Eccentrically

What is there left to be said?

My heart is racing 100 kilometers per hour. If that isn’t fast enough, I don’t know what is. Maybe a missile or perhaps a rocket racing to the moon. Maybe I’m the fastest thing alive, and nobody knows because I’m contained inside a library. But, wait, I think I prefer it to be this way. To be unknown, secluded – what the hell am I talking about? I just don’t wanna know. Or understand.

I bit my lip, like it was the only right thing to do at that very moment. Now, Grace was crying. Her pale hands wiping the tears off her face, she even used the collars of her frilly blouse to wipe them away. What am I going to do? What was she crying about? Was it because I asked her to have intercourse with me? Is it because she wanted to ‘save’ her virginity to someone that she truly loved? Didn’t she love me the way I love her, that’s why she wouldn’t have sex with me?

What was going on with me?

“Shh, Grace,” My voice trembled slightly, and my hands were eager to touch her face. But now, her eyes were close and frozen tears were still dripping from the corners of her eyes. I didn’t know what to do. “Come on, love. Don’t do that.” I heard a sniffle from Grace’s voice before hearing a series of mutters. I knew she wanted to speak, but the hiccups got the better of her. Just say something.

Anything.

And something hit me at the back of my head, powerful and strong. Maybe, she was crying because she wasn’t prepared for ‘it’. Maybe she was crying because she must’ve thought that if we weren’t going to get any of ‘it’, we will break up. Grace was afraid to let go of me. That’s it. That’s the only reason she would cry. Maybe, somewhere deep in the corners of her heart, she wanted ‘to’ but was only doing so for my sake.

In my group of friends, they often talked about having sex on the first date. They said that it was amazing and could definitely bring two people on a whole new level. For Grace and me, it’s already been weeks and countless make-out sessions by the alley near the library. How could we not take it to the next level by now?

“Eli,” I finally heard Grace mumble out meekly. Her beautiful cat-like eyes looked at me with an intense emotion, a mix of three feelings – uncertainty, frustration but most of all concern. She enclosed my right palm with her hands. They felt warm along with the weather, but also sticky from her salty burdening tears. “I’m not ready for such a responsibility.” her voice crackled. “No,” she paused. “We’re both unready. You have to believe me when I say that.”

I resisted the urge to bite my lip. The more Grace resisted any of my advances, the harder it was to control myself. Oh, dear Lord, help me.

I sneaked in a treacherous play when my lips found Grace’s. Her lips were small, but pouty at the same time. They were also honest. I loved her for that. When she closed her eyes as our lips touched, I knew that I was special to her. Truly, I did. She felt warm, and I wanted to hug her so tight – never let her go.

“It’s okay.” I had the urge to say. Maybe she was right, the two of us were truly only starting. My mind began to wander back to my parents, how they were devout Catholics that never shed light to any imperfection. The two of them met at college, got married and had two beautiful (well, aren’t we?) children. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was thinking.” I forced myself to admit. “I love you more than anything else. I was just confused that’s all. I can wait.”

Grace wearily smiled. “I can wait forever.” she took a stealing touch to my lips. “Just don’t leave me.”

“Promise,”