Swim or Drown?

Chapter 3

The kids were eager to leave, therefore easy to teach. Everything was going perfect. But then came time to use the dolls. I borrowed another classmates doll. And explained the regular CPR technique. Everyone was catching on and then came Alex. I had volunteered ((stupid me)) to be Alex’s practice doll. Alex walked over to me and smiled, i returned it.

“So, teach me, Miss teacher”. He chuckled and ruffled his hair. I can do this...

“Mkay, so I lay down, and you come down to me like the other students are to their dolls.” I lied down and sighed, preparing myself. This has never happened before, I always had a doll for every student.

“MHM...” Alex spoke slowly as his face inched closer to mine.

“You come to my lips.” I stopped and looked at him.

“If you don’t wanna um like, ya know be my practice ‘doll’ I understand, I will just come another class.” His brown eyes shown disappointment.

“No, I will get fired if someone doesnt get their certificate of graduation from the class, just don’t think this means anything, strictly not pleasured, but business.”

“Sure thing teach”. He smiled and i couldn’t help but giggle. The thing about Alex was he always lightened my spirits. I really had needed him when my brother died, maybe i wouldn’t be in the situation i am now. But you can’t undo what is already done. I sighed and spoke again.

“You come to my lips and blow into my mouth a few times then do the pump. ((Okay authors pause, I am not sure exactly the proper techniques so don’t go tell on meh))
You put both hand underneath my chest and pump. Make sure your hands are in a semi cupped position.”

“Okay..” Alex looked unsure but he inched down. His face was directly in front of mine. He lowered down and the tingly feeling started. His lips met mine and i wanted to kiss back but it was just business. I let my mouth relax as he wrapped his lips around mine and began blowing in air. He was doing this perfect. I gave him a thumbs up and he smiled as his lips left mine. The tingling feeling was still there and i couldn’t believe how much i enjoyed that. He cupped his hands and placed them over my cleavage. I took his hands and lowered them to the correct spot. I was blushing madly, I could feel my cheeks heated. He looked down at me and he started to blush and look away.

“So-sorry”. He muttered. Weird...Alex was never shy about something like that. In my mind i was hoping he changed but in my heart, it said differently.

“Go.” Was all I managed to get out. He continued and pumped his hands. He did this perfectly also. I grabbed his hands and placed them on my stomach.

“Good job, Gaskarth.” I sat up and his hands fell down to my lap. I started blushing and he quickly removed them.

“So I did good?” He questioned.

“Yes very good..” He smiled at me. I turned my head towards the class and snapped my fingers. Their heads turned to me and i began to speak.

“Okay this class is over in 5 minutes so if you could stack the dolls were you found them and exit so you all can receive your license for CPR.” The class dropped their dolls by the exit and left. All that was left was me and Alex. I turned to him and he was staring at me.

“Are, Aren’t you going to go get yours Gaskarth?”

“Oh ya, but i was wondering if you could do me a favor and start calling me Alex, mkay.” And with that he left. I sighed and kept touching my lips. The tingling feeling had yet to go away. Maybe he gave me some sexual disease is all i could think of and all i wanted to think of. I turned of the lights and locked the CPR room, leaving to meet with the 4.

“Hey, you guys ready to get in the flipping pool?” I questioned removing my shirt. I was forgetting Alex was right there, but i was going to have to get over it. Hes just a guy who hurt me, I can act normal around my friends even if he is included.

“Fo sho!” Carly said jumping up and down. Zack, Jack, and Carly all ran to the deep pool and jumped in. Damn them. They seemed to be leaving me and Alex alone. ALOT.
i walked over to the chairs Zack had gotten for us and removed my pants setting them on the long sun chair. Alex removed his shirt and i glanced over. He was perfect, he wasn’t as ripped as Zack and he wasn’t as skinny as lil’ Jacky. He had perfect hair, eyes, and a slightly large nose but nothing compared to jacky. Maybe thats why he hurt me so bad because i easily fall into his good looks and charming personality and i am to far into the hole of loving Alex.

“So can we have some alone time now?” he spoke lightly and grabbed my hand. He intertwined are fingers and i sighed. He always does this shows affection like this and it doesn’t mean anything to him but to me holding hands is flirting or showing some sort of feelings.

“Sure, Alex, where do you wanna go?”

“Um, the pool were we won’t be bothered, can we go to the private lesson pool?”

“Ya fine, but if i get caught its all on you.” I poked his chest and lead him to the private pool. I jumped in pulling him with me. No matter how much i wanted to hate Alex i couldn’t deny the the instinct i had to be myself around him. He made me so much happier, but i still couldn’t deny that he had hurt me, real bad. Me and Alex were still holding hands as we were uncovered by the water. As soon as we reached the surface we were both smiling.

“I have missed you so much, Lily, You don’t understand how much remorse i have and how stupid i feel, I can’t believe I stopped being friends with you, God i’m such a jackass, Lily I love you soo much, You are the best friend ever, I ca-”.

“Shhsshh”. I put my finger up to his lips and he kissed my finger. After he said Your the best friend ever, i knew he didn’t feel anything else except a friendship bond not a relationship.

“I really do love you Lily.....More then you know, I wish you would forgive me somehow, I know thats a lot to ask and i know it will be hard...but i wanna start being with you again.”

“Alex, is this what you wanted alone time to talk about, really, me forgiving you?”

“No, I wanted to know how your life was, whats going on, who is the lucky guy being able to kiss you, were i can find him and teach him a lesson”. He winked and a blush appeared upon my cheeks.

