Swim or Drown?

Me and Zack just sat there talking. Even if we were brand new boyfriend girlfriend he wasn’t one to rush anything. I got off of him and put my sweater back on.

“I think i should be going.”

“M’kay, I know this won’t be a huge surprise, but I’m going to do that surprise date tonight, so don’t go do something and not be available for the whole night, and I mean the whole night”. He winked and kissed me on the forehead.

“Bye babe.” He whispered and left. I walked over to my phone and texted Carly and Jack, NO more Alex.

*ME* Hey!! guess what me and Zack are going out!!!!!* I sent that to the both of them and packed up. I headed for the door and waved politely at the librarian when my phone rang. It was Carly. I walked out side and answered the call.

“HELLOO!!!” I said happily, skipping to my car.

“Congrats!!!” It was Carly and Jack’s voice, so they were together. I am so glad there relationship was working out.

“Thanks, you guys. Carly can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure dollface”. There was a click and some silence then her voice.

“Yellow?” She answered.

“I never knew I had any feelings for Zack until he kissed me..”

“Babe he kissed you!?”

“Ya, a lot also,It felt right”. At least I thought it did.

“Good thing you didn’t do it in the Library!” Her laughter filled the phone and I just rolled my eyes.

“Are you even taking me seriously?” Her laughter faded and she cleared her throat.

“Sorry Lily Um ya. Have you told Alex?”. She said a bit scared.

“No, and he wouldn’t give a flying pigs butt anyways!” I threw my hands up in the air and started to drive, i know driving while talking on your cell phone, against the law blah blah. Old news. I buckled my seatbelt and Carly’s voice screamed.

“Are you alright?” I questioned.

“Jacky...” She whispered and then laughed.

“Okay ew im going to go then..”. I said thinking about what they could be doing.

“Stop, Jack! Sorry Lily um i wouldn’t be so sure about the whole Alex not caring I mean- AHH JACK!” And the line hung up.

I sighed and reached home. I wasn’t planning on calling them back, who knows whats going on, or what they’re doing. I shivered at the thought. I walked up to my front door and noticed a note.

On it was written in Zack’s sloppy print.

Girlfriend with a smiley face :)
-At 4:30 tonight there will be box delivered with a dress and stuff haha, ya i want you to be ready by 5:30 I will pick you up. This is your surprise....-

I smiled and waited for the butterflies. But they didn’t come. I frowned and dug around my messenger bag for my key. I found it and slipped it into the lock. I walked into my house and set the key down.

“No butterflies”, I breathed to myself, confused. I walked up stairs and unpacked my things. I reopened my laptop and continued my document.

He needs to prove himself to me, and obviously he proved me that, he didn’t care not that he ever truly did.

I reread the line over and over. Hmm...Well i wasn’t planning on erasing anything, i was going to make this as raw as possible. So I continued.

Well Guess what Zack Merrick one of my best friends is now my boyfriend. My first boyfriend. Wow, this is exciting. But nothing i hoped for. I wanted my first boyfriend to be Alex Gaskarth. The man who i have an not going away! unusual, annoying, and disappointing love for. Tonight Zack is taking me on a surprise date,and I don’t have butterflies, Yet when Alex similes or holds me I have butterflies. I mean when I was on that couch with him...when he kissed me i liked being that way with Zack I mean he was very attractive and he is caring,sweet, and WAS THERE FOR ME.

I capitalized that for a reason, Alex was so much more but was not there for me when i needed him and thats why I keep, well in a sad attempt, to push my feelings for him away . But obviously it wasn’t working..I shook my head and got back to my writing.

Alex, well he was GORGEOUS no getting around that, he was sweet, caring, warm, special and my first real love. But he wasn’t there for me when my family went out of control. He changed to my best friend to a manwhore. And i don’t think I can help him. I don’t even think he cares about me. My head was telling me the truth, I still have feelings for him and my heart was telling me it wasn’t ready to be hurt again.

My doorbell rang and i noticed it was 4:30. I guess this was my surprise. I kept waiting and waiting for the excitement to fill me but nothing was happening. Maybe it was cause I was so use to Zack.. Thats the only excuse i was allowing to pass through. I saved my document and turned off my laptop. I slowly walked down the stairs. I know, your first boyfriend is leaving a box full of secret things and its a nice date, I should be running so fast down the stairs I trip. But i didn’t feel like I was even happy or excited. I wasn’t even thinking about our date, I was thinking about Alex. Who I hate! I picked up my pace down the stairs in an attempt to distract me. I reached for the box and opened it on he kitchen table.

