The Lightning Strike

I’ve never exactly been the poster child for productive relationships. I understood that, I really did. However, I’m starting to think I’m just outright cursed in the relationship department. Recently my luck has just been…really bad. We’d gone on this really odd case where people were having super strange things happen to him. Oddest one had to be that guy who was abducted by aliens, probed and then forced to slow dance. We’d all bickered like crazy over little things. As in things that wouldn’t matter before. Wasn’t just Misha and Dean and Dean and Sam though. No, I bickered with Sam and Sam bickered with Misha, etc. We all just bickered with each other. Finally Bobby showed up and explained to us that it was a ‘Loki’, or a trickster. A demi-god with a taste for chaos. Bobby was awesome about the entire thing though and definitely helped us out with that case.

We’d gone on and our next case had been pretty much epically sad. It was a woman who didn’t know she was dead and didn’t know her husband had survived. That one was hard to do since it sucked having to reveal slowly to a girl that she was actually dead and it’d been years and the love of her life had moved on. I could understand why she was in so much pain. Sometimes there are things that are just hard to accept. There are some things in life that are just too painful to face. Apparently that works in death also. Luckily we were able to help her find peace, which is what she needed and deserved. The crazy farmer got put to rest also. He was creepy. None of those things are the reason why I think I’m cursed with relationships though.

We’d been working a case on werewolves and Dean was super excited. Sam and I were starting to be close again. Well, until Madison showed up. Dean and Misha went to go do the legwork while Sam and I watched over Madison. I’m not sure how long I endured watching Madison and Sam blatantly flirt. We did discover that Madison was a werewolf though and one of the attackers around town. Dean and Misha went out and killed her maker in an attempt to ‘cure’ Madison. She didn’t change so we all assumed she was cured. Madison and Sam resumed flirting and I just got sick of it. I left the room and went and got a burger form a place within walking distance. After I’d eaten, I went back and I walked right in. I heard odd noises coming from Madison’s room and I went in to look.

I took one peek and caught a glimpse at Sam and Madison fucking before running out and to Misha. I told her what’d I’d seen and Misha looked a combination of pissed and upset. So I just sat and waited while the guy I’m pretty much in love with had sex with some girl. I was torn between happiness and sadness and anger when Madison did turn, apparently she wasn’t cured. I was happy because she was going to be out of Sam’s life, sad because Sam was upset and angry because Sam was the one who had to kill her. It just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to all of us. After he’d come out though, I couldn’t really look at him.

I wanted to be there for him, I really did, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t go and comfort him because he was upset about losing a girl he’d known for less than a week. He’d known me for months and God help me, I was jealous. I wanted his attention. I wanted him to want me and I wanted him to miss me when I was gone. It seemed petty in my mind, but my heart just wouldn’t listen. I know for a fact Sam doesn’t know that I know he fucked Madison. Which is probably why when we were on a case in Hollywood, he got very confused as I avoided him, ignored him or was just bitchy to him.

We were on the case because we’d thought a crew guy had been killed, but that had just been a stunt. However, we quickly learned that the place may actually be haunted when two bodies really did show up. Dean got really into his role and split his time evenly between eating and working on the case. I put everything into working the case. Well, technically I put a lot into avoiding Sam. So much in fact, that Sam actually went up to Misha and asked her why I was upset with him. I’m not quite sure what she said to him, but I know she probably laughed at him. We eventually closed the case, me still not speaking to Sam. I had to smile though when right before we left, Dean pulled Misha into a kiss. I was happy for them, really, I was. I was also jealous though. As senselessly petty as it sounded, I wanted something to happen between Sam and I. Sam made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t interested in me when he practically ignored me to go and fuck Madison.

The silence continued on my part through the next case. Especially since Misha and I weren’t on the next case. Sam and Dean had made sure that the FBI agent hadn’t found out about us. How? I don’t know but I know that Misha and I weren’t even on the FBI’s watch list or even on their radar. I know this because I searched some of their files. The only thing they knew about us was that we caused a fuss over our parent’s death. Apparently the detectives had written in our files that we were ‘under intense grief but otherwise not a threat’. Sam and Dean infiltrated a prison though by getting themselves arrested…on purpose. Apparently an old friend needed help with a poltergeist problem. Misha and I were worried about them, neither of us very vocal about this, but we did agree to be very close by to get them out of town. We’d also take care of Dean’s car while they were in prison. Dean didn’t want his car going to the impound lot. Misha didn’t blame him. She secretly adored his car too. The case went smoothly though and they ‘escaped’ from prison.

It hadn’t been as frightening as our next case though. We were looking for a genie. Seriously and Dean went off on his own before we lost contact with him. We went on a frantic search for him. By the time we found him, he was looking pretty bad. We found him tied up and with a needle in his neck, unconscious. Dean woke up and we cut him down before the genie attacked Sam after knocking Misha and I out of the way. It was fairly intense. We finally defeated the bastard and Dean figured out the girl also tied up was barely alive so Sam carried her out and to a hospital. We found out that he’d been given a ‘perfect’ world. Sam had been married to Jessica (I’d winced when he’d said that and Misha had given me a sympathetic look), their mom was alive and Dean was married. Dean wouldn’t say to who though. He did glance at Misha when he said it though so I had my suspicions and once again I’d been jealous.

After the case was over and the survivor was safe in the hospital, Sam tried to talk to me again. This time he seemed visibly upset that I wouldn’t talk to him. I didn’t ignore him, but I didn’t exactly give him much to work with either. I would just shrug. He finally sighed and walked back over to Dean’s car before sulking in the passenger seat. Dean glanced over at me oddly before shaking his head and getting into the car. The tension between Sam and myself didn’t leave as we headed off toward another hunt. The sexual tension between Dean and Misha didn’t leave either. Those two were possibly the best/oddest couple ever. We made pit stops a lot, what I hadn’t been expecting was for Dean and Misha to sneak off together and make out every chance they got.