“Well Alexander, um I live with my grandmother you know, and my mother is refusing rehab again, and I work here and my life is fun because i have my friends to hang out with and on the last bit, 1. Don’t have a boyfriend 2. Even if i had one he wouldn’t be lucky there are much more beautiful girls out there Alexander, you would know.”
Alex had my back facing the small rock in the pool and he was very close with his hands on both sides of me. He moved his hands to my waist and ran them up and down my sides. I looked in his eyes and they seemed confused,almost as though they didn’t know what was happening. The movement of his hands on my waist gave me a warm feeling explode inside of my stomach and i couldn’t help but smile. He stopped and moved his hands to my face cupping it lightly.

“Lily Marie Sparks, you are a beautiful girl, and i am so honored that I can be able to be with you. You were and I hope to be again the perfect best friend.” Again just friends. He leaned and kissed my cheek.

I reached up and removed his hands and tossed them back into the water. He frowned but I just shrugged it off.

“Okay Alexander, my turn, Hows life, and who is the lucky girl?” I said sighing as I thought about the many girls he has used and gone threw, like a box of tissues.

“Um life is great, Mom and Dad are going out of town soon, All Time Low is great i have been working on some new ideas for songs, and Right now Surprise,surprise I’m not dating anyone, 3 days ago I found out my girlfriend Vicki was cheating so I let her go, we were dating for 1 month.” He looked away and sighed.

“I’m sorry Alex”. Inside I was jumping up and down, and glad he let go of her. I hated Vicki with a passion. She was one of the ‘popular’ slutbags of our high school. Of course Alex would date her, her pants always seemed to be half way ‘undone’.

“Its fine, She just wanted some, so doesn’t matter, i’m over it, So Lily I was wondering when my parents go out of town you wanna have a sleepover, just like old times. Just me and you, movies and pizza”. He was smiling and his big brown dopey eyes were screaming with joy.

“I will think about it Alex, You have my number now, so text me with that dates and I will see if I’m not busy.” Although the offer sounded amazing, I wasn’t planning on letting my walls down for Alex, I have taken years to build up.

“Oh okay, Well maybe before that we can go to the zoo ? Or Marine life place, I know how much you love it their.”

“Ya, again just text me Alex.”

“Okay..” He looked at me but I refused meet his gaze.

I dunked my head under the water and slicked back my hair, tying it in a tight ponytail, when i turned around i came 1 inch from Alex’s face.

“Wow, Oh sorry Lily”.

“Sure, Sure.” I mumbled and sighed.

“Can I give you a piggyback ride!?” Alex jumped up and down in the water sending ripples across the water. He was smiling and bating his eyelashes.

“I’m good..” I muttered.

“Please!!” He folded his arms and pouted, I mean who could say no, obviously not me.

“Okay Alex, Give me a piggy back ride.” I giggled and he dove underneath my legs picking me up on his back. I yelped as He grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist.

“Giddey up baby horsey!!” I yelled and ruffled his wet hair.

“Yeeeahhhhaaa!!!” He tried to make a horse noise and started running in the water back and forth in the private pool. After awhile of me laughing and him making very sad on the verge of death horse noise. He stopped and flipped me off his back and held onto my waist.

“Did you like your horsey ride?” He was smiling like a child now.

“Well if the horse was dying then you did a great job!”. I giggled and he pouted.

“Aw, don’t be sad baby boy, you can get some ice cream!” I grabbed his hands and pulled him out of the pool.

“I win Ice creammm?????!!!” He jumped up and down.

“Here, little boy” I tossed him a towel. He looked at it and ran over to me and started hugging me.

“Your my towel, mommy!” he smiled up at me and giggled.

“Okay, Alex...”. I pushed him off of me and I dried off.

“Mommy, was I bad?” He questioned and crossed his arms, looking down.

“Just chill, okay.” I said. He was acting like nothing ever happen between us. And something did, I wasn’t going to be that naive again, i was tired of it. I was always naive and positive, my life has now taught me different. Have my father cheat on my mother, my mother become a drug addict, and my brother commit suicide, i am not really the best ‘positive’ thinker.

“Do i still get ice cream?” He questioned and I just walked away.

“WAITTTT LILY!!” He ran up to me and grabbed my hand and started swinging it back and forth.

“Alex...”. I took my hand out of his and turned to him.

“This” I pointed to him and then back to me “Can’t happen, I need time Alex, Your to easy to fall in lo-friendship with, I’m not going to be so naive as I did the last time, I need you and you left me!”

“Lily I’m sorry, I thought you just stopped being the Lily i knew and loved, as a best friend, The bets friend shit was fueling my anger and i knew a fuse was about to be blown. I could feel the blood boiling and I couldn’t stop myself.

“SHUT UP ALEX JUST SHUT UP!!! YOU KNOW WHY I WASN’T THE LILY YOU KNEW AND LOVED AS A BEST FRIEND IS BECAUSE MY DAD CHEATED ON MY MOM, MY MOM IS A DRUG ADDICT AND MY LITTLE BROTHER COMMITTED SUICIDE, AND I CAUSED HIM TO DO IT ALEX!!!!”

“DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS BEING PUSHED AWAY FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS BEYOND FUCKED UP!!” I had tears pouring from my eyes now. Dripping from my cheeks to my chin, to my chest, to my stomach. I was shaking and sobbing now.

“All--i wa-antted was f-f-o-or you to h-h-o-o-ld me!!” I wrapped my arms around my torso and fell to the ground. I looked up at Alex threw my tears and realized he was crying. He kneeled down to me and wrapped me in his warm arms. This is were I have always wanted to be with Alex in his arms, perfect bliss. I loved him, but my head was telling me different. My heart was in one place while my head was in another. Needless to say I was so screwed, screwed and hopeless.

***************************************************************************************************
Thanks for all of you guys I love you!!! [Dreams :)]