Losing Yourself

The next few days for Harry were worse than he had ever felt, save that during his fourth-year and the return of Voldermort. The Gryffindors all placed his apologising mistake, or so they put it, on him feeling stressed and distraught on the sheer enormity of fighting Voldermort and tried to not mention it in front of him (he turns the most horrific shade of crimson if you do.) The Slytherins of course, believed that every moment spent not taunting Harry on his supposed cowardice was a moment wasted, so they continually tagged behind him, whispering and shouting smugly on how he should be all apologetic and what not.

Irritated and aggravated by all, Harry had decided it was high of a time that Malfoy felt grateful.

In the Great Hall, one night, after passing a group of Slytherins who were hissing ‘Sissy Potter’, He stood up and stalked towards the Slytherin table. He appeared in front of Malfoy who made no move on trying to stand up, but he merely stared insolently at the raven haired Gryffindor. “Are you really asking for a death wish Potter?”

“Malfoy, we need to talk. Now.” Harry empathized the last word, as Malfoy did not give a sign of standing or even to acknowledge Harry’s presence. Down the row, Zabini called out in sneer “Why Potter, I didn’t really think you would go for men!”

“Malfoy, I said-”

”I heard what you said. So, fine, wait for me outside” At Harry’s sound of disbelief and clear stubbornness of his voice, Draco just gave a quick roll of his eyes, and cockily continued.

“Really, I didn’t expect you to be the one wanting the whole school hear about whatever mundane and childish problems you have. Now just wait for me outside.”

Harry slowly walked away, feeling slightly embarrassed at the casual dismissal. Everyone at the Great Hall, who were at first quiet, broke into a harsh whisper as many discussed on why Harry was so desperate to talk to Malfoy, that he was willing to follow the Slytherin’s every demand.

Outside, Harry milled around waiting. He thought more than once on just running back in and telling Malfoy not to come out. ‘I am a brave Gryffindor. I fought with Voldermort for Merlin’s sake!’ He kept repeating to himself, pacing in front of the doors, as he grew tense. Three minutes went by. Five… Seven. “Bloody hell! I’ve waited ten minutes!” Harry burst feeling quite desperate.

Inside, Malfoy continued eating his dinner, indifferent at the dirty looks that fellow Gryffindors threw at him. Out of the corner of his eye, there was Weasley stand up, but the filthy mudblood Granger and that Thomas lad drag him back down. Greg stared at the door, then at him, the door, him, the door… “Oh what is it Greg?” Draco inquired adding a touch of malice in his tone.

“Well, you said you’d meet Potter but you’re here eating steak and kidney pudding…” his voice trailed off in a sort of hysterically childish confusion, and Draco had to chuckle and his housemate’s innocence. “ I did, didn’t I? Maybe I just forgot to mention the well… time.” Malfoy spoke with that mocking elegance of his. Those close enough to hear him chortled with laughter.

Eventually, when almost all the Gryffindors looked as though they were ready to pound him in, which was exactly what he wanted by the way, Draco stood up and made his way to the large oak doors. With a slight flourish, he pushed it open as though knowing someone was about to get in from the other side. And he was right. There on the floor, lay Harry Potter, glaring at him. “My, Potter, You will absolutely fail guard duty in Auror training. I left you for fifteen minutes and you fell asleep. On the floor, no less.” Malfoy said a wide grin spread through his face.

The whole Slytherin table laughed exaggeratedly and loudly just to spite the other houses. Harry reluctantly got up and scowled at Malfoy. He turned around and started walking, knowing or at least hoping Malfoy would follow. Thankfully he did. They made their way to the edge of the lake in absolute silence. Malfoy was radiating in triumphant glory while Harry, well, he was trying to calm the rising panic in his head.

“Right Potter, we are both here. Now what exactly do you need from me?” Malfoy had stopped walking mid-step. He was feeling slightly skittish at what Potter wanted. The Gryffindor whirled around and just stared at the other. Time seemed to stretch out between them. All was silent with a distant hum of conversation from the castle reminding them where they were and they were missing. Taking a deep breath, Harry decided being to the point was the way to go. “Malfoy, you owe me.”

“I never thought I ever asked for a loan from you Potter,” Draco drawled out, raising one eyebrow and sneering.

“You owe me a wish of gratitude Malfoy. I saved your ass in Potions the other day.”

“As if my reward was any better.” Draco muttered bitterly. “Potter, maybe it was a bludger or you knocked into a suit of armour, but you well know I will not thank you.”

Harry went rigid at this declaration. He felt himself flush. Did he really think Malfoy would apologise? What has gotten into him? But there wasn’t turning back, not now.

“Look, yeah maybe I plead temporary insanity for taking the blame off you during Potions, but right now, you owe me.”

