Dreaming of you, only makes reality hurt even worse
Reality Check
I lied on my back, looking at the blue sky. My hands were covering my eyes from the blinding sun, clouds moved across the sky slowly. They were big and fluffy, just how clouds should be. I could stay here forever, so peaceful and calm. I smiled softly and pointed to the cloud that looked like a bunny rabbit, another one shaped like a heart followed it.
“A heart…” I whispered, “My heart is left here in my dreams,” I sighed and flipped over on my stomach, watching a single daisy shoot from the ground. I smiled at it gently and touched its milky white leaves softly, watching them turn pink, “I wanted to see him…” I frowned, trying to refrain from growling. But not seeing him, makes me feel this way, anxious, worried, frightened, and fearful. Not seeing those hazel brown eyes, and hearing that laugh, makes me not want to sleep anymore because if not seeing him once feels like, imagine what not seeing him at all does. I sighed and pushed myself up, sitting on my legs, “He’s not coming,” I muttered, “Time to wake up…”
“Hold on!” His voice cried to me, my heart leaped as I turned around looking for him. Nothing but sunlight and trees answered me. Am I going that crazy as to imagine that my imaginary person was here. I scowled and looked down at the grass, letting my hands touch its unreal softness, and then in my anger I started to pull at it. I pulled at the emerald grass, letting my tears blind my vision. Unless it was of him, I did not want to see anymore. I am pathetic, and closed my eyes, trying to stir myself up. This was not a dream, but a nightmare, “Where are you going?” I heard his voice ask me, and like a fool, I turn around. I met his hazel brown eyes and smiled widely, cleaning my wet face, “What’s the matter.”
“I was having a bad dream.” I whispered, looking at my feet. Frank raised an eyebrow looking around,
“Doesn’t look to bad, just the normal trees and stuff, and plus, you can’t dream remember?” He said with a chuckle in his voice. It was a nightmare because you were not here. Because in the one place you were supposed to be, you were not and it scared the hell out of me, “How long have you been waiting?”
“A few hours or so, I’m not sure.” I mumbled, flopping to the soft grass. I took deep breaths in but my heart kept racing. I looked up at him and smiled softly realizing that I was afraid that he would never be coming back, that…my sanity had finally caught up with me and banished him from me.
“You look like you are upset, did something happen?” He asked, sitting close to me. I turned to him and shook my head,
“The normal,” I muttered lying back in the grass, sighing. He chuckled and put his head on my stomach, his hand touching mine. Although this was not real, I could feel the electricity flow between us. Maybe only I could because I wanted it to because he did not move, just the wind picked up a few pieces of his black hair moving it over his closed eyes. I could lay here in silence forever, I wonder if he could. I opened my mouth to ask him, but then I fought against it, reaching my hand up in the sky, “I like clouds,”
“I like them too,” He muttered, taking a relaxing breath in. I looked at my hand, watching the light stream through my water colored skin, “Goodbye, April.” He whispered, lifting his head off my body,
“How did you know?” I asked him, sadly, “I don’t want to go.” Frank smiled and poked my nose softly. He opened his mouth to answer me.
I exhaled heavily, opening my eyes slowly. It took a few moments to realize that someone had been shaking me away; I looked at the chocolate covered hand that moved me.
“April, damn girl, you can sleep.” He laughed, his dark brown eyes shinning with sleep.
“And I was enjoying that dream,” I muttered, tearing my body off the leather upholstery. All around me, stars gleamed winking at me from a distance of years. I rubbed the dried spit from my face and sat all the way up, looking around for Sabrina, “Where’s Rina?”
“Over there,” He said pointing out of the passenger window. The fair-headed woman was talking to a man dressed in orange, he gave a short nod and handed her something. She hugged him gently and I raised an eyebrow, “Her father.” I nodded and realized that Sabrina had never talked about her father before, I wonder why, but then again we often do not speak of the things that make us feel ashamed. She hopped back into the car and gave me the ‘Myspace’ grin.
“Guess what I just scored?” She asked, motioning for Brendon to start driving again. He gave a short nod and put the car into drive,
“Free alcohol?” I said anything to put me back to sleep at this point. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head,
“To my dismay, no.”
“Um…” Brendon started, looking out the rearview mirror, “Sex?”
“With my father, you’re fucked up man.”
“We have no idea,” I said, leaning forward in-between the two seats. She grinned wider, licking the area that her lip ring used to be.
“Concert tickets.” She yelled excitedly, “Dude, turn here!” Brendon looked at her with wide eyes, but made the turn, “You were going to miss the turn to the concert.” She said innocently, as if we were the idiots.