One particularly dark night, we all pulled up to a diner because we wanted food. Misha and I weren’t particularly hungry that late at night, so we parked and Misha danced to the radio. Dean was apparently doing the same thing while Sam went in to get the food. I laughed as I looked between Misha and Dean and watched as Dean did obnoxious dances to get Misha to laugh and wiggled his eyebrows at her. It was cute in a very odd way. Then again, no one in this family was normal. Misha and I both frowned as the radio started cutting in and out. I chewed on my bottom lip and whispered to Misha as she flicked at the radio while groaning.

“Misha, stop…Something doesn’t feel right.”

Misha glanced at me before looking over and meeting Dean’s eyes. We all looked around before our eyes went back to the small café and a slew of curses left both Misha and myself at the same time. No one was in the café anymore. We all scrambled out of our vehicles and ran up to the café before storming inside. I felt my throat contract and everyone pulled out their guns at once as we saw a corpse slumped over one of the tables. Dean immediately started calling out for Sam as we inched through the place. Behind the counter were more dead bodies. We made our way to the back door and Dean opened it and called out Sam’s name some more before starting to close it. Misha cursed loudly as Dean pulled his finger away from the door. He met my eyes and we both said one word like it was a curse.

“Sulfur.”

We all darted back out of the place and toward the car, all of us shouting Sam’s name. I felt sick. How had this happened? Why had this happened? Who had done this? Where was Sam? What were we going to do? We had absolutely no leads on where Sam was. He went into a café and then disappeared. Demons took him but it wasn’t exactly like demons posted bulletin board notices about hunters they’ve abducted.

We were in serious trouble.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We’d driven all night and met up with Bobby. We needed all the help we could get and Bobby was the best. Besides, he was one of the only people we could really trust. We were now pouring over a map on the hood of Bobby’s car. All of us were extremely worried about Sam but none of us wanted to let it show so we were keeping busy. Tracking demonic signs as quickly as possible and trying to figure out where Sam was. I bit my nails a lot more than usual on this case. I wasn’t sure which time Sam’s disappeared has scared the shit out of me more. The time we had no clue where he went or now, where we have no clue where he went but we know a demon has him. Misha kept glancing over at me worried. She did this last time Sam went missing too. She knows how much I care about Sam. Only last time I hadn’t felt guilty, just worried.

Now I felt a gnawing guilt to go along with my anxiety. What if something happened to Sam and he didn’t know that I wasn’t mad at him? I’d found anti-anxiety pills in the bottom of my bag and I’d been popping them like they were god damn candy over the past few hour. My anxiety rose as Bobby pointed out to us that there was nothing on the grid in demon activity. No exorcisms, no temperature spikes, no cattle mutilations, no electrical haywire. Nothing. It was silent and that worried me a hell of a lot more than any signs could. Demons were never quiet. They didn’t know the fucking meaning of it. I paced around the field near our cars as Misha walked over and grabbed my arm. Holding me still, Misha whispered into my ear firmly.

“We’re going to get Sam back, but I need you to pull yourself together, okay? I promise you that we’ll get him back. Shit, Nisha, please don’t cry, come here.”

Misha pulled me into a hug and I took a deep breath and hugged her back before pulling away and walking back over to see Dean talking on his cell phone. He was apparently talking to Ash. Ash knew something but wouldn’t tell it to Dean over the phone. Before Dean was even off his cell, Misha and I were heading over to our cars and we were buckled up before Dean could even announce we were going to the roadhouse. We all drove toward the roadhouse, tense and desperate for information. Plus, I was even more anxious that Ash couldn’t say what he knew over the phone. That meant the information was huge. I rested my head against the window of the Torino and let myself slip unconscious. Odd thoughts and dreams slipped through my head. Well, most of them were nightmares. Nightmares of finally finding Sam and him dying or someone else dying. I awoke with a start, rubbing my face in my hands. I stopped as the car stopped and Misha spoke.

“Holy fucking mother of Christ.”

I glanced up and we both got out of the car as we surveyed the wreckage in front of us that was the roadhouse. It was literally just a burnt shell. Rubble and debris and smoke were all that was left. I chewed on my bottom lip as we all sifted through the rubble. There were bodies in the debris but there was no real way of identifying them from the actual bodies. Most were burnt beyond recognition. My blood froze though as I glanced over and saw Dean messing with the watch of one of the bodies and then saying out loud.

“Ash, damn it!”

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Ash was dead. We all looked at each other and headed back over to the car. Misha and I were deep in thought as Dean and Bobby had a heated discussion about what we were going to do next. We stood around the Impala and Dean had put his hands on the car when suddenly he started to crumple in pain. Misha immediately ran over to Dean’s side. I just froze. This looked all too familiar. Way too familiar. Bobby voiced my concern though as Misha stood by Dean, an odd look on her face. It was strange, it was like Misha and I switched bodies. Usually I was the overprotective one. I just felt numb.

“Dean? What the hell was that?”

“A headache?”

“You get headaches like that a lot?”

I tuned them out as I walked over and stood on the other side of Dean. Misha and I exchanged worried glances as Dean insisted these weren’t visions, even though he thought he’d seen something, and he definitely wasn’t like Sam in this instance. Then Dean groaned in pain and started to crumple to the ground. Misha and I both grabbed Dean before he fell and held him up. Dean’s face was twisted in pain and his body was tense and trembling. I pulled some pain killers out of my pocket and set them on the roof of the car for when the headache stopped ripping through Dean and settled down to a dull roar. Dean shook his head and nodded to Misha and myself that he was okay, and we stepped away. I handed Dean two pills and he swallowed them dry before telling the others that he was okay and that he’d seen something. He’d seen Sam and a bell of some kind. My heart stopped as Bobby asked if it was an oak tree. I knew where they were and I gave Misha a desperate look. I instantly started walking toward Misha’s car after nodding for her to follow me. Bobby knew how to get there, I didn’t. I knew where we were going though.

