I Want to Hold You, for Now and Forever

Alan Beck:

"What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him."

Standing in front of a full length mirror, I looked at my reflection and I was surprisingly happy with how I looked. My figure was fuller and I had a certain glow about myself, I was exhausted don’t get me wrong but today I was going to forget about all the troubles and worries that have surrounded me and Brian the past few weeks because tonight, it was going to be all about us. We weren’t going to bring up the fact that his two best friends were heartbroken nor were we going to bring up the fact that he was going on tour soon; we were going to have a few short hours to ourselves and revel in the heaven we have made for ourselves.

Brian was going to be gone all day, he said something about meetings and left with Jimmy in tow, who looked saddened when he had to remove his hands from my bump. I couldn’t wait to tell him that we wanted him to be Godfather, no one deserved the title more than the enigmatic man whom everyone loved.

The door rang and I quickly walked toward the door. Once opened it revealed my two best friends with Zacky and Matt in tow. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, I thought the band were in meetings all day.

“Waddup Blud” Charl hugged me before limping like a gangster into the kitchen making me laugh, mumbled hello’s were said from the others before they followed her.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in meetings today?” I asked the boys

“Yeah we’re done” Zacky answered with a mouth full of crisps

“Where’s Brian then?” They looked at each other

“Er, Jimmy and Bri are doing an interview” Matt tried to stop himself from voicing it as a question. That worried me, what are they covering up? A thousand things are going through my head at this point

“Oh, he said you guys were in meetings all day” I just got a shrug as a reply

“So” Beci interrupted “What did you need help with?”

“Cooking” and she laughed

“What did you want to cook?”

“What can I make?”

“You? Nothing. Me? A lot” She stuck her tongue out

“Fine” I huffed out “Make something then”

She nodded and got to work. I really am a bad cook and that’s an understatement, its one thing that worries me about when the baby comes and is old enough to eat solids, who the hell is going to cook when Brian isn’t here? It means I’m going to have to learn and that’s going to suck. Zacky was just sat there pouting and looking at his can of pop

“Dude” Charl caught his attention and he slightly looked up at her “Deal with it, she isn’t coming back” a little insensitive but that’s Charl, she says it how it is.

“Leave me alone” He replied and I gave him a hug, glaring at Charl over his shoulder

“Maybe we should go out?” Matt asked “We don’t really do that anymore plus if we’re going on tour soon, it’ll be like a going away party”

“I hate you all” I pouted and received some confused looks “I can’t drink and that sucks, I have to watch you all get drunk”

“Hey I wont drink either” Beci smiled at me

“Nah, I’ll allow you to drink”

“You’re such a good friend” she laughed

“So what are you making?” I asked her

“Lamb shank with dauphnoise potatoes and mixed vegetables, crunchy just how you like it and you get the vitamins for the baby”

“Oooo sounds good, can’t wait to take credit for this” I grinned

“You’re an excellent chef” She commented and I did a curtesy

“So why are you doing this?” Matt wondered

“Well Brian seems a little stressed so I thought we could have a little alone time to help him relax”

“Nice” He winked and I shook my head

“Mind out of the gutter please”

“Okay, all done. Just need to reheat it” Beci told me and wrote down the instructions

“I’m not a child Bec”

“Do you know how to use the oven?”

“Actually, I think you should show me” Beci showed me how to use the oven whilst Charl and Matt made idle chatter.

“Need anything else?” She asked and I shook my head “Good because Matts taking me for food” She grinned.

“Yeah I gotta shoot for work” We all exchanged goodbyes except for Zacky, who just sat there slumped over the kitchen top

“She rang me” I stopped what I was doing and looked at him “Why did she have to ring me?”

“What did she say?”

“She started yelling at me. Saying that I didn’t care about her nor her feelings, that at the first sign of trouble I bail. I wasn’t the one who fucking bailed, how is this my fault?” He was angry, he was confused. He just didn’t know how to deal with it

“She most likely feels guilty so she’s taking it out on you”

“But I don’t fucking deserve it” I was a little startled by the venom in his voice “I would have followed her to the ends of the earth but I wasn’t worth the same courtesy”

“So then why are you troubling yourself over it, Zack?” I asked him as I grabbed a glass and a special bottle of Jack Daniels that I had hid away in hopes of breaking the seal once the baby was born but this situation deserved a little bit of Jack, Brian only ever really drank beer at home

“Because I loved her so Goddamn much, that’s why and no matter what I do, I end up coming up with the same conclusion”

“Which is?”

“I can’t see myself without her” My heart melted as I placed the glass of Jack before him. His eyes were rimmed with a red outline, he was struggling and I’d do anything I could to help him. I embraced him in a side hug

“It’ll be okay” I whispered

“How do you know?”

“I just do. You, Zachary Baker, are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you can’t see it yet because your consumed in your pain but soon, before you know it, your heart won’t hurt so much and the little things that remind you of her won‘t be there anymore, they‘ll just be something someone used to do”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” I kissed him on the cheek and I squeezed him tighter. Someone cleared their throat loudly and we both looked up to see Brian and Jimmy stood with creased eyebrows

“What’s going on?” Brian asked

“I was telling Zacky a secret”

“I like secrets!” Jimmy intervened

“Of course you do, Jim, Who doesn’t?” I smiled as they both sat down, looking at Zacky, it was obvious that he had been emotional

“You okay Dude?” Jimmy asked him, becoming more serious

“Yeah, just got a phone call I wish I had ignored is all” The boys got all they needed to know from his reply and as if on cue, the phone rang and I got up to answer it

“Hello”

No answer

“Helloooooo?”

