Between You and I

After about two more weeks, I finally transferred to a school about ten miles away from my house. No word to anyone about it, not even Eric. I was regretting it slightly, but it just made it easier for me to let everything go.
The first week I was gone, I was getting texts left and right from Eric and a few other people, all wondering where I was. I ignored them all. I didn’t feel like explaining everything to them; it would just get more people mad at me.
My new school was amazing. No harassment, no teasing, nothing like that. I started off on a clean slate and made a couple new friends within the first day. Even a few girls took interest in me. This was definitely a good decision.
One of my friends, Mike, got me into drums a few weeks after I met him. He helped me learn everything I know in about two weeks.
After high school, I never really took my drumming skills anywhere, until Mike told me that his band was looking for a drummer. I automatically took up the offer and we drove to the place where the auditions were being held. When we pulled up on the street, I saw a familiar car in the driveway. I couldn’t remember where I’ve seen it before, and gave up on trying to remember. We got out of the car and I grabbed my drumsticks out of my back pocket. My heart was racing in nervousness.
For the first time in about two years I was missing Eric. If he was here, he’d be comforting me and telling me that I’m gonna get it and do amazingly.
“I really hope I don’t screw this up.” I said to Mike as he opened the door.
“Don’t worry. I think you’ll do fine.” Mike said.
When he said it, it just didn’t have the same effect.
We stepped into the house.
“What’s the name of your band?” I asked him as I followed him through the seemingly empty house.
“Blessthefall. All one word.” He said, opening a door that lead down a flight of stairs to the basement. I heard some random guitar riffs coming up the stairs as we went down. I wonder what my competition’s gonna be like.
“Alright, I got our final auditionee.” Mike called out, quieting the guitars.
I was about to introduce myself until the words got caught in the back of my throat.
On one of the couches, sitting between an Asian-looking guy and a brunette guy who needed a haircut was Eric. But he was a redhead. I had to force my jaw from dropping. This was something I was not expecting.
Eric had the same expression on his face, totally stopping his guitar all together. “Matt?”
“You two know each other?” The Asian guy asked. He was starting to look familiar, too.
“Yeah, we used to go to the same school.” I said. I had the urge to go and hug him, but he didn’t seem to be moving, so I kept my place. Maybe he was thinking the same thing.
After an awkward silence, the long-haired guy got up. “Alright, lets get this show on the road. I’m Jared. And that’s Craig, or Craigafer, whichever you wanna call him. And you obviously already know Eric and Mike.”
“Lets hear some of that drumming.” Craig/Craigafer said. “The drum set’s this way.” He got off the couch and Mike followed, leaving only Eric and I in the room. I tried not making eye contact with him, but it was near impossible. We both caught each other’s gazes and held them. Eric set his guitar to the side and got up. We both started walking towards the door but ended up in each other’s arms.
“Why didn’t you say anything about leaving?” Eric asked into my shoulder.
“It was easier for me to let everything go.” I said quietly.
“Why did you go? Everything would’ve went away eventually.”
I sighed. “I know.” I paused. “I regret doing it.” I admitted.
“Doing what?” Eric asked, confused.
“Leaving. I miss you. A lot.” I never thought I’d be saying any of this to him.
Eric sighed and let go of me. “I’ve missed you, too. We should probably get in there before they wonder what we’re doing.”
I smiled a little. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. But before we go in there,” I stopped Eric from going. He turned to me. I saw in his eyes what he wanted me to be thinking: that I’ve changed my mind and decided that I want to be with him after all. In his mind, this is the part where I kiss him. “Craig, did he used to go to our school? Wasn’t he like, a grade above us? He looks familiar.”

“Yeah, he did. I always thought he was an ass, but he’s a pretty cool guy once you get to know him.” Eric said.
“I still think he’s an ass. I think he’s one of the people that kept writing on my car and shouting all that shit at me when I was still going to your school. And I think he knows who I am, he’s just playing dumb.” I said, voice slightly acidic.
“What could you two possibly be doing that you’re not in here already?” Jared said, poking his head through the doorway.
“Sorry.” We said in unison.
We both walked into the room that Craig had said the drum set was in, and it was a nice drum set, a lot better than mine at home. I sat down on the stool and warmed up a little.
