This Is Becoming a Catastrophe

I remembered that I walked and was in a slight hurry so Derek wouldn’t beat me to my own house.
I got there about five minutes before Derek. Derek hugged me and gave me a small kiss before we got all the way in the house.
“How did the break-up go?” I asked.
“Alright, I guess. She was hurting, but like you said, break-ups aren’t painless. It went better than I expected.” He explained.
“Well that’s good.” I said, smiling.
“Mhm. So now I have you all to myself.” Derek said, smirking, kissing on my neck.
I giggled and pulled his lips away from my neck to meet my lips.
The whole time we were making out, no guilt rose in my gut. I should’ve felt horrible about that fact, but indifference filled my mind. I was just going to forget about what happened with Kyle and focus on the here and now.
I felt Derek’s hand go up my shirt as he climbed on my lap.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go all the way with Derek yet or not. It was very tempting, but I think we’re gonna take this relationship slow and steady, make our first time more meaningful.
“I want you so bad right now.” Derek whispered in my ear, then nibbling on it.
I put my head on his shoulder. “I think we should wait, make the first time special.”
“This isn’t special? The first night of being together?” Derek questioned.
“No, no, no, let me rephrase that. Lets wait til a later special time.”
He kissed me. “Okay, I might be able to do that, but it’s gonna be hard around you.”
I smiled. “I think you can manage, Derek.”

Two Weeks Later...

Kyle keeps coming after me behind Colby’s back, and I keep giving in behind Derek’s back. I feel so disgusting for doing this, but it’s like I can’t control what I do around Kyle because he’s so amazing. I keep telling myself that it’s wrong and I shouldn’t be doing this and giving in, but it’s basically pointless.
Colby and Kyle and Austin have been asking me about my depressed moods lately, but I just say that it’s nothing. I could never jeopardize Colby and Kyle’s relationship again, even if Kyle was the one that told Colby in the first place.
I’ve just been feeling down about everything that’s been happening due to the fact that most of what’s going on is my fault. My lack of self-control is what’s putting me in this situation, and I need to find a way out. I couldn’t go on like this much longer; I have to talk to Kyle. He knows why I’m acting like this and won’t fuss up to me and talk about it. He’s afraid of rejection, but I’m gonna have to stand up for myself and tell him no. I’m not his little sex toy, and I won’t be in a two sided relationship anymore. It’s too stressful.
I looked back up towards the TV from intently playing with a string on my pants, and looked up toward the couch, not seeing Colby or Kyle there. I heard some talking in the kitchen, mainly Colby’s worried voice. I kept hearing my name, so they were probably talking about my weird moods and whatever.
I silently moved onto the couch and got a better understanding of what they were talking about.
“No, Colby, I haven’t been doing anything with Caleb! That one time was it, I promise.” Kyle said.
My jaw dropped. Aw hell no.
“Just...I don’t know, something doesn’t feel right between the three of us. I feel some really strong tension...”
“Babe, listen to me. Nothing is going on. Trust me.”
I heard Colby sigh. It was slightly shaky, meaning he was nervous. He was about to say something he really didn’t want to say.
“Kyle, if nothing was going on, then Caleb would be acting normal. He wouldn’t be moping around all over the place.” He sighed again, this one shorter and more impatient. “I just don’t understand why you would still be cheating on me after we almost split the first time, and on top of that, lie to me and say that nothing is going on. That really breaks the trust I had in you, did you know that?” Colby ranted, on the verge of tears.
I was trying really hard not to interrupt their argument, but I didn’t know how much longer I could stay out of it.
“I think you’re going into hysterics, Colby...” Kyle said, trying to hug and comfort him.
“Oh my god, Kyle. Are you serious right now?” I said, getting off the couch, pissed. He could not lie to my best friend like that. “You’re still trying to lie about all this shit? Just admit it, honestly. Lying isn’t gonna get you anywhere. This whole thing is pissing me the fuck off. I mean, lying to the love of your life, or so I thought, about this? Some love. And you knew that I’d be pissed at you if you hurt Colby in any way. This definitely hurt him, and even if I was a part of it, you instigated it, all of it. I never asked for any of it.” I yelled sternly as Colby started crying behind me.
Kyle threw his hands in the air. “Fine, I admit it. All of it. I guess since you both are against me I lost a boyfriend and a best friend. Awesome.” He said, the last part becoming sarcastic.
“Kyle, I wanna be with you, I really, really do, but you keep flinging it up with Caleb behind my back, and I can’t trust you, and it makes it seem like you’ve moved on. I guess that forever promise is pretty hollow about now.” Colby said, his mood taking a turn for the worst. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”
“I don’t want to, but that seems like my only option right now.” Kyle said bitterly.
“Maybe you guys should just take a break for a little while, you know, spend a little time away from each other.” I offered, not wanting to see them totally split. “Sometimes distance brings people closer.”
“‘Taking breaks’ and breaking up is basically the same thing.” Kyle said.
“It doesn’t have to be.” Colby said in a small voice. “It just depends on how you want to go about it, how you want to feel about it.”
“Well how do you wanna feel about it?” Kyle asked, his tone a little softer and nicer.
“Just a break, not breaking up. Please. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you in my life at all.” Colby said softly, going toward Kyle slowly and hugging him gently.
Kyle hugged him in return, resting his head on top of Colby’s sighing. “I think I’d like that better, too.” They looked at each other and kissed softly, and for some reason, that one little kiss hit my emotions about how much I fucked up their relationship, not Kyle. I leaned up against the wall and slid down it, tears falling rapidly, sobs building in my chest.
“Caleb?” They asked in unison.
I hid my face in my arms. “I should’ve just said no. Then this whole fucking mess would’ve been avoided. You guys’ wouldn’t be on a temporary split, and life would be as it was. But no. I just had to go and fuck everything up. Some friend I am.”
“No, Caleb, honey, don’t put this all on yourself. It’s not all your fault. I’m not gonna take all the blame for you, but like you said, you didn’t instigate it. And it’s not like we’re gonna be split forever.” Colby said, bending down to my level, putting his arm around me. “Even though it’s gonna seem like it..” He said, probably not thinking he’d hear me, but after he said that, I started sobbing harder.
“I feel like such a fucking whore.” I said.
Colby put his arms around me and pulled my head to rest on his shoulder while his cheek rested on the top of my head. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetie...” He kept telling me, rocking me back and forth, and the tears eventually became less and my breathing became semi-normal.
“Go get him some water, Kyle.” Colby said softly. I heard the faucet turn on and water fill the glass that was soon in my hand. Colby leaned away from me slightly so I could take a drink without choking or spilling over the both of us. I took little sips and slowly regained my composure.
“That really needed to come out.” I said, laughing a little.
Colby squeezed me and smiled a little as well. “How are you feeling?”
“Better, I guess.” I said, taking another drink of water, kind of wishing it was something intoxicating.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Kyle asked.
“Hopefully.” I said, coughing a little. “I think we need a big group discussion, and when I say big, I mean bringing in Alisha and Derek too.”
“Alright, call them and get them over here. I think that’s a good idea, too. Do you want to clean yourself up a little, Caleb? You look like hell, I’m not gonna lie.” Colby asked, handing me about the twentieth tissue within a half hour.
“Yeah, I’d like that. Thanks.” I hugged Colby and tried getting off the floor by myself, but needed Kyle’s assistance. Crying like that really takes a lot out of you, I guess.