No answer

“This must be the best conversation, I’ve ever had. Thank you for enlightening me. It’s been immense” I put the phone down in confusion and shrugged at the boys “I think Denzel must have finally found out where I live and he’s coming to sweep me off my feet” I squealed and the boys just chuckled at my childishness

“Who’s drinking Jack?” Jimmy’s eyes went wide

“Me” I replied “I just can’t keep off the stuff. I thought the rule was a Guinness a day keeps the doctors away but apparently the rule applies to Jack Daniels too” Sarcasm is my friend.

“I heard that too… That’s why to be safe I drink about 50”

“For that reply Jimmy, you get a hug” I laughed as I hugged him, he was quick to return it, putting a hand on my stomach

“What is your obsession?” Brian asked him

“Don’t you think is pretty awesome that it just gets bigger?”

“My stomach?”

“Yes, fatty, your stomach” I slapped his arm and moved away pouting

“Its weird” Brian commented “It gets bigger everyday, I swear”

“I’d be worried if it didn’t dude” Zacky piped up

“All three of you are strange” I shook my head before turning the oven back on

“What ya making?” Jimmy asked, making Brian shake with laughter

“She can’t make anything”

“Actually” Zacky started “She has made something”

“I made a Lamb Shank” I grinned proudly, Zacky and I both knowing I didn’t make it.

“Sure, you did” He replied and I opened the oven to show him the contents “Well I’ll be damned”

“Guess it’s time we leave Jim” Zacky got up

“But I’m hungry” He whined

“That food is not for you” Was the last we heard as Zacky dragged Jimmy out the house. I stepped closer to Brian

“You not want it?”

“Course I do” He tried to grab my sides but I stepped backwards

“You were being mean” I pouted

“I was?” He stood up edging closer to me

“Uh huh” I stepped back

“I’m sorry” He pushed some hair out of my face and kissed me softly

“I suppose I could forgive you if you go and sit in the dining room”

“Dining room?”

“Uh huh”

“Your up to something Mrs Haner” He slapped my ass making me giggle before I stuck my tongue out at him.

He went into the dining room and I’m guessing he discovered what I was up to because I couldn’t hear anything at all. Silence, it really was golden sometimes. I served up the food and walked in the dining room to see Brian sat with an arched eyebrow

“I just wanted to do something nice, for us, with no one else around” I commented before he could say anything and put the plates down “Your just so consumed on everything else, that I just thought it would be nice”

“I’m sorry”

“I didn’t say it to make you feel bad, I’ve been busy too. We just don’t do this much and with you going on tour, we’re going to be together less which after this the next time will most likely be Christmas, oh my God” He leaned over and kissed me

“Your rambling babe, Don’t worry”

“I’m not, I’m just going to miss you” I looked at him and then it was my turn to feel bad “I’m sorry, I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, I don’t need to add to it”

“Listen, you’re the mother of my child, my wife and at the moment, you two” He put his hand on my growing belly, gently rubbing it “Are healthy and safe is my number one priority. The rest of the shit going on will fall into place, It always does”

“I know. I guess jealous of the others though” I said before taking a mouthful of food

“Why?”

“Because they get to see you all the time”

“Chloe just think about when the baby comes, our touring cycle will be nearly done with, all we’ll have is shows close to home. Isn’t it better that we get this out of the way now?”

“I suppose. It’s just everything is dawning on me like, its Christmas soon and I haven’t even thought about presents and it’s going to be Zacky’s birthday”

“You think way too much” He chuckled at my ramblings

“Your still going to love me when I’m fat, right?”

“Baby, I’ll love you thin or fat, black, white or multicoloured”

“What if I cut my hair?”

“Are you serious?” I nodded “Of course I will, nothing you can do will make me stop loving you, got it?”

“Awww” My eyes started watering “Your so sweet” Stupid hormones

“Hormones?” I nodded

“I have serious hate for them” He flashed a toothy smile before clearing the table and shoving everything in the dishwasher “I think I’m ready for bed”

“You go up and I’ll be there in a second”

I walked up the stairs, deciding that I didn’t need another shower today so I got changed into a pair of shorts and a vest top that made my stomach much more prominent. Slipping into bed, I couldn’t help but let out a soft moan from how comfortable it was

“I haven’t even touched you yet” Brian stood at the end of the bed with a grin and I couldn’t help but to laugh at him

“Your magical fantastical, got the skill to pay the bills”

“There’s something quite not right with you” He said as he stripped down and joined me

“Meh, you love me for it”

“Shut up”

He leaned over and kissed me, taking my breath away as I moved my hands to face soft face and tangling them into his hair. It was a kiss so intense that I never wanted to break it

“I have something for you” He mumbled against my lips, I just kissed him again and he chuckled, moving away from me ‘causing me to whine like a child. He present me with a box which caused me to sit up

“What is it?” I looked at him

“Open it and you’ll find out” Opening the box, I was reward with the beautiful sight of an oval white gold, diamond ring, it was so different from anything I had ever seen before

“Marry Me”

“Brian….”

“No, I mean properly this time. We didn’t get to the first time, I want you to have it all, everything you’ve wanted”

“I do, I have you baby” He kissed me

“Marry me after the baby comes, I know you wouldn’t get married whilst pregnant so we can do it after, have our dream wedding” It brought tears to my eyes at how much he had thought about it

“You Can’t do this to pregnant women, Brian, we’re overly emotional ya know” I sobbed out

“Chloe, Marry me”

“Of course I will”