Wasting Love

I stayed in my room for a few hours at the least, just sitting there and fuming at Axl. Stupid mother fucker always bossing people around, that was going to be his down fall I tell you, and I tell you in the utmost confidence. Axl was on the phone the whole damn time, and I don’t know who was on the other line, and to be honest I didn’t care.

“Rox, I’m going out.” He called to me as he hung up the phone and began to walk down the stairs.

“Good, get hit by a train.” I muttered to myself as the door slammed shut, I waited a few minutes later until I heard his car putter off down the street. Originally it was supposed to be both of our cars but I didn’t care it was a piece of junk, and everywhere where I needed to go was in walking distance. I waited a few minutes before I came out of my bedroom and walked down the stairs. Well there wasn’t really anything to do, except see Duff, even though Axl said no. Well that was something to do, I got to hang with my boyfriend and piss off Axl at the same time, yes! I changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and then picked up Duff’s t-shirt that he had left behind earlier that day. I stepped out side and into the warm air, and when I say warm I mean it!

I walked down the old destroyed road that I had walked down so many times before. Now that I thought about it I had walked down this road a lot but how many times? 10? 50? 100? Probably more. As always Duff’s house stood out from the rest, why? Don’t even ask me because I don’t know why, but it always did stand out, maybe it was the familiarity of the house. Self-consciously as always I stepped up onto the porch and knocked on the door, instead of the usual voices erupting in the house I heard nothing, nothing at all not a word, not a single sound. The door opened with a gentle creak and sure enough it was Duff. He looked shocked at the least to see me and behind him I could hear his parents whispering to themselves.

”Hey Rox.” He said quietly and looked at the ground then at my face and back to the ground again.

“Hey, here’s your shirt, you left it.” I said and handed his shirt back, he gave me a quick smile as he took it in his left hand. It was awkward to say the least between us.

“Listen Rox I need to talk to you.” He said quietly then shot a glance over his shoulder and stepped outside and shut the door behind him. I held back a groan, I knew exactly what he was going to say to me and it started along the lines of “I’m really sorry but. . . ” He sat down on the porch steps and gestured for me to sit down next to him and I did.

“Well?” I asked as I looked at him with what I hoped was an unreadable expression on my face.

“Listen Rox, I love you but Axl. He wasn’t joking when he said he’d kill me if he saw us hanging out again. And it’s killing me to say this, but I think it’s for the best if we break up.” He said softly, so softly that I could barely hear him; he looked up at the ground at my face as I shook my head in disbelief. Wasn’t it only yesterday that he had said that he loved me, and that he didn’t want us to break up? Yes, yes it was only yesterday, how could that be so. At first I tried to hold back the tears, but then after the first few slipped out, I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care if I looked like a raccoon, it was better then holding that inside of me, where it could explode out at any moment, at anyone.

”No, no, no. This isn’t happening.” I told myself firmly as more and more tears slid down my cheeks. That’s when I felt Duff’s arms wrap around me and pull me up against him.

“Rox, it’s okay, stop crying please.” He half whispered half begged, I kept shaking my head and the tears, they just kept on flowing. “Rox, listen to me, listen to what I’m saying please.” He begged, I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was that pleading tone that halted the tears in there tracks and made me look up at his face. His beautiful face. The day that I never though would come had come; Duff had three or four tears streaming down his face that alone tore me apart. I couldn’t help it I loved him. “I love you Rox, more then anyone ever could, I really do but right now we just can’t be together. I promise you though that some day it’ll be the two of us and we’ll have everything we’ve ever wanted, I promise.” He told me softly then undid the chain around his neck that he’d always worn. “Take it, and keep it some where safe, because one day I’ll be back for it.” He held it out for me, as if expecting me to take it, hesitantly I took it, it was warm and don’t ask me how but it smelt like Duff.

“I can’t take it.” I told him and tried to give it back but he shook his head. “Duff I can’t it’s yours.” I insisted but he shook his head and smiled.

“Rox, just take the damn thing,” he pleaded, “for me.” He said, giving me those damn puppy dog eyes. I let out a sigh and then wrapped the necklace around my wrist like a bracelet.

“Fine, I’ll take it, but when Axl sees it he’s gonna flip.” I told him, he let out a gentle laugh and then shrugged.

“So don’t let him see it.” He replied while I rolled my eyes. Typical answer from him, even though he knew that was much easier said then done.

“Fine.” I agreed after a moment “I still love you though, no matter what happens.” I added then rested my head on his chest, so I was looking into his blue eyes.

“I love you too.” He murmured back and then kissed me, our lips meshed perfectly. . . WOAH wait a minute back up there. He kissed me! He kissed me? He had just said that we were over correct? And now he was kissing me? This didn’t make any sense at all, what the hell was this man trying to do? If he was trying to confuse me, it was sure working.
“We don’t have to break up you know.” I whispered back to him, earning a look of confusion from Duff. “Axl just needs to think we broke up.” I finished as Duff nodded his head thoughtfully

“That would work I guess.” He said after a moment of debating. “So are you ready to be ‘single?’” He asked me in a teasing tone and brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

“As ready as you are.” I replied with a laugh and stuck my tongue out at him.

“Well then I guess we are officially unofficially no longer together.” He said making me giggle as he stood up and then helped me up.

“Fine, be that way. Y’know I never really loved you.” I said trying to fake being mad at him. It took him a moment to understand what I was trying to do but he played along.

“Good, because I hate you.” He responded as I walked away, fake tears streaming down my face. I didn’t answer him which I think he was hoping for since he was not a very good actor. I walked back home and saw to my dismay Axl’s beat up piece of junk in the driveway.

“Well this is it, time to make it seem real.” I told myself and then let the tears flow down my face. Hopefully it was just Axl, which it normally was but if there was someone else. Oh well we could work around that. I kicked the door open and that startled Axl who was sitting on the couch, with a book in his hand? He looked up and saw my face.

“Oh Rox, what happened?” He asked gently then put his book down and stood up. I shook my head and then fell into a chair, still sobbing. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked me as he crouched down. This was the brother Axl was supposed to be, not the raging lunatic that would threaten me with my life and threaten to kill someone.

“Duff, he, he broke up with me.” I said and moved my hands away from my face, hoping that I looked like a complete wreck.

“I told you he was good for nothing, come here.” Axl said to me, of course playing the role of the ex girlfriend who was still in love I cried harder. “Oh Rox, come here. He doesn’t deserve you, that’s why he broke up with you, because he’s not good enough.” He murmured to me as he wrapped his arms around me and then wiped the tears from my eyes. I hugged him back and he rocked me back and forth and whispered brotherly things in my ears. This was the Bill Bailey that I knew; this was the Bill Bailey that I loved.