I'm Feeling Love Sick But I Don't Mind

More weeks went on after the Hallmark Post-It day. Things were going smooth. That's odd compared to what's happened before. I spent time with Joe, Macy and even caught up with Jacob, too. Sometimes we all hung out together, and it was a lot of fun. Macy and Nick were talking a lot, too. I think they've officially reached the 'good friend' stage. Plus, whenever he's with her he gets this look on his face that he might actually begin to like her more than just a 'good friend'. But whenever I ask him about it he refuses to answer. Joe says he won't answer him, either. Oh, well. We'll see where it gets to.
And then school is just being stressful. We started to have our end of the year exams, so all of the teachers are giving us review, and exams after that. In a way, I'm happy because it means the school year is over, and then I'm insanely stressed with all of these exams. But then when all of it was over, we returned out textbooks, threw away all of our papers and folders, and suddenly my backpack was very empty.
Now it's May, and next week is our last week of school, then graduation. I'll never have to come back to this place after that ever again. Hallelujah. Plus, Prom was last weekend, and it was amazing. Summer is so close to being here, and it'll be like heaven. I'll be able to spend all day with Joe, Macy, and Jacob. And be able to spend all night with Joe, Macy and Jacob. Mostly Joe, though. And I'll be able to have walks on the beach with Joe, and summer night dates with Joe, and spend all summer with Joe, and no interfering with anyone.
Anyway, it's Thursday afternoon at Joe's house, and I'm doing some make-up homework to turn in to pull my already good grade up. Forced to by my teacher. Joe is in the other room talking to his parents.
I close my notebook, and put it in my backpack just as Joe walked back in. He's racking his hand through his hair, and I'm guessing he's stressed about something as he takes a seat beside me.
"Hey, what's up?" I say.
"Uh, Abby, I have to talk to you about something," He says, setting his elbow on the table with his forehead in it.
How did I know this was going to happen. Here comes the speed bump in our smooth road. "Okay..." I say.
"Uh, I'm not going to able to be with you this summer. I'm going on tour," He sighs.
"What? Oh...wow. Well, um, that's--that's great, Joe. Uh, okay. W-When do you leave?" I ask.
"When school ends," He says, looking up from the table to me, finally.
"Oh," I force out, swallowing the lump in my throat. "O-okay. Uh, have fun then, Joe." I nod, get up with my bag in my hand.
"Abby--" Joe gets up, too.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I can't say I didn't already expect this, though. Have fun," I nod, then walk out of the house, all the way home. I go straight to my room after wards, too. I shut my door, taking everything in as I fall onto my bed.

I knew Joe was going on tour during the summer. How could that have possibly slipped my mind? He goes on tour every summer, for about 4 months, and then he comes back to school in September or November.
But I can't be mad at him for this. I mean, he's going to see all of his fans. They love him, too. If I get mad at him, it'll just say that I'm selfish and want him all to myself.
But all summer. All summer of not being able to see him whenever I want to, or even see him at all, for that matter. He'll be gone, and all we have is a cellular device. Calling, texting... But it won't be the same. At all. I won't be able to see him run his fingers through his hair when he's stressed or uncomfortable, or see his flick his head to move his bangs when he laughs, or see him smile with his little teeth, or his bright chocolate brown eyes...nothing. I won't even be able to feel his lips collide with mine when we kiss, or feel his arms wrap around me tight when we hug.
No late night talks.
No summer night dates.
No summer days all day together.
No long beach walks together.
Nothing. No plans. All of them that I've ever thought of erased, forgotten, scratched out.
By now I'm just sad, depressed, whatever you want to call it. I didn't even notice I was crying until I felt the salt of my tears on my lips.
So I laid in bed all night, not bothering to leave my room. Didn't go to school the next day, either. My parents didn't care since the school year was almost over, anyway. I didn't bother to answer the phone when Joe called after school, or listen to the voicemail. But when Macy called I needed to talk to her, so I spilled all of my guts to her. We ended up spending the night together, eating ice cream and watching Disney movies. But every other five minutes, the reminder popped back into my head.

On the next Thursday night, I went to Joe's since he was leaving the next day. He called the night before, and practically begged. I didn't want to, since I was just going to bawl my eyes out, but I went for the sake that he would be leaving and it was my last chance to see him, or say anything that was on my mind. So I went to his house, and sat in his room while he packed all of his clothes. It was killing me to just sit there and watch, talking like it's not even happening. And every minute I watched I was crumpling up a little more inside. I couldn't stand it.
I stood up. "I'm gonna miss you. A lot," I say, straining my voice.
Joe looks over at me. "I'm gonna miss you too, babe."
I sigh, and sit on the edge of his bed beside his suitcase he was packing. I can't stand to sit here, and look at the ceiling every few seconds to push back the tears fighting to leave my eyelids. Suddenly he's in front of me, rubbing his arms up and down mine.
"Hey, it'll be over before you know it," He soothes.
"For you, maybe. Every day will be years for me," I mumble.
"It's gonna be alright," He tries again.
"No, it's not," I say, looking down at the ground, a stupid tear escaping down my cheek.
"Don't cry...," Joe swiped the tear away with his thumb. I sniffle.
He lifts my chin with his fingers for me to look up at him, and he pressed his lips to mine. The little kiss sets off electricity in my veins, and chills down my spine. He deepens it, and wraps his arms around my waist. But as much as I hated it, I pulled away.
"No. This will just make it hurt more," I say, turning my head away.
"Abby, this is the last time we'll be able to kiss like this...and you don't want to?" Joe asks sternly.
"I know it seems stupid...but...," I don't know how to say what's in my mind, but it works out better in there. I get up, and walk across the room to the door. It feels so heavy in here, like I need air. And it's pressuring me. I set my head against the door frame, and sniffle, not knowing what to say. But he pulls lightly on my arm, and as weak as I am to his touch, of course I follow. I look up at him hopelessly, hating that I love him so much.
"I don't want you to go," I whisper. "That sounds selfish, but...I'm going to miss you too much. It already hurts."
"I know, I know," He whispers back, pressing his forehead against mine. "But we'll get through it, I promise."
He kisses me again, deeper than before, and I decide not to argue with it this time. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. We stayed that way for a while, although he staggered back a little later to sit on the bed, pulling me closer to him. He got a little more aggressive, but nothing vulgar. Moving his lips to my neck, while I played with his hair with my fingers, all savored for memory while he's gone.

I left later, giving him one more kiss goodbye with all my might. I held tightly onto his hand while I walked from the doorstep until we parted. Corny, but true.
But then I came back the following afternoon, to say an official goodbye. A tight hug and a kiss goodbye. For four whole months. I bawled, but made it through. I said goodbye to Nick, Kevin, Denise and Paul, also.

Summer is finally here. Yayyy.