Baby It's Fact

"Ryan and Brendon? No (Ryan's too busy with The Young Veins and Brendon's moved on), it's Jack and Alex from All Time Low. The two were currently in Vegas for a break before their European tour and obviously decided to fulfill a tradition many couples who make the trip to Vegas have taken part in.

Buzznet has seen a copy of the certificate (along with some very nice wedding photos), so we're convinced that this is for real. Congratulations to the happy couple-we're just disappointed that you didn't invite us!"

Alex stared in horror at the photos. Years of experience in pretending to be sober had paid off-we actually looked like a real couple.

"Hey, wait..." he said slowly, realising what who had stitched us up.

"That priest!" I whispered.

Alex was shaking his head. Knowing him, he'd be thinking of a plan which would somehow involve the priest being castrated in public, or something along those lines. My plan was better-it would have him being tortured by a zooful of monkeys.

"Hey, Mom can I call you back? We've just got some stuff to sort out..."

"Of course, honey. I've got some things to do as well."

He hung up.

"That bastard of a priest! He emailed Buzznet-he's the only one who'd have those photos!" he yelled.

Alex rubbed his neck.

"Technically, you can't get that pissed seeing as it was your bright idea to get drunk!"

Hey, I couldn't help it. Angry people turned me into Angry Jack.

"Will you shut the fuck up about that already?"

"No, I won't! Thanks to you, I'm stuck married to someone who I don't even think of in that way!"

"Are you sure about that, Jack? Maybe our joking on stage isn't fake to you..."

I was shell-shocked. I knew Asshole Alex tended to come out when he was in an argument with somebody, but I didn't expect that. I showed him what I thought of him by punching him in the nose.

"Ow!"

"Good!" I spat.

He tried to punch me back, so it wasn't long before we were wrestling and generally beating the crap out of each other.

"No wonder all your girlfriends break up with you, you're so fricking annoying!" he gasped, as I pulled his hair.

"Yeah, well at least I have girlfriends, ever since you and Lisa broke up, you've just been hitting on girls for the sex!"

He began punching me even harder. Mentioning Lisa was my own version of a low blow.

"Hey wait, where are the others?" he asked, only just figuring out that they were gone.

I rolled my eyes.

"You're quick, aren't you."

That earned me another punch in the gut.

"Ass."

"And you're not?" I scoffed.

I got up from sitting on Alex and looked around. I was surprised that no one had called the police for our little domestic.

"Ri? Zack?" I called.

"Have you and Alex got your issues out of the way yet?" Rian replied.

I looked at Alex. He had bruises on his face and some blood trickling down from his lips. I didn't look much better-my hair was messy in the bad way and my ribs were going to kill in a few hours.

I reached a hand out and helped him up.

"Sorry for the whole suggesting that you were gay for me thing. I just..."

I interrupted him.

"Hey, it's OK. I shouldn't have brought Lisa into this. Sorry."

Alex stayed quiet.

"Oh, you're going to make me do it?" I muttered. I grabbed him for a quick guy-hug and let go.

"RINA, WE SORTED OUT OUR ISSUES!" I shouted. Alex winced, holding his ears.

"OKAY!" Zack called back.

"YOU'RE NOT RIAN!"

"ZACK, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE TRYING TO BE ME!" Rian joined in.

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!" Alex screamed.

"Okies. Come on, I want to get some food!"

"Pig."

I turned to look at him.

"Uh-uh. I'm now your pig in the eyes of the law, Buzznet and our moms."

I skipped away before he could catch up and restart our fight.