I was not happy about it either.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Where the fuck are we going Nisha?”

“The most haunted town in all of the United States. So haunted and evil that every single person that survived the damn place, fled for their lives. A good chunk of those people rendered insane for the rest of their natural lives.”

Misha gave me a shocked look. I just nodded as we drove more. We’d been driving for hours and I was surprised she’d managed to keep that question to herself for that long. Once again, Misha was cursing. She was not happy about this. I remember back when our lives were simpler and we just looked up lore on ghosts and demons and angels for fun. There were at least a dozen horror stories we’d shared between us about that damn town. I even remember us making a pledge to never go to that town because of how dangerous we knew it was. How bad it would be if we ever showed up. This was before we even knew for a fact that all of this shit was real. That was us being cautious and rational. Now we had to throw all of that out the window becausemy Sam was in there. We had to get him out of there and quickly.If he was even still alive. I blinked as Bobby and Dean both parked by some woods. Misha drove up and parked by Dean’s car. All of us piled out.

“Looks like we have to walk from here.”

Misha nodded and popped the trunk of her car before we both walked over and grabbed a gun each and I grabbed my favorite knives to hide around my body. One silver knife, one iron knife. Weren’t the best for combat with a human, but they worked wonders on the right supernatural creature. Misha and Dean both had a flashlight with them. We all then headed out into the woods. Misha and I walked alongside Dean and Bobby. Misha glanced back at me every once and awhile to make sure I was okay as we made the hike.

None of us were quite sure how long of a hike we were in for but no one spoke as we did this. All of us were quiet and determined as we set our path. The woods were quiet. Far too quiet to be the woods near a severely haunted town. It just didn’t seem right so we were all on high alert. We all were a little twitchy. I needed to get to Sam. Dean looked even twitchier and more desperate than I did. Bobby and Misha were worried too, just not like Dean and I were. Sam’s Dean’s baby brother and I’m in love with Sam. Dean doesn’t really know about the whole me being in love with Sam though. Or at least, if he does know then he’s become a much better liar. Or he just figured it out very recently. It felt like we’d been walking forever when suddenly we were out of the woods. Dean and I both shouted Sam’s name and we all sighed in relief as we turned the corner and saw Sam heading our way. I had a grin spread across my face. Sam smiled too.

“SAM LOOK OUT!”

My eyes widened and all of us took off running toward Sam as a strange man came up behind Sam. I heard two screams, one was Dean’s and one I think was mine as I watched Sam get stabbed in the back. I sobbed as Sam fell to his knees, his back arched and his eyes staring wide at the sky. I think I saw Bobby take off after the culprit as Dean ran over and pulled Sam close. I tried to go over to Sam but Misha grabbed me around the middle. I think she was saying something. I couldn’t hear a word though as I sobbed and screamed. My entire body felt like it was on fire. It was odd to be in that much pain. It pulsated in my blood as I slowly sank to my knees before gripping my hair in my hands as Misha held me tightly. I could barely hear her shushing me and rocking me back and forth. Dean just kept talking to Sam and the tears just kept flowing as I watched Sam’s head bob around, blood sluggishly pouring out of his open lips. I knew Sam was dead before Dean did. I finally just curled up in a ball and squeezed my eyes shut, sobbing and whimpering.

And then I fainted.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I slowly woke up thinking that I had to have had a horrible nightmare. My entire body trembled as I looked around the dilapidated cabin. My Sam couldn’t be dead. It wasn’t possible. Sam’s strong and courageous and smart. Sam couldn’t be dead. I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled sharply. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been unconscious but I did know I was waking up to a familiar voice. Bobby’s.

“I just don’t think you should be alone is all!”

“Take a look around you Bobby. Misha’s here and so is Nisha once she wakes up. I’m not alone.”

I sat up and glanced over at Misha. Misha was leaning against a wall, a shell shocked look on her face. I glanced back at Bobby as he spoke.

“Something big is coming, I mean, we’re talking end of the world bi-“

“Well then LET IT END.”

“…Dean, you don’t mean that.”

Misha’s eyes widened, as did mine, as Dean got up from his chair so fast it fell back and hit the floor with a crash. I chewed on my bottom lip and watched as Dean walked close to Bobby and spoke, deadly serious.

“You don’t think so? Huh? You don’t think I’ve given enough? You don’t think I’ve paid enough? You don’t think Misha or Nisha have paid enough? I’m done with it. All of it. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll turn around and get the hell out of here. GO!”

I stood up and stared as Dean shoved Bobby. Misha looked at me in bewilderment as I walked over to her and took her hand and squeezed it before walking over and standing behind Dean and giving Bobby a look. I hadn’t looked in the mirror, but I figured I probably looked like hell and I probably just looked dead. I shook out of my thoughts as I watched realization spread through Dean’s face as he looked up and whispered to Bobby.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry….Please just go.”

“You’ll know where I’ll be.”

I went over to Dean as he gripped the back of a chair between his hands and rubbed his back slowly. I wasn’t feeling anything. I just knew that he was in a lot of pain. Pain that I couldn’t fix. Pain that Misha couldn’t fix. Pain that even Bobby couldn’t fix. I didn’t know how he was still standing or showing any emotion at all. I couldn’t possibly have any type of love toward Sam than the brotherly love Dean has for him and my pain was so bad that I just shut down. Dean looked at me and sighed before walking away from me and stood next to Sam’s body on the bed. I felt a pain spread through my chest and I sat down quickly and squeezed my eyes shut. I hear soft footsteps and Misha came over and rubbed my back before hugging me. I turned and watched Dean as spoke to Sam. Neither Misha or myself were prepared to hear him talk like that though.

