I'm Lost in Confusion

I sat at the kitchen table looking at my invitations. Blue, silver, and black. My colors. I looked over the one example I wanted but is it really. See this is what my best friend is supposed to help me with. But she is MIA. I put that to the side and looked at a catalog of flowers. I wants something that's me. Lilies and something else but again. This was so pointless for me to be doing this right now. I have other things on my plate that I need to handle. I didn’t have the patience for this. I cleaned everything up and walked up stairs. I deicide that I’d put all this stuff on brains desk. I dropped it on the surface and left. Not my problem now, maybe he will feel guilty and work on it. HA that was a good one. I ran down stairs cause I heard the home phone ring, I ran as fast as I could to the kitchen and before I could grab it, Brian beat me to it.

Jenn: That’s not fair! Give it to me. I said trying to grab it from him.

Brian: Hello. He held out his arm so I couldn’t grab it.

Jenn: BRIAN! THAT COULD BE HER! GIVE IT ME!! I yelled louder.

He laughed. And continued to talk on the phone.

Brian: No, well ok. I think she was going to see you today. You need anything? Ok well see yah. He hung up.

Jenn: What the hell, that could have been her! I’m so going to kick your ass. I ran after him, he took off outside. I pushed him into the pool.

Jenn: Don’t fuck with me. I said pointing to him

Brian: I don’t, I fuck you. He Smiled.

Jenn: Oh that’s it. I said as I jumped in the pool.

He swam away from me. I walked at fast as I could to the deeper end of the pool. He climbed out. I swam faster to get to the edge of the pool. I hopped out, and ran. He went in the house some where, it wasn’t hard to find him, look for a water trail. I laughed a little, when I saw feet sticking out from the corner of the couch.

Jenn: Really. Nice place to hide. I ran after him, he got up and ran.

Brian: why are you being mean. He ran up the stairs and into his “office”.

Jenn: I’m not you are, that could have been her. I stopped.

He looked at his desk.

Brian: why is all this stuff here.
Jenn: oh I was cleaning in here and I left it there? I said.

Brian: oh uh huh sure. You don’t clean this room, you hardly come in here.

Jenn: I don’t want to be eaten alive by how dirty it is in here.

Brian: its not bad. He walked over to all the papers and magazines. He looked through some things.

Brian: are these the invitations?

Jenn: no. I don’t know really. I’m so confused on what to do. I don’t even know what I want.

Brian nodded.

Jenn: well um I need to go now, I have to go see zacky.

Brian: ok. Well I’m going to meet matt at the studio today so I wont be home till late, unless you want to stop by.

Jenn: ok, well I can bring zacky and we can pick up dinner for you guys? If you like.

Brian: Sugar shack. Sounds really good.

Jenn: ok then. I’m going to go now.

I got dresses in clean and dry clothes. I wondered down stairs, and walked in the garage. I stopped to think, what would zacky want. I walked over to the fridge that held a mass amount of alcohol. I scanned the shelves. Oh look here, Bud light, one of his favorites. I grabbed that 24 pack of gross beer.

Brian: hey I was going to take one of those.

I groaned a little. I opened up the box and threw him one.

Brian: ow that hurt you know. He said shaking his hand.

Jenn: don’t be a pansy. It wasn’t that hard.

Brian: psh whatever.

I opened the back door to Brian’s car, and set the beer down. And closed the door.

Brian: Hey why are you taking my car, why not yours.
Jenn: because my is tired, and has no gas. I put the keys in, And well yours has a full tank. I said looking at the meter. He walked over.

Brian: fine, I was going to clean yours since you don’t.

Jenn: I do to.

Brian: oh yeah that’s why everyone throws there beer cans and shit in there.

Jenn: well its easy access.

Brian: whatever.

Jenn: I don’t know why you go the blue one that’s my favorite color, and I got the back one.

Brian: yeah well it doesn’t make sense.

I turned the key. The loud music came threw. To fast for love.
I screamed a little. I hate surprises like that. My heart was beating super fast.
Brian laugh,

Brian: I was thinking of you.

My favorite motley Crue song

Jenn: fuck that was scary. Ok well I’m going.

Brian: ok, be nice to my car. I know how you like to be rough to yours.

Jenn: I’m not rough I just know how to push it. You cant blame me for driving well, good. Plus I’m only rough in bed. I laughed a little.

Brian: ohhhh….that was good. He laugh.

Jenn: bye. Call me when you want dinner.

Brian: ok I will. He snapped my seat belt.

I drove the like 2 miles it was from here to zackys house. I parked and walked up to the door. I knocked lightly. I didn’t want to scare him if he was sleeping. The door cracked open.

Zacky: yeah? He said groggily.

Jenn: Zacky its me.

Zacky: oh hey come in.

I walked in with the now 23 case of beer for him.

Jenn : zacky you look so different.

Zacky: yeah I lost some weight. Nothing else.

Jenn: yeah but you look sick, pale. You ok? I asked. I put my hand on his forehead to see of he had a fever.

Zacky: I’m fine. I’m just kinda I don’t know shocked. She’s my best friend.

Jenn: yeah I know. Brian wants you to come to the studio today. I said walking in to his kitchen to put his beer away.

