Living with a Heartache

Alex’s POV

Sam pulled me closer, and suddenly our faces were inches away from each other. I could feel his top lip lightly brush against the area under my nose and I knew exactly where this was coming from. As much as I wanted this from him, it wasn’t right, because he wasn’t the right guy and this wasn’t the right time.

Just as our lips were about to touch, I abruptly pulled back. Sam looked at me in confusion, with hurt stricken in his eyes. I was pained to see that I had hurt him, but if kissing him would have probably caused worse, I was glad. We had stopped moving on the dance floor, but no one seemed to notice. Sam was looking at me in confusion as I looked back earnestly at him, he wants an explanation.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, not wanting to create a scene.

“But why?” he asked, as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

“Because, I’m not ready,”

“I can wait,” he whispered back. I groaned inertly with frustration, he didn’t get the hint that I didn’t want him; at least I wasn’t that kind of girl.

“No, no. Tell me why Sam, why did you ask me to the prom in the first place if you didn’t know me. Why did you ask me to the prom if you had so many more other better choices to make?”

Sam thought for a moment, and then pulled me out of the dance floor where we could have a more private conversation.

“I heard from someone that well, you liked me,” he shrugged and looked back at me. I felt the realization dawn into me as the painful truth him. He never did like me.

“And you thought you would ask me just to make me feel better? Like it was just some stupid dare that your friends made you go through?” I replied hoarsely, a scream threatening to erupt from my throat.

“No, no. That’s not the reason, at least not the full reason. I fell in love with your voice, it was just so soulful, so entrancing,” he admitted as he looked right at me.

“So apart from asking me out for a dare, you thought it would be cool to go out with a person with a cool voice? Was it to make the other people jealous that I had a guy like you? Or was it just for memories and keepsake?” I whispered. I wasn’t angry at him; he had every right to ask me out even if he didn’t know anything about me. Just like how I had every right to fall for his beautiful smile and his blue eyes.

“Tell me Sam; was it just because of my voice? Nothing else?” I asked finally. Sam seemed stumped as he looked at me. I let my words sink in as he thought the answer through.

“I… can’t believe I’m actually saying this but yeah,” he replied looking at me straight in the eye. I looked back, trying to dig out what lay beneath the deep rubble of confusion.

I sighed back; I was relieved, but also confused.

“Thanks, I appreciate the truth,” I managed a quick smile as I stuck out a hand to shake on. To my surprise, Sam smiled back and pulled me into a friendly hug.

“Me too, we’ll work this out sometime later. Friends?” he said.

“Friends,” I smiled as I walked out of the gym, I needed some fresh air.

Brian’s POV

I stared out at the orange lanterns which hung loosely on the spectators stand while standing on the stairs which led to the running track where some people were strolling out there. My heart had slowed down to an unusually steady pace after being away from Sam and Alex. I didn’t know that this was one of those things which made my stomach acid burble in me and made me feel sick.

I let out an exasperated sigh as I propped myself with both hands as I leaned over the bleachers watching girls put their shoulders on their dates, as they moved to the music. The sun had painted the sky a vibrant orange glow, and the clouds flitted across the sky in slow motion. Suddenly, I heard a frustrated slap of sound ring through the air. I turned my head around and was surprised to see Alex walking aimlessly around the track with her heels in her hands and was barefooted. I stood there looking at her, my mind flooded with unsure emotions. I could detect some obvious ones, anger, jealousy and curiosity of why she was out here instead of making out with Sam. I sniffed in heftily and she looked up in surprise.

“Brian?” she asked. I kept silent, coldly looking at her. I burned to slap some sense into her. I watched her as she gingerly took the steps up to join me on the bleaches. She reached my side and looked at me worriedly as I concentrated on what the grass patch which was encircled by the track.

“Brian, are you okay?” she asked as she put a hand on my arm. Was I okay? How could she be asking this question at a time like this? I wasn’t okay, I was far from okay, as much as I yearned for her comfort I was too worked up for her bullshit now. I roughly shoved her hand away as she took a step back in shock. I turned away from her, afraid that her hurt expression would tear me apart. I couldn’t afford to keep this up already.

Instead of punching me or swearing like I thought she would, she kept silent and leaned against the railings of the bleachers and looked out at the sky. I felt bitter towards her, and it was like anger had taken control of all my senses.

“You kissed him didn’t you,” I snapped.

“I didn’t,” she replied quickly. Lie.

“Stop lying,”

“I’m not lying,”

“Why?” I asked, my frustration building up.

“Because, you of all should understand how I feel about him. He’s not the one, not yet,” she muttered as she winced at the sun.

“No, I don’t understand. WHO’S THE ONE? Are you gonna wait until that person walks away, are you gonna just continue standing there waiting for your fairy tale to happen?” I raised my voice as I stared daggers at her. Alex’s expression softened as she looked me in the eye, something was masked under her cool expression but she said nothing.

“God, open your fucking eyes,” I snapped as I glared at her. I watched her eyes grow big as anger leaked into them.