“You know when we were little, well you couldn’t have been more than five, you just started asking questions…’How come we didn’t have a mom?’, ‘Why do we always have to move around?’, ‘Where’d Dad go?’. He’d take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you. ‘Quit asking Sammy….Man, you don’t wanna know’. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I was trying to protect you. Keep you safe. Dad didn’t even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, ya know? It’s like I had one job. That one job and I screwed it up.”

Dean’s voice broke and I looked up to see Misha with tears in her eyes. Neither of us had ever seen or heard Dean be that open before. I don’t think he realized we were even there anymore. It was just him talking to Sammy. The more he spoke though, the more my stomach twisted and the more I felt helpless and scared and the more the pain slipped back through. Dean kept talking though. Kept bringing the pain back into me. Kept bringing the tears into Misha’s eyes, although I couldn’t really be angry at Dean for either of those things.

“I blew it…and for that I’m sorry. I guess that’s what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. I let Misha and Nisha down. We were both blind Sammy. So stupid. Took me seeing Nisha absolutely break down about your….going away for me to actually see what was going on. And now I guess I’m supposed to let you down too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? How am I supposed to live with this, and not only that but how am I supposed to keep looking at Nisha day after day? The girl looks like the walking dead. I probably look worse. Misha’s depressed too…Christ, what am I supposed to do? Sammy?...God, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?”

Misha and I stared as Dean stood up and paced slightly before kicking his chair back and throwing his hands up into the air before shouting, causing both Misha and I to jump.

“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?”

Misha and I stared at each other as Dean suddenly stopped and ran out of the place. A few minutes later, I heard the impala rev up and I heard the car speed off. I wasn’t afraid of us being left though. Dean wouldn’t just leave Sam’s body to rot in the middle of nowhere. Gulping, I stood up shakily and walked into the room where Sam was laying and sat on the edge of the mattress. A strangled sob surfaced as I reached up and brushed some of the hair out of his face. I heard footsteps and Misha was suddenly beside me. Pain was etched on her face, tears in her eyes and stained trails on her cheeks. Hiccupping, I turned to Misha and spoke, tears in my eyes.

“He can’t be dead. He looks like he’s sleeping. How is that possible? It’s cruel and unusual to my heart for him to look like he’s just resting. Like at any second he’ll sit up and yawn and give that big smile of his. Like at any second he’ll be awake and I can tell him how sorry I am. How sorry I am that I let him down.”

“How the hell did you let him down Nisha?”

Misha was in shock as I said that. I sniffled and wiped the tears from under my eyes and took in shaky breaths while I let my fingers play with the collar of Sam’s shirt. My body shook as I chewed on my bottom lip and spoke.

“I held that stupid fucking grudge against him. If I had just forgiven him…if I had just put aside my feelings then I-I would have b-been in that café with him. He wouldn’t have been alone and he wouldn’t have been taken and that means he wouldn’t have ended up in that god damn haunted town where some god damn son of a bitch stabbed him. I could have stopped this.”

I blinked and stared as I felt a sharp pain in my cheek. Misha had slapped me. Tears were pouring out of her eyes now and she glared at me before hissing.

“I don’t want to ever hear you say anything like that ever again Nisha Annette. Do you understand me? Fuck Nisha, if you were in that café with Sam? You would have been killed. Dean and I would have gone in there and found Sam missing and you with your throat slit. I would have lost you. I am not going to lose you. Do you understand me? Answer. Me.”

I nodded and my bottom lip trembled as fresh tears spilled over. Sighing and cursing under her breath, Misha reached over and pulled me into a hug while rubbing my back and speaking.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. Just don’t talk like that. Did you get something to eat? No? Damn it Nisha, you need to eat. I know for a fact you haven’t eaten since before Sam went missing. Go. Eat.”

I nodded and sighed before going over to the table and munching on some of the food Bobby brought over. Misha must have eaten some already because she just sighed and looked back down at Sam. I knew this was hard for her as well. Sam was her friend and she was starting to really like Dean, possibly even start to fall for him, and Dean was a nervous wreck and then there’s me. Misha’s unofficial baby sister. I’m pretty much lifeless. I wasn’t sure which time was worse, the time I found my parents dead or watching the man I love die. Both will haunt me till the end of my days, I’m sure of it, but which one caused me more grief?

I wasn’t expecting either of them. I never saw my parents die, thankfully but I did see a lot of blood and a few body parts. I saw the blade enter Sam and I watched him die, blood pouring out of his mouth and now I’m staring at his body. Peacefully laying there. The only way you can tell that there’s anything wrong with him just by looking at him is that he’s ashen and shirt is soaked in blood. I didn’t want to eat but I was forcing myself to so that I could keep Misha happy. Just forcing myself to chew and swallow.

Hopefully it’d be over soon. I just stared at Misha sitting next to Sam and finished my food as quickly as possible before wiping my hands off and going over and sitting next to Sam again. Misha smiled weakly before getting up and going into the other room. I laid down on the mattress and curled up. Tears slid down my face again and I sniffled before yawning. Crying always did make me tired. I let my eyelids flutter close and let myself fall asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I woke up to a scream and jumped clear off the bed as I spotted Sam sitting up. He looked super confused but he grabbed me and hugged me tight. I sobbed and wrapped my arms around him. He was warm and I could feel his heart racing. I could hear him breathing and I could feel his chest rise and fall. Blinking, I stood up and stared at Misha in shock. She was just as confused as I was. Sam stood up though and searched for a mirror. He lifted up the back of his shirt and I cringed, expecting to see a huge wound or something, but all that was there was a faint scar, like a massive cut months into recovery. Pink but fading. Suddenly the door opened and I glanced over to see Dean standing there. Misha stood next to me as Dean choked out.

