you the pleasure of me giving in and laughing.”

“Oh believe me, you already did give me the pleasure.” I said laughing.

“Pig.” She mumbled as her breathing slowed and her eyes shut.

“Goodnight love.” I said and moved and piece of hair from her eyes.

“I love you Alex.” She murmured. If only she meant it the way I wish she did.

I loved Lily Marie Sparks. But I already knew that.