I Want to Hold You, for Now and Forever

Richard Reeves:

“Just think of me and I will be there”

I’m fucking waddling like a duck out of water, I look stupid and fat. Urgh, how women ever enjoy pregnancy is beyond me, they must be demented or something. Idiots. It doesn’t help that I’ve just spent 6 hours on a plane with the damn baby pressing against my bladder; I had to pee every 5 fucking minutes and what’s even more embarrassing is that since I’m just about 7 months gone, I basically need help to get up so every time I needed to get up I had to call for a stewardess. In the end, one of them just stood by me, trying to make idle conversation I wanted no part in but I did notice, however, that the woman must have needed a hammer and chisel to get her fucking make up off; she looked like an orange that was starting to go mouldy. Definitely put me off oranges for a while.

Once I struggled to get my luggage and with help from a passerby, I walked out of the terminal to wait for the boys to get me. You see, since this is the last time I can travel before I give birth, Oh joy!, I came out to see them on the road. Why couldn’t they just come to me… damn easier, well for me anyway. I stood there with my arms crossed and tapping my foot, I was getting impatient, pregnancy had recently turned me into a grumpy bitch. I saw the huge tour bus pull up in front of me but I made no effort to move, they can come out to me since I’ll probably need help to get up the fucking stairs anyway. Johnny was the first one to get off the bus and he had a warm smile on his face as he came up to hug me, it was a struggle with the big bump but he made it work, he was followed by Shads, Rev, Zacky, MB and JB who all copied Johnny’s sentiments

“Where the fuck is he?” I asked the group

“He’s coming” Shads replied touching my bump

“Bitch pills?” Jimmy chuckled

“No, I don’t need any with the extra fucking weight I’m carrying” I scoffed

“Lets not piss off the pregnant lady” Brian laughed and as always my breath caught in my throat when I saw him. He went to hug me but instead I slapped his arm “What was that for?”

“I’m waddling Brian! I’m fucking waddling, I’m pissing every 5 minutes and an air stewardess had to stand by me for most of the flight to get me out of my damn seat” I glared at him

“How is that my fault?” he grinned

“Dude, do we need to explain the birds and the bees at this stage?” JB laughed “Cause I’d be seriously fucking worried if we did” the group laughed

“Let’s help fatty up the steps” Zacky beamed before I smacked him upside the head

“I’m not fat” I pouted

“You’re big boned?” Shads added

“You’re all dickheads” they laughed before helping me on the bus and getting on the way toward the venue that they were playing at tonight. I had snuggled up to Brian in the seating area as the guys sat round with beers. I missed drinking, I seriously couldn’t wait to get shitfaced.

“So you’re still not gonna find out what it is?” Johnny asked

“Nah” Brian replied “We’re gonna wait” I nervously laughed “What?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing”

“What do you know?” he eyed me suspiciously

“I, err, know nothing” I found my hands seriously fascinating at this point

“You know!” MB jumped up pointing his index finger at me

“What?! No I don’t. Maybe”

“You know?” Brian looked at me with surprise

“I could, maybe or maybe not” I replied

“She definitely knows dude” Zacky laughed

“Like you can talk Zack” I mocked glared at him as everyone turned to look at him

“You know!” MB shouted once again repeating his earlier actions

“Dude, we get the point” Johnny laughed

“You know as well?” Brian asked him “Am I the only one that doesn’t? I thought we agreed” he looked at me

“No, you agreed. I’m impatient and I couldn’t wait” I set the record straight

“So how does Zack know?” JB asked

“It was an accident” Zacky informed him

“Yeah, he was accidentally there when they told me” I giggled

“I’m confused” Jimmy told us

“Well you were all busy and I needed someone to come to the ultrasound with me and Zack had a spare few minutes”

“Why couldn’t I come?” Brian asked me

“Interview” and he Oh’d in reply

“So what is it?”

“I’m not telling you”

“Why not?”

“Because you wanted to wait and I don’t want to spoil that for you”

“That’s not fair” he huffed

“And if you even think of getting it out of Zacky then I will kick your ass, pregnant or not, understood Mr Haner?” They were all laughing at our exchange of words

“I understand Mrs Haner”

“Good, now get me food bitch” I grinned and he rolled his eyes before he got up to get me something to eat

“You have him trained well” Shads laughed

“I should think so too, it took a while but he learnt. So you guys excited about tonight?”