“Sammy? Thank God.”

Dean immediately went over and pulled Sam into a tight hug. I choked back a sob and Misha hugged me close. She still looked wary and I’m not sure why. I was just thankful to see Sam alive and kept staring at Sam. Misha was staring at Dean, her eyes hard and mildly accusing. I smiled weakly as Sam groaned in pain. Dean pulled away and spoke hurriedly.

“Sorry. Sorry man. Christ, I’m just glad to see you up and around again, that’s all…C’mon, sit down.”

Sam nodded and let Dean help him sit down a bit. I chewed on my bottom lip as Sam spoke.

“You guys, what happened to me?”

“Well what do you remember?”

“Dean, I, I remember seeing you, Bobby, Misha and Nisha. You were all upset and then I felt this sharp pain. This really sharp pain, like white hot, ya know? And then you were all running at me. That’s about it.”

“…Yeah, that kid stabbed you in the back. You lost a lot of blood. It was pretty touch and go for awhile.”

I blinked in shock and looked at Misha. Her jaw was clenched. She seemed to know what was going on. I was very confused. Why had Dean lied? Sam died. Why isn’t Dean telling Sam that he died? I hugged myself and stared at Dean in confusion. What was Dean hiding?

“But Dean…you can’t patch a wound that big.”

“…No, Bobby did…by the way, who was that kid?”

“His name was Jake. Did you get him?”

“Nah, he disappeared into the woods.”

“We gotta find him and I swear I’m gonna tear that son of a bitch apart.”

Dean and I were both immediately at Sam’s side as he stood up angrily. They mentioned food and the boys went over to finish the pizza. I stared at Misha and sighed as the boys talked. Misha came over to me and whispered into my ear.

“Dean’s hiding something. We need to know what.”

Misha and I watched as Sam was…sorta filled in on what had gone on around him. It was almost a complete record of what we’d gone through, except for the fact that Dean left out that Sam died and then mysteriously came back. I could understand why Dean was so frantic to have Sam rest. The guy had been dead for hours. Sam refused though. Stupid, stubborn Sammy. Sighing, we all walked out of that place anyway and headed to our cars. Sam got into the Impala after giving me an odd look. I got into the Torino and Misha got in after me. We started heading toward Bobby’s though and Misha started speaking.

“I can’t believe that son of a bitch did something.”

“What are you talking about Misha?”

“I don’t know what he did, but he brought Sam back from the dead and now he’s covering it up. Don’t give me that look Nisha. I’m glad that Sam’s back. Don’t get me wrong, I really am. I’m just afraid as to what the price was to bring him back. What made it so important for Dean to have Sam believe that he’d almost died instead of died. Something stinks here and….Christ, I’m not supposed to be this worked up over Dean John Winchester. He’s up to something and if it’s the last thing I do? I’m gonna find it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Misha and I were the last to enter Bobby’s home and we just shrugged when Bobby gave us a, ‘what the fuck is going on?’ look. We’d gotten to talking about the new omens and how the demons seemed to be surrounding some place in Wyoming. Bobby quickly asked for Dean to help him bring in more books. Misha volunteered to help also. The three of them went outside and I started pouring over the maps with Sam. Sam stared at me sadly. I glanced up at him and smiled as best I could before looking back at the map. Sam grabbed the map and forced me to look at him.

“What’s wrong? You look sad.”

Smiling weakly, I sat up on the table and chewed on my bottom lip while Sam rubbed my arm soothingly. I let my eyes close and bit on my bottom lip as tears slipped from my eyes again. Sam sighed and pulled me into a hug and I buried my face in his chest as tears kept coming. Shushing me, Sam pulled back and wiped away my tears before speaking.

“Talk to me.”

I sighed and finally conceded.

“I….Christ, I felt so guilty. I’d been so upset with you before and because of that I wasn’t with you when you were taken from the Café. I could have stopped it from happening. Misha says that’s nuts and that I would have just been killed like the rest of the people there, but I can’t help but think that if I had just forgiven you that maybe it would have gone down differently. You wouldn’t have been stabbed.”

“Misha’s right, it wasn’t your fault. Although I am curious to know as to why you were upset with me in the first place.”

I was hoping he wouldn’t ask that and I was hoping even more that I’d be able to avoid his question or lie to him. I glanced up and his eyes were big and I felt my stomach do flips and twist in ways I didn’t think was possible. Gulping, I stared at my lap and muttered quietly.

“I saw you…with Madison.”

Sam got a confused look as he spoke.

“Wait, why would that make you ups-…Holy shit. You…? Crap. That’s why Misha was so angry with me and it’s why she called me a blind bastard and told me to just admit it to myself already. At the time I’d thought that someone had spiked her coffee. Now I know.”

I groaned and jumped off the table and paced. Sam had gone quiet after he’d said that and I knew he wanted an explanation. How was I supposed to explain this to him? Sighing, I rubbed my face before speaking as best I could.

“It’s…it’s been building up for awhile. Started out with a stupid crush when I first met you that night at the bar. Then it just got stronger as I got to know you. I mean, I knew it was stupid to do that but it wasn’t like I really had a choice in the matt-“

My speech was cut off though as Sam reached down and picked me up and pressed me against the wall before covering my lips with his. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist and the other was tangled in my hair as he kissed me and holy shit that kiss was amazing. I gripped his shirt tightly as I kissed him back, tingles and electricity flowing through my body. For the moments I was kissing him, I forgot everything. I forgot the shitty situation we’d gotten into, I forgot my past, hell, I even forgot my own name. All I knew was him and his arms and his kiss and only the tiniest part of me was worried about that. Everything else, every other fiber in my being screamed that this was the way it was supposed to be. This was paradise. The kiss did end though and I grinned as Sam set me down and led me over to the table where we started pouring over it again, this time Sam doing so with one arm wrapped around my waist.