“Alright, lets see what you’ve got.” Jared said.
“Anything specific I should play?” I asked.
“Nah, just play whatever you want.” Mike said.
I smiled and looked at Eric, who gave me a thumbs up. For some reason, that thumbs up was a lot more reassuring than Mike’s words of encouragement.
I started playing an original beat I made up, seeing as I would probably mess up on playing anything from another song.
When I was done, I was sweating a little, and I received applause from the other four band members.
“So? How did I do?” I asked.
They all looked at each other, whispering a little bit amongst themselves.
“Okay, Matt, here’s the deal. You’ve basically stunned us with your playing skills. You’re without a doubt in.” Craig said. “Congrats, man.”
I put a huge smile on. “Thanks.” For some reason, this acceptance wasn’t as awesome as I thought it would’ve been. I thought I’d be more excited. I probably would’ve been if the lead wasn’t a total dick to me in high school.
Everyone gave me high fives and handshakes as Craig went upstairs to order pizza to celebrate. Eric pulled me into a different part of the basement, probably to continue our conversation before Jared interrupted us.
“He does know who you are. We were talking about you before you and Mike got here. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but he’s still not very fond of you. I’m pretty sure the only reason you got in is because you’re kick ass on drums.” Eric explained.
Great. “So I’m gonna be in a band with a person who hates me.”
“Well, if you look at it this way, on stage you’ll be completely away from each other.” Eric said quietly, trying to make a little good out of this situation.
I smiled a little, but it didn’t bring my mood up at all. “I wish that helped, but it really doesn’t. Either way I’m gonna be playing his songs that he wrote and I’m gonna have to deal with him off stage as well. I don’t even know if I want to do this anymore because of him.”
“Come on, Matt. Don’t quit after the first ten minutes. It won’t be that bad, trust me.”
I sighed. “Alright, I’ll give it a try.”
“Would you be willing to give something else a try?” Eric asked in his “I want you to hear this but at the same time I don’t” mumble.
I sighed. This lie was harder than the first. My feelings grew for Eric immensely after I left, and I was just realizing it now that he was within my reach. I felt like kissing him, actually remembering what his lips felt like against mine. I just shook my head and looked at the ground, sticking my hands in my pockets. “Sorry, Eric.”
I don’t even know why I keep lying. It’s not like I have to impress anyone anymore. High school’s over, and I’m gonna be in a full time band. I could give a shit about reputations, but at the same time it was burned in my mind not only by my parents, but by my own lies, that it was wrong to date your best friend, your best guy friend. Even though he’s trying so hard and is so deeply in love with me, I can’t just come out and say “Eric, I would be willing to try a relationship with you”, and no matter how much I see his emotions strain, I don’t step out of my comfort zone to soothe him and make him feel better. Hell, we’ve fucked and I still insist on saying no. Granted I was drunk and barely remember anything about it, but it still happened.
Some best friend I am.
“Why not.” Eric said abruptly.
I looked at him, confused.
He sighed sharply. “Every time you deny me, you can never look me in the eye. Not once. This means you’re lying to me. You have feelings for me, but you don’t want to admit it. You still feel like you need to keep a shield up. We’re not in high school anymore, Matt. It doesn’t matter anymore. It shouldn’t have mattered in the first place. It’s just...it’s so frustrating, telling someone you’re madly in love with how much you love and care for them, and that someone having basically the same feelings but saying otherwise. It’s like you’re forcing yourself out of being happy. Why? Why would you make yourself miserable like that? That’s what I don’t understand.” Eric started tearing up toward the end. I wanted to hug him, but I didn’t know what he’d do. He’d either accept it or push me away, both of which have their consequences. I just stayed in my spot, looking at him basically break down over me, feeling the guilt rise in my chest. The words to tell him that he was right, and that it shouldn’t matter, and that yes, I did have the same feelings for him as he does for me, were in my throat, but I couldn’t get them to come out.
Eric sniffled, now looking depressed and sad. “Matt, you’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved, and nothing is going to change that. Whenever you come around, I’ll be waiting for you, just remember that. There will be no one else before you.” He stepped forward to hug me tightly.
I still said nothing as Eric went upstairs to wait with Craig for the pizza.