I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

"And I can remember when I saw her last
We were running all around and having a blast
But the back seat of the drive-in
Is so lonely without you
I know when you're home
I was thinking about you,
There was was something I forgot to say
I was crying on a Saturday night
I was out cruising without you,
They were playing our song
Crying on Saturday night."

- Saturday Night, The Misfits

I dialed Buddy’s number and ordered toast while the phone rang.

“What?!” Buddy rudely answered.

“Hello?” Oh no he did not just yell at me.

“Oh, it’s just you. Some fuckers keep prank calling us.” Buddy informed me.

“Oh, okay. But, you shouldn’t answer the phone that way!” I instructed.

“Hey! You’re not my old lady, woman! Yell at someone who cares.” He laughed.

I gasped.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” He quickly recanted.

“That’s what I thought you said,” I told him, raising my eyebrow to the other girls, “Now, let my talk to my boy.”

“Okay...”

Gerard’s POV

I watched Buddy talk on the phone for a minute until he handed it back to me. Before I could grab it, Frank snatched it away.

“Hi, honey! How are you?!” Frank asked in a girly tone.

“Frank!”

I heard my girl yell over the receiver.

“Give me the phone!” I told him.

“Okay... I guess.” He pretended to be bummed out.

Taking hold of the phone I took off my headphones, “Hey,” I said, then instantly regretted it because I sounded dumb.

“Hey, babe,” She sang. I missed her voice as she continued, “God, I miss you! I didn’t think this would suck so bad!”

“I know, right?’ I laughed, disconcerted.

“Me and the girls had the best night ever last night. We went to Katmandu!”

“You went to Katmandu!? Without me!?”

“Yeah, sorry, Natalie made me go.”

“Oh, okay, then.”

“We had so much fucking fun. We were on the tables dancing-”

“You were on tables?! Dancing?!” I repeated loudly, shocked.

“Oh wow, Jamia and Kat dancing on tables...” Frank looked back at me with a blank face, “Yeah, that’s basically the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.” He turned back to the front of the bus, “Buddy turn this piece of shit around we’re going home.”

He made me laugh, then I tuned back into to what she was saying.

“Yeah and then Hot in Herre’ came on and Natalie almost fell off the table and we were laughing so fucking hard. Oh shit, and then this morning some fucking douchebags came and sat with us at Starbucks and me and Sid messed with them so bad! You would’ve laughed if you were there, babe.... Babe, are you there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here. I just like listening to you talk.... Wait a minute, other guys?”

“That’s fucking it! Turn around!” Frank jumped up and tried to grab hold of the steering wheel, causing the car to veer off the road and into a ravine with a thud.

“Shit, baby, what was that?’ She said over the phone.

“Frankie grabbed the wheel and tried to kill us all!” I told her.

She started laughing, making me laugh.

My POV

I was laughing really hard and the rest of the girls were looking at me strangely.

“Your boyfriend just tried to kill everybody.” I told Jamia, in a matter-of-fact way.

“Oh...” She mentioned dreamily while looking down into her coffee, “I love him...”

“Yeah but we lost the stupid boys and now we’re at Tick Tock.” I told Gerard.

I heard the car engine screech and putter out. Then I heard Buddy shout, ‘Shit! Not again! Please, Jesus!’

“Oh, dear,” Gerard said, “That’s number three.”

“Three times? Really? You poor boys, I’m sorry.”

“Ha, yeah... oh well.”

“You wanna call me back when you get back on the road?”

“Sure. By- Wait! You’re coming out the day after tomorrow, right?”

“Duh! It’s basically the most excited I’ve ever been for anything!” I assured him.

“Oh, good. I love you.”

“Love you.” I hung up the phone and Jamia looked up in anger.

“I’m not letting you call them anymore! You never let me talk to Frank!” She said.

“I’m sorry! Their car broke down so I told ‘em to call us back.” I defended myself.

Gerard’s POV

The six of us crawled out of the car and tried to get our land legs back. We had been on the road for five hours, traveling from wherever the hell we were right now to New York, where she would meet us.

“God Fucking Dammit!”

Buddy was yelling because he had burned himself while messing around under the hood.

I pulled out a cigarette and offered Frank one. He took it and we started smoking when something caught my eye.

I started walking over to it. As I got closer and closer I realized what it was.

It was a graveyard.

“Dude, Frank. Come over here.” I said and motioned my arm wildly.

“What?” He asked, taking a long drag from his cigarette.

“Look.”

He joined me and was silent. Our eyes silently scanned the epilogues.

Simon Thomas Stocker
Beloved Son and Big Brother
1985 - 2002

Rachel Murphy
“...you lived your life like a candle in the wind.”
Rest in Peace Dear Daughter, Sister, and Aunt
1973 - 2002

The home made crosses had been painted and decorated. There was fresh flowers, pictures, jewelry, a baseball cap, a newspaper article, and other personal items scattered around the two graves. I read the article. There had been a car crash here that killed the two people.

