Fly With Me

“Cicily, please wait, please,” Nick follows after me, trying to grab my hands.

I flinch, pulling my hand away, closer to me. “N-no, Nick. I…” I had slowed as he had caught up, but I start walking again. The breeze has gotten colder and harder, so I wrap my arms around me, but it doesn’t stop me from walking.

“I- I didn’t mean it, come on,” he pleads me. “I’m sorry, Cily. I just… please, just wait. Hear me out?” He asks me.

Minutes later, I can’t take his pleadings anymore, but it’s bothering my conscious and hurting my heart. So finally I just groan, stopping in my step as I know he does the same. Swallowing, I slowly turn back around, biting my lip, an obvious hurt expression on my face. “Talk fast,” I mutter.

Nick sighs in relief, closing his eyes for a moment. He takes a step towards me on the sand, but I take another step back, trying to keep my distance. If I just… If I just let him back in harmlessly, it just- I couldn’t… It bothers me too much to let go, so care free. So what if I’m becoming a star, but that does nothing for my confidence, and it honestly hurts me, deep in the heart, that my boyfriend, that I’ve spent the last several months with, that he doesn’t trust me to care for myself.

He catches the hint, I don’t want him close. He, too, is unhappy with this and one hand clenches in a fist. But then he lets go and looks up with a soft expression in his face. “You’re right,” he says softly.

I shift feet uneasily. I’m right? I didn’t say anything to him. I cock my head, still biting my lip somewhat apprehensive, as I watch him, waiting.

“I’m sorry,” he says in a clear ringing voice. “You are not, in any way, like your mother. I don’t know why I thought…” he breaks off, and I’m not too surprised, because I have a hard time talking about it. We all do. “I know you’re eating,” he finally talks again. “I know you’re taking care of yourself. And I’m sorry I questioned that, okay?” He takes a careful step forward, hoping I won’t step back again. And… I don’t. “I’m really sorry,” he continues, still walking forward. “I got overprotective and almost panicked, or something. It’s just because I care, okay? And I’m sorry,” he repeats, standing right in front of me, nose to nose.

I glance around, sighing, and then I shrug. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He repeats, raising his eyebrow.

Glancing down, I entwine our fingers and raise them. “Promise?” I demand. For us, there isn’t just any promise, not like the pinky promise. But for the two of us, our hands intertwined, just like our hearts… we make promises to each other that we just can’t break.

“You’re an odd girl,” Nick gives me a small smile. “But I do promise,” he adds with a serious expression when I give him a look. “I really, really, really promise,” he murmurs, his eyes falling to my lips. Within moments, our lips meet for a gentle kiss.

“Want to know something?” I sigh on his shoulder. We’re both sitting on the bench near the docks, waiting for everyone to come so we can get on the boat, and head back for the interview.

“What?” Nick fiddles with my fingers that lie in his lap.

“Sometimes it scares me, too,” I whisper, closing my eyes, unable to face the world when I face my fears inside me. “Not… not wanting to eat. The need to exercise,” I continue in a low whisper. “Sometimes I have to force myself to eat, where I’m almost sick. And… I know that doesn’t happen to everyone. So it scares me.”

He’s silent for a minute, then his arms are wrapped around me. “If it gets like that,” he says in a slow, low tone. “Tell me, okay? I want to be there for you. Promise,” he adds, showing me our intertwined fingers.

And one of the best things that can happen… to tell a deep secret of your soul, to the one you love most… and for them to be trusted with the secret, and even help you with it. I smile and kiss his hand, and then he kisses mine twice.