Apology Accepted

My stomach was just as upset as Audri looked when she walked into our living room. She spoke in a hushed tone to Tom, who looked a little irritated as well as scared. I looked at Sam, doing my best to read her expression, but the attempt was completely fruitless. She held the same expression as she did last night; she wanted to tell me, but she couldn't. I knew she knew something I didn't know. What I didn't understand is what was so terrible about her telling me.

I knew there was something going on and whatever it was, it made me so nervous my stomach was tied in knots. I was excited for Christmas tomorrow, but this wasn't that kind of excitement. I felt sick, like something that shouldn't be happening was happening, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I looked at Audri once more. She made eye contact with me and looked quickly down at the ground, folding her hands against each other over and over again. I then tried getting Tom's attention, but all he did was look up at me and slowly look away, a facial expression that made him look like he was about to yack.

The room was so tense as the four of us stood slightly paired up, like awkward teenagers at a school dance. Audri's eyes quickly darted towards the kitchen as she heard foot steps on the linoleum floor after what seemed like the longest three minutes of all of our lives. My mum poked her head around the corner and grinned softly, her hair in a mess on her head.

"Did yeh all throw a party last night and break somethin'?" She joked.

"Actually mum," Tom cleared his throat uneasily, "Can meh an' Audri talk teh yeh and dad 'bout somethin'?"

"Sure Tommeh," She said, shuffling some papers on the counter, moving the wrapping paper to the seat next to her, "What's goin' on?"

Tom looked from Audri to Sam, and then to me, as if he wanted us to leave. In my mind, I was practically strangling Tom because I'd waited all day to hear what the hell was going on, and then he was just making us leave. Everyone but me knew what was going on and now my mum and dad were even going to know, and I was going to be the only one unaware of the situation at hand. I felt a slight tug at my arm as Sam dragged me into the hallway. She sat down against the wall quietly and gently pulled me down with her. I heard my dad step into the kitchen. Few words were spoken as everyone sat down at the kitchen table and I turned to Sam, who was chewing on her finger nails.

"What the 'ell?" I whispered.

"Shhh!" She said loudly, removing her finger nails from her mouth and holding a finger in front of her pursed lips.

For a moment, I really wanted to throttle her. I hated being the last person to know everything.

"Why aren't we allowed-"

"Shut the hell up Oli!" She snapped, still trying to keep her voice down, "If you keep talking, you're not going to be able to hear, so just shut your mouth."

I rolled my eyes at her and was about to shoot back with a counter argument, but quickly clamped my mouth shut as I heard my mum start talking.

"The both of yeh look so worried. Somethin' wrong?"

"Well Mum," Tom paused, "I need teh… I dunno 'ow teh…"

"Spit it out Son." My dad said, the grin practically jeering behind his words.

"Audri, pet. Yeh alright?"

There was a long pause and a choked noise before Audri burst into tears. I instantly reached for Sam's hand to get her attention. She looked at me with the same half guilty expression she had before.

"Sam, what's goin' on?" I said quietly.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

Sam's reply was cut off by Audri's sobs coming from the kitchen. I could hear my mum trying to her comfort her. I heard Tom's stuttering voice and now Sam was looking the other direction, now instead of biting her finger nails, she'd started chewing on her lip.

"Sam!" I hissed, "Just tell meh!"

She shook her head no.

"I'm r-r-r-real sorry!" Audri managed to choke out.

Quickly, nervousness built up inside of me, and I started to feel sick all over again, "Sam, 'm not jokin' around!"

"Fine!" She snapped loudly.

She looked at me and licked her bottom lip one more time before mouthing the words I really didn't want to see. I couldn't necessarily pay much attention to them when Audri was still sobbing from the kitchen, but that didn't matter. I couldn't keep myself from watching as Sam's mouth formed the words, "She's pregnant."

I felt my hand tense over Sam's as my entire house was silent minus Audri's uncontrollable sobbing.

"Mum, dad. We're real sorry." Tom said quietly.

"Audri, doll, 'ts alright, yeh stop yer cryin'." I heard my mom say quietly, doing her best to stay calm, "It ain't the end of the world. It'll be okay."

"No Carol! It won't, 'ts too late fer an abortion! 'm sixteen! What 'm I supposed teh do with a baby!?"

I looked at Sam, whose face was pointed towards the ground and I gave her hand another light squeeze to get her attention. Once I got it, I motioned towards my room and we stood up quietly, walking through the door and closing it behind us. I watched as Sam went and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking everywhere but at me.

"Why didn't yeh tell meh?"

Sam shrugged, "If I told you I was pregnant, I wouldn't want you running around and telling everyone. It was Audri's business."

"But that's meh brother!"

"Does that matter Oli?" She snapped, "Your brother doesn't have to deal with half of what Audri is going to have to!"

"Well, they ain't keepin' it." I muttered.

"Oh yeah? What're you, their god damn parents now?!"

"No, 'm not!" I snarled, "But they're just so fuckin' stupid!"

"They're not stupid."

"They're too young to be 'aving sex."

"Are you joking Oli? Holy shit, they're three years younger than you! When was the first time you had sex? I'm sure as fuck it wasn't this summer! I know I had sex before I was sixteen!"

"That's different." I said quietly, now feeling naïve.

"It is not Oli. And you fucking know that. Quit acting like you're the perfect role model."

"What's that supposed teh mean?" I yelled, "Are yeh sayin' 'm a shitty brother?"

"No. I'm not saying that at all."

"Then what the 'ell are yeh sayin'?"

"I'm saying that just because you're a good brother, that doesn't necessarily mean you're a good role model as well."

