I Had It All

-Present Day-

“Alex?” Kelsey’s stare was one of shock and aggravation. “Wh-what… You?”

“Well, uh, yeah, I guess… They didn’t tell you who you were interviewing?” As much as I wanted to see her, I didn’t want her to see me if she was going to be this upset about it.

“They did! And it wasn’t supposed to be you! I was supposed to interview Max Bemis! What the hell are you doing here?!”

“I-” I was still standing in the hallway outside of her office door, completely unsure of what to do. If only I could have gotten a different interviewer, if only we hadn’t broken up, if only she worked at a different magazine….

“GEORGE!” Kelsey screamed down the hallway. She was being completely irrational, and I had no idea what to do. I just stood there awkwardly, feeling terrible that the love of my life was so set on never seeing me again, even for one day.

“Yes, Kelsey, what is it?” A stout old man came rushing down the hallway and looked at Kelsey.

“You told me I was interviewing Max Bemis! What the hell is he doing here?!” She pointed at me like I was some sort of diseased pariah meant to be avoided.

“Way to make me feel like the most hated person in the world,” I seethed, finally finding my voice. For once, I was actually getting mad at her. Never had that happened before. Ever. But now, here she was, going out of her way to escape from me.

“Ms. Gates, don’t be rude to him! There was a scheduling dilemma and Max won’t be arriving until tomorrow. Today, you’re interviewing Mr. Gaskarth. Don’t get too full of yourself, hun.” With that, George, who was apparently her co-worker, stormed off into another room down the hall.

Kelsey stood there, staring at George’s retreating figure with her chest puffing. She was pissed off, that much was clear.

“Kelsey, why do you hate me so much?! After all these years, you’re still holding a grudge for something I didn’t think you’d care about. What the fuck is your problem?”

Her head slowly turned to look at me, and her glazed eyes pierced mine. “You're my problem, Alex. You ruined everything I had. My life was perfect. Then you fucking go beat up Ian like some barbarian Neanderthal. People fucking hated me, Alex. Everywhere I went, people would say “Oh, that’s the girl who got our best player thrown off the team” or “that’s the girl who lied about Ian Gordon raping her”. I mean really, Alex! You’re so fucking stupid!” Her face was crimson and her arms were flailing around, trying to get her point across. “You didn’t even know the full story.”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, what full story?” I questioned slowly.

She exhaled in exhaustion. “Alex, it’s just one of those things that you don’t need to worry about. You wouldn't understand, anyway. As an interviewer, I’ve learned that unless you’ve actually done your research - and have done it well - you never know the full story. Remember that.” I couldn’t identify what her expression was saying, but there was something in her words I just didn’t understand. “Now get in here. The faster we get this over with, the faster you can get the hell out of here.”

-Flashback…The Day Ian Went To Kelsey’s House-

“I hate to leave you, but I have to get home. I promised my mom I’d be home for dinner.”

She looked at my sadly. “All right. If you have to.”

We walked to the door, and I leaned down to kiss Kelsey’s lips. “I love you, Kelsey Bear.”

“I love you too, Alex.”

I kissed her once more on the cheek and walked out the door. “I’ll pick you up for school in the morning,” I called from her driveway. She smiled and waved in response.

As I was backing out into the street, I saw the familiar truck parking in her driveway. Why was Kelsey’s ex-boyfriend going to her house…?

-Kelsey’s Point Of View-

I sighed as I closed the door behind Alex. I didn’t want him to leave.

I began trudging up the steps to the second floor, but suddenly I heard a car motor coming from outside the house. Confused, I ran back down the stairs to investigate. My parents weren’t due to be home from visiting my aunt until tomorrow, so I didn’t know who would have been coming over uninvited at this hour.

Pulling back the blue curtains, I peered out the clear glass window.

That truck…the brand new, bright red truck was so familiar. That was when I remembered: Ian. Ian Gordon. Confirming my suspicious, my ex-boyfriend climbed out of the vehicle and slammed the door shut. Without hesitation, he walked to the front porch and knocked on the door.

Not answering wouldn’t have been an option; he’d probably already seen me open the window curtain. My only option would be to open the door, yell at him, and angrily send him on his way. He had no right to be here, and I had no desire whatsoever to see him ever again.

Slowly, I unlocked the door and let it crack open. Ian forcefully pushed the door the rest of the way open and walked inside without a second thought. “Hey, Kelsey,” he smirked smugly.

With my hands on my hips, I gave off the impression that I had an attitude, but in reality, I was scared to death. I had no idea how to react, so I just acted like I was tough and brave. “What the hell are you doing here, Ian?”

“What do you mean, what am I doing here? I just wanted to talk to you.”

“About what, Ian?” I inquired exasperatedly.

“Us,” Ian replied simply.

“Us? What about us? There is no us, Ian. You made sure of that a year ago when you cheated on me. Why come back a year later, especially when I want nothing to do with you and have moved on to bigger and better things?”

Suddenly, his hard expression fell and he looked at me seriously. “Kels, you know I loved you. And I still do, a year later. You’re all I can ever think about.” His voice was soft, and it seemed sincere, but I learned long ago that he was a fantastic liar.

“Drop it, Ian. You ruined your chances,” I told him quietly. I just wanted all of this to be over.

Ian nodded sadly and looked down. He took a breath and paused, then said, “Remember that promise you made me?”

I stopped, trying to recollect any promise I could have made to him. “No… What promise? I don’t remember any.”

“The one when I first told you I loved you. You said you loved me back, but you weren’t ready to prove it yet. You said you’d prove it to me one day though, because you said you’d always love me, no matter what.”

I suddenly remembered telling him that. We were outside in the snow, holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes like a pair of lovestruck teens. Which, actually, we were. “Yes, I remember,” I responded sadly, almost inaudibly.

“Well… You never proved it.”

He couldn’t have been serious. I stared at him, expecting him to be joking or at least throw an insult in my face about how he wouldn’t want me anyway then storm out of the house. I expected him to flip me off, I expected him to laugh in my face for believing him. But he didn’t. He just looked at me.

“I still love you, Kelsey Gates.”

Something in me broke. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt it. My face felt hot to the touch, and I couldn’t breathe. My throat felt so thick, like there was a lump in it, or there was lead coating the insides. My stomach had this heavy, weighted sensation, and it felt like it could just plummet. Sweat dampened the palms of my hands, and for some reason, all thought and reason left me. For once, I experienced regret. Not only regret, but sadness, and not for just anything, but for Ian Gordon, of all people. I never thought I’d feel bad for Ian. And for some reason…I wanted to make it up to him. I felt obligated. I felt like I owed him something.

I swallowed hard and stared at him.

“You don’t have to, but I need this. This last moment of us; I need closure. I need you.”

I wanted to scream at him. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he making me feel this way? Why did he wait until I had the perfect boyfriend already? Why here, why now, why me?

“Just…just this once. But never again. I never want to see you after today again. Ever.”

“Promise,” Ian told me.

Before I knew it, a pair of cold, unfamiliar, unfaithful hands were roaming every inch of my virgin body and I didn’t make any attempt to stop it. I allowed it. I said it was okay.

I was a cheater.