Going Alone

I was completely thrown back. I didn’t exactly know what to do, so I stood there. This was completely different from Alex’s kiss; this one was soft and loving. It felt like Jack had to prove something to me, like this was the deciding factor. Jack gently pushed me up against the unpainted portion of the wall and took the paintbrush from me. This was the only thing that was the same between Jack and Alex. Alex. I slowly wrapped my arms around Jack’s neck as I thought about the promise I made him. I’m a whore.

Jack worked his tongue into my mouth and played with my own. My hands slid up to his hair and massaged his scalp. I know I should stop. This is wrong. I’m a whore. But this feels so good! Jack ripped his lips off of my own and kissed down my neck, stopping on my collarbone. He sucked and nipped at my skin, causing me to bite my lip to keep from moaning. I opened my eyes and stared at the white ceiling, telling myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong and this is a natural process of life. I slowly pushed Jack off of me. Undoubtedly, he looked hurt.

“I can’t do this.”

“W-why?” He faltered, still staying close to me.

“I promised Alex I wouldn’t do this. I broke his promise, Jack! Isn’t he your best friend?”

“Yes, but he treats you like shit, Mae!”

“I can fend for myself, Jack. You’re a really great guy, and you’re really sweet and funny, too. If this was under any other circumstances, then I would totally go out with you, okay? Don’t get me wrong, you’re too good to me.” I explained softly.

He stood there, probably feeling like dumbest person in the world. I reached my hand out and rubbed his shoulder. I felt like such a bitch.

“I just don’t get it, Mae. He treats you like shit and you just keep going back to him!”

“He’s getting better, Jack.”

“You’re giving your baby his name!”

“With my name, too! Okay? It’ll go blah blah Simms-Gaskarth.”

“No, I mean Alexander!”

“What?” I squinted my eyes.

“Oh, shit!” He slapped his hand over his mouth.

Then it all clicked. I was having a boy. A faint smiled slid onto my face, but then fell off just as quickly.

“You fucking said you wouldn’t tell me, Jack!” I stomped my foot, “I trusted you!”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, it just slipped out!”

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, still extremely pissed, “Fine, whatever. I’d find out sooner or later.”

“But I just don’t get it. He isn’t being much of a father.”

“Marshall isn’t here yet!” It felt weird saying his name.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m being more of a father than he is!”

“Fine then! Do you want to be the father?! Do you want to change diapers for 2 years, get up in the middle of the night, wash bottles and make formula? Huh?”

He stayed quiet.

“That’s what I thought.” I seethed, “Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do.”

“I’m sorry. I should go.” Jack said, walked to the door.

“Hey Jack.” I piped up, “Don’t tell Alex.”

He smiled at me and left.

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“Can you put this in the outgoing mail?” Mark, my boss, asked, dropping a stack of mail on my desk.

“Sure, no problem.” I smiled, “Anything else?”

“Nope, just keep up with the good work!”

“Okay, will do.” I laughed, placing the mail in the outgoing box and turned back to my computer.

It was a slow day, as most Thursday’s were. I checked my email, then my Facebook. I officially had nothing to do. The front door opened, stayed open for a while, then shut abruptly. I slowly looked up to see Alex, Jack, Rian and Zack standing in front of my desk.

“Uh, what’s this?” I asked, leaning back into my chair.

“Hi, I’m Alex and I’m here to meet with Mark.” Alex stepped up the desk.

“Haha, funny joke. But really, why are you here?”

“We have a meeting with Mark.” Alex said, looking at my computer desktop.

It was a picture of my ultrasound.

“What for?” I inquired.

“To approve some flyers.” Rian said, completely bored.

“Fine, go back.” I rolled my eyes.

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“Thanks so much, Mark.” Alex said, walking out of his office.

“Yeah, they look awesome.” Jack agreed, which caused a chorus of ‘yeahs’ from Rian and Zack.

“No problem, anything for my favorite band.” Mark gushed, slapping Alex and Zack on the back.

Rian looked even more bored than when he first came in here. I sent him an apologetic smile and he sighed.

“So, we’ll print these out and then send them out to you.” Mark nodded.

“Tuesday, right?” Jack asked, his eyes lingering on me more than needed.

Alex noticed, “Yes, Tuesday.” Mark confirmed.