Zacky: oh ok. Yeah will you take me?

Jenn: yes. I have to go pick up dinner to. That might be good for you too. I said as I looked at his now slimmer frame.

Zacky: I'm not that bad. I'm mean I got fat.

Jenn: true. You did get fat for the DVD.

Zacky: yeah I did. But now it's gone.

Jenn: you should maybe work out or something. I said hopefully getting him out of the house.

Zacky: it's really not my thing

Jenn: duh. Zacky your house is dirty

Zacky: yeah well I have a lot on my mind.

Jenn: you want to talk about it.

Zacky: I don't know I’m just not ready. I don't know how to handle this. I'm mean she didn't show up at her own wedding. When I saw you walk down the isle with jimmy. I knew something was wrong. Jimmy was so happy, and proud. You, you didn't smile. You looked at everyone of us and I could tell by your eyes, she left.

Jenn: I didn’t want to announce it to the world and make matt freak out. That's why I pulled him to the side.

Zacky: and then it when all black.

Jenn: pretty much, just don't be like matt and decide to be a womanizer.

Zacky: really?

Jenn: yes I was on my way to LA to see jr & sofa and he was at the hurricane drunk and talking to a slut.

Zacky: wow after all that. I'm just so... I don't know.

Jenn: I feel you.

My phone rang. I look at the caller Id.

Brian.

Jenn: yes.

Brian: are you ready?

Jenn: are you?

Brian: well I'm starving and matt wants us to pull an all night here. He wants zacky to come.

Jenn: zacky you want to go to the studio? I asked looking at his pale face.

Zacky: uh sure

Jenn: well he's going. I guess Ill go pick up dinner too. I huffed.

Brian: good you know what I want.

Jenn: yeah.

Brian: hey why are you all sad and upset now.

Jenn: I'm not meaning to be.

Brian: I'm sick of my friends bring so down and depressed.

Jenn: you want me to fix that too.

Brian: I didn't say that. It's there, you were happy earlier and now your depressed.

Jenn: yeah.

Brian: see. I'm so sick of it.

Jenn: yeah well I need to get your grub.
So I will see you there.

Brian: ok.... Jenn.

Jenn: yeah.

Brian: be happy, for me.

Jenn: I got to go Brian.

Brian: yeah. Bye.

I hung up the phone. I took a deep breath. I'm not being far to him by being this way. But I’m so lost in confusion. It hurts. I think he knows how it feels but not completely. It's not that he's not supportive he is it's just different when you have a friend leave.

Zacky: let's go.

We got in the car to go pick up dinner. We placed orders for everyone, but me. I have no appetite. I can always take some of Brian. I might have to fight him. We pulled into the parking lot of the studio where they did most of the recording. I walked in with the bags of food, and set them down on the table.

Matt: hey thanks for dinner

I nodded.

I didn't want to talk to him at the moment after what he tried to pull at the bar.

Jenn: where's Brian?

Matt: still in there. He pointed to the room.

I walked in to the room where they did everything. I sat on the couch.

Jenn: foods here.

He turned around in the chair. He was holding his favorite pin striped guitar. He looked frustrated as fuck.

Brian: ok I will get it in a minute.

Jenn: ok. I said pulling out my phone from my bag.

I was looking to see if jimmy has called or text me. But nothing. It was weird how he told Brian that he was going to be ok and don't worry. I found that a little odd, but it is jimmy.

Brian: FUCK! He yelled.

I had to laugh a little. This is when he becomes crazy.

Brian: why are you laughing. I can't get this. It's not funny.

Jenn: I don't know. I thought you were the all mighty guitar god and could play anything.

Brian: yeah I am But I get fuckin uh.

Jenn: well I'm going to eat some of your food. I said getting up and leaving.

Brian: no! You can't it's mine. He got up to beat me to the food.

Everyone was sitting at the table eating.

Jenn: I want some. I'm hungry. I said.

Brian: then you should of got some.

Jenn: bitch I paid for it. So I can have what ever I want.

Brian: fine.

Jenn: I just want a couple bites that's all.

Matt: you can have some of mine.

I gave him a look. Like really I'm not on good terms with you right now.

Matt: what?

Jenn: nothing. I said grabbing my keys and bag to leave.

Brian: where you going? I thought we were going to share.

Jenn: no you can have it all. I'm going home. I said walking out the door.

Brian followed me out side

Brian: why, what's wrong

Jenn: I can't be here when his like this. He is so fucking pathetic. I can't be here.

Brian: what

Jenn: he acts like nothing happens. I will not be around him. I was trying to help him , but I guess he has his own way and I'm not going to be apart of it. I said getting into his car.

Brian: ok well just calm down. I understand. I'll be home later.

Jenn: alright.

Brian: I'm sorry for making you come out here.

Jenn: no it's ok, zacky needed to get out. He's pretty sick

Brian: I noticed.

I'll see you at home.

I drove off and got on the freeway. I really wanted to know what was going on in his head. I wanted to know I'd he was really heart broken. Or was he just playing around. I had no idea he could be so sad and down and then the next minute he was looking to get drunk with some whore. I just couldn't get over it. I got home, I walked in the kitchen to see if there was any missed calls nothing.