I'll Wait Here for You in My Time of Dying

I sighed as my front door shut, my sisters finally leaving me in peace. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sisters to bits. But having them both around at the same time can be a little much sometimes. They are both very loud and very opinionated, which often means arguments break out between them. It was nice to finally have some kind of quiet.

I slumped against the back of my couch and stared blankly at the various cartons of take out scattered across the coffee table in front of me. I huffed a little at the fact that they’d left me to clean up before dragging my body off of the couch so I could throw things out.

“Your sisters are fucking hilarious.”

I jumped as Lesia spoke up and playfully glared at her. “That wasn’t funny.”

Lesia grinned at me, making me shake my head and laugh. I grabbed up some of the take out cartons, stacking them together so it was easier to get everything through to the kitchen.

“And my sisters aren’t hilarious. They are annoying and loud.”

I walked through to the kitchen and dumped everything in my hands into the bin, making a mental note to throw out the trash later.

“You don’t really believe that,” Lesia mused and leant against the island in the middle of my kitchen.

“How do you know that?”

Lesia gave me a pointed look, one of her eyebrows arched a little as she scoffed.

“Sweetheart, I’ve been living with you for just over two months and until yesterday you didn’t know I was here,” she pointed out. “I got to know quite a bit about you lot during those months.”

“You watched us?”

Lesia shrugged. “Didn’t really have anything else to do.”

I nodded slightly and leant against the counter. “So what did you learn?”

She chuckled. “That all of you are a bunch of absolute nutters.”

I rolled my eyes but nodded nonetheless.

“And that you are all closer than blood could ever make you. Even you and your sisters.”

I pushed myself off of the counter and walked over to where Lesia was, plonking my butt down on one of the barstools.

“That pretty much sums us up,” I voiced. “Completely insane but there for each other till the end.”

Lesia smiled and I couldn’t help but smile along. I watched as Lesia chewed at her lip slightly before she straightened up and looked at me.

“Can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal so you can totally say no but...I just, I’d like to know.”

My brow furrowed and I nodded. “I can’t say that I’d definitely answer but you can ask.”

Lesia nodded and took what would have been a deep breath had she been alive, but I wasn’t sure if she did breath now. I guess not. She was dead after all.

“Who was she?”

My brow furrowed further, though I had a feeling I knew what she was asking.

“Who was who?”

“The girl...the girl who broke your heart.”

I stared at her a little wide-eyed and swallowed a little. “How do you...?”

Lesia shrugged and chewed at her lip, shoving her hands in the front pockets of her jeans.

“When you first moved in...Zacky said something about you staying with him and Raychel for longer but you said you had to move on sometime. Then...when Lyndsey came over the other day and you two were outside, she said that she hated someone for doing something to you and went on to say that you are allowed to hurt,” Lesia looked at me, cocking her head to the side before sighing. “I’m sorry Matt. It’s none of my business I just...sorry.”

She began to fade away from me but stopped as soon as I began to talk.

“Her name was Ashley,” I sighed and ran a hand over my head. “I was with her for three years and on the day of our anniversary I caught her with one of her co-workers.”

I pulled into our driveway and cut the engine off, my hands shaking with nerves as I reached to the passenger side and picked up the bouquet of roses. I let my eyes flicker over them slightly before climbing out of the car and walking up to the house.

I was beyond nervous today, which seemed stupid considering what I did for a living. I can happily stand on a stage in front of thousands of screaming kids and not have one nervous feeling go through me. But today...today I was going to ask my girlfriend of three years to marry me and I couldn’t be more nervous.

I stuck my key in the lock and patted my pocket to make sure I had the ring before opening the front door. I shut the door quietly and pulled the box from my pocket before walking through to our living room where I could hear music. I presumed that’s where Ashley was. She very rarely left things on if she wasn’t in the room.

The door was open so I walked straight in but wished I hadn’t. I felt my heart fall to the depths of my stomach as I watched Ashley’s head fall back as she moaned, a look of absolute pleasure contorting her face. Neither her or the man she was with noticed me standing there.

I retreated from the room and walked through to leave the house, dropping the roses carelessly on the floor. I slammed the front door shut, not caring if she realised I’d been there or not. I was seething, my body tense as anger flowed through me but overriding that was the shaking sorrow that was gripping me.

I climbed back into my car and pulled out of the driveway, making my way to see my sisters.