“So what concert is it?” Brendon asked, with a slight attitude. His pride was hurt, but like most men, he would get over eventually.
“Moonlight Fails tour.” Sabrina said, running her slender fingers through her pink striped hair. My face fell, and my lips started to gape open slowly,
“That’s been sold out for months,” I whispered.
“You act like if you say it to loud, your dream will shrivel up and die.” She said, turning around in her seat. She grinned and held me four tickets for tonight, for Moonlight Fails. I bit my lip and thrust my fist in the air, letting out a loud yell.
“She’s excited!” Brendon said, grinning. Hell yes, I am excited. Moonlight Fails is the band that makes me happy when sleeping does not cut it, and once and a while that happens. Grace’s lyrics and her band are amazing. I saw the Ampatheater in the horizon and I started to sing the lyrics.
“Here’s a letter…” I started, and Brendon and Sabrina finished the rest of it for me.
“Dude, so what did you’re dad say when you saw him?” Brendon asked in hushed tone, knowing that her father is something we do not talk about.
“He gave me the tickets like I asked, and we went on with our lives,” She muttered through gritted teeth.
“Ooh!” I started, pointing, “Look at the marquee!” I said trying to pull myself out of an awkward situation, their eyes shifted to the direction and the father was forgotten. Brendon slowed down,
“You guys get out, and make sure you guys get really close, kay?” He said, we nodded slowly and got out of the car, following the hoards of people. I grabbed Sabrina’s hand and held in my squeal.
“This is so cool!” We both exclaimed and then broke out into fits of laughter afterwards. Everybody around us had bits and pieces of the band in their clothing, as if this was some MF convention. The girls had plaid skirts on with torn fishnets, and the high-top all-stars. The boys had on the tight jeans and the vests with the skinny ties. I looked at Sabrina as she looked at me,
“We stick out,” She whispered in my ear, as we walked by a group of girls,
“I know, but we do it well,” I laughed softly, walking to the doors. We walked in slowly taking the whole surroundings in.
“Dude, no way! I’m so fuckin’ tired though,” A voice cried, and I froze. That was his voice, I would know it anywhere. Am I that alone and desperate that I am now hearing him in reality? I cringed and turned away from the noise. Sabrina saw the change in demeanor in me and nudged me,
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m going crazy, Sabrina.” I whispered, walking deeper into the crowd, “I’m going fucking crazy,”
“A heart…” I whispered, “My heart is left here in my dreams,” I sighed and flipped over on my stomach, watching a single daisy shoot from the ground. I smiled at it gently and touched its milky white leaves softly, watching them turn pink, “I wanted to see him…” I frowned, trying to refrain from growling. But not seeing him, makes me feel this way, anxious, worried, frightened, and fearful. Not seeing those hazel brown eyes, and hearing that laugh, makes me not want to sleep anymore because if not seeing him once feels like, imagine what not seeing him at all does. I sighed and pushed myself up, sitting on my legs, “He’s not coming,” I muttered, “Time to wake up…”
“Hold on!” His voice cried to me, my heart leaped as I turned around looking for him. Nothing but sunlight and trees answered me. Am I going that crazy as to imagine that my imaginary person was here. I scowled and looked down at the grass, letting my hands touch its unreal softness, and then in my anger I started to pull at it. I pulled at the emerald grass, letting my tears blind my vision. Unless it was of him, I did not want to see anymore. I am pathetic, and closed my eyes, trying to stir myself up. This was not a dream, but a nightmare, “Where are you going?” I heard his voice ask me, and like a fool, I turn around. I met his hazel brown eyes and smiled widely, cleaning my wet face, “What’s the matter.”
“I was having a bad dream.” I whispered, looking at my feet. Frank raised an eyebrow looking around,
“Doesn’t look to bad, just the normal trees and stuff, and plus, you can’t dream remember?” He said with a chuckle in his voice. It was a nightmare because you were not here. Because in the one place you were supposed to be, you were not and it scared the hell out of me, “How long have you been waiting?”
“A few hours or so, I’m not sure.” I mumbled, flopping to the soft grass. I took deep breaths in but my heart kept racing. I looked up at him and smiled softly realizing that I was afraid that he would never be coming back, that…my sanity had finally caught up with me and banished him from me.