No words had been exchanged since the kiss but words weren’t needed. I just kept smiling. I turned to look at the door as it slammed open. Misha had tears in her eyes and she entered. Dean and Bobby followed her with….Ellen? I blinked in shock and so did Sam. His hand stayed on the small of my back. Sam looked surprised too. My eyes kept retuning to Misha though. I hadn’t seen her this upset in a long time. She looked a combination of pissed and heartbroken. I went to her side and hugged her before whispering.

“What happened?”

Misha just shook her head as we all headed over to the table. I knew something big happened and that was confirmed by the fact that Dean had a bruise on his cheek. Misha must have hit him. He kept avoiding Misha’s glance and I groaned inwardly before pretending to pay attention as Bobby gave Ellen holy water to drink to make sure that it was her. We all stood near Bobby, Sam with his hand on the small of my back again. Misha glanced over at me and then looked down at Sam’s hand and gave me a look that said we’d have to talk. She looked vaguely amused by it though. Bobby poured Ellen some whiskey as she told us how she got away.

“I was supposed to be in there….but we ran out of pretzels of all things. It was just dumb luck…Anyway, that’s when Ash called…panic in his voice. He told me to look in the safe and the call cut out. By the time I got there, the flames were sky high and everyone was dead. I couldn’t have been gone more than fifteen minutes.”

“Sorry Ellen.”

“A lot of good people died in there…and I got to live. Lucky me.”

Sam rubbed my back after he’d said sorry to Ellen and I smiled weakly at him. Dean glanced over at us in confusion before realization dawned on him and he glanced back at Ellen, that same dark look in his eyes. Misha’s eyes never left Dean as her body shook with anger. She was upset about something but wasn’t blurting it out for some reason. From the way Dean and her used to fight, I figured she would have by now but she hadn’t. She hadn’t said a word about it. I glanced back at Ellen as Bobby and her talked again.

“Ellen, you mentioned a safe?”

“A hidden safe we keep in the basement.”

“Demons get what was in it?”

“No.”

Ellen then pulled a map out of her pocket and spread it out on the table. Everyone crowded around to look at it and I gave Sam a confused look as I saw it was Wyoming with x’s marked on specific parts. I had no idea what it meant. Sam didn’t know either but Bobby seemed to as he got up and ran over to get his magic books. Sam squeezed my side gently as Bobby grabbed a book and flipped through it before announcing in disbelief,

“I can’t believe it.”

Sam and I moved slightly so that Bobby could set the book down on the table. I looked up and Sam looked worried, which made me worried. I glanced back at Bobby as they started to talk.

“You got something Bobby?”

“A lot more than that. Each of these x’s is an abandoned frontier church. All mid nineteenth century. And all of them built by Samuel Colt.”

“Samuel Colt? The demon killing, gun making Samuel Colt?”

“Yep Dean and there’s more. He built private railway lines connecting church to church. That just happen to lay out like…this.”

Misha closed her eyes and cursed under her breath while Dean and Sam both spoke one after the other.

“Tell me that’s not what I think it is.”

“It’s a devil’s trap…A hundred square mile devil’s trap.”

“That’s brilliant. Iron lines, demons can’t cross.”

Misha and I glanced at each other. The wheels in my head were turning and a lot of weird thoughts were coming into my brain as Ellen spoke about how no one had seen anything this massive and Bobby agreed. Misha was staring at me though. The conversation moved to the omens and Sam pointed out that the lines had to still be holding because the demons were circling but couldn’t get in. I knew what was going to happen. Somehow I just knew. Maybe it was the lack of sleep making me think outside the box, but somehow I just knew what was going to happen. I zoned out as they hypothesized about what was inside it. Apparently something huge was inside it. I was more concerned about the theory of mine. Bobby made a comment about no full blood demon getting across and I spoke.

“They don’t need one.”

“She’s right and we both know who could.”

Everyone turned to look at Sam and me. Sam even looked at me shocked that I knew anything about this. Sam sighed and everyone headed toward their cars. Sam pulled me aside and whispered.

“How did you know?”

Chuckling darkly, I looked up at Sam and whispered back.

“A demon having a competition to end all between kids with powers right before demons start circling this place? That demon isn’t going to let Jake out of his contract anytime soon. He’ll make him go there. He would have made you go there but then you got stabbed.”

Sighing he nodded and we both headed to our separate cars. Ellen and Bobby were in Bobby’s truck. Sam and Dean were in Dean’s car and I was obviously with Misha. We all drove off. Misha only spoke one thing to me while we were driving.

“Congrats on you and Sam.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Misha and I were hiding out behind a rather large tombstone as Jake walked through the cemetery. I gave Misha a worried glance and she nudge me reassuringly as I watched Sam slip out from his hiding spot, gun drawn. We all followed quickly, our guns drawn on Jake too as Sam spoke.

“Howdy Jake.”

Jake looked at us all in shock, mostly at Sam though. Then again, I’d also be shocked to see someone I’d killed come back from the dead. I winced as Jake spoke, fear in his voice.

“Wait, you were DEAD. I killed you.”

“Oh yeah? Well next time finish the job.”

“I did! I cut clean through your spinal cord man.”

I winced and my hands shook as I saw the confusion on Sam’s face. He wasn’t supposed to find out like this. I watched as Sam glanced at Dean, Misha and I for an explanation. I just looked at him sadly. In all honesty, I had no idea what had been done to bring him back but I knew it wasn’t me. I was fairly certain Misha didn’t do it either, even though she was alone with Sam while I was asleep. No, something inside me told me it was Dean. His fury and his heartache had been too much to cope with. He’d done something. It’d also explain why Misha was so upset.

