Baby It's Fact

Alex tried to push me off the bed.

"Jack, get up already! We're going to be late."

I mumbled.

"Leave me alone. I'm horny and I need a shi-"

Alex blocked out my voice when he screamed.

"Ka-RAAAAAA! Jack won't get up!"

I put a pillow on top of my head and tried to find another. My eyes were closed and I felt around randomly with one hand.

"Jack! Stop molesting me!"

I realised where my hand must be. I removed immediately and wanted to amputate it so bad. I tried to look for something that'd help me do that. If it my watch or Alex's lyrics notebook, then so be it.

"Dude stop it already!" Alex was starting to sound annoyed. It wasn't as if I was raping him with my hand on purpose.

This time last year I would have killed myself for having that thought. Sounds like I'll have to get in training if I was going to kick Alex's ass and not die at the end of our "marriage".

I drowsily got up.

"Get dressed and then we're going."

Alex, Zack, Vinny and myself were going in the same car to the airport, with the other guys in another car. Because there were only 4 other people apart from me and Alex who knew we were faking (Zack, Rian, Flyzik and Rebbecca) and Vinny was there, we'd have to be "coupley" today. Woohoo.

Speaking of Flyzik, lately all he had been doing was checking his phone constantly. It couldn't have just been him still replying to Mickey Mouse on twitter. I hadn't told him that I made the Mickey account to fuck around with him. It was probably a woman.

Why was everybody coupling up? Zack and May were in their taking-it-slowly phase, Rian and Kara should’ve been married by now and Flyzik and his Mystery Chick were texting each other all the time. When I tried having this conversation with Zack and Rian, they laughed and told me that Alex and I counted as a couple.

I always knew it was way more fun to talk to your inner voice than real people.