(Whats inside, link down there)
It was simple and sweet. I really liked the dress. I smiled. I guess Zack really did want us to be together. I just wish i felt the same way. I mean what happens when he finds out I’m not happy. I have no emotion about us being together. I feel so horrible. But i can’t help it. I guess I was just going to put on my happy face and help Zack out, well just for awhile maybe a week or two and I can come up with an excuse... Like its awkward or something. I just don’t want to break Zack’s heart, I know it doesn’t feel good. I took my things and headed up stairs. I showered and slipped on the dress. It fit me perfectly. I curled my hair lightly and put on some mascara and sliver eyeshadow. I noticed it was 5:25 and I slipped on my the high heels and walked downstairs.

The door bell rang and Zack was dressed in (Link down in authors note) He looked cute. But not in the way Alex would look when he would be dressed up...I Slapped my forehead then repeated Zack’s name in my head i put up the image of me and him kissing. No more Alex. I walked to Zack and kissed him. He pushed me away slightly and gazed at me. I twirled around and a smile was on his face as i finished my circle.

“Wow”. He said and took my hand.

“You look very sexy”. I whispered into his ear. This was NOT like Lily. The sad part was I knew what i was doing. I was trying to be the sexy blonde girl, try to forget Alex by being with Zack. But obviously I wasn’t, I am the quirky blonde book worm sweetie, and I liked who I was. I knew that I was using Zack. And i felt horrible. But in a sick way i wanted him to be more than just friends. I pushed the truth out of my mind and squeezed Zack’s hand.

“You ready my darling?” He asked.

“Of course.” I tried to keep my mind on the present and not let it wonder to Alex or anything of that sort....

We jumped in his car and he blind folded me. We drove for 15 minutes of comfortable silence and then the car stopped. Zack took my blind fold off and I opened my eyes. I was at my favorite restaurant, that i haven’t visited since my brother died.

“Zack”. A tear fell and I jumped into his arms.

“Thank you so much, I never thought I would come here again, Thank you Zack.” I whispered, my worries melting away.

“I love you Lily and would do anything for you.” I let another tear slip as i realized how much he truly does care about me. Which made me feel even worse. Great! Zack brought his hand to my face and gently wiped away my tears. As his hand left my cheek I grabbed it and smiled.

“Thank you Zack.” We walked up the 3 steps and I realized no one was here. We stepped inside the door. The familiar scent of the Italian restaurant filled my nose. I smiled as the memories of times with Chase and my ‘together’ family coming here. Another tear slipped as i could hear Chase’s laughter fading in and out. Zack Squeezed my hand and i returned back to reality.

“Table for two I’m Zack Merrick.” He said to the hostess.

“Oh yes, the young man who reserved the whole restaurant for you and your girlfriend, very sweet.”

I was speechless, I wonder how much this must of cost, not only did he remember my favorite restaurant he reserved the whole place for our first date. The hostess walked away. I turned to Zack and gave him a passionate kiss. He kissed back and moved his hands to my cheeks. I heard the hostess clear his throat and I just knew I was blushing red all through my face.

“Sorry”. I mumbled looking down.

“Its fine, what a cute couple of love birds, well follow me.” We followed the hostesses till we reached a table in the back. The light was dim and small rose scented candles surrounded the circle table in the middle of the floor. The white table cloth was littered with rose peddles and romantic was softly playing in the background. It was beautiful. The hostess left and I leaned across the table and kissed Zack lightly.

“Zack, I don’t know how I am going to ever repay, you went out of your way to make me happy..You’re amazing!”
“Lily, yesterday when i finally got the guts to tell you that i have been in love with you for a while, it changed my world. You are what i have always been looking for, you are my true love. I would do anything for you Lily. I love you!”

“I love you too Zack.” And i was being completely truthful all those thoughts and doubts about me using Zack has vanished. I did love Zack and he ment the world to me. I couldn’t think of Alex anymore, just Zack.

A small blonde waiter came to the table and asked for our orders. I ordered whatever Zack wanted. He held my hand the whole dinner. He looked into my eyes the whole night. And I didn’t want it any other way. The evening at the restaurant went amazing. As we left he pulled me into him and pulled out a small lavender box.

“Zack, you, you got me something else?” I stuttered. I was completely mesmerized that on our first date he went to such an expense.

“I know this is a lot but i have had feelings for you for awhile, since we first met, im just making up for lost time. Lily, your gorgeous, Your an amazing person, and you mean everything to me. You have been and always will be the best person I have had the honor to be friends and now even more then friend with. I wanted to get you something. For even if we break up and were just friends. That you will always have a very special place in my heart for all eternity.” He spoke sweetly to me. I believed every word he was saying. A tear slipped my eyes and he wiped it away, then kissed my cheek were the tear had been wiped away.