“You can’t be alive…You can’t be.”

“Okay, just calm down son.”

Jake’s eyes widened as Bobby said that to him and I rolled my eyes. Seriously? We were going to get into political correctness now?

“And if I don’t?”

“Just wait and see.”

I looked at Sam sadly as he practically growled that out. He was upset. Visibly upset. Jake didn’t seem to buy it though. Then again, I wouldn’t really take someone seriously either if they’d refused to fight me in the first place, oh and if they were supposed to be dead. Actually, come to think of it, I’d possibly take someone much more seriously if I knew they’d died but at the same time they were standing in front of me. It was a paradox that screamed things were out of your control.

“What, suddenly you’re a tough guy? What are you gonna do? Kill me?”

“It’s a thought.”

“You had your chance and you couldn’t.”

“I won’t make that mistake twice.”

Jake started to laugh and smile. I glanced over as Dean glared and spoke.

“What are you smiling at you little bitch?”

I grinned but froze as Jake turned to me and spoke.

“You must be Nisha. Pretty as Sam said you were. Do me a favor…put that gun to your head.”

I gave Misha a desperate look as my hand shook and I put the gun to my head. Misha cursed and cocked her gun while glaring at Jake angrily. Sam looked pissed too. I couldn’t move my arm. I tried so hard to move that gun away from my head and I couldn’t. I absolutely couldn’t. I whimpered as Jake started speaking again.

“You see Sam? Ava was right. Once you give in? There’s all sorts of jedi mind tricks you can learn.”

“Let her go!”

Sam shouted that at Jake. Misha was too pissed to say anything, Dean looked oddly pissed to. Swallowing hard, I grit my teeth and spoke tightly.

“Shot. That. Cunt.”

“You’ll be mopping up this girl’s skull before you get a shot off…Now everybody put your guns down….except you sweetheart.”

I glared and saw everyone else put their guns down. Misha looked ready to throw punches. I just took slow breaths through my nose. I’d been mind controlled once before and somehow this time was much much worse. Although almost being forced to jump off a bridge wasn’t a picnic either, but the sheer fact that I could die and my best friends and my boyfriend couldn’t do anything about it since I was the ‘hostage’? That made it all the worse.

“Okay, thank you.”

Jake turned around and went to the monument and before I even knew what was happening, Sam had grabbed my hand and pulled it down just as I pulled the trigger. Misha wrapped her arms held my arms tight and Sam pulled the gun out of my hand and shot Jake a few more times. Misha turned me around as I went slightly limp and pulled me into a tight hug, muttering about how I was never allowed to scare her like that again and if Sam hadn’t shot the cunt, she would have. I watched Sam sadly as he just…unloaded bullets into Jake. The hatred in his face was overwhelming.

“Oh no…”

“Bobby, what is it?”

“It’s Hell…TAKE COVER!”

We all darted behind tombstones right before the doors to the thing opened up with a huge bang and smoke billowed out of it. Misha grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight as it poured out over us and I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if we’d just taken our shot earlier. Granted, I’d definitely be dead, but we wouldn’t have unleashed Hell. Part of me wondered if that would have been a fair trade. I knew I could never say it out loud though. Even Bobby looked pissed to see me being held as a bargaining chip. Speaking of which, I need to get taller because this whole, ‘use the smallest person as a bargaining chip’ thing is getting super old. Just because I’m tiny doesn’t mean I can’t kick ass! Dean voiced what we were all wondering and oddly enough Ellen was the one to answer.

“What the hell just happened?”

“It’s a devil’s gate! A damn door to Hell! C’mon, we gotta shut that gate.”

We all got up and started inching our way toward the door. Bobby, Ellen, Sam, Misha and I all worked on shutting the door and even then we were still struggling. Sam and I turned to push against the door with our back and Sam spotted Dean at the same time as I did. Sam shouted Dean’s name and took off. Ellen and I groaned as the door pushed back against us and we had to try even harder to push it in. Misha and Bobby were struggling on their side also. I watched helplessly as Sam was thrown against a tree and Dean was held against a tombstone. I wasn’t sure what all Misha could see, but I was pissed as that demon son of a bitch started talking to Dean. Dean’s a great guy and he doesn’t deserve some piece of shit demon talking to him badly. I shouted Dean’s name, although I doubt he heard it, as the demon raised the gun and pointed it at Dean.

Suddenly a man that looked mysteriously like Sam and Dean’s father materialized and grabbed the demon, no literally he grabbed the demon from inside the body and yanked it out. I watched as Dean scrambled and grabbed the gun. I also watched as Dean shot the demon after the demon re-entered the host. Misha, Ellen, Bobby and I finally got the door open and the first thing I did was run over to Sam’s side and help him up. Misha ran over too and stood by Dean. It was an odd moment as we all stared. I knew Misha felt awkward as John went over and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Sam, Dean and John seemed to be having some sort of family moment. Sam and Dean were both crying. John stepped back and he looked back and forth between Misha and me and gave us a look that clearly said, ‘take care of them’. I nodded and then watched as John flickered away. Misha and I headed back to the cars and let the boys have some alone time. Misha was looking pissed but I wasn’t going to push her for information. You push Misha for information and you end up with a good five reasons why you should never do it again. We weren’t standing out there for long before Sam and Dean came out. Sam spoke first.

“You know, when Jake saw me, he looked like he’d just seen a ghost. I mean, hell, you heard him Dean. He said he killed me.”

“Well, we’re all glad he was wrong.”

“I don’t think he was Dean. None of you have been able to look me in the eye. What happened to me? I mean, Christ, Nisha only says, ‘since you were stabbed’. She can’t even say, ‘since you were super injured and recovered’. She only says I was stabbed. Misha won’t say anything at all, Bobby looked at me like he was shocked to see me also and you keep telling me over and over again about how it was just a wound that I miraculously recovered from. What happened after I was stabbed?”

