Eccentrically

I want to paint the sky in a multitude of colours.

“Do you know why I love you?” Elijah asked, his hands grasping me gently against his chest – protective, but not obsessed. The wonderful friction his body warmth gave has given me a slight tingling sensation that made my heart skip a gentle beat. Now, I know that sexual addiction is a terrible thing. But with Eli around, I can’t help but think otherwise. My heart is beating a giant leap. BA-DUM! BA-DUM! BA-DUM! Maybe it’s just a part of being a teenager – or not. Well, I hope so.

“Why?” I gave a slight kiss on Elijah’s cheek – short, but sweet. I was never the one for PDA, but I’d like to think that it’s alright to give tender and honest responses to your loved one every now and then.

Today was Monday. And usually, this haggard day only meant one thing for the both of us: Library work. Elijah loved going to work. Somehow, to me, it was the only thing that made him alive. He loved returning books back into their proper places, organizing the books on the shelves, and even fixing the chairs everywhere. And during slow periods of the library work, he would read new books that I’ve never even heard of. Elijah would seat beside me and Mrs. J, and simply read his book with his head buried on my lap.

Elijah scanned through the pages of David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day before returning it back into the shelf. “Well,” his voice sounded like he wanted to start a long speech, something that instantly flattered me. But I decided to listen instead of fluttering into my own prides. “I think you’re really beautiful.”

Is that all?

“Oh,” I felt myself flushing a deep tomato red. My hands moved to his face, shaping it with my bare hands as his hair curled at the nape of neck. Elijah was truly too beautiful. I cannot bear to be away from him no longer. I just want to stick my lips on his and never break away. “Thank you.”

Elijah chuckled. “I think we’re going to be together for a long time.”

“Of course we are.” I grinned. This perfect feeling could not possibly be more intensified. If my heart should be put to stop, I want it to stop right at this very moment. I want to be able to bring this memory to my death. This will be something that I can relive again and again, never to stop and miss a single pulse of that beating moment. “Nothing can stop me from loving you.”

There was a quick moment of a halt. Why it even existed was something that even I solemnly pondered on. Elijah looked away for quite a bit, his lips pursed into a curl. I know that we’ve only been together for two weeks. And this summer still has a long way to go, but somehow, I felt quite a bit of a stir whenever I thought about the future. It almost feels like a painful uncertainty, a sad longing that I might never be able to balance my life with Elijah when senior year comes.

“We’ve been together for a long time.”

“And?”

“I was thinking if,” Elijah paused for awhile, brushing the curls of my hair away from my face. His hands felt like they were sweating a hundred bullets because of its warmth. Eli’s hands were really long and quite veiny from his piano lessons. I wonder what else he could with those hands of his. “we could do ‘it’,”

“What?”

No way.

“Sex,”

Did I hear that right?

“I beg your pardon?”

Please repeat it.

“Sex.”

If my thoughts were an earthquake, I would’ve been buried by all the heavy debris and suffocated by the thick chalk-like air by now. How could I think about something like THAT? It was never even in my vocabulary despite all the Sex Ed and Biology class I’ve been into. I cannot do it. I will not...

“Why?” My voice trembled slightly. “I don’t understand, Eli.” I voiced out in the most silent voice I could ever make. I was never one for volume. But now, I felt the need to be strong. Why was I being presented with such an issue now? It’s still too early. Some couples wait until they’re married. Why can’t we?

“We need to prove our love.” He argued meekly, like he was sure of what to say but didn’t want to voice it out anyway. “Will you do it with me?” Eli asked, now feeling slightly agitated. “Grace?” he asked once more.

I blanked out. Was I supposed to answer such a question NOW?

In an attempt to answer his question, I felt my hands collapse in weakness. “I’ll think about it, Eli.” I tried to say. “I’m not sure if I feel the need to do it right now.” Even though my voice felt stronger, I still couldn’t blame Eli for feeling that way. I loved Eli more than anything.

But was I willing to give up my virginity for him? Was he worth it? Something inside me was screaming ‘NO’! but in my heart, I knew that I loved him. He was my first love, the star of my nights.

Would I risk it?