Trembling With the Strings

“I don’t know, baby boy,” I mumbled to Kai as he shrieked mindless babble at me. “He said he loves me, so I don’t think he’s going to do anything bad. Do you?” Kai sneezed in response, and I cradled him gently in my arms. “Why am I worrying you with this? I should be worrying about you. What’s wrong with my little man?” I kissed his overly warm forehead.

He looked up at me through tired eyes, his lips parting slightly as his breathing got raspy and quick. When he breathed, it almost sounded like he was grunting or something. I frowned, pulling him even closer and murmuring Marcus’ lullaby to him until he fell deeper into sleep. The bedroom door creaked open, and my brothers peered in, smiling.

I held a finger to my lips as I carefully placed Kai in his crib and walked into the hallway to join my brothers, closing the door softly behind me.

“What’s up, guys?” I asked them, smiling as I crouched down to embrace all three of them. “Marty, how are you feeling?”

He smiled. “I’m okay. See?” He poked at his pointed teeth and snapped teasingly at me.

“How are you?” Marcus asked me, worry written all over his face. “You look…nervous?”

I shrugged gently, pushing myself onto my feet. “Dray makes me anxious sometimes, but it’ll be okay.”

“You’re going to go back to him,” Jonathan told me, smiling softly.

“We’ll see. Johnny, do you think you could find me a book about illnesses?” I asked him, my thoughts lingering on my sick baby as I headed for the stairs. Johnny nodded, running ahead of me. Marty ran after him, giggling and laughing with childish innocence.

“What’s wrong?” Marcus asked me quietly, chewing on his lip.

“I’m worried about Kai. He’s only getting worse, Marc.”

“Have you talked to Darius about it?”

I bit my lip. No; I had convinced him that Kai would be fine, and he had, in turn, tried to convince me. I knew that something had to be wrong.

I hurried to the couch without answering him and sat down beside Johnny, who handed me the book. Marcus whispered something to his brothers, and they all ran into the kitchen. I heard the back door slam, and I opened the book cautiously, afraid of what I might find.

I reluctantly looked at the symptoms Kai had been showing. His breathing was odd and he grunted, he didn’t want to eat very much (and he couldn’t seem to keep it down when he did), he kept going into fits of coughing, and he seemed to have a fever. I was no doctor, and I never planned on being one, but I knew that his ailment couldn’t be good—or normal, for that matter.

I skimmed through the book, wincing at every disease name I read. I skipped over the lesser titles, because I doubted that my poor son only had a head cold or the flu. I ran my finger over the page entitled “Pneumonia” when the couch shifted suddenly and arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a teal shirt and causing my hands to release the book. I heard it fall to the floor, and Darius kissed my forehead, letting me go as I panted for breaths.

“You scared me half to death!” I told him, pushing him away and making a face. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Darius laughed. “I was trying to be spontaneous, but I see that my efforts are wasted! Honestly, you are the most ungrateful woman I have ever met, Grace, love.”

“Yeah-yeah,” I mumbled, smiling as my heart stopped racing. “So what brings you here Mr. Thinker?”

“I’m done being philosophical,” he told me with a grin. He was finally acting like his normal self again. “And I got the camera film developed, so I thought you might want to see that our son does show up in mirrors.”

“You’re oh so funny. I had no idea that David Letterman was in my living room.”

“Someone’s been watching cable.” He kissed my cheek chastely, handing me an envelope before throwing his arm around my shoulders. “Now that you’ve stunted my pride beyond repair, would you mind if I told you something?”

“I suppose that’d be alright,” I told him quietly, riffling through the photographs.

As a newborn, Kai looked a little sick, but over the weeks he had gotten progressively worse; that was painstakingly obvious as I looked at the pictures Darius had given me. I almost protested when Dray took the stack from me, but he kissed me gently.

“I want your full attention, baby. Is that too much to ask for?”

“You have it,” I murmured, shaking off the random shudder that suddenly coursed through my body. “What is it?”

“I just want you to know that I really miss you. I know that our love wasn’t as easy as I wish it had been, but I do love you, and I know that I’ll never stop…”

He went on and on, but I could only half-focus. I had promised to give him my full attention, but something in the back of my head was nagging at me. All I heard was complete silence, and it was bothering me.

“We started off on the wrong foot, but we’ve come so far. I hate to think that it was all in vain, you know? I just wish…”

Something was definitely wrong; I could almost feel it. Darius kept lecturing and lecturing, but I stood up suddenly. He finally shut up, and then he stood up beside me and dropped his hands to my waist.

“Is something wrong?”

“Listen!” I begged while my eyes darted around the house.

“To what? I don’t hear anything!” he told me frantically, my worry spreading to him.

“Exactly!” I cried out, pushing him away from me and stumbling up the stairs.

Darius called after me, following me, but I couldn’t stop—I wouldn’t stop! I pushed open the bedroom door, and I immediately saw why I had been so anxious.

“Kai!” I screamed, tripping as I hurried to the crib. “Wake up!” I begged, pulling him up and bouncing him up and down. “Wake up, God dammit!”

“Gracie, what’s—?” Darius’ voice cut out, and he ran quickly to my side. “Why isn’t he moving, Gracie?”

I turned to him, terrified. “Start the car,” I whispered so softly, not sure if he could even hear me.

He was gone before the command had left my lips entirely.

Please wake up…