Trembling With the Strings

Gracie’s P.O.V.
Mommy, you’re making Daddy miserable. I don’t like it.

I knew that. I knew that Darius was standing outside my door, thinking if he really wanted to come and sit by me. I stared at my bloated stomach, wondering where my son bad picked up this attitude problem of his. Darius had been an arrogant, self-centered jerk before I came along, but he wasn’t born that way. Why did our son take after him so much? Was he trying to find balance, like his father?

The door creaked open, and paranoia struck. I was terrified that it was someone after me, trying to kill me. I saw Darius smile harmlessly, but he looked like something more was on his mind. He looked deeply troubled, but he was trying so hard to hide it. I didn’t like that he was trying to hide emotions from me. I didn’t like it at all.

“Grace, I think we need to talk.”

My stomach was in knots. Every woman feared when her man came to her saying, “I think we need to talk.” That was usually what a man said when he was tired of a relationship, and I honestly wouldn’t blame Darius if he kicked my ass to the curb.

Don’t listen to him! Go to sleep. Just sleep, Mommy. Here, I’ll sing you a lullaby. We'll sing our lullaby. Tired blue eyes, will gently close—Sleep, Mommy! Sleep!

I ignored my child, but my hands fluttered to my stomach. I was going to be sick, and not because my son had just sang Marc’s lullaby. No: it was anxiety, I think. I was terrified. Had Darius finally gotten tired of me? I wouldn’t blame him, but I wouldn’t exactly be so fond of him either.

“Dray,” I choked out, trying to clear my throat. I hardly used my voice, and that didn’t help. I reached out with my hand, begging him to take it and sit beside me. Indecision flickered behind his eyes, and he hesitated visibly in the doorway. “Please… I’m going to cry.”

This was the most we had talked for a month, and it hurt to admit that. Without him by my side, my heart ached. I felt…empty. It was like I needed him beside me, as if I couldn’t go on without him. And I hated feeling so dependent, but our child only instilled my need even more.

“Baby,” he breathed softly, striding up to me quickly and pulling me into his arms. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it,” I sobbed into his shoulder. “I killed all of those people! They all wanted me to die because I was having your son! My own mother teamed up with a boy that claimed to love me, because they wanted me to be miserable…”

“Gracie.” He pulled away to look at me, but I clung to him. The absence of his heartbeat was like a balm to the numbness I had been feeling. “That’s why you’ve been so upset?” I nodded, burying my face in his shoulder even more. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I thought you hated me.”

“No,” I choked out, kissing him feverishly. “I’m so scared, Darius. I keep dreaming that I get killed, and then you get killed. And then you’re mad at me because I died, killing the baby! You tell me to burn in Hell, and that you never want to see me again. Because I’m such a useless bitch. That’s what you say every time. And then Lynn tells me that you never loved me: you just felt bad for knocking me up!”

Darius went rigid, but then his hold on me tightened. “I promise that is not why I asked you to marry me. I’ve never been so deeply in love before I met you.”

“You don’t hate me?” I asked him, looking up at him through teary eyes.

“No, I don’t. But I’m hurt, Gracie,” he admitted quietly. “Do you swear that you’ve been acting weird because of what happened, not me?”

I nodded softly. “Well, I was mad at first, but that ended after a week. I just wanted you to stay here with me all day, just holding me while I watched TV. Remember when we used to watch TV together?”

“I do, baby. I do.” He chafed my shoulder softly. “So do you love me?”

I nodded again. “Very, very much. I love you with everything I have to give, I swear.”

“I love you, too, sweetie,” he murmured, kissing me gently.

“So what did we need to talk about?” I asked him, my stomach still tangled up in knots. I immediately wished I hadn’t asked when he bit his lip.

“Oh. Yeah.”

“You’re breaking up with me,” I reminded him softly, looking up at him through bloodshot eyes.

He looked away, his eyes darting to the floor. “How did you know that?”

My heart lurched just then, and I sobbed sickly. He seemed a little caught off guard when I started bawling. I wasn’t just crying because the man of my dreams was dumping me; I was crying because my stomach hurt so badly! I clutched it, pulling myself from Darius and curling up into a tight ball on the bed.

“Gracie, what’s wrong?” he screamed, running over to me and scooping me into his arms. “Please, talk to me!”

“It hurts!” I screamed back, tears pouring out of my eyes. “It fucking hurts!”

“Gracie?” Marcus asked, running into the room with his brothers at his heels. “What’s wrong with her? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!” he lied, trying to calm me down. “She just started crying!”

“Mommy?” Marty asked, tugging on the hem of my shirt. “Is it the baby?”

I nodded, crying even more and clawing to get out of Dray’s arms. He dropped me with a curse as I surely cut his chest. I pulled the sheets over me, trying desperately to get rid of the pain. But nothing was working!

Mommy, I’m done with this! my child screamed at me. I’m done watching you sit back and ruin your life!

“What do you mean?” I shrieked, curling into an even tighter ball than I had been in previously.

I’d suggest getting to the hospital.

Oh, God! No! No, I was not ready for that!

“Gracie, what’s wrong?” Darius begged, daring to hold me again.

“Take me to the hospital!” I cried out, clinging to his shirt. “Just take me, please!”

“What do you mean? Is something wrong?” he whispered frantically.

“The baby! The fucking baby!”

His face went pale, but probably just because he wasn’t expecting that.

“Now? But we have another month! Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty damn sure! I guess he wants to be early! Just take me now, please!” I begged, clenching my teeth. “Now!”

I soon found out that women who choose to become mothers are heroes.