“The thing that shocked everyone to begin with was the fact that I’d just walked out,” I admitted and shrugged. “Any other time I would have probably decked the guy, I’d done more simply to guys who I thought had looked at one of my girls for a little too long. But not this time. This time I just walked out.”

“How come?”

I shrugged again. “She was the first girl I’d fallen head over heels for.”

Lesia’s P.O.V

I bit my lip, feeling bad for bringing up Matt’s ex as pain washed over his face.

“How long ago did it happen?”

“About eight months ago. I was living with Zacky and Raychel for six months before I moved in here.”

I stared at Matt, wanting nothing more than to be able to hug him but I didn’t think I’d be able to so I kept my arms to myself. We remained in silence for a few minutes. I didn’t really know what to say to him after all that. He’d just unloaded quite a personal issue and I had nothing to reply to it. Or at least...I didn’t think I did. Not until one thing came into mind.

“I told you that dying was the easy part of this part of my life,” I voiced and Matt looked at me. “And you looked confused. Well the actual dying wasn’t easy. It hurt like fuck but...once the pain had been numbed away and I realised what was happening...it felt like I was at peace. It was after I had died that was hard.”

“What happened that night?”

I sniffed and chewed at my lip before answering.

“I was supposed to be going out with some of my friends, which is why I’m all dressed up,” I explained, gesturing to what I was now stuck in for the rest of my...well afterlife I guess. “And I was coming down the stairs to leave when I heard a loud crash. But for some reason that didn’t stop me from investigating. The next thing I knew some guy ran towards me with a knife and...the rest is history.”

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and wiped it away, taking what would have been a deep breath had I been alive.

“It was coming to terms with what had happened and coming to terms with my being left in this world that was so hard.”

I felt my mind go back to when I realised exactly what had happened to me, words spilling out of my mouth as I told Matt about it.

I sat at the top of the stairs as I watched my friends and family walk into my house, all of them dressed in black and the majority of them crying, though they all looked rather sad. I didn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t understand how none of them had realised that I was sitting here. Not one of them glanced towards me.

I swallowed and slowly stood up, walking down the stairs without making a noise. I glanced around, taking everyone in and wanting them to see me but they didn’t seem to.

“Mum!” I shouted as she walked passed me, her cheeks stained with tears. “Mum!”

She just carried on walking. My sister Tracey followed my mum so I called out her name too, but once again I was ignored. Not even ignored. It was almost like they couldn’t hear me. I carried on shouting people’s names, tears beginning to well up in my eyes as each of them ignored me.

Tyler’s parents walked past me at one point so I reached out to grab Mary’s arm but my hand just went straight through her. My eyes widened and I let my tears finally fall as I looked over to where my family were now standing.

My parent’s looked aged, older than they had a week ago when I’d last seen them. Tracey was hugging herself as my dad cleared his throat and began to talk.

“We would all like to say thank you for you all being here and paying your respects. It means a lot to us and we know that if Lesia was here, then it would mean a lot to her too to know how much you all cared for her.”

“I am here!” I screamed, my hand flying to the side of my head as I tried to work out what was happening.

“Once Lesia and I were talking,” Tracey choked slightly, her fiancé taking her into his arms but letting her still have the freedom to look at everyone as she spoke. “And for some reason we began talking about what we’d like to happen at our funerals. Morbid, but that was Lesia and I.”

There was a small rumble of laughter, quiet and weak but laughter nonetheless. I went to push through the people congregated in the living room but found myself simply walking through them as if they weren’t really there...or as if I wasn’t really there. Then things began to make sense.

“Lesia said that she didn’t want people to mourn her passing but to celebrate her life. Though she also said that she’d like just one moment for everyone to grieve, for one song to play and for people to just think about her for those few minutes. But after that, she wanted the music loud so we’d remember the good times and not linger on her no longer being here,” Tracey sniffed before holding up her glass to the ceiling. “Here’s to you baby sis. I love you.”

I froze as the song started and everything began to click. The sadness, the black...I slowly collapsed to my knees as the song carried on playing, my shoulders shaking as I heaved in heavy sobs. People around me moved, consoling one another and I felt jealous of them. They had people to comfort them. They had someone there to give them a hug, to hold them and tell them that everything would be okay. To help them come to terms with it all.

I had no one.

No one could hug me.

No one could whisper words of comfort to me.

No one could help me come to terms with the fact that I was dead.