I Had It All

-Present Day-

“I fucking hate mornings,” Zack complained, followed by a yawn.

“I fucking hate you. Shut up.” Matt was already wide-awake and ready for the day. Whenever we had something important planned, he was on the prowl. “Make sure you don’t look like complete shit. And you know, deodorant isn’t a bad idea either,” he added, scrunching his nose as he passed by Jack.

“Now, these are professional photographers, so I’ll have you be your mommy today. I’ll say this once: Don’t act like a total dumbass.”

“Aye aye, captain!” I grinned, saluting him.

I ruffled my hair, not really caring what it looked like. I hated weeks like this; weeks filled with press and interviews. Each day this week, we had some promotion or something to do, and it was stressing me out. The business end of things wasn’t my specialty. If it was, I’d be working in an office cubicle for a living, not on a sweaty tour bus playing guitar.

“Out, out, out!” Matt demanded, waving his arm towards the door, shooing us out of the bus. “Act presentable.”

“Yes, mom,” Jack muttered bitterly.

“It’s mother to you, mister,” Matt replied sarcastically. He was in full-on business mode; although he was only joking with the “mother” comment, we couldn’t wait for the shoot to be over so he could go back to his perverse, fun self, even though this was his job.

“Time for my close-up!” Jack said in a girly high-pitched voice. I slapped him with a smile, and the four of us were on our way for our photoshoot.

-Flashback-

“There’s a look in your eye, and it’s screaming goodbye, now it tears me apart just to look at the sky, I’d hate to watch you cry…” I sang, truly feeling how intense and relevant those words were. When we completed the song, I sighed and sat down on Rian’s couch. We were in his basement, which was our band’s practice space.

“You look beat,” Zack said, sitting next to me.

“You have no idea.”

“Yeah, what’s up with you lately, man?” Jack asked. He was always the one to get straight to the point. “You’re always so gloomy and depressed and shit. Want me to buy you a teddy bear to make it better?”

I glared at him, and he immediately stopped talking. I’d told him of what Ian did to Kelsey, but he evidently forgot. Apparently he just remembered when he saw the warning look on my face.

“Oh, oh. Never mind; I get it. I forgot for a second.” He sat down on the chair across from us and the room fell silent.

“Forgot what?” Rian asked, clearly perplexed. Note to self: never tell Jack any more of my secrets.

“I forgot that he’s PMSing right now and that I shouldn’t piss him off.”

Rian ignored Jack’s idiocy and resumed interrogating me. “What did he forget? What did you so tactfully neglect to tell Zack and I?”

I rolled my eyes and slumped down in my seat. “Nothing. Jack’s a dumbass. That’s all.”

“Dude, just tell us. We’re your best friends. Why would you be keeping secrets from us? We won’t judge you,” Zack said calmly.

“It’s just…I don’t know. It’s weird.” Weird was hardly the word to describe it, but I really didn’t want to discuss it any longer.

“Fuck man, if you don’t want to keep talking about it, then just tell us now and we’ll drop the subject. You’re making it harder on yourself. But dude, you have to tell us. You’re so down lately, that all of our practices are getting to be really shitty. If there’s a problem taking a toll on our band, all of the bandmates have a right to know. And if you didn’t notice, Zack and I happen to be in your band.”

“Ian’s an ass,” I stated simply.

“Right, I’m pretty sure we’re all aware of that,” Zack cut in.

“No, you don’t know how much of an ass he is.”

“Wait, isn’t Ian Kelsey’s ex?” Rian inquired.

I nodded.

“Did something happen with them? Did she cheat? Are you two still dating?”

“Yes, Rian, Kelsey and I are still dating,” I answered exasperatedly. “And no, she didn’t cheat. Kelsey wouldn’t do that. She isn’t like that.”

“Then what happened?”

“Ian. He raped her. Can we stop talking about it now?” Just the thought of it was eating me up inside. I couldn’t bare to discuss it. I felt even worse being at band practice knowing Kelsey was all alone at home while her parents were at work. I didn’t need a repeat of what happened.

“Guys, I’m going to Kelsey’s. We did enough practicing. I feel sick.” Without another word, I left to visit my girlfriend.

-------

“Hey Kelsey Bear,” I greeted softly as I closed her door. We each had keys to each other’s houses.

She looked up from her place on the couch in the living room, her lips curling slightly, but not enough to form a smile. She looked weak, tired, and exhausted.

“How are you feeling?”

She shrugged. I sighed and sat next to her, enveloping her smaller body into mine, resting my cheek on her head as we continued to watch her television in silence.

“Want me to beat him up? I’ll kill the bastard, if you tell me to,” I said seriously, breaking the silence.

This was enough to get Kelsey to lift her head from my shoulder and look me straight in the eyes. “No, Alex. There’s no way in hell you’re going to beat him up, let alone confront him about it. Just leave it alone. I don’t want to ever deal with him again, and if you get yourself involved, then I’ll be forced to have to face him somehow.”

I nodded and kissed her head.