I bit my tongue as I looked across the room at Sam. She didn't have any specific look on her face anymore. She was looking straight at me, her big blue eyes focused right on me, and her mouth set in a tight line. I was hoping she'd accidentally said the wrong thing and was going to reword her sentence. But she didn't. I could tell she meant to say it.

"Sam…" I said quietly, letting my voice trail off when I realized I had nothing to say.

"Think about it Oli. I mean, I love you and you're an amazing person. But just because life decides to shit on you, you can't run around having sex with whoever you want and drinking yourself stupid every night."

"Tom's the one that got meh drinkin'!"

"If Tom brought home a bag of coke and asked you to snort it with him, would you?" She asked, matter of factly.

"Well no, but-"

"Exactly Oli. Toms' your little brother and he takes after you. He looks up to you. So don't you dare go out there and start yelling and screaming at him, like you just did to me. Understand? He's scared shitless and anything you tell him, Audri will hear and that will make her feel even worse than she already does. And she definitely doesn't need that. Neither one of them do."

I looked at Sam with a certain emotion. I was still a bit angry with her for not telling me about Audri and Tom, but more so upset with the fact that she had to bring up 'the drunk me' yet again. I was angry with myself for that as well, but I don't understand why it's one of her favorite things to talk about.

"I understand." I said quietly.

She wrapped me in a hug, "I'm sorry if I pissed you off by bringing up all that shit Oli. But I didn't really see another way to get you to listen to me."

"'S alright Love. I know." I paused, pulling her closer to me and running my hands down her back, "Yeh're the most amazin' bird 've met Sam. I swear."

"Don't say that Oli. You might meet someone more incredible than me."

As I heard Sam's words, I suddenly couldn't put away the thought that maybe her whole 'speech' on me being drunk and sleeping with whoever when I was upset was wrong, seemed to have different reasoning than she made obvious. Besides that, how could Sam even say something like that? Why would I want to meet someone else?

I was about to scold Sam, but I was cut off by my door being shoved open. We both turned around to see an extremely wrecked Audri standing in the door way, with tears still pouring down her face and her hair a mess. Sam quickly pulled away from my grasp and walked over to her.

But before Sam was able to comfort her at all, Audri quickly blurted out, "Do yeh think yer parents would want to adopt meh baby?"

I looked over at Sam, who's expression was a mix of embarrassment for what she'd said to me moments earlier and quite a bit of shock as she heard Audri's words. She looked over at me and tried to choke out a sentence, but I was still pretty upset with her, so I didn't do my best to help her out.

"I have no idea." She finally said, looking away from me, "But I guess we can call them."

I followed Sam, who was right behind Audri out to the kitchen. I took a quick glance at the kitchen table, and I could practically see the tension just hanging in the air like a clothesline strewn across a back yard. Tom sat at one side of the table with his arms crossed, almost looking angry. My mum was sitting across from him, looking completely worried, as she usually did. And my dad was sitting next to her, just looking flustered.

I watched as Sam picked up the phone and dialed the number well known to her. The thought that Marsha and Marilyn might be asleep at this time didn't even occur to her as she hit the call button.

"Hello?" She spoke quietly, becoming nervous as all eyes landed on her, "Sorry if I woke you up. Can I talk to Marilyn?" She pulled the phone away from herself and clutched it against her chest looking towards Audri, "Do you want me to ask her?"

Audri quickly nodded her head yes and Sam's attention met the phone once again, "Hey Mar?"

"…."

"No, nothing's wrong."

"…."

"Well, I've got a question to ask you."

"…."

"Do you want to adopt a baby?"

"…."

"No! Not mine! Oli's little brother's girlfriend's baby."

"…."

She looked at the five of us apologetically and returned to the phone, walking out of the room.

"Do yeh think they'll adopt it?" Audri asked quietly, to no one in particular.

"'M sure they will." I said, "They're real nice."

"Sorry if I interrupted anythin'." Audri apologized, "The two of yeh looked like yeh were arguin' er somethin' when I came in."

"'S alright. I think yeh're problem was more important."

I hadn't meant to sound so snappy when I replied to Audri, but I was just in a sour mood after what Sam had said. I didn't understand why every chance she got, she had to talk about how we might not stay together. Or that we'll meet other people. I know exactly how Sam works. She thinks of careful, sneaky ways to say things without actually saying them. Like telling me I'll meet someone more incredible than her.

She might as well just tell me to fuck off. I know Sam can't stay in Sheffield forever and I know she's leaving to finish her classes. That's inevitable. But, does her leaving mean the end of us? And is that honestly fair to me? Sometimes I wish I'd never went and stayed with Lynn. I wish I'd never gotten drunk that night. It would have solved all my problems before they even had the chance to start. I never would have met Sam. I wouldn't have to deal with feelings. Or heart ache. I wouldn't have to feel guilty for loving someone.

I would have never fallen in love. Which is the main thing I told myself I'd never do.

My thoughts were quickly interrupted as I was startled by Sam walking briskly into the kitchen. I watched as she slammed the phone down on the counter and her voice shook as she said, "They'll be coming as soon as they can to check out adoption papers."

But, before Audri could shriek with excitement and say thank you, Sam was already back in my bedroom. I walked in to see her sitting on the end of my bed. She chucked one of her shoes at her suitcase and let out a noise of frustration before hiding her face in her hands and starting to cry loudly.

I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms, kissing her softly on the head, "Sammy, what's wrong?"

"They're taking me with them when they come to sign the papers Oli." She said between loud sobs, gasping for air, and her whole entire body shaking.

I pulled Sam as close to me as I possibly could, realization setting in. She wasn't staying here forever. She wasn't dropping her classes just for me.

She was going home.