“Here.” he opened the lavender box to reveal, probably the most beautiful piece of jewelry i have ever seen.(necklace picture down in authors note

“Oh Zack..” I was barely able to speak. I held up my hair and Zack hooked the pieces together. The necklace rested lightly on my neck in between my collarbone.

“It looks like it was ment to be there.” Zack said kissing my cheek. I nodded. I still couldn’t believe this. If Zack felt like this forever why didn’t he tell me then. I wonder were i would of been if Zack had told me before my family fell apart. But wondering doesn’t get me anywhere thats for sure. I am s uppose to live in the moment, or at least thats what grandma told me. Zack took my hand and we walked to a park near the restaurant.

“Thank you so much for everything Zack, for being there for me when I needed you the most, for loving me even when I was unloveable, for sticking with me, for calling me pretty and for tonight. I am such a lucky girl to have a -” I was cut off to Zack’s lips. I kissed back and ignored the nagging feeling telling me there was no spark. I put my arms up into Zack’s hair. I smiled into the kiss and perfect bliss burst through me. I pulled away and hugged Zack. Being in Zack’s arms were amazing. But nothing compared to being in Alex’s arms.
“Damn!” I mumbled out loud. Whoops.........

“What?” Zack said unhooking from our hug.

“Nothing, Your just such and amazing boyfriend, and I don’t deserve you..” I wasn’t lying at least. I truly didn’t deserve him but he wasn’t going to find out why.

“Lily, yes you do your an amazing person and I have waited years for US to happen.” I nodded. He took my hand and led me back to the car. I slipped in and played with the beautiful purple crystal heart resting peacefully between my collarbones. We sat in silence as he drove me back to my house. Zack broke the silence.

“Do you wanna spend the night?” He whispered and I could tell he was blushing.

“Aw, of course Zacky I just need to pick up my stuff.” I smiled. He was such a cutie. He was shy and caring. Two things...I stopped my self and shook my head as he pulled up to my house.

“Be down in 20”. I opened the car door and walked to the front door. I opened the door and sighed. Grandma wasn’t here and I missed her. Maybe i should call and check on her sometime. I walked up stairs and gathered some clothes and my bathroom necessities. I packed them in my backpack and walked back down stairs. I have spent the night at Zack’s many times before. But always with Jack and sometimes Carly, I always had the best times at Zack’s But in the back of my head I was wondering how awkward this night was going to turn out. I hopped back into Zack’s car and we turned down the street. Zack didn’t live far away neither did Carly, Jack or Alex. Thats why we were such close friends. That and Maryland wasn’t that big. I love small towns I hate L.A. and New York there’s always just too much. My rambling stopped as we pulled into Zack’s garage. I got my things together and Zack opened my door.

“Thank you Zacky”. Ever since we were friends I would always call him Zacky. But now we were more then friends and I was wondering if it would still be Okay.We walked into his house and his parents weren’t home.

“Where’s your parents Zack?”

“Out for their honey moon.” He said simply and walked up stairs. I followed him upstairs to what I’m guessing we were heading to his room.

ZACKS P.O.V

“Where is your parents Zack?” Lily’s soft voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Out for their honey moon.” I said and walked upstairs expecting her to follow me I guess. I was so nervous. I mean yes I have had her over before be we were just friends and now that it is different. I played with my thumbs as I walked into my room. She came in and sat down on my bed.

“I’m going to go change.” I said and rushed out of the room. I walked into the bathroom and changed in to some basketball shorts and no top? I forgot to grab a shirt crap! I splashed cold water on my face in an attempt to clear my head and make me be able to function. I brushed my teeth and walked to my room. I stood in front of my door for a couple of minutes trying to gather my thoughts. I placed my hand on the knob and turned it to the right. The door opened revealing a half naked Lily. I stared for a moment until my brain actually decided to react.

“Oh sorry Lily!” She jumped and turned to me. Obviously not knowing i was there.

“Its fine.” She pulled a nightgown over her head and walked pass me to go the bathroom.

That was odd. I would think Lily would care. I got into bed and pulled the covers down I sat there and thought. This was probably the best night of my life. I have loved Lily for so many years now I can finally have her. She meant so much to me and I just wanted to be with her. She returned and her beautiful blonde hair was still in loose curls but now in a ponytail bouncing from side to side. She crawled into the bed next to me and leaned down. She placed a kiss on my lips and I smiled. She crawled next to me and rested her head on my bare chest.

“Thank you Zack.” Her sweet voice whispered.

“No Lily thank you.” I kissed her forehead and watched her drift to sleep. I examined her and saw she still had the necklace I gave to her on. I started to play with her hair and slowly I found myself unwillingly slipping into slumber. I held Lily tighter and finally gave into my heavy eyelids.