“I already told you.”

“Not everything.”

“Sam! We just killed the demon. Can we celebrate for a minute?”

“…Did I die? Damn it, will someone tell me if I died?!”

Misha and I walked over and stood next to Dean. Sam kept looking at me with those pleading eyes. I wasn’t sure what all went down but Misha was looking anywhere but at Sam or me or Dean. Her jaw was clenching. Sam spoke again.

“Damn it Dean, did you sell your soul for me like Dad did for you?”

“Come on! No!”

“..Tell me the truth.”

In that instant I knew. I stood in front of Misha and I saw the tears in her eyes and I knew. Dean had sold his soul. He’d made a deal. That’s why Misha had smacked him. It’s why Misha was a wreck. Dean was going to die. I wasn’t even sure how long he had left. Part of me wanted to believe ten years, but something dark inside me said Dean didn’t get nearly that long.

“Dean, tell me the truth.”

“Sam…”

“How long did you get?”

Misha squeezed her eyes shut and seemed to want to block out this. She knew how long Dean had left and the last thing she wanted was for someone to repeat it more than she had in her head already. She’d just let Dean into her heart and now the stupid bastard was going to die. This wasn’t fair to any of us. Dean and Sam didn’t deserve this and as selfish as this sounds, neither did I. Neither did Misha. We’d lost enough. How was it, that in less than three years, I’ve seen my world crumble around me enough times to be an expert on grief? Christ, I’d seen more pain in just this short time than most people see in a lifetime.

“One year…I got one year.”

I gaped and turned and stared at Dean in shock. Sam was crying. Tears were now filling my eyes. A year? One stupid fucking year? That’s all that bastard demon would give him? Misha shook and I reached over and pulled her into a hug before she pulled out of the hug and stomped off to the car. I knew she didn’t want Dean to see how upset she still was. She just wanted to be alone. I wanted to go after her but my feet just wouldn’t move.

“You shouldn’t have done that. How could you do that?”

Dean started to tell Sam to not be mad at him but I stood between them, tears sliding down my face. I stared at Sam and spoke.

“Don’t you dare be mad at Dean. You have no idea what we went through when you died. It fucking sucks that Dean only got a year, and I hate that he had to do that, but I will always be grateful that he did. Do you know what it was like to watch you die? It was HELL. You fell to your knees and blood poured out of your mouth and Dean BEGGED for you to stay. Pleaded with you. Sobbed. I was so hysterical that I lost consciousness because I really hadn’t breathed. Dean sat by that mattress and sobbed while talking to you.

Didn’t even realize Misha and I were still in the same damn state as him, let alone the same room. Just talked and pleaded for your forgiveness before he took off. As much as this situation sucks? This year that Dean has is a hell of a lot longer than he would have lived with you gone. Dean was ready to DIE Sam. You Winchesters don’t seem to know exactly how attached you are to each other because the second one of you dies or disappears, you are nervous wrecks. He’s your big brother!”

“Damn it Sammy, it’s my JOB to take care of you!”

“What the hell do you two think my job is? Dean, you’ve sacrificed everything for me. Don’t you think I wouldn’t do it for you in a heartbeat? You’re my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and Nisha, I’m sorry you were hurt. I really am but this isn’t a good thing no matter how badly you want to look at it optimistically. I will get Dean out of this deal though because I’ve got to save his ass for a change.”

I sighed and shook my head as Sam and Dean talked to Ellen and Bobby about the upcoming war. I climbed into the car and turned to Misha and just waited. I knew she’d talk to me when she was ready. Sure enough, she spoke. Anger and frustration and sadness laced into her voice.

“How the hell could he do this? He sold his soul Nisha and damn it, what I hate more than anything is the fact that I can’t be mad at him for it because I know that if that son of a bitch Jake had done to you what he did to Sam? I would have sold my soul in a heartbeat to bring you back. I just can’t help but think this is such bullshit. For them and for us. I finally decided to trust him and we got maybe a month of laughs and make-out sessions before he goes and sells his soul. He’s going to die in a year. This time next year? Dean will be in Hell. What am I supposed to do with that? How am I supposed to feel because right now I’m feeling damn guilty for being upset that Sam is back and Dean’s going to die?

Our lives are so fucked up. You had a complete breakdown when Sam died and now that you got with him you find out that Dean sold his soul to bring him back and that one year from now you’re going to have a broken down Sam? How the hell are we going to get Dean out of this deal without killing Sammy? Damn it Nisha, I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I smacked Dean when he said he had a year left. I smacked him because I just couldn’t believe it. Do you realize that in under 5 years I will have seen our parents corpses, your boyfriend die, your boyfriend rise from the dead and my boyfriend die and go to Hell? How fucked up is that?”

Misha gripped her steering wheel tightly and took in shaky breaths. Scooting over, I pulled Misha into a tight hug. There was nothing I could say to make this situation okay because it was a shitty situation. Pulling away, I smiled weakly and spoke.

“How about we find you a crazy rabid supernatural creature to beat the shit out of. You’ve got a lot of pent up anger and we’re going to have to get some of that out of you if you expect me to let you drive me anywhere. Seriously. You’re a beast on the road and I’m sure that running over pedestrians is still illegal in all 50 states.”

Misha chuckled weakly and rolled her eyes before starting the car and following Sam and Dean’s car. I reached over and turned on some of her favorite music and sat back in my seat and buckled up. Misha turned the music up and seemed to let it wash over her as she drove. I knew she wasn’t okay, not by a long shot, but she needed to deal in her own way. Besides, I knew that she’d gotten my unspoken message. That message that was always between us, no matter what the situation.

‘I will always be there for you.’