“I owe no one nothing! I can take care of myself!” Draco all but roared. Those words, used in such an accusing tone brought him back into a flood of memories. The dark lord’s letter to him at the beginning of his last summer.

I kept your father free from the clutches of the Ministry and now, I am calling back the favor young Malfoy. You owe me.

Harry physically recoiled from those harsh words literally spat out from Malfoy. He was in such a foul mood. Softly, afraid at the reaction he brought forth, Harry called out the other boy’s name who was currently breathing heavily, eyes clouded over with rage, back turned away facing the lake. “Draco…”

The only other rather recent memory of his name being called out like that was by Severus and looked at how much happened when he fell for it. With anger that he could not explain, Draco whipped out his wand and trained it onto Potter who looked like a fish out of water. He flitted between decisions, funny you can still make them when in a frenzy.

“Expelliarmus!” Draco’s wand flew in a graceful arc into the lake. His eyes, wide and unbelieving, traced the path of his wand and the ripples on the surface. He slowly circled back to face Potter who look like he knew Death came for him early. “You- you… Argh!” He stopped trying to speak and just lunged at the brunette.

Harry had not a chance. Malfoy pounced on him with such force that Harry fell back with no time to retaliate. Malfoy seemed to be working off his rage with their fight and Harry gave the Slytherin all that he had. He gave Malfoy a punch on the arm, while receiving a kick in return. They rolled and scuffed on the grassy, a little damp ground when somehow Malfoy had gained control.

He was straddling Potter, face a mask of hatred and…somehow, extreme grief. He sat on Potter’s middle, breathing hard, hands curled up in a fist. Harry laid on the ground, uncomfortable weight on his waist. “Potter, I will kill you. So slowly and painfully, you will beg for-”

Harry had pushed Malfoy off of him, a tad too hard maybe, for the blond boy was thrown a few feet away. He landed on his side on the ground with a loud thud and crack. Harry still panting watched in fascination and a sort of horror. Malfoy did not move from his spot on the ground.

Slowly, feeling edges of his euphoria wear off and panic overwhelm him, Harry crawled towards Malfoy. Who’s eyes were half open, and his breath was hardening. An unwelcoming feeling of dread filled Harry as he reached closer, and realized that a dark liquid was seeping into the ground. Blood. He rolled the blond and saw that Malfoy had landed on a rock. Malfoy was bleeding from his cheek. Just as suddenly, a rush of footsteps got louder and a second felt a meaty pair of hands clamp around his throat and a loud shriek and suddenly his world went black.

A numbing kind of sting in his cheek woke him up. As he drifted back into consciousness, he felt a slight pressure on his left hand. Glancing down he was shocked and slightly surprised to see

“Greg!” he all but shrieked. “What are you doing here? What time is it?” It took less than a blink of an eye for Greg to awake and release his hand. Eyes shifting guiltily, he rubbed the back of his neck, looking at anywhere but Draco. “You’re…err… awake. Um well, that Potter character has been hanging around since yesterday. I mean, after the incident, Slytherins knew he was trying to off you. So I um… offered to guard over you.”

“Admirable. Thank you for your concern Greg.” Draco declared after a few moments of stillness. “But, how long was I out for?”

“Not long really, so it’s early morning now, if I’m not wrong. That whole affair was yesterday night. I mean if you count today as a new day.”

“Oh. Well did you get my wand?” Draco questioned, a hint of trepidation lacing his tone.

“Wand?”

“You know that long piece of wood you use every day for classes-”

“I know what it is but I don’t have your wand. Why would I have your wand?” Draco’s eyes fell short of leaving his sockets by a mere millimetre. “Did you not retrieve it from the lake? I mean, it flew in there!”

“Why was your wand in the lake? That’s not very smart; I mean you were dueling…” Gregory trailed off, looking more uncomfortable. Fidgeting, he murmured, “He disarmed you then,”

“Of course he disarmed me you blabbering piece of useless-”

“I’m sorry,” Greg breathed out heavily. Draco stopped his tirade abruptly. “Greg, a Slytherin never apologises. Don’t do it. You weren’t to know.” The things left unsaid were not left unnoticed. Greg understood that those words were all he was going to get for an apology and he was used to it. Draco might be unrelenting and superior, but his loyalty never wavered in the name of friendship. “Well, okay… but what about your wand?”

"Summon it when I get out. Go back to the dungeons. Sleep. I will be fine.” Greg was silent. Slowly, he got up from the chair he was on and brushed the wrinkles on his robes. Clutching and giving Draco’s hand a reassuring squeeze, Greg walked out leaving Draco feeling empty and lost yet not knowing why.

Thank you Valium Freak for beta-ing this chapter for me when my beta went off for vacation. I owe you!