Guilty Pleasure About a Girl

Gabe’s POV

I groaned when I saw who was calling me “Billvy”.
For some reason he has been calling me like crazy for the past two days when all I wanted was to forget about him and the girls so I won’t feel guilty.

Since I left the tour I’ve been trying to figure out myself because the last week of tour was brutal when it comes to Ali. Although she was very careful not to smother me, I found some disturbing evidence of her feeling towards me and I need time to sort stuff out.
Three days before the tour was over she helped me do some cleaning in my bunk and I found her small black note book, where she likes to write and when I was going to give it to her I found a letter that said “GABRIEL” so I locked myself in the bathroom to read it.

That letter was the most beautiful thing someone had ever written to me yet it felt like reading a scary story. I was overwhelmed by what she felt; I didn’t know if I should say I didn’t love her and leave her or keep playing the same game and just hug her or something when she managed to tell me she loved me or, there was always the other option; saying “I love you too”.
In the past few months I developed a deep feeling towards her, even thought I don’t really know what it is.
I like being around her, I like how needy yet independent she is. She never needs the help of anyone around her, she can do great alone but not when it comes to me; she loves when I’m around her and she’s always willing to show me how grateful she is to me.
I adore how loving she is with me, how she’s never too tired to do what I ask her for, I love how even when she’s sick she’s always willing to give me a foot massage or taking care of me when I’m wasted. As twisted as it sounds, she’s like a mother you can have sex with.
From what dad told me she behaves as a wife and that scared me.

A couple months back, on my birthday, we came down here to NYC.
We went to some club and I got thrashed as usual and since Marie Ann and Bill were nowhere to be seen, Ali took care of me alone, she even had to bear me through a rant I had.
Since I was a kid I’m used to at least have a dinner with my family but they seemed to be too busy for me the only day I could escape from the tour and that happened to be my birthday, that left me both upset and sad so I did what I do best; drown my pain in vodka and the only one there to absorb all my frustration was Ali.

She took me back to my apartment when I was too drunk and according to my dad, who was waiting for me at my place to apologize, she took care of me as if I was a baby.
She helped me throw up, helped me clean myself, got me into bed not before giving me some pills but most important she had to hear me rant.

Dad told me I yelled at her and blamed her for my family’s absence and she didn’t yell back, she just listened to me and sat next to me in bed until I fell asleep, then she went to the kitchen to talk with my dad.

Supposedly they had a really nice conversation. “I rather her over Bianca, you seem to finally had attracted the right kind of girl and even though she’s a lot younger than you she’s very mature” he told me the next morning “she behaved like a lady even though you were acting like a complete idiot with her, she stood by your side until you were ok, she’s wife material and she seems to be deeply inlove of you” that last part sent a red flag to my system.

I like Ali a lot but it feels different than any other girl I’ve ever liked and even though I still haven’t figure out what my real feelings towards her are, I just know she’s far too committed to whatever we have, so much more than I am.

The other night when we were sleeping, the sound of two of my band mates woke me up so I observed her sleep for a couple minutes.
She looked so calm and cute, it made me smile and I felt the urge of kiss her so I pulled her closer to my chest and kissed her forehead, she smiled and sighed, I felt her heart beat faster and then she reached over to give my neck a kiss.
I like all of her displays of affection because they’re that: affection not lust.

When the tour break started she used to send me a lot of text messages but I stopped replying, not because I didn’t want to talk to her but because I missed her so much my texts started to show it and I didn’t wanted to make her think I loved her.
Her absence started to ache just in time when my ex came back to my life so I took it as a test and let her back into my life to sort my feelings.
We slept together a few times, Ali kept texting me making me feel guilty and I became an emotional wreck.
There was a night were I watched Bianca sleep, she just looked tired not cute, I pulled her closer to me, she moaned and started rubbing against me, nothing compared to the reaction I got from Ali.

Our manager booked us on a secret show in Jersey so I packed my stuff and went there. The show went great and but then I went back to the hotel with Bianca only to be surprised by the room’s decoration. There were flowers, candles and in the corner of the room I recognized something I’ve been seeing a lot in the past few months; Ali’s guitar.

Even though I was wondering why her guitar was in my room I left my brain take a rest as Bianca started to undress me and pushed me to the balcony.
A few minutes later I saw her, I saw Ali staring at us. I thought I was daydreaming because there was no reason for her to be there and I knew she would have called me if she was coming and she didn’t.
I felt my stomach churn at the sight of her, she had a look on her face I had never seen before, kinda like the one she had when the whole interview shit happened but a lot worse.

I wanted to jump over the fence, though I would had died since there was a five story fall between us, and hug her, tell her how much I missed her but my pride would had stopped me besides the fact that she just had seen me with my ex.

“don’t keep her waiting” she told me and faked a smile, I could tell she was hurt.

“Ali, I didn’t knew you were…” I started a sentence but she cut me off by asking me if I liked the flowers and then it hit me, she did the whole décor, which was the reason why her guitar was in my room.

I felt my heart drop to the floor, I knew that was the end.
“thank you” I said to her “for everything” and I didn’t only meant the flowers but all what happened in the past four months because it felt like the end.

The next morning I woke up to a call from the reception. They called to remind me I had reservations to some Italian restaurant, I didn’t remember making reservations but is a very common thing for the label to do that kind of stuff for us so I woke up Bianca and we headed to get something to eat.

