Snake Bite Heart With a Bubble Gum Smile

My birthday is coming up soon. It's easy to remember. The first day of December. I've never forgotten my birthday. Day one of my least favorite month.

I should love December. Snow coats the ground, trees dance naked in public, Christmas, my birthday.

But of course I find something negative in everything.

Just like Thanksgiving, my family didn’t celebrated Christmas like a normal family. We didn't go church; we didn't have presents or a tree. My parents worked during Christmas. My brother got drunk. I stayed home and played pretend. I did that often though. I would pretend I didn't exist, that I had a different family, that my actual family cared. My pretend world was better than the one I existed in.

It was just another day for us.

Even living in the park, I hated this month. Christmas shopping makes a beast out of a person. I can't deal with mothers fighting over toys.

People love items too much in my opinion.

My birthday was never anything spectacular. My parents and brother never remembered it. None of my homeless friends knew about it.

I celebrated it mentally though. My presents varied according to my mental state. They could be anything: one more compliment, one more glance in a mirror, one more hour of practice, one more visible rib, one step closer to death.

I could be kind of morbid.

I wonder if my family knows my birth date. It would be spectacular if they did. I would love to celebrate it once with them. Nothing to exquisite; just us and a cake.

Maybe Jack too.

I personally would enjoy that.

I haven't seen Jack since my brother told me they talked. I still don't know the outcome of said talk. I don't know when I'll know.

Maybe Alex told Jack never to speak to me again.

But Alex wouldn't do that, would he? I know he's protective, but that seems like overkill.

I really wanted Jack to go to my competition tomorrow. I guess he won't be there. It's not like I told him about it. I should have. I should have invited him to come. I didn't though.

How stupid of me.

There are other competitions though. He can come to one of those.

Why am I so focused on him? I have other things to worry about.

Like my family.

Or the competition tomorrow.

Those kind of go hand in hand.

My stomach is lurching at the thought of tomorrow's festivities. The competition itself is making me want to vomit. I always get so nervous before these. It doesn't help that the fate of my stay rests on this one event.

I guess putting so much pressure on this event is not smart.

But it's important. More important than it should be.

I really hope they show up.

My door opens slightly; Alex pokes his head through the opening.

"I ordered pizza. Come eat," he says.

I remove myself from my bed and follow him down the stairs and to the dining room. There are four boxes of steaming pizza on the table already. Plates are set. Our parents are seated, awaiting our arrival. Alex and I take seats around the table.

"How was practice, August?" my mother asks.

"Great," I reply.

Practice is always great.

"We're excited to see your performance tomorrow," she smiles at me.

"It's nothing special."

We're only the best damn team in the state.

"Of course it's special. My little girl is competing and I finally get to watch. I'm sure it's amazing."

"I guess you'll be able to judge for yourself tomorrow. Let's eat," I say.

"I second that," Alex replies, taking a box and placing it in front of him.

Dinner as a family; I can get used to this.