“Yeah, aren’t we always?” Jimmy answered and I nodded “It’s gonna fucking rule”

For 2 hours we sat there, talked, laughed and messed about until we got to the venue. Once we got there it was all business as they began to set up, I just sat on the floor watching them work. Once they’d finished we all got up to go backstage and as they were about to start letting people in

“Hurry up and play already” I whined and Zacky put his arm around my shoulders

“Patience twin” he laughed

“Damnit, I need to pee again”

“Can’t you hold it?” Shads asked and I crossed my legs whilst I stood

“Nuh huh” I pouted before running… correction, waddling as fast as I could out of the room. I could hear them laughing at me. Pricks.

“Enjoy yourself?” Brian asked as he walked up to me and kissed me

“Uh huh, it was an ‘ahh’ pee” I grinned before kissing him “You know, I’m horny right? And you looking like that don’t help the situation”

He burst out laughing “I’m sure I could do something about it later”

Jimmy screamed and covered his ears with his hands “Pregnant sex!” making us all laugh “I’m too innocent!”

“Jimmy” I laughed “No you‘re not, I‘ve heard stuff you‘ve done and it‘s enough to make a porn star blush”

A guy knocked on the door and walked in “Time to go guys” they all nodded and we walked toward the stage, they all touched my belly and went on stage to an explosive crowd. I stood with JB and MB the whole time and when they played ‘Dear God’ tears came to my eyes as Brian kept looking over at me and miming the words. Once the guys finished they all decided to go out to give me and Brian some alone time

“I Love You” Brian blurted out as we got on the bus

“I Love You Too”

“No, Chloe. I’m so in love with you, I just don’t tell you enough” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes

“You shouldn’t do this to pregnant women, we’re overly emotional ya know” he chuckled as I sniffled

“I just needed to tell you that I’m not myself without you. You’re the better part of me and I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow, I just need you to be with me all the time because I feel like wherever you are, I should be too. You’re my life now; me, you and the baby”

At this point I was full blown crying “I feel the same baby but you’ll be off tour soon, you’ll come home and we can be a family”

“But I’ll have to leave again, that’s what’s going to kill me” I saw pain fill his eyes

“But I find comfort in the fact you’re coming home and even more so that you’re coming home to me. Don’t worry about it, everything will work out, I promise”

“I just wanna hold you forever and not let go”

“Forever, baby” I grinned

“We just had a cheesy moment” he grinned as he put his forehead against mine

“I like cheesy moments with extra cheese” I kissed him

“You just like cheese”

“Who the fuck doesn’t, it’s the best ever invention”

“Best ever, ever?”

“Ever, ever, ever” I grinned

That night was one memory that couldn’t be erased. To me it was the first time we made love, that we forgot everyone around us and only focused on ourselves to create moments that could last a life time, I’ll never know where this dusty road will lead us but part of me loves that, I love that I can’t see around the bend or control every little detail because in the end, I know we were made for each other. The day we met was meant to happen, we’re were meant to challenge each other and change each others lives for the good. He was made for me to hold in the darkest of nights and in the brightest of futures, nothing in life has made sense before him and nothing will after him, I will love him after death, for that I am sure.

Syn

Dropping her off at the airport and saying our goodbyes made my heart wilt, I just wanted to go with her. I’m missing the most important parts of life on the road but I couldn’t say goodbye to this portion of my life just yet, I wasn’t quite finished.
Sitting on the bus and staring out of the window, I felt Matt pat me on the back with a smile and I returned the gesture before laying on my bunk, I turned my head and felt something rustle beneath me. I moved my hand and found it was an envelop that had her messy scribble on it, I moved it to my nose to smell her scent before opening it.

Brian,
You said you wanted it to be a surprise but when you found out that I knew the sex of the baby, you decided to change your mind. So in the envelope is the ultrasound picture, I’m giving you the choice of whether you really want to know or not.
Love You Daddy
Chloe
Xox

Of course I wanted to know but I wasn’t gonna tell her that I didn’t want to find out because I thought she didn’t want to know. I quickly pulled it out, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply before looking. A huge grin spread across my face before tears sprung to my eyes and I felt Jimmy look over at me and asking what was wrong and in reply I showed him the photo, he came over and put his arm around my shoulder congratulating me.

“I’m gonna call her”

“Do it” he grinned

I quickly grabbed my phone and dialled the home number

“Hello” her sweet voice was low and raspy

“Did I wake you?”

“No, I was watching T.V” I could hear the smile in her voice “So you know”

“Yeah I do, momma” I smiled

“You’re happy?”

“You know I wouldn’t have minded either way but I’m so happy we’re having a…”

I’ve never felt so much Love before. I had it all, I was truly rich.