“How can open my eyes if I can’t see anything? Tell me Brian, what do you want me to see,” she hissed. I said nothing, I wanted her to see how much I liked her, loved her even. I wanted her to see everything, but she couldn’t she was too bloody blind.

“Do you want me to see how my dad left me and my mum? Or maybe Sam asking me out was merely a joke to him. Maybe I do see, maybe all I see is that I’m just a kid of a divorcee who people feel sorry for. Maybe I’m just a girl with that voice which wrecked all of your hearing buds. MAYBE I’M JUST THE GIRL WHO’S LIVING WITH A POPULAR JOCK. TELL ME BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SEE?” she shrieked. Her voice cracked at the last part, as I watched seeds of tears matt her eyes. She didn’t get it; she was too coped up with her own problems to care about me. I see how this was going on now.

“I’ll tell you. I loved you, probably more than I’ve liked anyone,” I lowered my voice to a harsh whisper.

Alex’s POV

He said he ‘loved’ me. ‘Loved’, I blinked in shock.

“What?” I asked, in shock.

“You heard me Alex. Stop being so fucking stupid, I’ve been trying to tell you now. But you just kept breaking my heart by not knowing, by just stupidly leading your life. I tried, but you never thought anything about it. Oh, we were just friends weren’t we? I guess, now we’re anything but friends,” he snarled before turning around and leaving.

I gulped as I let his words sink in. Now I knew, why of all the places he could have been he was always willing to spend his time with me. At the hospital, even when Patrick wasn’t there for me, Brian was always there: when I was ill, at band practices, everywhere. I imagined his hurt when I told him I was going to the prom with Sam- but he said nothing, instead he chose to keep quiet and let me waltz into the arms of some random guy he knew I had a crush on.

Brian, Brian was the one. Dammit, he was right. I was fucking stupid. Now, I just let him walk right off, leaving me with his footsteps. Well, I wasn’t going to let it go that easily. With that I sprinted after him.

I made it out to the school and I looked to my left and that Brian had made it a long way from school, but I could still him as he started to grow smaller and smaller as the distance passed. I sucked in a deep breath and started running towards him, adrenaline pulsing through me.

[5 minutes later]

I grabbed hold of his arm as I tried to catch my breath. My feet were burning from all the gravel on the ground, but I didn’t care. My heels were dangling in my hands, thank god I didn’t wreck them or Mrs. Lindy would kill me. Brian looked down at me, his eyes as hard as rocks.

“What do you want,” he snapped. I bit my lip and looked at the ground. I felt small, without my heels.

“To talk,” I said finally as I looked up at him. Brian continued staring daggers at me. Suddenly I was startled as a few drunken men stumbled out of a bar next to where we were standing. They were jittery and rowdy as they shouted at each other in slurry languages. Brian was distracted by them as well as he urged me to move a few steps backwards. This wasn’t overseen by the drunkard men as one of them turned his head towards us.

He winced his eyes and took a good look at me and suddenly his eyes grew wide. He violently nudged the other men around him.

“Hey, isn’t that the girl Harry was talking about us getting? The one with the black hair, pretty little body, y’know his son’s best friend?” he grumbled. I froze as I felt all of their eyes skimmed over me. I knew who Harry was, Patrick’s dad. Who was safely locked away in jail, but his pals weren’t. And these I assumed, were the exact same people who were out to get me. I pulled on Brian’s hand as he seemed to be frozen to the ground.

“Brian, Brian, RUN,” I shouted as I tried to pull him along the road. Thankfully, he snapped out of his daze and grabbed on to my hand and started the sprint towards our school. I was dragged along as his stride was 10 times bigger than mine.

“GET THEM!” I heard the crazy men fast approaching as their footsteps got closer. Suddenly, I felt a pair of strange hairy hands around my shoulder as he pulled me to the ground.

“BRIAN!” a scream erupted from my mouth as I urged him to carry on running. But instead he turned around and tried to yank me away from the guy’s hands. Instead, two other men tackled Brian to the ground, I watched helplessly as they pushed their fists against gut

“No, no STOP!” I shrieked as I clawed at the man who was pinning me to the ground. I turned to look at Brian and saw that he was out cold, with blood oozing out from his hand.

“Leave him alone!” I cried, as tears managed to pour through my eyes. I used my heels in my hands to whack the guy who was trying hard to keep me to the ground. The sharp part of the heel connected with his head as he groaned in agony and released his hand. I scrambled up and backed off, fumbling around for my cell phone.

“Argh that stupid whore,” groaned the man whom I’d hit. His face was shaggy and he was basically really ugly.

“You make one more move little girl and I’ll poke you’re boyfriends eye with this,” snarled a burly man who was holding a empty beer bottle in his hand. I stood there, not knowing what to do. This wasn’t supposed to happen; the police should have gotten to them. Brian shouldn’t be out cold, this was my entire fault.

Suddenly I gasped as a sharp blow hit the back of my head and I collapsed into a painful shuddering darkness.