The place was absolutely beautiful, it was warm and it had a family vibe, the kind of place Ali would wanted to me to take her to, she would had loved to be here.
Her facial expression from last night took over my brain as guilt started to kick in again and it all got worse when the waiter came to me with a special order.

“sir, here it is” the waiter said to me as he handed me a small, purple, black and white, two story cake that had “Happy Birthday Ali” written on it. Realization came to my mind as more guilt kicked in.

“I didn’t order this” I told the waiter wishing Bianca wouldn’t suspect anything.

“you did sir, last night, when you made the reservations” he stared at me as if I was insane, I just shook my head and he left. William must be the one to blame for all of this. He knew I was going to forget about her birthday so he wanted to make sure I was going to look good in front of her, such a good friend.
It seemed like everybody around me had all kinds of stuff planned and I was the last one to know.

My eyes started to wander around as Bianca’s hand rubbed against my leg underneath the table and then a very familiar figure caught my eye.
Sitting all by herself in a table for two, there she was; Ali. She studied her half empty glass of wine, she looked tired, the dark circles under her eyes made it more evident.
I felt my insides twist as it all started to fall into place.

I wanted to get up from that table, wall across the restaurant and sit with her, tell her I was sorry and all but I just couldn’t. I knew I was the one who fucked everything up but still I wasn’t going to apologize, I had to keep my pride intact.
I just stared at her as she finished her wine and walked towards the door, disappearing from my sight.

“you know her?” Bianca asked me as her eyes followed Ali

“huh?”

“that girl, you know her?”

“no, why?” I lied

“she was staring at us earlier. I thought she was a crazy fan wanting and autograph”

“maybe” I shrugged my shoulders, I was such an amazing liar.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

William’s POV

“fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” I repeated as I waited for Ali to answer her phone

“nothing?” Marie Ann asked me and rubbed my back lovingly

“nothing” I sighed “I’m worried”

“me too, I have a bad feeling since she disappeared last night” we both sat on our bed and she dialed Ali’s number again without succeeding.

“I think I’ll call the restaurant”

“what restaurant?”

“I made reservations for her and Gabe at some Italian restaurant” I searched in my wallet for the restaurant’s number until I found it “she told me she wanted to have italian on her birthday, she told me all she wanted and knowing Gabe I decided to set everything for him so she could think he did it”

“that’s sweet of your but she will find out sooner or later and she’s gonna be pissed at him”

“if everything goes as planned she won’t mind” finally someone picked up at the restaurant and turned out that Gabe was actually there but with someone else. “FUCK!” I yelled as soon as I hung up, Marie Ann stared at me with a concerned look on her face “keep calling Ali” I told her as I locked myself inside the bathroom.
“pick up, pick up” I repeated inside my head.

“hey bro” Gabe greeted me at the other end of the line

“get up from that table so you can talk” I demanded in my most threatening tone, I heard him apologize to her and then leave the table “where is she?”

“her room is next to mine, at the left” he sighed “listen, Bill…”

“shut up” I cut him off “how could you do that to her? Is her birthday for Christ’s sake!”

“I didn’t know it was her birthday, I didn’t even know you were in town, I was planning on ending it last night until I saw her” he sighed “I froze up and I didn’t know what to do”

“she saw you?”

“yeah”

“what did she do?”

“she asked me if I liked the flowers” his voice cracked a bit at the end “she got me flowers and candles, her guitar is still on my room, she even put petals on the bed, Bill!”

“I know, I helped her”

“you could had saved her this disappointment , you should had warn me”

“I tried but you haven’t picked up the phone or replied to my texts in the last few days besides I didn’t know you were cheating on her so don’t try to put the blame on me”

“you’re a terrible friend , you should…”

“shut the fuck up! Don’t even try to put the blame on me and just so you know I’m gonna kick you ass when I see you” I hung up and walked out of the bathroom.
“did she answer?” I asked my girlfriend but she shook her head indicating me Ali didn’t pick up.
“I think I know where she is”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Minutes later we were outside Ali’s room knocking on her door frantically. Moments passed and finally she opened the door.
She looked sick, she had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was made a mess, though there weren’t any evidence of her crying.

“sorry I didn’t answer you guys, I just didn’t feel like talking” she let us in and sat on the bed, Marie Ann didn’t know what happened so she just stared at her in confusion.

“why isn’t Gabe with you?” my girl asked as she sat on the bed next to her, I stood in front of them.

“he’s with someone else”

“what?” she asked in disbelief

“yeah, last night when I went backstage to meet him she was there too, they left together, from all the moaning I heard last night she’s called Bianca and my clothes are still on his room”
We just stared at her, she was so numb it was hard to believe.

“you didn’t had to stay here by yourself, you should had called us to be with you” my baby took her hand and held it.

“I didn’t wanted to bother you guys” she smiled and then looked at the floor “what the fuck is wrong with me?” her voice cracked at the end and she covered her face with her hands “why everytime I think I finally am happy everything goes wrong? Why can’t I be happy just once? And what does she have that I don’t? why would he do this to me?” she screamed as she cried. She looked so hurt even my eyes started to sting.
Marie Ann wrapped her arms around her as she sobbed, I sat next to Ali and took her hand in mine, rubbing on it with my thumb.
“of all days why in my fucking birthday? This is all my fault, I should have known, he stopped texting back, he wouldn’t even return my calls, this is all my fault, I never deserved him”

She was right about that last part; she didn’t deserve someone like him, she deserved better.