“Shit! Dude, check this one out.” Frank shouted over to me, ending my thoughts.

I stared at the two makeshift graves for another second while walking over to Frank.

“Read that.” Frank instructed and pointed to another grave marker.

Here Lies
LESTER MOORE
Four Slugs Shot From A .44
No Less
No More

Frank started smiling big in disbelief. He crossed his arms and doubled over in a silent laugh. I shook my head and smiled, too. Frank stood up straight and put one hand on the side of his face, still grinning.

“That’s clever,” I said, “and creepy.”

“That’s awesome.”

“Yeah...”

We looked at each other for a second then wandered around the rest of the field. There wasn’t much else to look at, but Ray and Mikey soon joined us, while Otter worked on the car and Buddy freaked out watching him try to fix it. The four of us talked randomly for about an hour.

“Okay, I think I fixed it!” Buddy yelled at us, “Come back.”

The four of walked back to the car and sat inside while Buddy put the key in the ignition and tried to start the car. It revved up, promisingly, but soon screeched at us again. Buddy banged his head on the top of the steering wheel in defeat.

“Fuck.” Otter said.

“Well at least we’re in a populated area.... And there’s stuff to do.” Frank told us, facetiously.

The guys laughed looking around at the empty highway and dead grass that surrounded us.

My head dropped to the back of the seat and I sighed.

“We don’t have any money, you guys. How are we supposed to call a mechanic?” Mikey worried.

“When’s our showtime?” Ray asked.

“Seven,” Buddy answered and looked down at his clock, “We were behind schedule as it was.”

“Ah, shit. Well, call up that Katmandu and ask her what we’re supposed to do.” Frank suggested to me.

“Okay.” I reached for Buddy’s phone and dialed her number.

My POV

I got a call around three and figured it was Gerard so I reached into Jamia’s purse on the counter to find the vibrating phone. Before I could pick it up, Jamia snatched it out of my hands.

“Lemme talk to Frank.” She quickly demanded.

“Wha- Hello?” Gerard asked, caught off guard.

“It’s Jamia. Let me talk to Frank... please.” She rephrased.

“Oh. Okay. Hey, Frank, it’s for you.” He handed the phone over to Frank.

“Hello?” Frank answered.

“Hey, it’s me!” Jamia revealed.

“Heeeyy! What’s up. It’s been, like, forever, baby.” He said.

“Tell me about it. I miss you! I’ve been lonely.” She admitted.

“You have not. Apparently some tables have been keeping you company. You’re a bad girl. Do you know that?”

She gasped with a smile and bit her lip, “You think so?”

“Uh-huh. We’re gonna be “dancing” on tables when I get back... and some other furniture, if you catch my drift.”

“Oh, I read you loud and clear.”

“Okay, Frankie, don’t get too ahead of yourself just yet.” Buddy advised and took the phone from a deviously smiling Frank.

“Sorry, J, but is Kat there?”

Jamia sighed, “Yes. She’s here.”

I had made a sandwich and had just taken a bite when Jamia handed me the phone.

I grunted then answered with a mouthful, “Hello?”

“Hey... Yeah, we can’t get the car to start and we’re running late for showtime. What do you think we should do?”

“Well,” I swallowed then continued, “Call the booking agent, see if you can get a later show, then call a mechanic.”

“Just one problem. We have no money and we’re in the middle of fucking no where.”

“I’ll wire you the money.”

“No you don’t have to-”

“Nope, I’m gonna do it. You’re almost my clients and that’s enough. You’ll pay me back.”

“You’re too generous, kid. It’ll get you into trouble.”

“Shaddup.... How’s everyone been? No ones broken down have they? On a business level, I mean.”

“Riiiight. Just kidding. No, everyone’s good. We just have too much to drink sometimes, but whatever, right? Your little boy is missin’ home bad, though.”

“Awww... I’m hurtin’ for him, too.”

“Yeah, hurtin’ for a squirtin’.”

“Oh, you know it, Buddy,” I rolled my eyes at his boy-ness, “You’re gonna make me choke on my sandwich, you stupid ass.”

“What if we can’t get the show later?”

“Tough it out and take a pay loss. Sorry. Now leave me to my sandwich, but let me talk to Gerard first.”

“Hey.” Gerard said.

“So how’s hell?” I asked with a laugh.

“Boring. It gives me too much time to think.”

“What do you mean.”

“Just, I hope you know we’re running away to the suburbs after this.” He told me with an exhausted sigh.

“Aw, honey. I love you.”

There was a quiet pause and I pictured him biting his nails and staring out the window.

“So I’ll see you the day after tomorrow?” I broke the silence.

“I can’t wait.”

With that, we hung up the phone.

I put the phone down and looked at Jamia, Sid, and Nat sitting around me, eavesdropping.

“We’re gonna have fun the day after tomorrow, girls.”

“You know it.”

“But, I think we need something.” I said scheming.

The girls looked at me confused.

“Grab your bags, we’re going to the mall!”