“You look like you are upset, did something happen?” He asked, sitting close to me. I turned to him and shook my head,
“The normal,” I muttered lying back in the grass, sighing. He chuckled and put his head on my stomach, his hand touching mine. Although this was not real, I could feel the electricity flow between us. Maybe only I could because I wanted it to because he did not move, just the wind picked up a few pieces of his black hair moving it over his closed eyes. I could lay here in silence forever, I wonder if he could. I opened my mouth to ask him, but then I fought against it, reaching my hand up in the sky, “I like clouds,”
“I like them too,” He muttered, taking a relaxing breath in. I looked at my hand, watching the light stream through my water colored skin, “Goodbye, April.” He whispered, lifting his head off my body,
“How did you know?” I asked him, sadly, “I don’t want to go.” Frank smiled and poked my nose softly. He opened his mouth to answer me.
I exhaled heavily, opening my eyes slowly. It took a few moments to realize that someone had been shaking me away; I looked at the chocolate covered hand that moved me.
“April, damn girl, you can sleep.” He laughed, his dark brown eyes shinning with sleep.
“And I was enjoying that dream,” I muttered, tearing my body off the leather upholstery. All around me, stars gleamed winking at me from a distance of years. I rubbed the dried spit from my face and sat all the way up, looking around for Sabrina, “Where’s Rina?”
“Over there,” He said pointing out of the passenger window. The fair-headed woman was talking to a man dressed in orange, he gave a short nod and handed her something. She hugged him gently and I raised an eyebrow, “Her father.” I nodded and realized that Sabrina had never talked about her father before, I wonder why, but then again we often do not speak of the things that make us feel ashamed. She hopped back into the car and gave me the ‘Myspace’ grin.
“Guess what I just scored?” She asked, motioning for Brendon to start driving again. He gave a short nod and put the car into drive,
“Free alcohol?” I said anything to put me back to sleep at this point. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head,
“To my dismay, no.”
“Um…” Brendon started, looking out the rearview mirror, “Sex?”
“With my father, you’re fucked up man.”
“We have no idea,” I said, leaning forward in-between the two seats. She grinned wider, licking the area that her lip ring used to be.
“Concert tickets.” She yelled excitedly, “Dude, turn here!” Brendon looked at her with wide eyes, but made the turn, “You were going to miss the turn to the concert.” She said innocently, as if we were the idiots.
“So what concert is it?” Brendon asked, with a slight attitude. His pride was hurt, but like most men, he would get over eventually.
“Moonlight Fails tour.” Sabrina said, running her slender fingers through her pink striped hair. My face fell, and my lips started to gape open slowly,
“That’s been sold out for months,” I whispered.
“You act like if you say it to loud, your dream will shrivel up and die.” She said, turning around in her seat. She grinned and held me four tickets for tonight, for Moonlight Fails. I bit my lip and thrust my fist in the air, letting out a loud yell.
“She’s excited!” Brendon said, grinning. Hell yes, I am excited. Moonlight Fails is the band that makes me happy when sleeping does not cut it, and once and a while that happens. Grace’s lyrics and her band are amazing. I saw the Ampatheater in the horizon and I started to sing the lyrics.
“Here’s a letter…” I started, and Brendon and Sabrina finished the rest of it for me.
“Dude, so what did you’re dad say when you saw him?” Brendon asked in hushed tone, knowing that her father is something we do not talk about.
“He gave me the tickets like I asked, and we went on with our lives,” She muttered through gritted teeth.
“Ooh!” I started, pointing, “Look at the marquee!” I said trying to pull myself out of an awkward situation, their eyes shifted to the direction and the father was forgotten. Brendon slowed down,
“You guys get out, and make sure you guys get really close, kay?” He said, we nodded slowly and got out of the car, following the hoards of people. I grabbed Sabrina’s hand and held in my squeal.
“This is so cool!” We both exclaimed and then broke out into fits of laughter afterwards. Everybody around us had bits and pieces of the band in their clothing, as if this was some MF convention. The girls had plaid skirts on with torn fishnets, and the high-top all-stars. The boys had on the tight jeans and the vests with the skinny ties. I looked at Sabrina as she looked at me,
“We stick out,” She whispered in my ear, as we walked by a group of girls,
“I know, but we do it well,” I laughed softly, walking to the doors. We walked in slowly taking the whole surroundings in.
“Dude, no way! I’m so fuckin’ tired though,” A voice cried, and I froze. That was his voice, I would know it anywhere. Am I that alone and desperate that I am now hearing him in reality? I cringed and turned away from the noise. Sabrina saw the change in demeanor in me and nudged me,
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m going crazy, Sabrina.” I whispered, walking deeper into the crowd, “I’m going fucking crazy,”