I Fought Them All Off Just To Hold You Close And Tight

I glanced at the clock again. 2:34am. Where the hell was he?

"Gerard?" I looked up. Mikey was standing there. "Come to bed man. Frank is probably fine."

"'Probably' is the operative word. What if he got in a car accident or something?" I went back to staring at the door.

Mikey sighed. "Just come to bed soon then, okay?"

I nodded. Mikey went back to the bunks as I continued to sit there for another hour. Eventually Ray came and sat with me. He said he was worried too. Bob joined us soon after, and then Mikey. Around 5:02am we saw headlights through the window. My heart flew into my throat as we heard a series of sounds; a car door slamming and footsteps heading our way. Then the door opened.

"Oh Frankie!" I flung my arms around him and squezzed as hard as I could. "You had me so fucking worried! I thought you were dead!"

"God fucking damn it Frank!" Bob said, standing up and coming to stand next to us. "You had us all so worried. What's your problem!"

"I'm sorry," Frankie muttered. "I uhh ... had to be somewhere. It won't happen again."

I released my grip slightly and held him out so I could look at him. "Frank ... have you been drinking?" He smelled vaguely of alochol and something else I couldn't quite place.

"Not really," he answered while pulling away from me. "Just a beer with me uncle."

"Why were you with your uncle?" Ray asked.

Avoiding the question, Frank simply stated, "I'm tired. See you guys later."

I suddenly remembered where I'd smelled that other smell before. "Frankie ... were you smoking any marijuana again?"

"I'm going to bed. Talk to you later." Frank disappeared into his bunk and shut the curtain.

"What the HELL is his problem?" Mikey hissed. The rest of us all shrugged.

I didn't sleep that day or the next. Was this my fault? Was Frank acting so cold to everyone and disappearing for hours on end because I told him "no" in the shower? On the third sleepless night Frank didn't come back at all. The next morning we were supposed to start heading north from Delaware. I was concidering just leaving without him. I mean, I was worrried as HELL, but I was also pretty pissed. Frankie did show up though, and this time he really was drunk. Not like slobbering and falling over, but he was pretty out of it. He said he took a taxi to and from wherever he was at, so I didn't worry to much.

But me, Mikey, Ray, and Bob all wondered what he was doing. And we were determined to find out.