You Should've Come With A Warning

CH. 12

I woke up with a headache but I was comforted by the familiar scent of my bedroom. It was a new year yet I still felt the same old heartache I’d felt last year-last night. For a split second I thought he might be in bed next to me, but then reality rushed back in. I immediately remembered that I didn’t see Jordan when I left and I squeezed my eyes shut as my heart froze in invisible pain to realize I saw a girl approach him before midnight.

Then I flash-backed to making out with Sid in the middle of the dance floor. Everything came flooding back. Him asking if I was in love with Jordan, my flat out lie, Sid’s body moving with mine, kissing him. And of course there was alcohol. I know I went home- well, Kris took me home- drunk. I wasn’t totally wasted, but I was close enough. Strange thing was I didn’t see Jordan drinking, not once did I see a drink in his hand, which meant if he went home with someone he was totally sober. The thought of that made my stomach tighten and I grabbed it as my imagination ran wild. I knew it was completely pathetic to be so miserable over a guy, but I loved him. The heart has a crazy mind of its own and it controls the nervous system: when your heart is broken, your body senses it and reacts as if it’s broken too.

I knew I vowed to move on from Jordan but I wasn’t getting anywhere with that. I couldn’t function right without him. Everything was different from the moment he kissed me. I never knew what I was missing before we were together, but I realized I’d loved him all along. We weren’t childhood friends and we didn’t meet through mutual friends. We saw each other, we were attracted to each other, and he cleverly came up with a plan. We were both stubborn, but that was part of what made us so great; we were passionate and when we were together it was like the fusing of two metals: messy, difficult and tedious, but the end result is smooth, beautiful perfection.

Thinking Jordan was willing to go home with another girl was like a stab in the gut, but I pushed him away. I was mixed with anger and guilt, but there was nothing I could do about it now. Regardless of the fact that we weren’t technically together and he’d already royally screwed up, I was in a torturous limbo. I couldn’t let him know it was eating me from the inside out. I had to be fine, if he was living his life, I would have to live mine too. That’s the front I’d been putting on even though I never thought he’d believe it.

When I finally moved my body enough to put my feet down on my nice hardwood floor, I noticed that it was close to noon. It felt so good to sleep in that late, but it felt like I only slept for an hour. I was pep-talking myself into pushing my body up and standing on my feet when, like clockwork, I heard someone at my door. I prayed it was Jordan, but I prayed it wasn’t at the same time. Confused and still in a sleepy daze I let my bare feet push down on the floor and started walking to the door as my blonde hair bounced in the messy bun it was currently in. Some strands were recklessly down framing my face and I imagined I looked like a freight train ran me over, but I opened the door regardless. When I did Sid was there, uneasy, antsy, and hung over.

I didn’t expect to see him- that was obvious. I just looked at him confused, waiting for him to speak because I knew he needed me to listen.

“Can I come in?”

I extended my arm, which opened the door wider, giving him permission to step inside. My mind quickly reminded me how frequently one of them would show up unannounced, and it was happening more and more.

The curly strands of hair on his head were messy and falling everywhere. He ran his hand through it quickly to tame it back and paced nervously in front of me.

“What’s going on, Sid?”

“I have to talk to you. I need to know what’s going on with us. I’m not an idiot, I know there’s someone else. I don’t have a great reputation, but I want…I like you. I care about you…”

The way he started with want but corrected himself with like bothered me.

“Sid…I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s driving me crazy being around you and not being with you. We’ve kissed a few times, and those moments have been amazing, but I want more than that.”

“What are you talking about?”

It took every ounce of courage he had in his iconic body, but he simply lunged at me and before I knew it we were kissing yet again. I briefly filled with rage because I felt like he was copying Jordan, though I knew it was impossible, and it irritated me that this was happening all over again. The difference was that I didn’t really feel much. He wasn’t Jordan.

When he pulled back he searched my eyes for a reaction. “Think about it? You and me?”

It was safe to say our friendship would never be the same. It already was treading thin ice, but now nothing made sense anymore. I then realized that Jordan was screwing whatever he felt like, so in order to stir up anything in him I’d need to pretend my life made sense without him. Sid was nice, and comfortable, and I felt like I could try to see where we could take this. I might be able to love him over time.

“I’ve never been able to sustain a friendship with a girl like this before. It’s gotta mean something. We’ll take it slow…”

I just nodded at him as his dark eyes stared into my blue ones. His black zip up hoodie accentuated the silver zipper that ran down the middle. His gaze never unlocked from me but my eyes darted from him to his zipper. Finally, I slowly lifted my hand and unzippered the hoodie on his warm body. When the zipper was undone and his open sweatshirt revealed the white t-shirt he had on underneath, I moved my hand from the end of the zipper and ran it under his shirt. I raised my body towards him as I continued to toy with his abdomen—I wanted him to know he shouldn’t be afraid or feel like an idiot. I winced as our mouths met because I felt like I was cheating on Jordan, though it shouldn’t have mattered because he was the one that messed up first. He was the reason we weren’t together…and it angered me. Sid was shocked at first but quickly pulled me closer into him. I let my other hand wander up his shirt and roam the territory underneath as I felt his hands slide under the waistband on my pajama bottoms. He began to push me back against the wall and when my back pressed against it I felt his hands explore down further. I hesitantly opened my legs wider for him to slip his hand between my thighs and allowed him to slide his fingers into me. He knew what he was doing and I moaned to let him know I was enjoying what he was doing. His mouth trailed from my lips down my collarbone and along my neck, he could feel me tensing as I came to an orgasm and I screamed in satisfaction. I had to bite the urge to scream Jordan’s name, and I could tell by the devilish smile on Sid's face that he was satisfied by my reaction. I panted and immediately went to return the favor. This wasn’t what I wanted- not even close, but I would make it be. If I couldn’t be with the man I loved, I would settle for the man I could learn to love.